In April, several years ago, I took an evening walk with Sarah in Oxford and God painted the sky for us.The sky literally looked like it was on fire. Magnificent! Amazing! Wonderful—a moment we would never forget. Taking a photo of it gave a sense of worship in my heart for that moment I shared with Sarah. It was a breathless moment, a quiet one, in which we just stood together and watched the sky change from fire to pink to purple to dark. An amazing moment, the church across the street from her home.
There is darkness in our world, discouragement, confusion. Yes, this is a really crazy time and we are not living as healthy as God intended us to—without regular contact with community, family, friends, church, restaurants, trying to meet all of our own needs alone without the normal interaction of those who used to be our support system. But there is still beauty, people we can love and be loved by, things to laugh at, and places where we still see goodness and God’s lifegiving creativity in our daily lives.
Things I am doing to try to keep my soul alive and filled.
Every morning lately, when I go walking in the national park areas near my home, I am almost overcome by the breathtaking beauty. I cannot ever seem to get a photo as beautiful as it is. It does take time and commitment to do it, but it really fills my soul.
This early morning I am listening to Ralph Von Williams on my Spotify, and sometimes switching to Alexander Desplaut, (two of my favorite film composers) or to a new channel—Wind Machine, or to a beautiful film score channel, or Celtic Fantasy or to my son, Joel Clarkson channel..
I poured myself a cup of Yorkshire Gold tea and chose my favorite tea cup and lit all the candles around me, like I do every day. I purchased 3 bunches of flowers at Walmart and they are around my house. Indulging myself by looking at velvety red roses that I found on sale is bringing me much pleasure. After all, I am an adult and I can buy myself flowers once in a while when I think I need them! I am looking out my windows on tall, lean pines amidst the bluish-purplish gray sky, and noticing that the aspen trees are beginning to shimmer in the wind—a favorite late spring, summer pastime. To listen to them is a joy.
I have taken literally thousands of pictures of beautiful flowers, sunrises, scenes in nature this spring because it is a sort of worship in the moment a recognizing His fingerprints as I go through my days.
I am working on a new book about the foundational love of Jesus and how it transforms the way we live and I have almost been overcome by the amazing passages about his compassion and kindness. Oh how He is every good thing I would ever want my Heavenly Father to be. His word has humbled me and touched my heart. Now is a time I need compassion, mercy and kindess—so I am grateful.
I am taking time to love Jesus and tell Him how very happy I am that He is real and with me--that He has painted the sky and made music to stir my soul and that He is with me loving me. I am seeking to cultivate love notes to heaven as I appreciate the lover who is invisible but here in my life today. I have to take time to remember to keep our love fresh, just like I have to do with Clay. I have to work so that I don't lose my first love.
Taking time daily to talk to my kids, my besties, has given me a new gratefulness for our family. I text Joy and Sarah and tell them I am the most blessed mama in the world because they are such treasures to me. "I love you more every day." I tell them. Nathan calls me before I get a chance to call him and we chat at "besties" and I tell him that God is with him and that God and I love him. Joel comes up for a first cup of tea. "Hi, wonderful Joel. So thankful for you today." Words of love invested every day form a heart that feels full of HIs love because we have modeled Him to them in the oxygen of our moments.
Darcy Dog comes ambling in with a tennis ball in her mouth and throws it at my feet. I look at her, really notice how darling and ridiculous she is all at the same time. She makes me giggle a lot no matter what kind of day I am having. And I thank God for my silly dog and how much she makes me smile.
I see there are many beautiful, precious women who have deep burdens to bear--a prodigal son or daughter; a heavy and dark marriage partner who refuses to love or give grace; many with chronic illness-- 3 friends with cancer, pain, many living quietly with years of heart-break they bear in silence. Different, outside the box kids, illnesses of every sort. A truly lovely single mom was abandoned by her husband for a woman he met on facebook.
I could go on. I am familiar with deep sadness in my own life, some things I will never be able to share publicly because I believe in loyalty and protection of my family and friends from the public eye. It is my sacred trust to bear up through dark passages and to trust it just to Him, as He has promised to be with me.
We are subject all round us to the consequences of a fallen world--so beautifully made, so scarred and marred by the illness of our own souls, the sin that has created havoc, abounding in so many corners of life. And there it is for our children to figure out. Innocence and hope are my heart's desire--to be like a child fully delighting in life. But God has trusted me with adulthood and so I bow to His will.
Much of the sadness or at least sad circumstances will be with these precious women, who are in my heart, for many, many years--if not their whole lives.
But the circumstances of their lives do not need to define who they are or how they live.
This day is a place to light a candle in the darkness, to bring hope to sadness, to celebrate that He has overcome the world. Yet, doing this requires a grid that says, "I am the one called to bring light."
I often hum the old Steve Green song from scripture, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
I have added my own verses, "Do not be overcome by darkness, but overcome darkness with light."
"Do not be overcome by hatefulness, but overcome hatefulness with love."
"Overcome death with life."
"Overcome sadness with joy and celebration in the midst of the mundane."
The invisible, the Lover, the maker of beauty, the servant King is in our midst as a devoted Father. He is a bridegroom preparing a wedding feast. He is a wonderful counselor who has compassion on us when we feel lost. He is a shepherd who lays down His life for his sheep and leads them beside still waters.
As long as I keep my soul alive by dwelling in His presence, remembering the roles he plays in my own life, as long as I cultivate and practice a heart of love and give it and live in it, I can overcome the darkness--all darknesses of my soul here on earth.
But love and beauty and faith must be cultivated daily, in His presence, looking for His reality, so that my heart will be filled with the reality of Him and His overcoming goodness and redeeming light. I must cultivate this inner life if I am to find rest and peace in my daily life.
