Connecting With Our Children's Heart Through Story

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By Jaime Showmaker

It was a typical Wednesday morning. We were driving to our homeschool co-op and we were discussing The Princess in the Goblin, the book we had been reading aloud over the past few days. We had come to a particularly adventurous part in the tale, and my boys were eagerly trading “well I would have…” stories, trying to best one another in courage and imagination. As I often do, I made a comment about how I knew they were all going to be heroes someday, and I couldn’t wait to see what kind of adventures God had planned for them in the story they were living. As my two younger boys continued to laugh and describe increasingly gruesome encounters with hypothetical goblins, I noticed my oldest son looking thoughtfully out the window. I drove on, thinking his quiet was due to sleepiness in the early morning hour. But after a moment, he spoke up.

“Mommy...I think God might have made me a hobbit.”

I caught my breath because, in an instant, I realized exactly what he was trying to tell me. But I was struck, not just with his actual confession, but with the manner in which he chose to share his heart with me. He chose to reveal himself to me through the character in a story.

I’m always grateful for the time that I get to spend reading with my children, but in that moment, my heart was completely flooded with gratitude as I contemplated the way in which a story had just given me a glimpse of my son’s secret heart.

Click HERE to read more on Storyformed,com, 

 

Gentleness & Love Wins the Day & Triggers of Anger & a Podcast

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“A gentle answer turns away wrath. But harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1

 A few years ago, I was standing in the hallway of the hotel where we were hosting our mom’s conference, I noticed a sweet mama who looked as though she was at the end of her rope. Holding a several months old baby, who was arching his little back and crying as though his heart would break, she looked beside herself.

Offering to hold her little one so she could get some rest. Sure enough he would begin to quiet and then something, probably a little girgly tummy would cause him to begin to wail once again. I held him up, check to cheek, his to mine, with my mouth aimed toward his little ear.

Softly I began to talk to him and then I would sing the song so often sung to my children, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” very softly, very gently. He would quiet down. Then another cry would begin, and I would talk to him very softly, “You are not alone, you are so very precious, you are a darling boy,” lyrically, in a singing voice, holding his soft cheek smack against my cheek so he could feel mine. Each time my voice started, each time I sang words to his heart. his little eyes got big and he would quiet.

Suddenly, he fell fast asleep.

Whether my children were young and tiny or old, and if they were in a snit, if I wrapped my demeanor, by my will, in softness and gentleness and answered their anger in a gentle voice, non-accusing eyes, they were more likely than not to listen to me and to respond.

“I understand you are feeling frustrated or angry, but I want to listen to you and understand what you are saying so that I can help you.”

Angry words answered with loud voice and accusation, just adds fuel to the flame of anger. Gentleness and sympathy puts water on the fire of one’s angry heart, and soothes the frustrated feelings.. Once I had this scripture in my head and learned to use it in many relationship situations, I saw how effective this piece of wisdom was—all of us desire, in our frustration, to be honored.

There is no absolute solution or formula to calming an angry quarrel. Yet, wisdom from proverbs has often saved the moment for my family.

A hormonal teen, an exhausted toddler, a school-aged child, or a husband who is angry—all of these, long to be treated with focused attention, an understanding heart and a loving response.

As we all know, it is natural to react in like—anger to anger. However, it is from the Spirit of Him who is love that leads us to react in love. And yet, as the Spirit lives through us, we will see His power and fruit drawing others to Him in us, when we choose to remember bits of truth he has left for us to follow. A gentle answer, turns away anger.

Gentleness grows stronger with practice. It comes with humility. It grows as wisdom and takes root in the heart that values the ones she loves. May God grant us to become gentle in our love, that others may see Him through us.

Today, I am speaking with my friend, Amber Lia. She and her friend, Wendy Speak, have written a wonderful book called Triggers: Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses. You will love this podcast and love this book. 

Be sure to join our membership, Cultivating Life, at the promotional price of $129 for the year. The new course website and membership will launch on Monday and will be $150 from then on. I am so excited for new areas, more catagories, more videos, podcasts, printables and more. Hope you will become a part of our wonderful community. Go Here to find out more. Lots of new information on Monday, Feb. 12. 

 

Cultivating Vision: Setting Our Hearts on Fire OYL ch 4 & a podcast

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"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire!"

William Butler Yeats

Imagine a world where all those around you were afire inside with the life and love of God. 

Vision indicates the way or effectiveness of our ability to see. I have always loved the quotation above because when we truly educate a person, it is not about giving her the right facts, knowing the ways to fill in the blanks, or guess correctly at a multiple choice life. Education, especially when it comes to life vision and spiritual focus, is about passing on a way of seeing life and igniting the heart with a sense of destiny; of seeing our lives as strategic in God's story of the world.

When we are blind, we cannot see what is evident around us. Often, sincere, committed believers in Christ are blind to His overall design for their lives. They love him but feel that they live in the dark. They live by moral works, by trying to earn God's favor by being good, by doing the right things and teaching the right things. But God has so much more in mind for us.

When the Holy Spirit is alive within us, our hearts burn for the things that are on the heart of God. Every relationship has meaning, every day is purposeful, every moment awake with the life of God.

Today, so many youth are leaving the faith of their youth and adults often live in a sort of cloud of discouragement as they confront the world and its messages. Why does this happen, when so many good families have taken the time to share God's truth and love their children faithfully?

As I ponder this dilemma, I think there are two main reasons. One is that religion cannot just be indoctrination of thought or knowing all the right answers. A fact does not captivate one's imagination or give one a dream or excitement or reason to live. 

And the second, is that since we were born for community--aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandfathers, neighbors and friends--close by and living in common purpose and belonging, people need to encounter the reality of Christ through real lives in real community. All of us, young adults especially, were built for relationship--love, affirmation, encouragement, belonging.

When we are down, we feel the comfort of Jesus through the embrace a loved one gives, through the flowers we receive from a friend, through the companionship of one willing to walk by our side through our difficulties and joys. 

Basically, our children need to encounter the real Jesus, not as a concept but as the real God, the Artist that colored the sunsets, who thought up the stars and galaxies we see in the night sky, ordered the universe through atoms, designed each snowflake to be unique, as well as each fingerprint. They need to understand that He made them, He is with them, He is here to guide, to give life meaning--that He is the author or our dreams for purpose and meaning. 

They can experience the reality of Christ as they live with us and see Him in us and in community. When we love as He loved: living fully alive with hope, purpose, holiness, and creativity, engaging in our days as those who most understand how to celebrate life, then they both encounter him personally and sense His presence in the midst of those who surround them.

And so we must build these two components as a visual and actual reality in our lives as much as possible--even if we personally have to build our own community with friends or those in our lives.  As we reflect on the life of Jesus, we learn ...

It must be a real, contagious message about the reality of God, the love that flows from His heart to ours, the ways His life intersects with our own that captures the heart and mind and imagination.

Basically, we must not just know stories about Jesus. They must encounter Jesus. And adults must encounter Jesus personally, in order to be filled with His values, His love, His purposes, His wisdom, His presence. 

Dusty, rutted Roman roads were filled with clatter of wagons of market goods for sale, donkeys carrying burdens of farm vegetables, caged fowl squawking and horses mounted by menacing Roman soldiers, milling around in the noisy marketplace of Jerusalem. And yet, it was here, in this oppressed, unknown, seemingly insignificant hamlet that a worldwide revolution would begin that would rock the world forever.

An obscure teacher, rabbi over common fishermen, tax collectors and mere women, would spark a fire in the hearts of those hungry souls that would turn the world upside down.

Those caught in the fray of mundane life longed for something more, to be a part of a life that held meaning besides grasping day to day for enough to eat, a way to pay bills.

And so, the secret, underground movement was ripe for the times in which it was birthed.

"Follow me and I will make you fishers of men."

Always, Jesus' message was about casting a vision that would capture the hearts and imaginations of men and women, stirring their hearts and their fellowship around what gave them meaning together.

Always, always the message of Christ was missional--

Go! Influence! Give! Help! Bring light! Redeem!

Become a part of a movement of the Spirit of God blowing through the lives of people all over the world. Take over the darkness with your light--become redeemers!

Still, today, amidst the mundane, hearts long to be ignited with the passion, purpose and influence that will continue to transform this world of darkness into a place of light and hope--and all of us have a part to play. Leave a fragrance of Jesus after you, through your words, your encouragement, your sacrifice, the music you sing through the days of life.

These were the transforming messages, challenges, vision statements the disciples received from Christ.

Through my own days of motherhood with four little ones in my charge, I would snuggle up on the couch, wide-eyed children squishing around me, telling them, "Jesus has a special mission for each of you-Sarah, Joel, Nathan, Joy--to accomplish in the world. You will meet people that will need you to be the hands, the words, the message of God's love. I can't wait to see how He uses you in your world!"

And they would wiggle, touch toes or push a little for more room, but each one heard their name associated with God's love and their story to tell, and they would shake their little heads in affirmation when I would ask, "Isn't it exciting to see how normal fisherman did miracles and helped people--just like you will do!"

And so, you as an adult must hear and believe, Jesus has a mission for you to accomplish in your world with the people right where you are. He wants to live His hope through you, His compassion and sympathy through your life to your neighbor, your help to an exhausted mama just trying to stay alive, your compassion to the one who longs to hear forgiveness and love. But you can't live purposefully unless you are ignited in your own heart by the fire of His love, His passion to redeem those who so desperately need Him.

Jesus's words were sending ones, purpose-driven and fitting for warriors:

""Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves." John 17:15

"I do not ask that you take them (my disciples) out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one." John 17: 15

"Go therefore, (as you are going) and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; 15 nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Matthew 9: 36-37

Will we pray for Him to send our children, us, into the harvest field? Are we willing to go anywhere? Do anything? Are we arming our children with values for living for eternity and not just living for the temporal, this world, the material, that is corrupting as we live each day? 

Do we understand that this is what we live for, to bring His kingdom to bear in our world? And that someday, we will answer to Him for all the ways we could have enacted His reality in and through our lives?

All children and all adults were made for a life of meaning and purpose. We were created to be message makers, healers, redeemers, givers, helpers. There is a kingdom of darkness but we are people of the light and the light will overcome all that is evil, dark, meaningless and harsh. We are people of the kingdom, and we are bringing that kingdom to bear every day in every act, every expression of our faith, every moment of our worship--because we have been adopted by the king!

If we find ourselves caught in mundane, boring, life-draining darkness, perhaps we have not been living in light of the kingdom purposes for which we are designed. You are not a mere human being caught in the despair of life---you are royalty, a child of the king, called to a purpose of bringing light to dark places, bringing love to the lonely and bitter of heart, of bringing forgiveness to those who feel condemned. You are announcers of a life beyond, where Christ, our loving God, will rule forever and ever.

Often, people ask me, "How did your children stay strong in their faith in very worldly and  challenging places? (New York City, Hollywood, Oxford, Cambridge, St. Andrews, Boston) Of course, I must tell you, the basis of their strength is God and I was on my knees every day, praying, teaching about Him and cultivating to the best of my ability a life of faith.

But truly, I think the secret was that their hearts were captivated by a vision--"Jesus has a work for you to do in this world! You are very unique and special, because you have a story to live--just like Daniel, David, Moses, Joshua, Esther, Ruth, Mary, Hannah, and Abigail were all heroes in their generation, so you were made by God to be a hero in your generation.Only you can live a story worth telling, but I am so very honored to be your mom and to coach you and train you for the great story I know you will live. I am so proud of you! I love you so much!"

"How will God use you, Sarah, to shape messages? Joel, to craft music for His glory, Nathan, to write movie scripts that will show greater stories, Joy to become a teacher and discipler of young women---I know that you will be bearers of light and God will use you in your lifetime as a part of the kingdom rule He is bringing on the earth."

When you capture the fire of your own significance in the kingdom of God, when you know that as a mother, you have the ability to shape generations to become powerful leaders for the cause of Christ, then that vision will fuel the energy of your life to serve Him every day, whispering the secrets of the kingdom of God. Your fire will be passed on to those who will carry on the torch of faith.

But first you must kindle the fire in your own heart so that you will pass on the fire to your children. And it is best seen in community--the family that laughs, lives, shares, invests lives and hearts around the same purpose and celebration of life, grow from mutual community and vision.

You will never be perfect and your house will never stay totally clean and there will always be more dishes, fusses, messes--but if today, you are igniting the vision, filling the heart, passing on purpose, then today, a work is being accomplished that will be your lasting glory---that you were a builder of the kingdom of God in your lifetime and you armed warriors for His cause to take over the world for His glory with His messages.

We are not called to send our children into their lives just to be moral, good people. We are to be senders of leaders who have "caught" the kingdom messages that will transform the world!

Your unnoticed, obscure home today has a capacity to be a place of revolution and redemption when the Rabbi, Jesus, takes His proper place and whispers the secrets of the kingdom through you, His ambassador, all the moments of your day.

The vibrant life of your little community will capture a vision and they will become, in the footsteps of those so long ago, the ones who are light bearers in their world who will tell the story of their King.

Storyformed Podcast - Season 2, Episode #21: Helping Kids Develop Habits of Reading

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In this episode, Holly Packiam and her husband, Glenn Packiam, talk about how we can help our kids develop habits of reading. You may remember that in Episode #11, Holly and Jaime discussed their quest as Christians to become lifelong learners and carriers of wisdom. Today, they're focusing this message on our kids. 

Glenn Packiam is Associate Senior Pastor at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the Lead Pastor of New Life Downtown, which is one of the congregations of New Life. He is the author of four books, the most recent of which is Discover the Mystery of Faith (David C. Cook, 2013. Glenn was also one of the founding leaders and songwriters for the Desperation Band and has had the honor of writing and co-writing several well-loved worship songs, like “Your Name” and “My Savior Lives". Glenn holds a BA in Theological/Historical Studies, a Masters in Management, and, after doing two years of graduate work at Fuller Theological Seminary, is now completing a Doctorate in Theology and Ministry at Durham University in the UK (part-time and long-distance, of course). 

Topics include:

  • Why Psalm 1 addresses desires and habits
  • How we can create rhythms-- patterns of practices-- in our lives
  • How to incorporate reading into naptime and/or bedtime routines for all ages
  • Practical ideas for making reading accessible
  • Ideas for reading the Bible as a Story together
  • How the Holy Spirit doesn't often override our habits but helps us form new ones

To listen to this episode on the Storyformed podcast, ClICK HERE

Building a Legacy of a Lifetime

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My life is all about legacy.

Every day of your life, you have the potential of leaving a godly model to follow, a kingdom message to believe, an integrity that is holy and a purpose that is eternal. God has allowed you the opportunity to touch eternity with your life by giving these gifts to those children he has entrusted into your hands. Live into your legacy and you will change your world forever. 

Sally Clarkson

When i became a believer, I was immediately challenged to ponder how I might bring the light of Christ to my world in my lifetime. I was instructed about investing in people by serving them, showing them the love of God by my words and actions, and inspiring them with the messages of Jesus. Discipleship is what it was called. And so for years, I reached out to others to do just what I had been taught--to pass on a vision and passion to fulfill the eternal purposes for which we had been created.

And then I had children...

Light dawned in my heart that my children would be the most important disciples I would ever have. I understood that I would answer to God for building a legacy of faith into their lives. I knew I would be responsible for reaching their hearts with the love of God; teaching His truths and moral excellence, giving them the ability to think profoundly, encouraging them to become educated in order to use their skills and calling for God, and to pass on the purposes of God which alone would fulfill their longings and desires to live meaningful lives.

The experience of building my children into godly adults met deep needs in my heart to connect to what really mattered. Then Clay and I decided to host conferences to pass on this knowledge to other moms who longed to have meaning in their motherhood and to understand how to fulfill their profoundly important role as mentors of their children--to pass on a godly heritage.

Then came 16 books, over 60 national mom's conferences for thousands of women, 11 years of thousands of blog posts, hundreds of speaking engagements all over the world and a podcast plus webcasts that reached over 2 million women in downloads.

And with all of this, our own ministry legacy kept growing. How could we combine all that we learned by raising our own children, now adults, into an even more effective ministry? 

Our membership site, Life with Sally, has become the new arena where we see the Holy Spirit taking us beyond all that we have been able to build before to create and cultivate a movement of mothers who will, together, bring righteousness and truth to reach all over the world through the legacy of their children.

Today, I am so very excited to be able to share some new news about our site. Ten of us have been working hard to make it more beautiful, better organized, and to provide even more areas of inspiration for you to enjoy. Hundreds of women have already been enjoying the rich material we have provided in the first few months. We will be adding new video content, parenting training, educational input and instruction, a forum where women can meet and share, some videos from Clay and me as we travel to historical places in England while we live and minister there, a new arts and visual arts expert, a quoteables and notables section, and so much more. 

 We will be launching a new phase of Life with Sally on February 12th.

On the updated site you will find beautifully curated video and audio of me teaching on all of the areas I am passionate about along with outlines and printables to help you practically put the truths and ideas into practice.  You will find audio and video from our inspirers discussing music, art, and literature. There will be book lists, helpful resources, recipes, traditions,  and more! This material will only be available to those who have joined our membership. I will also be hosting live webcasts through membership where we can connect, and I can share more with you.

--Click the arrows to see slides of the newly designed Life With Sally landing page--

And coming soon is also a MEMBER FORUM where you can connect with other moms, ask questions, discuss the teaching sessions, and more!

 

--Click the arrows to see slides of the newly designed Life With Sally membership home page--

 

Many of you have asked about upcoming conferences, and my hope is that my Life with Sally membership site will be like an ongoing conference for you each month where you can be encouraged and inspired with Biblical truth, practical helps, and make connections within our community! Many of you helped us lay the foundation in the past six months, and now we're building a bigger website to be a bigger ministry in this new season of our lives. I know we all dislike price increases, and our bigger building will need a small increase so we can keep it growing, but we'll try to make the transition easy.

The price of an annual subscription will increase to $149.00/year on February 12, but you can join Life with Sally for the next 10 days at a special promotional rate of $129.00/year. If you're already an annual subscriber, you don't need to do anything. Your subscription will continue at your current rate, and won't change as long as you renew annually. If you'd like to become an annual subscriber, for just the next 10 days you can join at the promotional rate of $129.00/year (as of Monday, February 12 that rate will increase to $149.00/year). Your promotional rate will remain the same as long as you renew annually. Our new monthly rate (as of today, February 1) is now $15.00/month. If you are currently a monthly subscriber, upgrade in the next 10 days to an annual account to save $50.00/year off the new monthly rate. If you remain on the monthly plan, your rate will increase to $15.00 on the first renewal after February 12. This $129.00/year promotional rate will not be offered again. Act now, and tell your friends.

Which leads me to another special offer. If you share about Life with Sally on your social media, and comment on this post that you shared to let us know, you will be eligible to win a free ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION! We'll be giving away two (2) one-year annual subscriptions. Just share a comment below about how you shared about Life with Sally.

We so appreciate you, the friends who help us keep this ministry going to reach women all over the world. Your lives are what inspire us to keep going forward in this new adventure of ministry. Thanks so very much for the encouraging comments and notes on all the places we share our messages. Your words have meant so very much. God bless all of you with His grace and love.

 

What Will Your Children Remember, (no condemnation Part 2) - Own Your Life Chapter 3 & Podcast!

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What Will Your Children Remember?

In spite of all my mistakes, weaknesses, failures, because of God's grace, my children still love me and prefer me as their trusted friend. As adults, they do not remember only my failures or difficulty in keeping on top of all the chores and responsibilities, but they remember the love.

On Monday, I began a post that spoke of the need to live with freedom and grace within our limitations I mentioned 2 principles. Just remember, God is such a gentle Father. He knows when his child is weary or sad or confused or fearful and He has promised to meet our needs in such a generous way. Breathe out your stress and worries and let Him carry them for you. Today, I share the rest of 5 principles of how to live without condemnation and how to live forward into the perfected person that God sees.

3. "He lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, "Arise, eat." I Kings 19:5

Elijah was so very weary from spiritual battle that he despaired of his life--wished he hadn't been born. The truth is, spiritual battle is often so very taxing and difficult that it does wear us out, as it did Jesus when he sweat blood on the cross.

But God knew Elijah was extremely exhausted, battle worn, weary. So the first thing God did when Elijah poured out his heart to Him was to put him to sleep. He slept a long time--took time to physically rest. Next, and I love this, an angel touched him--physical touch, a hug, an embrace, a hand massage, a real massage, is a personal healer. I love it that God's angel touched him and brought him comfort. Then, he still didn't give him a lecture--instead, the angel fed him.

Sometimes mamas have been going for so long without a break, they start breaking down. A wise woman will learn her limitations and learn to say "no" so that she does not live in a constant state of exhaustion. And don't feel guilty for saying no. You can only hold so many ideals at once, so be sure to hold on the ones that matter.

And do what you are best at doing--don't compare your life to someone else. And you may have to say no to some ministry at church for a season. Be reasonable--Jesus would never ask you to do everything--that is something you are putting on yourself--I know! I was in ministry and want to be available to everyone--but I just can't meet all needs and have peace in my home. You might just need to start out your new beginning with sleep, a touch of gentle love and eating well--perhaps exercising--and then take time to ponder and plan..

We are not just minds and hearts--we are bodies with physical needs and limitations. If we over-exert, we will crash and burn. When others are taking from us 24/7, we must wisely learn that taking care of ourselves is essential to our emotional and spiritual and physical well being. This season, if you are tired, be sure to take a break--get some rest, seek some physical comfort and restoration, eat well. You deserve to be cared for--even if you have to plan for it yourself. I know I kept waiting for someone to give me permission--didn't happen. Finally, I took responsibility for my own happiness so that I could be happier and stronger for my kids on this long term journey.

I make beauty to remind me that I am worth something-I light candles, get some flowers at Sam's or Costco's--the kind that last 2 weeks, and I play music all the time.

4. "He who walks with the wise, grows wise, but  a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs

You might need some inspiration, some help, some counsel, some perspective. Find someone older, more experienced, wiser to meet with and ask them to help you come up with a plan. Sometimes this is easier said than done. But I have found that when I give up my pride and take the courage to pour out my heart to wise people or more mature people, I usually find compassion and often find help. This is not always true--be discerning about who you entrust yourself to as there is a lot of foolish advice around.

My mentors for many years, were books. I was always finding books that were written by women or men older and more insightful in life. People will die for lack of instruction. I would seek to read, educate myself, find wisdom, find models of wisdom, integrity and I was a learner. I determined to learn and to get better every year.

This means being teachable and changing when we need to. We were also built for community. That is why every book I have written, I have designed to be able to be used in a small group, because godly friends are essential to my long term growth. Find wise people, books, conferences, a church, the word of God and gain wisdom. Just decide to get better every day, every year--grow, progress--don't expect instant maturity on your part or your children's.

5."But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits." God's wisdom and leading lead us to peace, mercy and good fruit. Each of us must evaluate--what is stealing my peace? What is sucking my energy? How can I change it? This is a long distance run, not a spring--wisdom from above will teach you to pace yourself--and not to say yes just to please others. You are quite free to be yourself, live your own story, live within your own limitations.

What notions are misleading you? Boys are given testosterone from God for a reason--they are supposed to grow up and be strong! Work with them, accept their noise, invest in their hearts, don't try to control them--lead and inspire and train them little by little. (The 24 Family ways is a great tool for beginning to lay foundations for all the family together.)

What is not producing good fruit--your schedule? Your lack of rhythms and consistency with your children? Your lack of training with your children? Then put your finger on what is bothering you and make a practical step forward. How are you going to eliminate the stressors you have control over? How can you eliminate some of the drainers? What is one way you will become stronger and  more disciplined in the next month. Be very honest about what you must cut or quit doing or is your flaw and be vigilant about pursuing the wisdom that provides peace and good fruit.

Do first things, first. I always did devotions with the kids, first, every day. And then I read to them next. Because worshipping God has stayed with them as the oxygen we breathed every day and reading has taught all of them to think. So if I didn't get anything else done--thy would worship God and engage in ideas--this has made all of them intellectually strong.

Say no! Limit yourself. Don't accept responsibilities out of guilt. Don't join activities because of voices.  And also, write down what fills you, inspires your heart, gives you a break, helps to keep you going a little bit longer--that is wisdom--creating a life that is more pleasant for yourself, more doable. Don't copy someone else's life, and don't compare your children to others. Be yourselves and live your own happy story. God wants you to breathe and have freedom.

Well, I could go on for another 5. But, these are just a few of the things I have learned to do when I find myself walking a dark, discouraging path. Remember, there is always hope when you live in the love of God. This task of raising healthy, godly kids is not beyond reach. You just need to own your commitments, your wisdom, your choices and practice growing stronger. It doesn't happen all at once. And remember,

"The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn which shines brighter and brighter until the fulll day." Proverbs--every day, a little more light, a little more progress, and eventually, full brightness.

I am praying for all of you--but even more, God is praying for you and loves you. Don't give into discouragement or inadequate feelings. With God all things are possible. He is so glad you are trying and that you care.  You are precious to Him and He is training your character to grow strong as you are training your children.

I am off to bed now, but I know you are going to be ok, because He will work in your life if you leave your burdens in His hands and He who began a good work will complete it--in His time, little by little, but fully complete it. God's peace to you today!

Be sure to listen to this. You will be encouraged.

Living Without Condemnation Part 1 - Own Your Life Chapter 3 & a Podcast

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There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8: 1

Sally,

I am so thankful for your blog and podcast, and your books have been such a blessing in my life. I consider you my mentor though you do not know me personally. I’m sure this is the wrong “forum” to ask a question, and if you do not respond I understand. But I dare to ask anyway.

What do you do when your life doesn’t come close to how you believe it should look?

I read your words and I’m thankful for the vision you cast. But for some time the vision I have for my home seems so far from my reality and I have no idea how to reconcile the two, even in my mind. Discouragement and frustration have started to seep in.

As a mama of three little boys, a homeschool mother, and a pastor’s wife, I don’t believe there is enough of me to go around and I’m starting to feel like I can’t even cover the basics, much less enjoy the riches of this season. I’m sure this is just part of the journey and a part of life that every wife and mother must face, but I don’t want to end up taking the wrong path because I gave up hope for the best.

I feel guilty for more and more things – what I cook (or don’t cook), allowing my children too  watch TV too much or play the Wii too long, not teaching them well or enough or the right things, not keeping up with just the daily things that make a house run, letting down those that I love most. Is there a way to hit the reset button and just start over once you’ve allowed habits to form in yourself and your children that you don’t like? I believe God’s grace is enough. And I value wisdom from those I know have walked this path and stayed on course."

Signed,

Discouraged

There are so many issues to address in this letter. Raising children without in house support systems is often messy, demanding and overwhelming. I learned that that was in some ways normal life for a mama. So one part of life is accepting that it will always be demanding, it is a long distance race and that the process of growing up doesn't always look neat. 

Countless times, I felt like I was not accomplishing anything productive. This is such a hard job, to love, educate and help shape our children's faith. It is especially challenging in a culture that offers so much differing advice that brings voices into our heads, which then that produces guilt and inadequacy. This same culture is isolationist and  provides few support systems or Biblical direction.

However, unless we learn to think rightly about ourselves, we will listen to the voices of condemnation and pay attention to the pointing fingers that say we are not enough and it will indeed influence how we live. 

So many moms feel this way, but feelings do not necessarily determine reality! Not one of us will ever be perfect and we will all have voices that condemn us for different reasons. I have failed, I have a terrible past, I was abused, I am angry, I am lazy, I don't feel love in my heart for those in my home, and on and on. 

The starting point for all of us, first of all, is to learn the habit of living in the reality of God's view of us, His very generous and gracious love for us at every moment and to avoid thoughts of condemnation, mess and all. I hope you will be encouraged by the podcast today, but I also am writing some truths that have helped me get back up when I have been going in a downward direction. 

Five principles have helped me when I am overwhelmed.

1. Remember. God is with you to help you succeed.

"If God is for you, who can be against you." God is for you--for you. He wants you to succeed. He wants to work in your home. We are not adequate to complete the task of shaping our children's hearts, minds and souls by ourselves. When God's Spirit is working in our midst, He will take our fish and loaves, all that we have to give to Him, within our own limitations and together with Him, our labor becomes enough. I lived into this principle, asked God to make up for my shortcomings every day, and by faith lived as though what He promised was true. He is for you, mamas, if your heart is to serve Him. He has compassion on you, knows your weariness, and is your champion.

2. "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1 There are always do-overs in God's economy. All of us mess up, (He is mindful that we are but dust! Psalm 103) Peter blew it royally when he denied Christ at his hour of need, but before he even sinned, Jesus knew what was going to happen, and told Peter he had prayed for him. Jesus had compassion before Peter had even committed the act of denying Christ.

I wonder why we have the illusion that we are supposed to be perfect. Mamas, don't be so hard on yourself and live within your limitations. You will not ever be perfect or do it totally right--not now, not next week, not even when you are 60! (Maybe when I am 70, I will be perfect1) And to live in guilt because you have blown it or yelled at your kids or made mistakes is a big drainer. Depression is often the result of disappointed expectations. And often we disappoint our ideals.

But this is the fallen world, and we will never be able to control ourselves, our circumstances, our children or the world the live in. We live in grace and move toward maturity little by little. And so do your children. I promise, little by little they will grow up.

And your children will never be perfect, either. Love them as they are. Believe in them, touch them. Let little boys be boys, as you train them little by little to be heroes and leaders--civilization comes from a mama who treats them with respect, and gives them a heart to be dignified.

Let little ones be innocent and enter into their stages of life with joy.

Living in the grace and knowledge that God forgives, knows our limitations, is not surprised or disappointed, but wanting to give us hope is so very crucial. Don't listen to the accusers voice. Of course you have fallen short--you are a mom and you are human.

I will continue this post in Part 2. Stay tuned and meanwhile, listen to the podcast! 

A Mother's Heart and Hands

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As I look back to the memories of my childhood, a strong image that comes to my mind is that of my mother's loving hands. I thought they were the most beautiful in the world. In many ways, I still feel that way. Because I had been a premature baby, I was often sick with a variety of respiratory illnesses, including chronic asthma and occasional bouts with pneumonia. My memories of these illnesses, however, are mostly pleasant, because my mother would gently stroke my brow as she talked softly or told me stories and gave me her full attention. I remember feeling very loved from such focused attention.
 

At other times, when I fidgeted in church services, I remember my mother's hands massaging my own, pulling and squeezing each of my fingers as she quietly played finger games with me. As a young child, sitting next to her in a big overstuffed chair, I would watch her hands as she read to me from an oversized children's book. Her fingers would point to the enticing, heart-delighting pictures and turn the pages of the large volumes as we leisurely sat together and talked and read.

And during the period when I was having a recurring nightmare—one I still remember!—I especially remember the comfort of my mother's hands when she came to my bedside. She would take my hand in hers as she knelt to pray with me, soothing away my fears and comforting me as she entreated God to take all of my bad thoughts away.

Now, many, many years removed from my mother, these memories of my mother's hands are still strong in my heart. Those hands were old and wrinkled and aching with arthritis by the time she passed on, yet still, as an adult, I often wish she were with me to stroke my brow in the midst of illness and exhaustion, to massage away the frustration and boredom of tedious days, to open windows to the world while reading to me in a big old chair, and to take my hand in prayer and cast away all the fears of my life.

The touch of a mother's hand and the power of a mother's love indeed has carried me through many moments of my life.

As I look to the needs of children of today, I am convinced they need the same things from their mothers that I needed—and received—from mine. They need not only the gentle touch of a mother's hands, but her focus and her attention on a daily basis. They need a champion and a cheerleader, someone who has the time and energy to give encouragement along life's way and comfort in dark times. They need a directive voice to show them how to live.

These needs are not frivolous demands. They're part of the way God designed children. And meeting those needs is not an option or a sideline for mothers, but part of his design as well. Perhaps because I was fortunate enough to have a mother who met my own needs so beautifully, God has put on my heart a desire to encourage other mothers by showing them the significant role they play in the life of their precious children—and by assuring them that their deep desire to devote time and energy to their families is a vital part of God's call on their life.

~excerpt from The Mission of Motherhood, available on Amazon, here.

Our First Five Reads Of 2018- KIDS EDITION!

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Two weeks ago, my Storyformed podcast partner, Holly Packiam, shared on the blog her first five books of 2018. It generated such a lively response and many questions, so I thought that I would share with the same list--with a twist! Here's the first five reads of 2018 in the Showmaker household--the kids edition!

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The Wanderings of Odysseus by Rosemary Sutcliff- My older two boys began reading this over the fall semester with our local homeschool community, and we have been finishing up the last few chapters during the first weeks of 2018. It is a wonderful retelling of Homer's Odyssey and I have been pleasantly surprised at how engaged they have been in this ancient epic. The tales of Odysseus' journey home from the Trojan War and his encounters with creatures such as the Cyclops, the Sirens, and others are told in a way that is both engaging and appropriate for younger ears. If you can find a used copy, the edition illustrated by Alan Lee is particularly beautiful (caution: that edition does contain some nudity consistent with classic artwork portraying ancient Greek goddesses). 

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The Last Archer: A Green Ember Story by S.D. Smith- We are huge fans of The Green Ember series, and this latest installment was just as beloved as the rest of the series. Set in the same time period as The Green Ember (book one in the series), this novella tells the story of Jo Shanks, an archer in the same battalion as Picket Longtreader and his journey from Halfwind Citadel to Cloud Mountain. It is a thrilling story, revealing the perspective of a minor character from The Green Ember during a crucial moment in the epic adventure. My boys really loved the action and character in this book, and I was enriched by the depth that it brought to the rest of the series. 

To find our other picks, click HERE to view the entire list at storyformed.com. 

The Gift of Planting Joy in Hearts & A new Podcast

Every time someone leaves, we take the traditional "at the door" photo. When my kids leave, the tears do flow, but we had a wonderful time and made lots of memories. But I just had to have them share a bit on a podcast before they left. Hope you enj…

Every time someone leaves, we take the traditional "at the door" photo. When my kids leave, the tears do flow, but we had a wonderful time and made lots of memories. But I just had to have them share a bit on a podcast before they left. Hope you enjoy our ponderings together. 

A joyful heart is good medicine.

Proverbs 17:22

Today, I sent my sweet Joy and Joel off to Scotland, back to their studies. A few tears have been shed as we spend our days between hours of work, going on long walks in the sunset hours in the wake of snow covered Pike's Peak. We drink gallons of tea and coffee in our candlelit living room talking about all that is on our hearts, which is a lot! :) We watch favorite shows together. We take long walks several times a week, have meals in and out and ooh and ahh over them together. We sit up late scrunched on the couch shoulders touching and enjoy one another's company. Yes, I will miss my dear, inner heart friends. 

One thing that I have realized, though, is that they want their mama to be happy and cared for. They worry about me at times when they leave. But, I want them to feel deep in their hearts the stability that a mama can provide in friendship so I seek to find the joy in my life. That means I practice celebrating the beauty and engaging in cultivating a thankful heart. Then I can tell them that is what I am doing because they want to know their mama is happy and healthy. One of the best gifts you give to your children is to cultivate a joyful heart--all kids want their mamas to be ok. But joy doesn't always come naturally--it must be cultivated.

Joy is a seed that must be intentionally planted in the soil of life and all the circumstances life brings. It must be watered with faith and fertilized with obedience at every choice in life and protected at every juncture. The weeds of selfishness and cynicism must be plucked at first growth. The storms of bitterness must not be allowed to damage the fragile crop that is growing.  Joy is a gift of the Spirit that must be celebrated, practiced  by the caring of it, cultivating it and the choosing of it every day, every moment, so that is may  grow into a lovely heart that gives forth fruit of His love and joy in every small and large interchange in life.

I began to pursue joy--Biblical joy--as a goal of my life several years ago. Seeing so much sadness, brokenness and grief and discouragement, I realized that all believers could be overcome by the wearying of living in a fallen world. I did not want to go into heaven gasping, tense, weak of heart--making it, but just barely.

Seemed to me that if joy was a fruit of His spirit in my life, I wanted to understand more how to live in that place in my heart, regardless of what was whirling about me in the storms of life outside my soul's walls. Jesus said that in this world we would have tribulation--He didn't cover it up or pretend or sugar coat it--This is the broken place, the place where ideals are compromised by those in high places, and those close at hand. 

Yet, the miraculous truth is that normal people like me, can live a supernatural life and have eternal results in this world and bring His light to bear in very strategic, poignant ways. He is here with me, with you. He is all powerful to conquer kingdoms of darkness and to bring down thresholds. He lives to love, redeem, restore, give hope and grace. But we must seek Him and love Him and cultivate our heart as our life's treasure every and every day. 

But how? First, by hearing His voice and understanding His counsel and teaching. There is no substitute for investing in reading and studying the word. He has left us His heart by giving us His word and His life, by allowing us to have the Bible. Jesus is the perfect representation of God--we must ponder Him, His life and words, love Him, emulate Him.

No busy, good works and good intentions can ever "make" you holy, if you are not regularly in the presence of the Holy one. 

No gift you give to your children or loved ones can make up for what they long for--a loving, joy-filled, grace-filled relationship with someone who is devoted every day to their best and has the time to invest love, a listening ear, and grace giving words.

I have had to learn this slowly, over many years. And when it comes to this busy season of feeling the pressure to give the "perfect" gifts to our beloved ones, friends and family, I can feel stressed and pushed and a need to live up to expectations surrounding me in this materialistic culture. But, long after this year's gifts have been forgotten, if we give to our loved ones, a joyful heart, we will give them a gift that will be with them their whole lives. They will come to us again and again for the "Life" they need to feel, hear and be comforted by!

A joyful heart is one that seeks to encourage them every day--a heart that intentionally gives words of life and encouragement to those who so need to hear words of love.

 Words like: 

 "I appreciate you; you are a gift of God's love to me; you are faithful, funny, fun, creative, or whatever is the key need of the person God has strategically placed in your life."

A heart that says, "I receive you into my life as a gift from God." 

"I believe in you and know God is going to use you in a special way."

"I have made so many mistakes in my life, but God has forgiven me and given me grace. He has already forgiven you and wants you to know His love."

A joyful heart is one that plans surprises--

lighting candles, putting on beautiful music often and serving a cup of tea, hot chocolate or coffee--even in the midst of a busy day-- with a little treat--and says, "Let's make a memory together right now--you are special to me." 

Bringing a single rose to a friend or leaving a love note on a pillow or on an email-- to a weary husband; a struggling friend; one you appreciate; a far off child--

making time to play a game, giggle at stories, laying in bed with a toddler or teen even when we are tempted to be weary, we still make the habit of stretching ourselves--to extend ourselves as purveyors of His joy and grace and He shows up and gives us the strength.

A joyful heart says, where can I leave a spirit of Christ's fragrance today--where can I dance the dance of life in the midst of darkness? And then practicing the dance steps as He gives them every day.

May God grant you a season where joy is planted in hearts, cultivated with the presence of God overflowing and giving a memory to your loved ones that they have been in the presence of God, because they have spent time with you.

I hope you enjoy the beautiful music at the end of our podcast today that Joel mentioned in the podcast. It is Joel's arrangement of For the Beauty of the Earth! I just love this album and put it on so often to encourage my spirit. Information about where you can find it is below. Thanks for sharing, Joel!

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You can find Joel's album, Hymn's for the Lifegiving Home wherever music is sold. (Itunes, Amazon, etc.) 

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