Sick of Being Responsible? Feeling a Little Wonky?

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Are you a little bit sick of being responsible? Do you feel a little bit off sometimes, a little WONKY?

Recently, as I awakened, I just felt a dread of getting out of bed. I had a pile of responsibilities ahead of me that felt like a lot. And then, there was the sameness about the day that drained me—one more day, a lot more work, a lot more “aloneness” and then days to follow that.

I felt WONKY.

When I walked downstairs, even my tulips reflected my mood. They were Wonky—all over the place.

Sometimes when life has drained for days on end, we all need a time to admit we need a break, something different, a reprieve from life. This calls for a SOBR Club Meeting.

Sick

Of

Being

Responsible

Clay and I decided that occasionally we needed sobr club meetings—time to take a break from the overwhelming burdens of life. I know many of you feel that way. Lately, I have especially been thinking of you precious ones who have a heaviness and lots of demands for those daily burdens of every day life.

A few years ago, Joy had Sarah and me in stitches one afternoon when we picked her up after a morning spent working at our local MOPS group. She had been assigned to the two-year-olds, a more challenging than older children. She bubbled over with stories about all sorts of body fluids--specifically one little boy whose mom said he was being potty trained and who had been sent with no diapers--only underwear--and eventually cried, sobbed, screamed twice when he had accidents, and soused his clothes again and again, with Joy to clean it up. Joy was wondering if this was what most moms called "potty training." There were other stories about nose junk, bottom junk. sucking junk; kids sneezing on her, hitting each other, did I say hitting her, screaming--and by the time we picked her up, she was exhausted!

"Did you go through all of this with us?" she asked, incredulous. "How did you make it???"

Told her I'm not really sure how I made it, but somehow muddled through. Also advised her just to be sure not to have ten two-year olds at once!

Life as a woman, mom, and wife can sometimes be gross, stressful, overwhelming, exhausting, boring and demanding on many levels. Sometimes moms feel guilty admitting the variety of feelings they have. Feelings are neutral--they neither define who we are or take away from our righteousness. They are just a reaction to the situation we are in.

I remember so many years when I just obeyed what I was supposed to do without feeling like doing it. Because I loved my children, I made decisions to cultivate what was best for them. Because I was committed to loving Clay (and God) I acted, as a choice of my will, in the best interest of Clay, by faith, not by feelings. As I look back, I am so glad that I learned to put one foot in front of the other, because usually my feelings would follow. I am grateful the Lord kept me going in the right direction by the convictions I held and followed. If I had followed all of my feelings, the results would have been disastrous.

But there are just times in life or parenting or mothering or marriage that seem overwhelming and too depleting to handle. And so, some years ago, Clay and I decided that when we got to this point, we needed to call a SOBeR Club meeting—when we both felt beyond our capacity, burning out. Sick Of Being Responsible times gave us scope.

There are times that we all just have to take a break! On our sober club nights, when our children were younger, we always did something that we wanted to do that is just for us--sometimes we even ask friends to join us--go to dinner, a movie, a walk in the mountains, take a drive to see the city lights--music blaring, windows down--just cruising and trying to relax. We did something different from daily life—went away from the stress, from the daily demands—or to a place the kids would be happy without much help. . We do not talk about any of the problems or money or stress or ministry. We just relax, have fun, get away and lighten up.

With friends or my girls, SOBeR Club nights can include going to some fun cafe, buying something little or fun that I enjoy. Girls’ night, painting nails, cleansing our beautiful faces with cosmetic masks. Once, Joy prepared a small package with a Warm Vanilla Sugar candle, lotion and perfume for me this week on the day of our meeting! Sarah bought me a piece of dark chocolate with almonds and suggested going somewhere for a massage, by stealing a few dollars from our little drawer where we put away dollar bills each month to have on "rainy"  days.

The principle is similar to that of the Sabbath. Get away from the responsibilities. Go to a park when your kids are driving you nuts. Stop having school and go do something fun. Take a nap. Watch a movie instead of doing one more chore, buy some flowers when it is snowing for ten days straight--just shake things up a little. Life is still there tomorrow after the SOBeR club meeting, and after we've all blown off a little steam, we can then can face the responsibilities with a little bit fresher outlook.

Tomorrow I will get back to responsibility--but tonight I am just going to go to sleep and snuggle up in my covers and put all of my worries in the file drawer of heaven to worry about another day.

FOR MORE

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We Were Made For Love & Why You are Irresistible

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People often ask me why I live in Oxford! This picture tells the story well! I get to live near Lillian, my first grandchild, darlingest child that has ever been born. I saved these snowflakes so that we could put them on my kitchen window together. I love thinking of things that she (and Samuel) will enjoy. I am sure that there must be other precious ones in the world, but because she is mine, I think she is very special and precious.

You see, when she comes to my house and I open the door, she runs into my arms squealing, “Queenie!” (my grandmother name—from Larkrise to Candleford—long story). She tells me every thought, she sits in my lap, she delights in my company. You see, she if my very own and I would do just about anything for her. I even hope that when she is a teenager, she will tell me, her secrets. If she needs comfort, I hope I will be worthy of her need. When she wants advice, I hope she will ask me. You see, she is mine and that makes her all the more precious to me.

I was not prepared to be a parent when I had Sarah and then my other three. But as God would have it, I fell in love with them more and more every day. I discovered that stewarding truth, beauty, love, introducing them to worlds of thought, faith, fun, celebration and character became the best work of my life. I didn’t even know just how deep and fulfilling being a mother could be. I fell in deep love with my precious ones because they were mine. They became the best and most satisfying friends I could ever have. I would do almost anything to help them, encourage them, guide them, protect them, support their dreams.

The longer I am a parent and now grandparent, the more I understand that God feels this way about us. We are irresistible to Him. We are His own, he made us to be like Him. He has taken responsibility for us as I did for my children. He brings wisdom, love, satisfying experiences, joy, celebration and through His training grounds, we access abilities, skills, strength, purpose and deep fulfillment beyond what we could ever imagine. He champions us and celebrates us. He gave everything, even His own life, to redeem, heal, bring us back to the infinite fullness of life as He created it.

Sometimes we do not know this reality in our own lives with God. We pass on to others what we really deep inside think is true. But only in knowing Him in His full capacity of Unconditional love and joy can we pass on what we know to be true. The way we live speaks to what we believe is true.

Join me today in my podcast where I discuss what it looks like to dwell in relationship to the One who loves us, coaches us and wants to celebrate beauty and goodness with us all the days of our lives.

FOR MORE

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• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Seeking and Finding Him Requires Our Diligence

“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God.”

~I Chronicles 22:19

“I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.”

~Proverbs 8: 17

The Parks in Oxford provide me with endless food for imagining the wonder of God as the ultimate artist. I sit on my bench and watch the colors of the plants, flowers and fields change over the season. But mostly I sit, quietly and open my heart to Him with thanksgiving and prayer. I breathe out burdens and breath in the beauty and peace.

One afternoon many years ago, some women stopped by unexpectedly to have a short visit as friends. It was one of those times they stayed and stayed and stayed. Finally, when I closed the door, I walked upstairs to my bedroom and found an unexpected surprise.

When I got to my room, though, Joy was there, wrapped in comfy come-home-and-fall-apart clothes, diary in hand. She scooted next to me on my loveseat, with me knee to knee.

"Mama, I am pretty tired, but I didn't want to go to bed without spending a few moments with you and sharing my heart. I was willing to wait just to be with you, Mama!”"

And so we sat there, together, in the sweet air of love and mama-daughter fellowship and shared souls.

I was so touched that she waited up for me, to meet with me, to be with me, to care enough to spend time with me. It was a memory I will store away for always.

Joy gave me a real life picture of how much He, too, longs for me to wait up for Him, to want to share my heart with Him, to seek His company amidst my busy day. He who is so very busy--and yet always makes the time for me, His little girl. It's a matter of making time for what really matters and putting aside all of the other stuff, to invest in the eternal.

“Seek first the kingdom of God.”

~ Matthew 6:33

“… if you cry out for insight,
And raise your voice for understanding;
If you seek her as silver
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
And discover the knowledge of God.”

~Proverbs 2:3-5

If I knew that somewhere on my premises there was a chest of silver and gold, enough to last my family for a lifetime, I think I would think about it, putting great effort into figuring out where it might be, look for it, go to much effort to dig for it. I would go to great lengths to try to find such a treasure.

The definition of searching is trying to find something by looking and seeking carefully and thoroughly.

Is this the energy with which I seek God? This is what scripture tells me to do. He wants me to have eternal wisdom, insightful wisdom, wisdom that gives light to my path and directions to follow.

God wants to bless those of us who would truly make Him our priority. He has promised blessing and favor and help and rest and guidance and compassion and mercy in our lives. God Himself and His wisdom is touted many places in scripture as being more important than silver or gold.

And yet, I have to really put away the distractions, the voices, the tasks at hand to be sure that He is my focus, my treasure, my confidence and hope.

I rarely meet people who have that palpable life--that almost tangible evidence of God's Holy Spirit living through them. But when I do meet them, every single one of them is a woman of the word of God. They have mounted up over the obstacles of their lives to seek Him, practicing every day to know Him, to love and worship Him.

I want to be that kind of person--that others can sense Him in me, but I know with all of my heart, it just doesn't happen unless I have been spending time in His presence, making Him my focus, living daily in His word and seeking Him.

And so, if I want not to seek to manipulate circumstances or to figure out a formula or system to provide for our family's needs or answers, I need to be sure I am not depending on idols or myself to provide, but see that I am waiting for Him, following Him, being still enough to listen to Him.

I so want to be faithful until I close my eyes on this place of home and awaken to His face--to have loved Him well and to have shown Him my love through my trust and faithfulness while here this short while.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." Matthew 13:44

Celebrate: Dance to the Music

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Life seems to be such a balance between a whole lot of work and perseverance and a whole lot of joy and celebrating to keep our souls alive. As I look back on my last months of being locked down, I have noticed that there are times I get a little bit dark and lonely. Yet, the overall gift of the time I was locked down was amazing talks with my adult children that I never see as much as I would like to. Memories and photos to store up in my heart for years ahead and one more opportunity to mentor, encourage and inspire my children as one who has walked with the Lord for 50 years. A sacred time carved out for us.

Yet it was in the rhythms of creating life and fun that I found their hearts most open. I love this verse as al of you know how much I love to use food and table as a place to inspire faith and pass on truth. And because my children are full-fledged adults with great thoughts and convictions, I learned so much and grew in my own personal life. This:

“So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this!”

Ecclesiastes 9:7

God was the one who celebrated most from whom I learned to engage in festivity and enjoyment amidst the other serious themes of life—He celebrated Jesus’ birth in such an amazing way—bringing light, songs, angels, gifts, excitement in the midst of so much mundane.

There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man. John 1:9

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”Luke 2:13-14

Celebrating is a part of God's nature. The crickets sing to God, the birds chirp to God, the sunrise and sunset sing of His glory, the stars declare His glory and beauty.

God provided mountains to climb and stars to camp under. Music to sing along with and to dance to. Gardens to design. Rooms to decorate. Paintings to hang on walls. Photographs to save beauty and memory. Books to write. Playgrounds to construct. Books to read. Food to prepare with endless possibilities of taste and color. Hot baths to languish in. Massages to melt under. Kisses of children to delight.

I have a serious side to me that wants to understand theology and how to practice my faith from a sincere and devoted heart. But I also have a side that loves to celebrate with friends and family out on my deck at sunset; I love to watch comedies or mysteries, hike a mountain with my golden running ahead of me; laugh at the antics of my precious grandchildren.

Do we sometimes feel guilty at taking a day off and having fun or sleeping in? God is the Father of rest and delight and pleasure as He crafted us with the ability to have great joy.

God was so excited to celebrate the incarnation of His son on earth, that He crafted and designed in his honor a chandelier in the heavenlies for this special occasion. Imagine a Father saying, "I love you so much, I will give you a star for your birthday, and then the wealthiest kings of this small globe called earth will bring riches untold for your birthday present. I have arranged the heavenly host to sing a cantata, filling the sky, just to celebrate this moment, and all the earth will hear of your birthday party throughout all the generations."

Those he chose as the audience were the very ones who took care of sheep, the very symbol of His son--those who probably had hearts most ready to engage in  worship,  because nightly they delighted in the  display of splendor strewn across their ceiling, with twinklings, flurries of comets, galaxies waxing eloquent to the rhythm of their creator's bidding. These who had eyes to see and hearts to worship became the attendees of His celebratory party.

And so, I desire to have such eyes--to see His glory but to share in His pleasure in the natural course of my own life. To hear the melodies that daily display songs of praise in the creation He has made, to see His very fingerprints in the eyes and souls of the precious ones in my home.

And so, in His honor, I bring light into our own personal darkness where we also live in the fallen place, a palette of color into the humble outpost of our daily lives and worship, and we host non-stop melodies proclaiming this momentous occasion--the beginning of light into darkness, redemption of all sin and hurt and failure, the conquering of death through life, and the inception of light snuffing out all darkness.

A mother, the civilizer of life, the artist by His side as Wisdom, "a master workman, daily His delight." (Proverbs 8: 30)

There is a life and hope and energy in this celebrating. It brings all earthly struggles into perspective, a baby bringing life that would conquer all ills, calm all storms, wrest all evil powers, heal all wounds.

"And His name shall be called Wonderful,  Counselor, the mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."

And so my little room becomes a place of worship each morning--just me and Him, as I ponder His goodness and delight in crafting such a world for our mutual pleasure. And now my heart is filled for my day and all that it will bring, and it will spill over in all the moments of my day, the daily rhythms for having been in His presence and celebrated one more time.

FOR MORE

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• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

A Wise Woman Rests

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“For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said, ‘In repentance and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.” Isaiah 30:7a
Storms, snow, crisis in so many areas has created for all of us more stress, more to manage.. Combined with tragic national news, an exceedingly challenging lifestyle, constant demands from children and loved ones, bills, woman can  start to grumble and stew and spew, placing a lot of energy, worry and fear into the constantly demanding issues of our lives.  And then we fret. And the pslams tell us that fretting leads to evil doing! Often grumpiness and harshness overcomes our souls as a byproduct of the days we are living.

Resting seems the last option. Yet, God says in rest, quietness, and trust we will find His strength.

He also says:

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men prosper in their ways, when they carry out wicked schemes. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret, it leads only to evildoing.

Jesus told us not to worry.

And which of you by worrying can add a day to his life’s span? Luke 12:25
Fear. Fretting. Darkness. These can plague our inner hearts.

Yet, Christ says, not to worry.

When we carry the illusion that we can control life, we are frustrated at every turn because life is different than we planned.  The last thing that seems productive when life is busy and overwhelming is to rest. Yet, rest may very well be the most strategic thing to do during this season of history in our lives.

Be still, and know that I am God! Psalm 46:10

There is more going on in the world, in the heavenliness than we can see. God is still on his throne. He would have us be still, quiet our fears, calm our anxious hearts.

When I was younger, there were times I thought life was so overwhelming and it seemed as I couldn't make it as a mom and tears were close to my eyes. But I remember that a sweet friend of mine said, "Don't think about it today. I am going to pick up your children and have them spend the night with me. You need to eat chocolate, watch a great, romantic movie, sleep long, spend tomorrow at leisure--and housework is not allowed. Then do the same thing for one more day and come back when the weekend is over.  We will talk about how you are feeling."

A miracle happened. Rest was what I most needed. I felt so much better about my life, loved my children anew and found hope--all because I just needed a little break.

Without giving ourselves time to rest, we can end up with serious illness, exhaustion, bad attitudes and fist shaking faith aimed heavenly--and then fretting about our lives.

As I have said before, "Fretting leads only to evil doing."

God put Sabbath Rest into the weeks of our lives with a purpose. I have found that when I believe and engage my heart in the goodness of God's character, and put out of my mind, after praying, all that I am carrying and just seek to be still and find joy, I see the miracles bubbling up slowly, surely, as He, my Father, delights to provide.

However, a Martha heart is often wont to see the miracles, as she is so busy living in the whirlwind of her own meek provisions, she loses all hope and becomes a wretched nag.

The more exhausted I am with life, the more tense, grumpy and tight I become and it spills all over everyone else.

Finding myself at a juncture of exhaustion from giving all that I had the last few weeks, I find that somehow when I try to figure out all of the responsibilities of the next few months, which are huge, I am tempted to be overwhelmed.

Yet, from so many times like this in the past, I have learned a secret. My Prince Jesus comes to me at just the right time, but like the story of Sleeping Beauty, the prince comes, not when she is searching the horizon, pounding her fists, running the floor, but when she is doing nothing but resting.

Resting in Him, choosing peace and putting off responsibilities and recreating is sometimes such grand medicine for my soul, that after choosing to rest and to invest in fun and love and ease of life, my strength is renewed and all issues are able to be faced with grace. I know busyness is coming, but I will face it with courage later if I rest today.

And so today, my plan is to go back to bed, to pace leisurely through the pathway of the next few days, to sip and really taste my coffee  and my tea!--And, to just sit and listen to my sweet ones at home, and focus on the beauty of their light filled eyes, to stay in comfy clothes all day, to read and pray, and then maybe to rest again, because I know that while I am resting, my Prince is already coming to my rescue.

Peace, be still, the Lord is near.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

FOR MORE

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• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Can I Leap Over This Wall?

“For by You I can run upon a troop; And by my God I can leap over a wall.”

~ Psalm 18:29

All of us have walls in our lives--walls that seem to stop our forward motion. If only I could have more money, had more help, had more friends, wasn't plagued by this illness or difficult marriage, or or or.

I am a Pollyanna at heart and love peace and lack of contention and for everyone and everything in my wake to be in harmony, but most of my life has been just the opposite--and every woman's life is filled with disharmony-fusses, messes, bills, discontent, meanness, injustice.

But, the glory of a woman who has Christ in her life is to mount up over that wall--to, by God's grace, leap up over the obstacles--to see HIm take us through. If we believe in Him and His reality, we have no other choice than to live by that reality, regardless of our feelings, our circumstances, or our friend's or the world's opinion of our circumstances. It is to God's glory for us to live supernaturally.

My life's call is to make Him a reality, to accept the limitations of my own life in my own story and mount over those limitations by my God. To do the impossible because "All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me."

The reason I have loved the stories of David from the Bible over the years, is that he mounted up over so many walls--and no matter what, he embraced God and believed that He was good. He wrote songs about Him, worshiped Him, and always believed God listened to his prayers. Even though his brothers looked down on him; the king whose kingdom he saved was against him; his wife turned against him and eventually left him;  he was sought for years and years by Saul and his army to be killed, all of his children and family were kidnapped by Philistines; his own son mounted an army and an attack against him; friends deserted him— yet in all this, David chose to be resilient, and wrote, "By my God, I can leap over a wall.”

Because of this heart, a God-fast heart, he was chosen by God to have an inheritance forever, to be known as
”David, a man after God's heart.”

And so, it is to the honor of a Godly woman, in the presence of her children and friends, to mount up over the walls in her life with joy that comes from obedience; with strength that comes from trusting God; with beauty that comes from choosing to believe in God's goodness and light in the midst of darkness.

It is why I chose to write Dancing with My Father---finding joy in a fallen world. It will probably be my magnum opus and my goal for life--to remain joyful, faithful, life-giving and strong, even when I feel weak or discouraged, because I am holding the hand of one who can mount up over any obstacle and will bless me and help me as I wait on Him.

If we say we are believers and servants of Christ, then our lives should be more excellent because He is the pinnacle of excellence and lives inside of us and through us. But, when the walls are there, the secret is not to look at the wall in fear, but to have a heart that goes to Him and worships Him and says, "God, if you put this wall here, show me your way, your purpose, your strength, that in the story of my life, I may live faithfully at every point, every temptation, every test, and that now I may with grace, leap over this wall."

Dancing with My Heavenly Father: Choosing Joy in a Less-Than-Perfect World

By Clarkson, Sally

Mentoring With Integrity & Truth: Awaking Wonder, Chapter 3

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Integrity:

Soundness of moral principle and character; entire uprightness or fidelity, especially in regard to truth and fair dealing. purity, correctness, blamelessness.

What is a woman to believe? What is true and what is just propaganda or at least not true? Which side to take?

There are so many issues and decisions and historical events swirling around and creating havoc, just like these cold arctic storms. Many women have written me messages and asked me to weigh in on all of the issues at hand. Of course I have my own opinions as I am a reader and I study, listen to other people I think are wise and live by my biblical values. But, I choose not to make them my main message because I want, most of all, to help encourage friends to learn how to think truly, biblically, and to act with conviction, based on wisdom and knowledge.

The starting point of us influencing anyone, children, co-workers, husbands, friends, begins with our own integrity of life and thought. Does our life hold together with wisdom? Do we have health in our spiritual life because we choose to build wisdom from His word. Does our behavior and character match up with our message? Do we serve others in such a way that they find our messages believable and true.

Awaking Wonder and passing on a legacy of inspiration and understanding begins with us embodying in all the areas of our life what we want to pass on.

In today’s podcast I talk about making your life whole in mind, body, character and actions so that those who listen to you have a virtuous, good, right model to follow.

Jesus said, “The student when fully trained will be like his teacher.”

And so, those who follow us, and our children who look to us as teacher, call us to become our best selves out of the accountability they hold us to as we model truth in front of them.

Listen to the podcast today and tell me what you think.

Books Referenced In This Podcast:

Awaking Wonder: Opening Your Child's Heart to the Beauty of Learning

By Clarkson, Sally

Buy on Amazon

The Awaking Wonder Experience: A Guided Companion

By Clarkson, Sally, Clarkson, Clay

Buy on Amazon

FOR MORE

• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Living With The End In Mind: Own Your Life, Chapter 4

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If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied.But the fact is, Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who are asleep. I Corinthians 15:19-29

Every year for the past 5 years, I have been in England for the glorious revealing of thousands and thousands of daffodils that bloom in mid to late February. It is one of my highlights of the year. But this year, I needed to return to Colorado to apply for a new visa and I was so disappointed that I would miss them. As Joy and I were walking one last time in the University Parks, we came around a corner and it was as if an angel had planted some in the fields to come up early. So I was able to see these wonders coming up.

Daffodils remind me that spring is coming. That winter will not last forever. It is a picture of the inevitable resurrection of Christ—the power of His life that nothing will hold away. Spring is a picture of that life.

If having ideals as a woman, living to pour out your life for others, is only a false ideal with no real consequence, only for this life, this fallen world, then as Paul says, we are of all people to be most pitied.

But we live our ideals because we believe that our King is coming, that our worship of Him in all the ways we bring His life into our world is not in vain but is bring His kingdom come now in this moment of time. We are steadfast because we believe, we are faithful because we want others to know His love, His goodness, His redemption.

Join me on my podcast today as I speak about why we choose to live with our hearts on fire, with our weary souls seeking one more day to worship, to sing, to be alive with His truths. We live with the end in mind, that our stories will be told throughout eternity, that He will wipe away every tear, He cares that we care for the children, friends, husbands He has entrusted into our hands.

Spring, the celebration of life renewed is coming and we live each day in hope for that moment. Keep hoping friends, keep singing. His coming, His life anew is sure.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

FOR MORE

• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

A Family Culture of Love

 “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”

~ I Peter 4:8

 Six of us were tucked here and there between blankets on couches, with mugs of hot chocolate and marshmallows in hand and enjoying the crackling fire in our den. A freezing December day, with snow falling heavily outside, we sat warm in body and soul in the fine company of each other.

Gathering all my children home, from far corners of the world over the holidays, was just the gift I needed to fill my heart that long-ago Christmas.

After a seeming heavy sigh of great relief, one of my boys said, “You know, almost everyone I have met in my world of work comes from some kind of a broken background of abuse or divorce or unhappiness. And the background of instability and pain seems to paralyze them in so many ways. I hardly know anyone who came from a healthy background in their family.”

“It is so great to be back on our family culture of love—no matter what conflict or difficulty or failure or attitude, I know I can come home to unconditional love and have all of you here to support me, to accept me, to help me. What a grace to grow up in a family culture of unconditional love. I never knew how blessed our family was until I left home. We have so very much to celebrate together now that we are together again. I am so happy to be here to be able to restore.”

A Culture of Love—I had never thought of it that way, but it spoke volumes to my mother heart. All of us as families create a family culture of some kind. The traditions we keep, the meals we make, the routines we practice, the values we espouse and hold, the movies that are our favorites, the church we attend, the generosity we practice, the way we invest time, the company we keep—all of these come together to craft our particular family culture. We can also inadvertently create a family culture that is negative—a culture of anger, neglect, guilt, discord, disharmony, worldly values, and so on.

I have realized over many years that crafting a culture of love requires that I, as a mom, become the conductor of a loving and generous heart that leads all of my children to understand gracious, generous, sacrificial, validating, forgiving love. To create such a culture requires planning, intention, mature responses, words of life and affirmation, patience, and just lots and lots of unconditional love.

So often, we as moms are caught up in the immediate things—getting the tasks done, housework, homework, bills paid, child discipline.  Yet, it is the air our children breathe, the foundations we live by that will attach their hearts to ours and ultimately, potentially, to God.

True influence and discipleship is formed intentionally by modeling ourselves after the ultimate lover—Jesus. He who bowed his knees to wash 120 toes, to embrace sweet, wiggly children who were clamoring for attention, who touched the prostitute and gave her grace, who gave Peter, his own failing disciple, hope and affirmation even in the midst of his failures on the night He was crucified, and then ultimately gave everything, out of love, for our redemption—He becomes our own source and inspiration of what it is like to form a culture of love.

Valentine’s Day is a great day to celebrate love and to do something intentionally to build on our family culture of love. To be loved is a longing, a desire and need to our hearts as much as oxygen is to our lungs. To thrive and live productively, we all need love. God underlines the value of love over and over again in scripture…

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lays down his life for a friend.”

“These are the two greatest commandments, to love the Lord your God and to love your neighbor as yourself.”

“God is love.”

“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

“Faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love.”

“Love is a perfect bond of unity.”

I wish you God's gracious, unconditional love and peace to have a lovely day with those you love!

Free From Guilt: Living Into God's Unchanging Love

There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8: 1

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Sally,

I am so thankful for your blog and podcast, and your books have been such a blessing in my life. I consider you my mentor though you do not know me personally. I’m sure this is the wrong “forum” to ask a question, and if you do not respond I understand. But I dare to ask anyway.

What do you do when your life doesn’t come close to how you believe it should look?

I read your words and I’m thankful for the vision you cast. But for some time the vision I have for my home seems so far from my reality and I have no idea how to reconcile the two, even in my mind. Discouragement and frustration have started to seep in.

As a mama of three little boys, a homeschool mother, and a pastor’s wife, I don’t believe there is enough of me to go around and I’m starting to feel like I can’t even cover the basics, much less enjoy the riches of this season. I’m sure this is just part of the journey and a part of life that every wife and mother must face, but I don’t want to end up taking the wrong path because I gave up hope for the best.

I feel guilty for more and more things – what I cook (or don’t cook), allowing my children too  watch TV too much or play the Wii too long, not teaching them well or enough or the right things, not keeping up with just the daily things that make a house run, letting down those that I love most. Is there a way to hit the reset button and just start over once you’ve allowed habits to form in yourself and your children that you don’t like? I believe God’s grace is enough. And I value wisdom from those I know have walked this path and stayed on course."

Signed,

Discouraged

There are so many issues to address in this letter. And yet, I think all women can feel the inadequacy of not living up to all of their ideals or to the ideals that culture tells them they should have. A working woman, a single mom, any stay at home person, those raising children without in house support systems is often messy, demanding and overwhelming. There are lists that all of us keep that are impossible, often to, to complete.

I learned that that was in some ways normal life for a mama. So one part of life is accepting that it will always be demanding, it is a long distance race and that the process of growing up doesn't always look neat. 

Countless times, I felt like I was not accomplishing anything productive. This is such a hard job, to love, educate and help shape our children's faith. It is especially challenging in a culture that offers so much differing advice that brings voices into our heads, which then that produces guilt and inadequacy. This same culture is isolationist and  provides few support systems or Biblical direction.

However, unless we learn to think rightly about ourselves, we will listen to the voices of condemnation and pay attention to the pointing fingers that say we are not enough and it will indeed influence how we live. 

So many moms feel this way, but feelings do not necessarily determine reality! Not one of us will ever be perfect and we will all have voices that condemn us for different reasons. I have failed, I have a terrible past, I was abused, I am angry, I am lazy, I don't feel love in my heart for those in my home, and on and on. 

The starting point for all of us, first of all, is to learn the habit of living in the reality of God's view of us, His very generous and gracious love for us at every moment and to avoid thoughts of condemnation, mess and all. I hope you will be encouraged by the podcast today, but I also am writing some truths that have helped me get back up when I have been going in a downward direction. 

Five principles have helped me when I am overwhelmed.

1. Remember. God is with you to help you succeed.

"If God is for you, who can be against you." God is for you--for you. He wants you to succeed. He wants to work in your home. We are not adequate to complete the task of shaping our children's hearts, minds and souls by ourselves. When God's Spirit is working in our midst, He will take our fish and loaves, all that we have to give to Him, within our own limitations and together with Him, our labor becomes enough. I lived into this principle, asked God to make up for my shortcomings every day, and by faith lived as though what He promised was true. He is for you, mamas, if your heart is to serve Him. He has compassion on you, knows your weariness, and is your champion.

2. "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1 There are always do-overs in God's economy. All of us mess up, (He is mindful that we are but dust! Psalm 103) Peter blew it royally when he denied Christ at his hour of need, but before he even sinned, Jesus knew what was going to happen, and told Peter he had prayed for him. Jesus had compassion before Peter had even committed the act of denying Christ.

I wonder why we have the illusion that we are supposed to be perfect. Mamas, don't be so hard on yourself and live within your limitations. You will not ever be perfect or do it totally right--not now, not next week, not even when you are 60! (Maybe when I am 70, I will be perfect1) And to live in guilt because you have blown it or yelled at your kids or made mistakes is a big drainer. Depression is often the result of disappointed expectations. And often we disappoint our ideals.

But this is the fallen world, and we will never be able to control ourselves, our circumstances, our children or the world the live in. We live in grace and move toward maturity little by little. And so do your children. I promise, little by little they will grow up.

And your children will never be perfect, either. Love them as they are. Believe in them, touch them. Let little boys be boys, as you train them little by little to be heroes and leaders--civilization comes from a mama who treats them with respect, and gives them a heart to be dignified.

Let little ones be innocent and enter into their stages of life with joy.

Living in the grace and knowledge that God forgives, knows our limitations, is not surprised or disappointed, but wanting to give us hope is so very crucial. Don't listen to the accusers voice. Of course you have fallen short--you are a mom and you are human.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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