Being Led by the Spirit in Parenting

Many times when I talk to parents, they want me to tell them exactly how they should handle whatever difficulty they are facing with their child. This is understandable, because it would be way more comfortable to have a written rule about how to respond in each circumstance so we could be assured of always doing the right thing. However, God seems to want us to need His guidance day by day, and to use what we know of ourselves and our children to make decisions.

The reality is that Scripture does not provide a systematic doctrine of child-raising. Instead, what we have is partial, anecdotal, and somewhat random. There are enough biblical cues and clues to discern what God wants us to know about parenting, but from my study it seems clear that He has purposely left the subject incomplete—He leaves it to our discretion to take the pieces He provides and make the whole. Why? I believe He doesn’t want us enslaved by conformity to only one “right way” of child raising; he wants us free in Christ to parent in the power of the Holy Spirit by faith. Faith and freedom should be the nature of our life in the Spirit, and it should be the nature of our life at home as parents.

Perhaps you’re continuing a journey you’re already on and are just looking for new parenting ideas. Perhaps you’re stepping onto the path of lifegiving parenting for the first time, looking for God’s direction for your home. Or perhaps you’re considering a new paradigm for your Christian home—moving from a legalistic model of form and function to a lifegiving model of faith and freedom. However you come to lifegiving parenting, and whatever it leads you to do in your home, keep Paul’s admonition in mind: “The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17, NIV). You’re free in God’s Spirit to discover what is right for your home.

Tea Time Tuesday: Celebration Is Sacred

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“Come, Let us have tea and speak of happy things.”

I have made it a habit, a life value, to attempt to lead my family in the direction of happiness and joy through the rhythms we live out daily. Why? Because it is a sort of defense against difficult times. Even scripture teaches us that.

7 So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this!

Ecc. 9:7

As many of you know, last week, our family took the trek to Scotland to celebrate Joy, my daughter. We heralded her accomplishments by finishing her PHD. Celebrating those we love is a sacred practice. When we value a person, speak well of them, affirm their worth, cherish their lives, we are imprinting their brains with the message that they matter, they have significance in this world, God has created them with purpose and meaning to His story in the world. But celebration takes time and energy and planning.

On today’s tea time Tuesday podcast, I speak of the week in Scotland, food we ate, etc. Enjoy!

We made a very long, trip to Scotland, got an Airb&b, bought flowers, hosted a donut and coffee open house one morning, attended several garden parties hosted by the school, wrote cards, met friends, walked literally thousands and thousands of steps (over 5 miles a day), and prayed for Joy. These celebrations hold our children fast to the ideals of our faith, love, family and give foundations to their lives.

Lockdown held other sacred times for our family. The rhythms we have kept through all of our years no matter where we moved, what the place, became really fun for us. We ate long meals by candlelight every night. We walked for miles together along the Oxford canals and sat on benches in the parks being friends. We watched several television series at night and a few comedies that delighted us together.

The dance of life goes on--one more generation anew will have their turn to make it beautiful and now my time to invest, to love and encourage is less than it used to be. Remember, my friends, today, you are living and writing the story of your life, crafting the legacy you will leave to generations to follow.

Through all seasons, we whisk here and there in a hurry to "get it all done." But, I am now in the position of being the one to say, "before you know it, the early years of motherhood come to an end, and you have no more days to enjoy your son or daughter as a child."

This year, I intentionally made time, even when I did not feel like I had it, to make more memories--to live in the moments when I could share real life--look into their eyes, share in the deepest expression of their hearts  because I know the season was about to pass.

We will never have this year, this day, this moment in which to invest again—it will be fleeting and over, as one spring marks another, one autumn tells of us another season or winter a year soon to be past.

Today is the day in which I may pour out love, Inspiration, serving and touching hearts, pointing in this moment of glory, to the divine Creator. Teaching what is true and right and good. Modeling faith.

I understood, from their first days, that

A real, little human being, requires personal attention as a flower needs real water.  

When this day is past, I must hope that I have used it well and invested wisely because I will never have it to live over again, and soon, very soon, the autumn of motherhood will remind us, that this season is almost over.

Remember: Only the wise can dance to the rhythm of life!

May you listen to the music of each season, and dance elegantly the dance God has granted you within your home.

*****************************************


You Will Never Be Enough

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We are all in the business of telling a story with our lives. Sometimes emotional storm clouds gather around us and threaten to destroy the goodness of the story we are trying to live out.

As we get older, sometimes we let voices other than God’s begin to narrate our lives. My own life and children have never been flawless.

For many years I allowed critical voices from family and friends dictate how I viewed myself and my story.

"You have made so many mistakes in your past, you can never make up for it."

"Why do you always think of the craziest things to believe and then follow these crazy ideals? You are going to fail and your children will be injured by your lack of wisdom."

"You fail so often. What right have you to speak or write? If people really knew how flawed and selfish you are at times, they would never want to listen to what you have to say."

"You are not doing enough as a mom and your children are never going to love God or be educated well, because you never accomplish all that you set out to do."

We all have voices in our heads that speak of flaws, fears, guilt, anger--and these thoughts can sometimes take over and bring darkness to our souls.

Culture became a significant voice in my life constantly making me feel ostracized and uncertain of my countercultural decisions. Often our critics are our own family members and "believers" in our own arenas. I call them Job's friends--ready to blame  for the things that are going wrong in life when actually God is working at greater purposes.

When we begin to weigh others’ words more heavily than God’s Word, we begin to rehearse narratives about our lives that may not be true. And often, we do not live fruitful or faith-filled Christian lives because instead of looking at God's great capacity to live through us and to accomplish more than we ever could alone, we measure our abilities by our sinful, fallen and flawed self.

Spiritual strength is only found with the Spirit of God living through us--not by us grunting out a works based life that will never measure up. We will never be perfect or adequate on our own, but we are adequate when we walk by faith and live into God's provision for strength, joy, growth and wisdom.

If we are truly to own our lives, we must begin by owning our story and identity spoken to us by our living, loving God.

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What Does Your Family Symphony Sound Like?

Several years ago, I found myself reminiscing as I stood at the sink making the usual preparations for another of our annual Family Days. As our family has grown and flown, so to speak, we find it more difficult to gather all at once, and yet the effort continues to be made. We usually find at least a day or two we can all overlap and gather to share memories and just enjoy being together! Every year, there are more reasons to be grateful for our love for one another and our ability to share it. Have you ever considered the sounds of your own family symphony?

I remember other times in the past that hail to the times we are soon to have once again....

“Just left the freeway. Home in minutes.”

Nathan’s text set off a familiar flurry of activity as I hurried through the house, eager to complete every preparation before the car headlights bounced off the front windows.

Candles lit.
Check.
Favorite acoustic music playing.
Check.
House straightened.
Check.
Dinner on the stove, cookies in the oven.
Check. (It smelled wonderful!)

Joy, our youngest, was coming home from a semester abroad, her first stint to be overseas by herself for four months. Joel and Nate had been dispatched to travel the familiar hour of highway to the Denver airport and had sent the text as soon as they exited on County Line Road, two miles from our home. I had just enough time to light the lantern at the front door and write “Welcome Home, Joy!” on the small slate board in chalk colors of red and blue.

Standing just inside the door, I paused and looked behind me at the waiting house, my appreciation refreshed by seeing it through the eyes of someone who has been away. I so love this place that my family calls home, that embodies so much of what we have come to think of as “the Clarkson ways.”

Each piece of furniture, each architectural detail, each tradition and ritual sings to us of beauty, safety, and growth—and of the vision, planning, thought, and artistry that went into fleshing out the vision of home that captivated me from the very beginning.

Even as an orchestra needs a conductor to choose the music, lead rehearsals, and unite all of the instruments into a harmonious sound, so every home needs someone who conducts what I call the life music of a home—its atmosphere. The one who conducts is responsible for bringing out the swelling themes, the steady bass notes, the drama of percussion kept in its place, the soaring melodies and intricate counterparts—all the instruments sounding together in a symphony of grace.

In our home, for the most point, the conductor of life within its walls is me. This is the role I have chosen, the role that suits me best, though my husband, Clay, adds his own unique rhythms and melodies and the whole family helps perform the ultimate creation of our shared life. And even as an orchestra must practice the music—with mistakes and interruptions scattered along the way—so our home building has been a process that will take a lifetime to perfect.


Wisdom, Agency & Capacity for a Blessed Life

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If the moments of your day have gone awry, simply take time for a warm cup of tea and delectable cake, breathe in peace for a few minutes, and start life afresh, now centered and at peace! SBC

I’m off to magical, mysterious, mystical Scotland to honor Joy’s graduation of her PHD. It is the first ceremony of the school for several years! What an accomplishment and finally we can celebrate. St. Andrews has a captivating influence on me and I am always tearful when I have to leave.

Meanwhile, I have been pondering women’s amazing capacity to live life to the fullest by living fully into one’s capacity, with wisdom, and using agency to spend the coins of ones life on what matters. As I have watched my girls flourish as women and as professionals, I see them stretching into the women God made them to be. I absolutely love women of every background, story and personality and want to champion them all.

Today, I celebrate other women—composer, author, cook, who have become influencers in their own fields by using wisdom to access their potentials. (Women I have grown to admire.)

I’ll eat a bit of fish and chips, feast and chat with many and cherish every moment.

Still praying for a proper house to come our way. Keep us in your prayers.

And do let me know what is up in your world and how I can pray for you.

Happy Week to all.

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Summer is For Memories, Creating Fun, Enjoying Life & Not for Complaining

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Summer is for fun.

This season will pass quickly, take time to celebrate life—have fun, create memories and refuel.

A stark memory rests in my mind from when I was a little girl that has never gone away. There was a woman in my life, (I’ll call her Frau Grumpy).

She followed most of life with clouds hanging over her demeanor— complaining, carrying around an Eeyore sort of  "chip on her shoulder, she never ceased to sigh deeply, after almost everything she said. Supposedly she was a mature believer who had been a "committed" Christian since childhood. Yet, she  always made me feel discouraged when I would go to her home as a child. Her spirit depleted those of us who had to spend time with her and also made me feel that it would be easy to disappoint her because everything around her did not meet up to her standards.

When at home recently, I was having a quiet time with the Lord, and He brought this to mind. I realized that this woman had high ideals, but her ideals did not include having a grateful, contented heart. And so, the spirit she cast on all that were in her wake was one of complaining and whining.

In this fallen world of ours, it is very easy to become disappointed with almost everything around us--the media, the television shows, the movies, politics, disasters, the lack of morality in our leaders, the economic crisis, people who compromise or are immature and disappoint us, and on and on. Many of us have very difficult circumstances to bear. Others have a terminally ill child. Marriage can be a place of strife and loneliness. Christians and family members can be our harshest critics. Yes, life can be extremely taxing. And, working through these obstacle courses of life can deplete us and has caused me considerable depression at times.

But what we practice on a daily basis when we face these trials, will determine, to some degree the legacy and memory we leave to those who know us well.

All of us must come to the conclusion at some point, that this is the "broken" place. This is the sphere in which sinful men have separated themselves from God's original design. Here, Satan prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may destroy. We should live to expect this as the place of warfare for the kingdom of God, and take up our arms as His soldiers to fight our battles with courage and faith.

But what we practice we will become. If we practice fear--being afraid what life could bring our way; or what may happen to our children at this point in history;  or what if we go under financially;  or what if my child who is learning to drive has a wreck on the freeway; etc., then we will become  even more fearful and frozen in our ability to trust God.

If we practice criticism of others, complaining and seeing others with a judgmental attitude, we will become even more harsh and critical, unloving and self-centered.

If we practice living in guilt and inadequacy, we will become small in our own minds and not enjoy God's grace and unconditional love.

Whatever we water in the souls of our hearts will certainly grow. And if we water these "weeds" in the garden of our souls, they will certainly take over and devastate the crop of faith, love, thankfulness, grace, joy.

And if we practice these attitudes of "sin", our children will certainly follow our lead and become immature in the same areas of our own lives. What we sow, we will indeed reap, in our lives and in theirs.

What do you cherish in your heart and feel the right to engage in? Is is healthy? Is it producing life and peace? Observe and see what you are allowing your heart to engage in, because what you cherish will determine what your heart will produce. I share some of my pondering about this on my podcast today. I hope it encourages you.


Some Company-Favorite Recipes You Might Try this Weekend!

As I ponder food for guests this weekend, I have been wondering where in Oxford I could find my pork tenderloin or pork roast that I have often served when I have a full table of hungry peeps. This is one of those 2 meal recipes—first one as warm roast. Second one as sandwiches. This is a hearty meal. In our house, food was always the frame that enhanced the picture of our shared days. I thought I would share with you a favorite family meal, starring my own roast pork concoction. I love making it because it’s simple, satisfying, and impressive. Since the children were little, we have traditionally sipped sparkling white or red grape juice with this meal.

Pork Roast à la Sally
This recipe is always a hit for crowds or for my kids, and so very easy to make. The meat is luscious and just falls apart. I have a great source for natural, organic pork, which I recommend if you can find it. We don’t have this meal often, but when we do, it is a real treat.

1 1⁄2–2 cups apple juice
1 tablespoon minced garlic or 1 teaspoon garlic paste
1 1-ounce envelope dry onion soup mix (from a 2-ounce box) 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1–2 pork loins or a pork roast (about 4 pounds total) to fit your slow cooker
4 apples, sliced thinly (Sometimes I peel them; sometimes I don’t.)
2 onions, sliced thinly
1⁄2–3⁄4 cup dried cherries, optional (Some don’t like these in the recipe, but most of my family loves them.)

Sea salt and pepper to taste

1⁄4 cup cornstarch or flour, optional 1⁄4 cup cold water, optional

Stir apple juice, garlic, soup mix, and Worcestershire sauce together in a slow cooker. Place the pork loins (or roast) in the sauce. Cover the meat with apples and onions and sprinkle the dried cherries over the top. Put lid on and cook 6–8 hours on low. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve meat with vegetables and fruit. If you would like a gravy, strain the leftover liquid into a small saucepan, skim off any fat, and heat. Stir the cornstarch or flour and cold water together in a cup until all the lumps are dissolved, then whisk mixture into the pan juices. Stir constantly over medium heat until thickened.

Below are my mashed potatoes and steamed green bean recipes. What are your company meals that please and fill up a crowd?

Serves 6–8.

Mashed Potatoes
I almost always use red potatoes these days because they have less sugar when cooked. I also use a pressure cooker and do them in four minutes. (See your pressure-cooker manual for instructions.) But you can also choose to cook them in a saucepan, as directed below. Adding chicken bouillon to the potatoes gives them a wonderfully rich taste and allows you to use less butter.

6–8 large red potatoes, cut into 1-inch pieces (We don’t peel ours, but you can if you want to.)

Water to cover
1–2 teaspoons condensed chicken bouillon or base
2 tablespoons butter, or to taste
1⁄2–1 cup milk (or cream for richness), to taste Sea salt and pepper to taste

Cover cubed potatoes with water in a large saucepan. Bring water to boil over high heat. Cover, reduce heat, and cook 15–20 minutes, until potato chunks are soft. Drain water from the potatoes. Add the chicken bouillon and butter. Mash with a hand masher or whip with a handheld mixer, stirring in milk or cream a little at a time as you mash. They will absorb the liquid, so add whatever amount you need to make the potatoes the desired consistency. Salt and pepper to taste.

Serves 6–8.

Steamed Green Beans
Even folks who hate vegetables have been known to enjoy these. I love to use fresh beans whenever possible, but whole frozen ones will also work. And the very same cooking technique will work for asparagus!

11⁄2–2 pounds fresh, whole green beans or approximately 24 ounces frozen ones (2 12-ounce or 11⁄2 16-ounce packages)

Fresh or dried herbs (rosemary, thyme, summer savory, dill, or whatever you like)

1–2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil or to taste

Sea salt to taste
Thinly sliced raw almonds, optional

If using fresh green beans, snap off the ends and pull off any strings. Rinse and place in a steamer basket over boiling water. Sprinkle with herbs, then cover and steam until just tender. Toss them in olive oil and sprinkle lightly with sea salt. If desired, sprinkle the sliced raw almonds on top of the dish before serving.

Serves 6–8

Cheers to Queen Elizabeth!

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Cheers to Queen Elizabeth!

Miss Tea Cup and I found ourselves face to face with the queen herself and we gave her a toast and well wishes. What fun we had.

What an amazing lady. I have had fun the past few days reading her bio, searching out stories, reading her Christmas talks and enjoying the wise, seasoned woman who has lived a faithful, generous life.

Encouraged by her parents to see her life as a stewardship from God Himself, when she was crowned, this was her speech:

'Pray for me … that God may give me wisdom and strength to carry out the solemn promises I shall be making, and that I may faithfully serve Him and you, all the days of my life.’

Collecting some of these favorites of hers, (favorite music, author, food, and especially her favorite tea!) finding details about her life was the source of Tea Time Tuesday podcast today. Enjoy and celebrate with me, one whose life has so much wisdom and experience to fill our own vision for life.

Every day, wherever she was in the world, she stopped for tea—perhaps that is what made her wise! A little civilized time to stop to figure out the wisest ways to handle her life. Always, her tea time was exercised with a scone, Jam (first on the bottom) and then clotted cream. Listen and find out what her favorite tea was!

Enjoy and let me know what others would say was your favorite desert, music, food, author and especially what is your afternoon habit for tea? Mug? Cup and saucer? What flavor, brand? Do you allow yourself a bit of a “sweetie”—cake, scone, chocolate? Whatever else your day holds, stop for a spot of tea and treat yourself—as the queen did!

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Heritage: A Place to Belong

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“Our heritage and ideals, our code and standards - the things we live by and teach our children - are preserved or diminished by how freely we exchange ideas and feelings.” -Walt Disney

Every birthday of every person of every year found the Clarksons gathered for an elaborate morning breakfast, delighting in the food, conversation and belonging together. Following the feast was verbalizing the amazing and wonderful character qualities that we appreciated about the birthday person. Everyone participated and then we prayed for their year. We still do it whenever we are together. We were building a heritage.

Heritage: Belonging or becoming a part of a specific society or culture by cultivating traditions, repeating the stories of a group’s past, while valuing common foods, languages, life practices that help define the people who are a part of that culture.

Cultural heritage gives our lives historical significance and helps define the legacy we will carry on to the generations yet to come. When a child has a sense of his family culture, the traditions they practice over a lifetime, it provides a sense of confidence in who he or she is and what light and goodness that culture has brought to the world.

If we just focus on performance (grades, test scores, accomplishments) in the lives of our children, we do not provide the roots that will help them become stable as they live well into their story in the world. Roots are deepened over time and require watering, protection, the right environment in which to grow.

Clarksons’ heritage and culture is built on many things:

*We are a people of words and ideas and have spent thousands of hours talking, discussing ideas, reading to build this heritage.

*We are a people of feasting, of writing, of music,

*We are a people of faith in the living, personal Christ who companions us every day

*We are a people of creation, nature, seeing the artist God every day in His world

What is your heritage? What helps give your children meaning and history? Build a sense of belonging today.

Today, I talked with my friend, Amber O’Neil Johnston, about her new book, A Place to Belong, that speaks so beautifully of how to build a sense of family heritage and how to celebrate the stories that make us ourselves. This book beautifully casts a vision for our deep need to belong and to find meaning in our family’s personal stories.

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Tea Time Tuesday: Courage Will Lead us Forward: Daniel

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“A cup of tea is a brilliant excuse to take a little time to think over what matters in life.” -Anon

Darcy dog, Miss Tea Cup, and I sat out on my front porch, lilacs in bloom (the deer ate the bottom ones!) with music dancing in my ear, and we all gave life a “think.” Taking time to ponder life and to lift it up before God adds to the wisdom and peace of your soul.

As I was about to podcast, I moved to my deck on the back of our house, and there but 25 feet away was a large black bear ambling through the trees near my house. I quickly decided that maybe I would record my podcast indoors! You can hear the story of our wildlife this week on my podcast today.

Courage is a word I have chosen to focus on in my own life and I will be talking about it a bit the next few weeks. All of us can feel quite overwhelmed by the darkness of circumstances around us. Yet, courage means: exercising mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. Courage gives us a path of action in this difficult world. Courage is training our children to develop spiritual muscle, to cultivate the self-image of being a hero in their lifetime in representing the story and reality of the Kingdom of God. It is in watching us as parents choose courage and practice faith and hopefulness in front of them where our children, neighbors, and friends will be inspired to live their own lives of courage.

I always told my children, “Perhaps you will become Daniels in your lifetime. Even though he was a prisoner, a refugee in Babylon, one of the most evil, pagan civilizations in the world, He had such a godly influence and exhibited such faith, that when he died, 65,000 people wanted to “worship the God of Daniel.”

My friends, we are raising Daniels in our homes, and in our Bible study groups. You have a choice to live with courage and to bring His light to bear in your world. (More on the podcast today.)

There are books, a recipe, a favorite song—so much I hope you enjoy today as you sip and think. Bless you, my friends.

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