Flourishing In the Meantime of Life, Part 1 & Podcast

Have podcast will travel. :)

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   "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C. S. Lewis

 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

The past three weeks, I have had the privilege of serving as a grandmother in my sweet Sarah’s home. Baby Samuel is 4 weeks today and LiIy is almost two—approaching those interesting challenging times. Now I remember what it was like to sit for hours on end rocking, walking, nursing, playing, feeding and wondering if I was accomplishing anything at all.

Seems we all have lots of meantime when we are waiting for something to happen when we will be happier or freer or more fulfilled. I have learned that waiting for any other circumstance or person to fulfill all the felt needs of your life is a wrongly directed expectation. It is a process to learn, but only as we learn how to flourish in all those meantimes when we are waiting, (for a spouse, for enough money, for children or for children to be out of diapers or out of teenage hormones, or a new house or whatever), it is possible to flourish. Today, I am speaking about how to flourish while you are waiting. I have learned it over many years and was not always patient, but it has served me well.

I am not naturally a very noble or valiant person. And so when I read this verse over the years, I would flinch and go through it quickly, because I didn't relish trials. Our lives have been full of them and I have, at times, learned to dread another day in case it might have some new trial in it. 

Having 4 children, homeschooling, moving 19 times, 8 times internationally, and all the difficulties in relationships, criticism for my ideals, finances, health issues, loneliness, marriage, the different phases of my children's lives, ministry and an overload of responsibilities, just keeping up with all the work that never ends was so very much harder than I ever realized life would be.

Though in my early 20's, I became serious about the Lord, and truly committed to going anywhere, doing anything for His kingdom, I no more had an idea of what that would mean, than a little girl who dresses up as a princess and pretends to know what it would mean to become a queen and rule a country. 

Yet, I can look back now, after many years of trials, and see that God had such great plans for my life, and the only pathway to these plans of His, was through many trials. I had pretty much committed myself to becoming a warrior for His kingdom in this life, not realizing that in order for someone to become a general to lead others into battle, he must first begin with basic training.

Basic training is that hard, disciplined, demanding season of training that seeks to build strength, self-control, in the life of a would-be soldier. It is also for the purpose of drawing soldiers forward, stretching their capacity to be stronger, more capable, to live up to their own ability and potential.  

After passing successfully through basic training, a soldier must  prove worthy in real battles to earn the right to humbly and wisely lead others into victory in bigger arenas.

And so, because God delights in us entering into the fray of this world, to bring light, beauty, truth and to stand strongly and boldly for His purposes, he sends us trials and training to prepare us for the platform He would have us stand on. His trials have been the training grounds to give me integrity in my messages so that I really could encourage other women. Only God was there in the dark moments of my life, to see if my heart would respond in faith, to do the hard work, to love when no one else knew I was making this choice but God. 

And so, my victories through the trials became the very platform in which I saw the grace of God, His goodness and love, in seeing that He had a better plan for me than I had for myself. My integrity was won in the seemingly invisible places, where He was testing and strengthening me for bigger arenas. And so I understand this process better for my children as they foray into life.

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A Month to Focus on Love!

I have never been loved too much. Have you?

We all long for companionship, friendship, community- some one to help us, to pay attention to our feelings, dreams. needs. But that comes from taking time to invest in relationships:

Asking someone to meet for coffee,

Staying up late with a teen who is anxious about life, and wonders if she is acceptable to her peers,

Holding a baby and rocking him until he finally falls securely asleep in strong arms.

Taking time for a cool drink and snacks with your husband so he can unload the stress and pressure he feels in his job.

Making love a priority means giving up some of yourself to receive love back. It’s what we all need.Every year, as I put up my Christmas decorations into lidded boxes marked "Christmas,” I pull out the plastic lidded boxes called "Valentine's Day," and put hearts out everywhere--on all the tables, in the bathroom, as books on the hearth, on my brass fireplace covering, on top of my china hutch, and in the basket with magazines in the bathroom.  

Even if you haven’t done so yet, it might be fun to seek out some heart-y decorations to place around your own house! It is fun to have decor every season. Love is such a central theme in our Christian life, that it deserves to be celebrated for 6 weeks!

One of the things I have practiced in the past is to review one love verse a day in February--to remind us all just how foundational love is to marriage, ministry, family, friends, healing, giving, serving.  If you just search “Bible verses love” you will find many such verses to review with your precious children—or just for yourself! These habits practiced for many years become a highway in our hearts, reminding us to always practice love.

As I taught my family these important verses, it was actually me who became the definition for what unconditional love is really like. It is as I see my children through the grid of wanting to show them just how generous God's love is, that I behave in a way that helps them believe the words of scripture about His love.

So make this a month of loving, decorating, celebrating, and of course eating a little bit of your favorite chocolate!

Some verses to get you started:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believe in him shall not parish but have eternal life." John 3: 16

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all you soul, and all your strength, and all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10: 27

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in sin, but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails." I Corinthians 13: 4-8

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." I John 4:7-8

Some of my very favorites for our family:

"Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend." John 15: 13

"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another because love covers a multitude of sin." I Peter 4:8

"Above all things, put on love, for love is a perfect bond of unity." Colossians 3:4

"God is love." I John 4:8

I hope you all have a wonderful month celebrating love this February!

Building a Great Legacy, One Day at a Time, Part 2 Podcast

The Sistine Chapel Ceiling--painted by Michelangelo

Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance. Samuel Johnson

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.

Hebrews 10:36

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Life is a long story for most of us. The sum of what we have accomplished when we go to see Jesus face to face is not measure by one deed, or one act of faith. It is measured by years of love growing, compassion stretching, faithfulness practiced over and over. When we add up a life of faithfulness in serving God, accumulating maturity, grace, knowledge, wisdom, failure, forgiveness, compassion--it is thousands of moments of choosing to practice greatness, one moment at a time.

The history of the Sistine Chapel

A great example of enduring greatness in a work of art is the ceiling paintings of Michelangelo. He painted over 5000 square feet of ceiling, one stroke at a time. Hundreds of scenes from the Bible, meticulously painted. Set backs, mold problems, scaffolding problems, financial issues, criticism, and more. Over four years, it took him to complete this work. Yet, now, thousands if not millions of people have admired his great work.

For him, it was grueling, sweating work that took a master artist perseverance and endurance of great magnitude to finish this distinguished work. You can read about it here: Michelangelo Sisteen Chapel 

And so it is with our lives. God has given us this opportunity, today, to invest our lives for His glory. But greatness requires endurance, perseverance. Am I one who keeps going, keeps seeking, keeps trusting, keeps moving ahead by faith? What does it require us to accomplish God's work? A steadfast heart, mind and work ethic.

Today, as you contemplate Him, and His work, may you decide to keep fervent and patient and strong in His call to use you in your life time to bring His kingdom work to bear on a world that is desperate for His touch and redemption.

Books Referenced in This Podcast:

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Building a Great Legacy, One Day at a Time, Part 1 and podcast

Each vessel distinguished by a different shape, different design, but all bear light. And so we all have different stories but bear light within the context of our own lives and homes.

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Patience--the ability of bearing up under trials without complaining.

High infant squeals, saying “Feed me, feed me now,” are erupting from somewhere in the upstairs, while I sit on the carpeted floor, once again, putting one duple on top of the other and saying outlaid, “Good job. Good tower.”

Arising early to take little Lily in hand so her mama and daddy can get 15 or 20 more minutes of sleep; making one more breakfast and cutting it into small pieces, changing one more diaper, snapping one more snap on footy pajamas, going out for a little walk and collecting treasures to show “mama” is the routine day for me the past 2 weeks.

The difference for me now is that 36 years ago, I wasn’t sure if what I was doing mattered. And today, I know that every kiss, every tender, gentle moment of talking and being patient matters more than most of the other things I have accomplished. For, in these repetitive days, my daughter and I and her husband are building a legacy of faith, love and goodness. I know now that Lilian and Samuel are looking at the ways we are relating to them and to life and that they are storing up impressions of what matters in life.

I see that it matters because I have 4 children who care about Jesus, who care about taking His love to their world, about bringing light and beauty to their worlds through their professions. I know because all of them believe in the sacredness of marriage, of faith, of the life of human beings. And all of this came from days upon end of being faithful in small places.

Your faithfulness matters. Your choice to trust God is ringing out cheers in the heavenliness because it is so rare. There is no formula and no guarantee of exact results and we do not control our adult children’s choices. But they are more likely to follow truth if it has been lived out in myriad moments of serving, loving, feeding, listening, praying, teaching faithfully over years. The moments of lifegiving relationships, truth discussed, virtue modeled, happens over thousands of days, many years, lots of laying down of life. Today, you are writing your own story of faith and faithfulness.

Join me today and be encouraged in your own life to live faithfully.

Books Referenced in This Podcast:

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Exhausted Already this January? Create Spaces of Rest!

Rest may very well be the most strategic thing to do if we have a busy, full and demanding life.

If we do not practice a habit of a restful life, we will end up with serious illness, exhaustion, bad attitudes and fist-shaking faith aimed heavenward. As I have said before, one of my most useful memory verses is, "Fretting leads only to evil doing." (Reflection of Psalm 37:8!)

God put Sabbath rest into the weeks of our lives with a purpose. It is not just a Sunday thing--it is a principle of stopping when life has drained us too much.

I have found that when I believe and engage my heart in the goodness of God's character, and place into the file drawers of heaven all that I am carrying and worrying about, including the lists of all that I have to do,  I begin to find peace.

When I find myself depleted, I stop and take stock of what is going on in my life. I simplify my schedule and plan a snack-style dinner, maybe crackers and cheese or fruit and toast, and break out the paper plates. I take a day off from regular commitments and plan to be still. The next day, I again put away normal commitments in order to attack the demanding tasks that are increasing my burden. But into that day, I also plan simple pleasures--making time for several coffees or cups of tea, having a nap, watching a show, or reading a magazine--which gives the little break I know I need.

When my children were little, on these burned-out days I would do whatever would free me for just a bit. Bubbles would be brought out, or a long bath with new bath toys, a Winnie the Pooh cartoon, a trip to the frozen yogurt cafe, or a quick jaunt to the park or playground. I crafted a way I might have a break from the children’s banter and demands.

Refueling just a little to find joy, create pleasure and celebrate life in the midst of all the demands helps fill my heart up just enough to begin seeing light at the end of my tunnel. Slowly, I would begin to see the miracles bubbling up ... slowly, surely; He, my Father, delights to provide when I take time to breathe, listen, and rest from the daily grind.

 A Martha heart, frenetically busy, won't see the miracles of God, as she is so busy living in the whirlwind of her own making and subsisting in her own meek provisions that she loses all hope and becomes a wretched nag.

The more exhausted I am with life, the more tense, grumpy and tight I become—and eventually, it spills all over everyone else.

Yet, from so many times like this in the past, I have learned a secret. My Prince Jesus comes to me at just the right time. Like the story of Sleeping Beauty, the prince comes not when she is searching the horizon, pounding her fists, running the floor,

But the prince comes when the princess is asleep, and doing nothing but resting.

Resting in Him, choosing peace, putting off responsibilities, and recreating can be such grand medicine for my soul, that after choosing to rest and to invest in fun and love and ease of life, my strength is renewed and all life's issues can be faced with grace.

I know duty is bound to come, but I will face it with courage tomorrow  if I rest today, when my body demands it.

And so my plan for today is to go back to bed, to pace leisurely, to sip and really taste my coffee, to call Clay at the office just to say "hi"--and remember that he is also tired; to focus on the beauty around me; to stay in comfy clothes all day-- listen to music, watch a fun movie, read and pray--and then maybe to rest again, tomorrow, because I know that while I am resting, my Prince is already coming to my rescue, because He has my back covered.

Peace, be still, the Lord is near.

I Need a Little Grace, Every Day & Podcast

Since I travel often, I bring grace into my environment, wherever I am—a candle, a china cup & my favorite tea, and roses from a local store. (in a kitchen utensil holder—they had not vases in this airb&b. :)

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Dear Lord, So far I've done all right. I haven't gossipped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm really glad about that.

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed. And from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help."

Ever felt like praying this prayer? I have! A candle, cup of tea and my Bible (and today, roses) get me started off right. I've laid my burdens at Jesus' feet. I've read His words and they have ministered to my heart. I've worshiped Him. I have asked Him to change me, to help me grow, to bless my family and lead them. I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful day, and all is well with the world.

And then I get out of the chair.

And sometimes, it feels as if all is downhill from there!

Wouldn't motherhood, wifehood, even Christianity be much easier ... if there weren't any other people involved? But I suppose then we have the problem alluded to in that scene from It's a Wonderful Life, when the family's help says, "That (the noise happening upstairs) is why all children should be girls!" and then the elder Mrs. Bailey says, "But if they were all girls--oh, never mind!"

God loves relationships. He, Himself, exists as a relationship--Father, Son and Spirit, three in One--a mystery we can't wrap our minds around. We bear His image, and part of that is this need we have for relationships; to know and be known, to love well, to draw strength and learn from one another. Yet relationships are not easy. Sinful people, living together in a broken world, sometimes hurt one another. We misunderstand and are misunderstood. We struggle with pride and envy, greed and deceit. So do those around us--and our children are no exception.

We need God's grace.

"Giving the gift of grace to our children is actually a two-part process. First, we need to help our children receive grace. We do this both by extending grace to them and by teaching them about God's grace through salvation. After that, by our teaching and example, we must train our children to give grace to others in turn.

Jesus summed up this two-part process when He was asked to name the greatest commandment. He said we are first to love the Lord God with all our hearts (receiving grace) and then we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (giving grace). This commandment, therefore, sums up the first gift we can give to our children--the desire and ability to understand and receive the grace of God and to give it to the rest of the world.

Understanding the importance of the gift of grace has really helped me respond to the daily dilemmas and frustrations of life in a household of four children. As we go through our days, for instance, I try to be mindful that, to God, relationships are always a top priority. I try to think of ways I can model for my children the redemptive grace and love of Jesus--and also influence them to extend grace to others through their actions and their attitudes." ~ The Ministry of Motherhood

We will always be pressed by our relationships. My prayer is that they press us all closer to the heart of God, Who loves to extend His grace to us, and teaches us through His example to do the same.

More Resources:

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Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Living By Formula or Faith? (Desperate 4) Holly & Margaret Podcast!)

Formulas Don't always Work, but they can sure make us feel like we are accomplishing something!

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In this chapter of Desperate, we are touching the issues that so many moms talk about--if I could just find the right book or formula to answer all of my situations.  However, this search for the magic bullet can only end in frustration, as God did not design this as the answer to our questions in mothering.

Do you ever have voices in your head?

A good mom would.....fill in the blank.

My children were potty trained by 12 months, and if you were disciplined, you would do the same..

My children never whine, yours always do....

You should keep a cleaner house if you were really committed.

You are too lenient on your children, you need to spank them more.

You are too harsh with your children, and you will cause them to rebel.....

And on and on and on.

I used to hear voices and almost all of them made me feel condemned, as though I wasn't mothering the right way or doing the right things enough.

And then there were these four children of mine, differing in personality and different heart issues, different developmental time frames. So many issues that I just thought if I knew the right rule or had a better planner, or the right book or curriculum, I would get it right!

With all the letters I receive, there are so many days I would like to be able to offer blanket advice to everyone I meet.

If you do things just so, it will all turn out all right and your children will obey happily and walk with God and never do anything wrong. Wouldn't that be dreamy?

It seems to me that there are many wisdom principles in scripture, but very, very little advice of an exact nature. God is vague on so many issues--intentionally! He gives us great freedom to live into our own personalities, our own puzzle and to apply wisdom in our own creative ways.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying not to train your children. God very specifically gave us so much wisdom to follow, and laws that would protect us and guide us--but they were few.

He tells us to speak to our children every day about Him--the great shema of scripture in Deuteronomy 6:4-9:

Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

He tells us to train up our children in the way they should go. And evidently, a lot of training is just talking throughout the day according to what the issue of the moment is, often at night when they are supposed to go to bed and are asking questions. In the day when they are learning about work, relationships, truth. We are to have His words on our own heart, and then from our heart we will teach them out of a well of wisdom that comes from what we are cherishing--His words; wisdom personalized every day, according to the need of the moment.

He gives us a commandment to teach our children that they must honor their mother and father. He tells us in Ephesians to raise up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord.

But He does not ever say, "Spank for 45 minutes. Carry a paddle or switch in your purse to be sure you don't miss any offense or you will be responsible for their demise." (I am so grateful He doesn't correct every single sin or immature act I perform or I would just give up now!)

He doesn't say, "Quiet times are so much more effective before 7 in the morning" or "Women have no ability to teach young men." (Have you seen Proverbs 8 or 9 or read about Timothy?)

Or "You can tell a woman's spirituality by looking at whether their drawers are neat and clean on the inside." (Really? What chapter and verse is that?)

He doesn't even say "All children will learn best if they study Latin or Hebrew." (Whew!)

 I often have women who say, "How did you raise your children? What rules did you keep? Why do they love you and love the Lord and how did you teach them to trust you?"

 As far as I can tell, scripture tells us that it is faith, not works, that pleases God. (Hebrews 11:6)

Your family is your own particular puzzle. God has given you those children, that husband, that home and community, in this time. And no one else can tell you exactly what you ought to do in it! But He is faithful and He desires to help and instruct you as you walk with Him. A list of rules and regulations to follow--do things this way, every time, with every child, in every circumstance!--would only serve as a separation between you and your need to communicate with Him and obey His personal instructions to you.

We have great freedom in Christ. Don't give it up for a yoke of slavery to any thing, any one, or any set of rules! Being a great mom is not about rules or formula--it is more like a dance--moving to the rhythms of life, listening and paying attention to the mood of the music in your children's lives and choreographing wisdom as the words to the song.

Your God is truly bigger than a rule, certainly wilder, and cannot be tamed. He wants us to walk this adventure by faith and celebrating life within the bounds of our own personalities and those of our husbands and children.

Look for His voice, not the voices of others, and you will find yourself growing in contentment, grace, and even joy.

What are some of the formulas you have followed that have led to legalism?

What area do you most wish you had a formula to apply?

Do you struggle with "the voices"? How do you replace these voices with real wisdom?

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Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

What Really Matters in Our Homes (Even Come January!)

The secrets and deep emotions shared during the goodnight hours in which a the soul of a child is tender and open; the comfort of warm, homemade food n the early evening as ideas are shared and discussed and prayers and devotions given; the laughter, stories, advice offered in the midst of washing dishes together; the heroic and riveting stories read aloud together that establish common patterns of morality, values and dreams in the comfort of the blazing hearth, mugs of steaming hot chocolate and squishing against each other on a den couch—these are those heavenly things, which are food to the soul and nourishment to the mind and conscience of a child fully awake to all that is important in life.

There is no computer, television, software or textbook that can pass on such passion, love and motivation.

It is indeed the personal touch of a mother’s heart that creates grand civility, deep affection, care, and commitment to the foundations of a family. When the invisible strings of a mother’s heart are tied to the hearts of her children through loving sacrifice and nurture, the stability and foundations of a nation become secure and stable.

A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation.

Her impact is irreplaceable and necessary to the spiritual formation of children who will be the future adults of the next generation. Fun, comfort, humor, graciousness, spiritual passion, compassion for the lost, hospitality, chores, meals, training, life-giving words, hours and hours of listening and playing and praying and reading—all are parts of the mosaic in the process of soul development.

So, though the weariness of the busyness and celebration of Christmas is still upon our hearts and felt in our bodies,

the Spirit and vision of His life in ours will keep us going--

the refocusing on His great call will fuel our commitments to keep going, to keep loving and to keep believing. Taking time with Him this morning has fueled my own soul with new excitement. May He grace you all with His encouragement--right where you are, in whatever season--to know that it really matters. Grace and peace and rest be yours in the days ahead!

When Darkness Comes, Cultivate Light With Ruth Schwenk (Desperate 3 & Podcast!)

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"Ideals" is practically my middle name. When I was a little girl, I remember watching Miss America and when I saw the "beauty" crowned, I practiced walking around our living room, preparing for the time I would be crowned queen. Stories of heroines in books and movies piqued my interest because I knew I was destined to be a protagonist in some great story.

Idealistic about faith, about romance, about life! Except one area: I didn't have any ideals about being a great mother. Honestly, I was one of those women who just didn't think about having children or mothering them. Having only brothers above me and being the only girl, I never had babies in my home, and I only remember babysitting about twice in my whole life--and that under duress.

Now if I had been a mothering/baby-oriented sort, I would have been idealistic about that, because I was idealistic about everything I knew about. But I didn't know anything about being a mom--especially about one of babies. After all, what could be so hard about having a baby? As a fairly mature Christian (after all, I had been in ministry for eight years, and missions at that! ) I supposed I would also be a fairly mature mom.

Fast forward, a few years into marriage. Living in Southern California was such a challenge for me as a young mother of two young children. Clay worked 65-80 hours a week, I didn't know many women in my area, and I had almost no "mother" friends. Our families lived halfway across the United States, and I was exhausted all the time. It didn't help that I was pregnant with my third child and struggled with morning sickness for six months.

After straightening up my house one afternoon, I poured bubble bath into my oversized double sink with Sarah, 4, on one side and Joel, just under 2, in the sink next to it. I gave each of them small plastic cup to play with in the warm, bubbly water while I hoped for a reprieve.

"This will hold them for at least 30 minutes, so I can get a break," I thought as I waddled to a chair nearby.

All of a sudden, 22-month Joel stood straight up in the sink. With a very exuberant smile from cheek to cheek, he screamed in delight and started scooping bubbles and water out of the sink and onto the floor as fast as he could, having a merry old time. He was just being an exuberant, happy little boy.

Something in me burst, and I started screaming at him with vein-popping intensity. "What are you doing? You are making a mess all over my floor! Stop it. Don't you know you are making a mess? Don't you know how tired I am?" The lecture had evidently been stored up for months, and I just kept going and going in anger and frustration.

My stunned, usually happy, easy-going boy plopped down (making another big splash on my floor) and looked at me with wide, big, sad eyes and then just started crying and crying and crying, as though I had wounded him for life.

All of a sudden, I felt soooooooo bad. What had happened to me? Where had this kind of anger come from? Here was my gentle Joel, my cuddly one, who was doing nothing wrong but just being a darling little toddler.

Shame poured over me in waves. Sarah looked at me in fear. The fun I had planned was totally spoiled. Everyone was crying. And all afternoon, I shook my head over the incident. How could someone who called herself a mature believer lose it like that? I was not worthy to be a mom. What would my friends think? What would Clay think if he had heard me being so irrational?

Darkness seemed to cover my whole being as I bent with disappointment in myself. I knew I had been impatient; that my son had done nothing wrong. He had been so delighted in his bubbles and then .....!!!!!

As a young mom, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I had three children in less than five  years. I had never been trained to take care of children, to change diapers, to nurse a baby, to miss hours of sleep for months at a time; or anything else that was required, and had almost no knowledge of what it looked like to be a "good" mother. Of course I read as much as I could read, but the books didn't cover everything. And then there were so many formulas and so many differing voices!

Scripture, though,  became my saving grace. I would pray and pray that God would help me--and little by little, He started building in me a philosophy of parenting, motherhood, and home building; generation-inspiring messages, and I found grace and freedom as I slowly grew. As I sought Him, and followed what I believed was the way of wisdom in parenting my children, by faith, I began to really, really fall in love with my children, with who they were, and the deep call of motherhood. This took years, and for me, it was never easy. But my home became a place of deep happiness and fulfillment. It was not from seeking the fulfillment of ideals, but from seeking Him and His wisdom and seeing His love and patience with me.

"Even as a father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on you." Psalm 103

So, God, as my Father, was compassionate towards me and knew my limitations and still loved me. And so I learned to have compassion on my precious little ones and practiced loving them more each day.

I wish I had known ahead of time that motherhood was a place of battle and growth.

If only I had understood that there were no perfect moms and that all moms, including good moms,  became frustrated, sinned and were selfish, and succumbed to exhaustion. If only I had not wasted so much time on guilt and inadequacy, but instead focused on seeking to enjoy life with my children more--to lighten my load-- to lighten up in general.

I wish I had understood that children are pre-wired to behave like children and do toddlerish, babyish, teenager-ish, things--and that God wanted me to learn to enjoy them and not be so neurotic about every single little thing.

I wish I had relaxed my ideals as a young mom, and just leaned into the life of being a mom more.

So many of my friends miss their children now that they are older. Most all of them say they wished they had relaxed more, loved more, and paid more attention to them personally--looked into their eyes more often.

Wisdom applied:

What are your biggest disappointments over how you expected yourself to be as a mom compared to your reality?

In what area were you least prepared?

How do you most need to adjust your expectations and find a way to enjoy this stage of your children's lives?

I try to remember, "This is the day the Lord has made (right now, this stage, this child, this circumstance) I will rejoice (I will choose to worship God right now; I will look for what I can be thankful for) and be glad.

I choose gladness and will live fully in this season and  grow little by little--knowing God is holding my hand and leading me, as new roles are opening even in this stage of my life—being a mother-in-law and grandmother! Will you join me?

I am so honored to have my sweet friend, Ruth Schwenk with me today. She is a gifted author, and has a couple of wonderful blogs. You can find her at thebettermom.com and she and her husband at: forthefamily.org.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

What Makes a Young Mom Feel Desperate? (2) & Podcast

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16 (NIV)

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It may be hard to believe, but loneliness has been a constant companion for me for many years. It causes me to ache inside, sometimes, bringing tears to my eyes and a longing for community.  I yearn for like-minded kindred spirits-- who also "like" me!

    I love having close, intimate friends who "get" me; those who know all about me with all my quirks and petty sins, and still love me. I also enjoy being with friends who are passionate about the Lord, ministry, the Word, and family--who have ideals like mine, but who also love to have fun and celebrate life. My close friend must be someone who understands grace and giving grace, who has learned it by going around the track of life and by being humbled. There are not, in my intimate life, many who fit this longing and who also initiate relationally, as I think this is a lost art!

      For much of my life, I have felt so alone, invisible in my needs to the world of hundreds of people who buzz in and out of my life. Isolated from kindred spirits. Probably some of that feeling comes because I am too busy, and some because I hold ideals that are in a minority in this culture. But as I sit here tonight, I thought since I have felt loneliness so often through so many years, you might, too; and I wanted you to know you are not unusual or alone--there are many of us in the same boat!

       In a world of isolationism, breakdown of families for every reason--moving all over the world and being separated physically, divorce, differing ideals, and just plain lack of commitment--there is personal isolation in crowded neighborhoods. Rarely does one find the simple community of people who hold your values and your faith. Add to that isolation in church, and prospects for friendship can be bleak indeed.

       Yet, I realize it has been this very loneliness that has driven me to the Lord. He has heard me over and over again and He has used this longing to open my heart to others who have needs. Increasingly, He has used it to humble me in my point of need, so that I have more compassion for those who are also separated from support systems.

As a matter of fact, most of what I write about has come from my struggles. This particular puzzle of my life has brought with it choices:  to live out in grace and faith or to live in the darkness of depression. Choosing to believe in God's goodness, has been for me the story where I saw a God who loves me and shows me life and grace and light in the midst. It is through choosing to seek Him and to hold on to His hand and to believe in His friendship that I have found strength and a way to keep going.

       I also know so many young moms who struggle with loneliness during long days in their own homes with their little children. One idealistic young mom cried with me last week, saying, "I just went upstairs for four minutes to put away the laundry, and when I came downstairs, my three year old had used a permanent marker to draw all over the naked body of my 18-month old and then draw all over my favorite blouse--and the carpet! I thought to myself, 'Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Take care of these children? Stay home by myself and do this day in and day out? Am I not more talented than this? Will I never have a bigger life?'"

       I smiled at her story about the markers because it was familiar and yet, also felt what she felt. I  personally knew her feelings, as I'd had the same ones when my 3 oldest were all under 5!! This mama is so cute and fun and intelligent; it's just that she's carrying her ideals about family life and children in a circle of friends who don't understand her or support her in a 24/7 life of constant demand.

       So I just wanted you to know today, that you are not alone. God indeed loves you so much and is so very proud of your bringing life and beauty into your homes. He knows your struggles. He sees you and your need to be loved and appreciated and filled up.

However, now in my 60's, I find there are gifts that loneliness brought to me--and see that God was trusting me to learn wisdom because He was with me every day of my loneliness. God did not design this world to be isolated, but He created us to have community.

Please do not think I am talking about being super-spiritual, because I am not. But, because God cares about how I feel, he turned it out for my good because He understood my feelings and sympathized with the needs I felt in this fallen world. These are a few lessons I have learned.

1. Humility--that I cannot make it in life alone just by toughing it out. I really need God and I need others to help me to make it.

2. Compassion, instead of judgment of others. Understanding the needs of others because of my own deep needs. 

3. An acceptance for others who were not just like me. It was the kindness of friends who were different than I was that made me appreciate the friends I did have. When someone showed me kindness, I was so ver appreciative whether we were the exact same or not.

4. Thankfulness came to me slowly when I learned to have gratitude for those God had given when my pride might have kept me from friends who were different. These friends  became treasures because of their steadfast, loyal commitment over many years. I no longer required that my "friends" be just like me or have my values. Tolerant grace and love grew inside my heart.

5. Contentment has come over many years. My spiritual muscle has grown and I am so much better able to fill my life with beauty, meaning, purpose, work and creativity to hold me through all my days. I have quite learned to deeply enjoy my own inner-self  and my own company and to find sweet peace when I am alone. 

 I am still a lover of people at heart and adore being with my "besties" when it works out. But, I have made peace and beauty my world as I walk one day at a time. Maturity takes a lifetime, but God can be trusted to walk with us and to build exactly what our soul needs to survive, if we seek His love and rest in His company.

Of course, if I could, I would have you all into my little living room right now for tea, scones and chocolate. But as it is, I am going to pray for you. You must be a conductor of your own symphony and make a plan to place some pleasure, times with people, outings away from the messy home and sequestering with too many sinful children and one weary mom in one small place. Going to a park, create beauty, go out for a one woman date in a place you enjoy, or just anywhere will change your mood, ease your soul.--just don't stay and stew where you are! In time, loneliness will shape you to look more and more like Jesus when you walk through it hand and hand with Him.

      Do you feel loneliness is a big part of your life as a mama? What might the Lord want to show you in the midst of it? What can you do to reach out to another lonely mama to begin shaping a friendship that will last a lifetime?

Grace and peace to your hearts today.

Printable:

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

More Resources:

FOR MORE

• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!