Tea Time Tuesday will have to be on Wednesday this week! Look who met me at the airport in Denver and immediately brought me a heart full of joy with his big smile and silly shirt! There’s nothing I love more than being with my kids. I can’t wait to spend the next month with Nathan and my daughter-in-law Keelia — many deep talks, big laughs, and good meals are on the way.
Covering Imperfections With Grace
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For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
Ephesians 2:10
Buying flowers or cutting them in the wild has become a habit I keep to surround myself with the beauty that gives grace. This week, flowers came from friends, a shop, and I took time to breathe in their presence in my harried life every day. You see Sometimes, I find myself in a place where I want to run away—away from the challenges in relationships with my loved ones hurts me to the core and I want to give up or give in! Or run away from the constant needs and demands of life (cooking, cleaning, work of every kind and then all over again.) I would love to flee the dramatic (all children, it seems, must go through stages—starts out with toddlerhood, escalates in late elementary years, explodes with teens, grows more serious with young adults, and then there is the period of self-realization that takes place with all maturing young adults, without which, there will never be humility, an acceptance of the fallen world, a humility that learns to give other imperfect beings grace because they have realized they will never be perfect.) It’s ok to feel like sometimes life is just plain hard.
But in those moments, we must learn to give ourselves grace for ourselves or we will explode from unrealistic expectations. We are putting so much pressure on ourselves as mothers. Each time we find ourselves too busy to cook (so we opt for fast food), too exhausted to clean, or so hectic in our lives that we didn't do a devotional with our children one week, we feel absolutely defeated and believe that we somehow failed our children.
While it is incredibly wonderful to set our standards high and live within these great ideals, as I have said many times before,
We must hold ourselves to a standard of grace, not perfection.
Each of us is a miracle, a work of art, an expression of the artist God. If I really look at the beauty of my sweet ones, my family, my friends, beyond the irritating moments, I will be in awe of what sweetness God has shared with me. It is simple to see all the flaws in my children, my husband, and myself. And it would be easy for me to take the blame for their failures, since I am their mother, and responsible for training them! But that is not healthy or biblical.
Yet, I am practicing several commitments to help me see each person for who they are inside. And to bring a fresh wind of grace to each moment.
* Assume the best about people in your life and choose to love them according to their needs. Recognize that they are growing, struggling, and living with their imperfect selves.
My little one is not plotting to make my life miserable by being needy. My children express needs through crying and whining to let me know something doesn’t feel right in their world.
It is a grace for me to be patient and seek to bring comfort and, again, grace! Same with my teen, my adult child. Their motivation in life is not to frustrate me. They are frustrated with the imperfections of life, (of which I am one), but God encourages me to be long-suffering, patient, and humble if I am to identify with and understand Jesus. I am their coach who gets to encourage them through the frustration. My husband is not necessarily mad at me but he is frustrated with the bills, the long hours of work, the things that keep falling apart, my friends also have a context that may cause them, for the moment, to be frustrated or angry.
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Loving and Working with Our "Different" Children (with Amy Brown)
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The house was pitch black. I had to hold fast to the stair rail to be sure I didn't fall, in case I stumbled amidst the thick darkness. Three a.m. found me wide awake. I had gone to sleep exhausted at 10:00 p.m., but my heart was so burdened with worries, I had awakened. I needed time to pray. I did not turn on any lights because I needed privacy. I had so much to figure out.
On my knees, I sought to reach God, to find him amidst my questions. Through tears, I asked "God, why did you give me a little boy that is so hard to understand? I do not know what to do, how to reach him, how to have peace in my day. Please, God, help me."
Always when I tell stories about my sweet Nathan, moms say to me, "I have a Nathan!" What they always mean is, "I have a child who is challenging for me almost every day." Nathan is such an amazing blessing to me now, a best friend I talk to every day. Many of you know him through his books, as a writer/actor/producer of movies. But others of you who have followed us for years, know that he is my adhd, ocd, odd, dyslexic, other mysterious issues and my out of the box, bigger than life son.
As a little boy, Nate was always out of the box. When others walked on the sidewalk, he was on the grass, running around the bush, playing air fights with imaginary dragons, and living in a super man world in his mind. He wiggled, questioned, was loud and vibrant, fun, but loved great stories, literature, heroes and talking about them.
Many people labeled Nathan with consonants, vowels. Some said to spank him more. After years of studying him, trying to reach him, train him, understand him, I knew in my heart he had the making of a fine man. He needed love, patience, faith, time.
I learned over years how to love, encourage, train, confront, to slowly believe in his dreams. I prayed that God would help me support the person that God had designed him to be. I believed maybe God did make Nathan to go into the world to be a "superman"--his favorite childhood character--one who would come to our world, to save, help & redeem those who needed it.
Listen to my podcast today @takeheartspecialmoms
Tea Time Tuesday: I Betook Time for Myself
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After 4 days of constant busyness at a conference, caring for grandkids amidst the time, caring for one who had Covid, searching for a house amidst working through details for my next visa with lawyers, walking literally 6 miles a day back and forth, I was drained to my toenails. I made a quick, wise decision and told no one. I snuck out of the house, I betook myself to a lovely breakfast in an outdoor cafe and breathed in peace and centered myself for an hour and then jumped back into the wild of life.
And finally my life began to be centered, ideas flowed and peace ruled. Take time for yourself to sit, ponder and sip.
I have gotten used to these funny looking poached eggs that are thrown into boiling water with a bit of vinegar. Today, coffee instead of tea because no restaurant does tea as well as I do!
Golden Era of Children’s Literature:
Randolph Caldecott—illustrator
Honey Cakes
But really, really, really--the key to giving your children mental muscle power and an advantage in any kind of education, is to read aloud to that child. All research complies with this, all teachers and writers say this, Clay and I say it emphatically in our own book. Read first--read daily---turn off media and put away work books and before you do anything else, read out loud to them--and read out loud to them until they are 30! Do not think that just because they can read at 6 that you should make them read to themselves and stop reading out loud. Read to them because you get to share in mentoring, discussing ideas, your vocabulary is bigger and you can explain things and they develop better skills in thinking and writing and communicating when you read out loud.
Sarah provides another peek into the benefits of reading:
“Consider that for every children’s classic written, there are countless versions of it to be found within the minds of the children who read it, and no two of them are the same. The imagination of each child is unique, creating a new image to fit the words he or she reads. Because of this, to read a story is to set in motion a swift growth of new images within the mind of a child. Every book read adds to that stock of inner imagery so that a child who is a great reader has a mind crammed with landscapes and people, trees and fairies, castles and mountains unique to his or her own thought.”
― Sarah Clarkson, Caught Up in a Story: Fostering a Storyformed Life of Great Books & Imagination with Your Children
Go read a great story today, and enjoy as your brain and your children’s brains grow stronger just by enjoying the tale.
Join me today for Tea Time Tuesday and share it with your friends. Happy Tuesday!
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God Regards Our Love, Not Perfection
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“We ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed.” Brother Lawrence
The world is brimming over with philosophies and values that proclaim the importance of self-fulfillment, self-promotion, accomplishment, and status. Yet Jesus came as a common man, no title, a man of sorrows, and compassion. Jesus chose to humble Himself, as the ultimate servant king. "I am humble and meek," He said. He came not proclaiming His rights, but bowing his knee. He washed feet, touched lepers, embraced and caressed the least, precious children, who He deemed worthy of honor.
When we accept with open arms and hearts a precious little baby as from Him, and wash tiny hands and feet with love in our hearts, we are worshipping. When we hold, rock, sing and comfort a screaming babe in the middle of the night during an ear infection, we become the voice of Jesus.
When we stay up late to listen to the forlorn heart of a teen who is growing, stretching toward adulthood, pondering the injustices of the world, the imperfection of our own families, and extend grace, patience, and soothing, hopeful words, we become the patience, hope, compassion of Jesus.
Our multitudinous little tasks, washing one more dish, correcting one more attitude, kissing one more cheek, when given from a heart full of love for Him, pleases Him far more than if we made millions & had a title of strategic importance.
He sees in secret, He cherishes our hidden worship more than anything else we could give Him-the worship of serving His own children out of a servant heart, filled with love and gratitude for Him. In this is our treasure we lay up in heaven for His glory.
Nathan gave me the little figurine above on a Mother's Day many years ago -- (the boy holding out his heart) He said, "Mom, you held my heart in your hands and shaped it with your love every day, every task, every minute of serving us kids. And Mom, for that reason, you will always be there in my heart, speaking to me of all the treasures you poured in one day at a time."
Love Him today, love those He has given you to serve today.
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Tea Time Tuesday: Tea by the Tray
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A true friend intuitively knows when you need a cup of tea and a quiet place to talk and prepares a place for friendship to grow.
Last week was quite busy for me. It seems many people from the US are visiting Oxford right now. I have all sorts of work, people to meet with, my Bible study, meals for others in my home 3 nights in a row. It just happens that in the middle of the week, Clay told me that one of our friend’s college age children and 3 friends wanted to meet with us for tea while they were in Oxford.
My day had been over busy and I felt adrenalin rising as I rushed home from a meeting. I was met in my kitchen with a fully set tea tray, pastries from the local bakery, tea poured in china mugs, candles lit, music playing, candles flickering—all ready and just right. Clay, my husband had arranged it all ahead of time so that I wouldn’t have to do anything—I just didn’t know it ahead of time but was so relieved. Tea is such a part of our family rhythm and habits that He knew just what to do without any instruction.I did’t have to so much as lift a finger and could just enjoy our visit with friends.
Habits of grace, I call these rhythms that bring moments of civility into your day, or give pause and peace to your week.
Seasons of life seem to be changing for all in our family, and I am trying to figure out how it will reshape my days and my online ministry. As my local ministry continues to heat up, I have less time for other commitments. Monday night I hosted a dinner for my wonderful friends in my Bible study, Preparing and shopping, decorating for this dinner meant I did not have time to do a Tea Time Podcast this week. Yet, the time we spent together was so very precious, as many in our group are carrying heavy burdens and pressures, and we needed to be there for one another. What are the ways you have invested time this week on what mattered that may even have interrupted your planned schedule? People, sweet human beings, are the real centerpiece of the ministry God calls us to as we serve Him, not just tasks. Praying and figuring it all out, again, as I have through many seasons. How about you?
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Owning the Beautiful, Sacred Role of Motherhood
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Years ago, weary from caring for my two littles, Clay encouraged me to meet with a friend for coffee. She had teenagers, was older than me, so I paid attention to what she said.
“Sally, you are so talented in ministry, such a great speaker. Don’t have any more children. You have a girl and a boy. You don’t need any more kids. It would be a waste of your ministry skills and training to further distract yourself with the burden of more children.”
Something about her unsolicited, unexpected counsel, bothered me. I searched scripture about motherhood and children. “God blessed them; God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth ...’” (Genesis 1:28).
Eve’s name was “the mother of all the living”. Motherhood was an important part of God’s design for man & woman at the beginning. I had discipled adults, now I realized God created me as a mother to disciple my children, the future adults in my own home. The more I studied this topic in thirty-seven years of motherhood, the more I am convinced of the importance of a mother as a disciple maker. This inspired me to write many books on motherhood.
My friend had good intentions in giving her advice, but I knew that childbearing was imbued with eternal significance for me—raising children, bringing life to my home, and passing on a legacy of faith was part of God’s eternal design for my family.
There are many ways to invest your life and we are quite free to figure out, by faith, Gods way for us. Yet, my investment in my children as a strategic ministry of faith was no less important than the ministry I had outside of my home. This encounter, paved the way for us to decide to have more children, and for me to put aside some of the demands of public ministry in order to focus on personal ministry in my home. Of course I am exceedingly grateful for my Nathan and my Joy.
As a mother who has raised four children from birth into adulthood, engaging my life and faith in the lives of my children has been my most fulfilling, fruitful work. We all have different stories to live, yet I have not regretted the decision to do less ministry, have more children, and give myself fully to the work of raising them. It was challenging most days, but giving up my life to serve them was worth the cost.
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Being Led by the Spirit in Parenting
Many times when I talk to parents, they want me to tell them exactly how they should handle whatever difficulty they are facing with their child. This is understandable, because it would be way more comfortable to have a written rule about how to respond in each circumstance so we could be assured of always doing the right thing. However, God seems to want us to need His guidance day by day, and to use what we know of ourselves and our children to make decisions.
The reality is that Scripture does not provide a systematic doctrine of child-raising. Instead, what we have is partial, anecdotal, and somewhat random. There are enough biblical cues and clues to discern what God wants us to know about parenting, but from my study it seems clear that He has purposely left the subject incomplete—He leaves it to our discretion to take the pieces He provides and make the whole. Why? I believe He doesn’t want us enslaved by conformity to only one “right way” of child raising; he wants us free in Christ to parent in the power of the Holy Spirit by faith. Faith and freedom should be the nature of our life in the Spirit, and it should be the nature of our life at home as parents.
Perhaps you’re continuing a journey you’re already on and are just looking for new parenting ideas. Perhaps you’re stepping onto the path of lifegiving parenting for the first time, looking for God’s direction for your home. Or perhaps you’re considering a new paradigm for your Christian home—moving from a legalistic model of form and function to a lifegiving model of faith and freedom. However you come to lifegiving parenting, and whatever it leads you to do in your home, keep Paul’s admonition in mind: “The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17, NIV). You’re free in God’s Spirit to discover what is right for your home.
Tea Time Tuesday: Celebration Is Sacred
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“Come, Let us have tea and speak of happy things.”
I have made it a habit, a life value, to attempt to lead my family in the direction of happiness and joy through the rhythms we live out daily. Why? Because it is a sort of defense against difficult times. Even scripture teaches us that.
7 So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this!
Ecc. 9:7
As many of you know, last week, our family took the trek to Scotland to celebrate Joy, my daughter. We heralded her accomplishments by finishing her PHD. Celebrating those we love is a sacred practice. When we value a person, speak well of them, affirm their worth, cherish their lives, we are imprinting their brains with the message that they matter, they have significance in this world, God has created them with purpose and meaning to His story in the world. But celebration takes time and energy and planning.
On today’s tea time Tuesday podcast, I speak of the week in Scotland, food we ate, etc. Enjoy!
We made a very long, trip to Scotland, got an Airb&b, bought flowers, hosted a donut and coffee open house one morning, attended several garden parties hosted by the school, wrote cards, met friends, walked literally thousands and thousands of steps (over 5 miles a day), and prayed for Joy. These celebrations hold our children fast to the ideals of our faith, love, family and give foundations to their lives.
Lockdown held other sacred times for our family. The rhythms we have kept through all of our years no matter where we moved, what the place, became really fun for us. We ate long meals by candlelight every night. We walked for miles together along the Oxford canals and sat on benches in the parks being friends. We watched several television series at night and a few comedies that delighted us together.
The dance of life goes on--one more generation anew will have their turn to make it beautiful and now my time to invest, to love and encourage is less than it used to be. Remember, my friends, today, you are living and writing the story of your life, crafting the legacy you will leave to generations to follow.
Through all seasons, we whisk here and there in a hurry to "get it all done." But, I am now in the position of being the one to say, "before you know it, the early years of motherhood come to an end, and you have no more days to enjoy your son or daughter as a child."
This year, I intentionally made time, even when I did not feel like I had it, to make more memories--to live in the moments when I could share real life--look into their eyes, share in the deepest expression of their hearts because I know the season was about to pass.
We will never have this year, this day, this moment in which to invest again—it will be fleeting and over, as one spring marks another, one autumn tells of us another season or winter a year soon to be past.
Today is the day in which I may pour out love, Inspiration, serving and touching hearts, pointing in this moment of glory, to the divine Creator. Teaching what is true and right and good. Modeling faith.
I understood, from their first days, that
A real, little human being, requires personal attention as a flower needs real water.
When this day is past, I must hope that I have used it well and invested wisely because I will never have it to live over again, and soon, very soon, the autumn of motherhood will remind us, that this season is almost over.
Remember: Only the wise can dance to the rhythm of life!
May you listen to the music of each season, and dance elegantly the dance God has granted you within your home.
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You Will Never Be Enough
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We are all in the business of telling a story with our lives. Sometimes emotional storm clouds gather around us and threaten to destroy the goodness of the story we are trying to live out.
As we get older, sometimes we let voices other than God’s begin to narrate our lives. My own life and children have never been flawless.
For many years I allowed critical voices from family and friends dictate how I viewed myself and my story.
"You have made so many mistakes in your past, you can never make up for it."
"Why do you always think of the craziest things to believe and then follow these crazy ideals? You are going to fail and your children will be injured by your lack of wisdom."
"You fail so often. What right have you to speak or write? If people really knew how flawed and selfish you are at times, they would never want to listen to what you have to say."
"You are not doing enough as a mom and your children are never going to love God or be educated well, because you never accomplish all that you set out to do."
We all have voices in our heads that speak of flaws, fears, guilt, anger--and these thoughts can sometimes take over and bring darkness to our souls.
Culture became a significant voice in my life constantly making me feel ostracized and uncertain of my countercultural decisions. Often our critics are our own family members and "believers" in our own arenas. I call them Job's friends--ready to blame for the things that are going wrong in life when actually God is working at greater purposes.
When we begin to weigh others’ words more heavily than God’s Word, we begin to rehearse narratives about our lives that may not be true. And often, we do not live fruitful or faith-filled Christian lives because instead of looking at God's great capacity to live through us and to accomplish more than we ever could alone, we measure our abilities by our sinful, fallen and flawed self.
Spiritual strength is only found with the Spirit of God living through us--not by us grunting out a works based life that will never measure up. We will never be perfect or adequate on our own, but we are adequate when we walk by faith and live into God's provision for strength, joy, growth and wisdom.
If we are truly to own our lives, we must begin by owning our story and identity spoken to us by our living, loving God.
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