Fussing, fussing, fussing! and how to tame it!

Hi, Dear Friends,I have been so blessed to receive all of your comments and letters lately. Thanks so much for taking the time as it really encouraged me a lot. It has been a very busy week with lots of exciting possibilities and there are a few more days of busy-ness, so this will not be as long as I would like! Hate to say this, as it seems to plague us from time to time--someone installed a new software on my computer and 2400 letters in my inbox disappeared as well as the fact that for some reason for 2 days I have been able to receive mail but not send it--so the last week of my mail has been stressed. So know that I love hearing from all of you but have an even harder time responding. I have moved a lot of my email to momheart@gmail.com as I can receive and send from there but now Sally@wholeheart.org is working again, too. Never a dull moment.

A couple of weeks ago, Clay and I had a few friends over from our Bible study and picked their brains about ministry ideas and subjects to address. One at the top of the list was siblings fussing! So I will attempt to make a stab at some of my ideas about this area today. There is so much to address, so I will just start with some basics.

I will probably address the issue of fussing in regards to children in the next blog. But, I have been thinking about this issue and praying about it and doing some study in my Bible. Fussing comes from a heart issue--it has at its root the basis of all sin--selfishness and self-centeredness. The attitude behind all quarrels and contention says, "I want my way. I deserve to be the center of attention. I need to have all of my wishes and desires met and everyone else is wrong when they violate my needs and desires."

However, another spiritual contention comes from pride--I know more than you--my religious philosophy is doctrinally more correct than yours, my educational philosophy is better than yours, I am less bad than you or I am better than you and so on. Pride is also at the root of contention.

Fussing is at the root of divorce, family separations, church splits, sibling rivalry, and any kind of contention that separates people. This plague of selfishness is running rampant in America today as we see  promiscuity--which basically says, "I want my pleasure when I want it, but I don't have to take in consideration anyone else--gratification is more important than love and commitment." It also is an attitude that communicates, "If you aren't going to be mature and fulfill my needs then I have the right to move on to other relationships until I find someone else who can fulfill my needs."

I have always told my children that it is natural to be selfish, defensive, argumentative, full of pride, but it is supernatural to be mature, loving and patient, humble. Jesus disciplines us that we might conform to His image. He is the model for unconditional love, patience, self-sacrifice, forgiveness, encouragement, humility. He of all people chose to separate Himself from the grandeur of God to become one of the lowly, humble, poor humans of this earth. If He so chose in order to really show us what righteousness looked like, then we should ponder His simple, sacrificial, uncomplaining life in order to really take on His character and love.

Choosing to be an instrument of love requires us to obey His word and His will and to make a choice to be peacemakers and life-givers. Maturity is a process of practicing obedience and choosing love while also knowing that it is the Holy Spirit who lives in us, to work out His good pleasure and holiness through us.

Jesus is our model and yet even Jesus showed us that maturity and righteousness was a process of choosing to do the right thing--obedience--choice of our will--not paying attention to what he felt, but doing what he knew was right--this is the essence of the love and patience we need to teach our children and that we also need to obey.

Hebrews 5:8, in talking about Jesus' example while on the earth, says,"though He was a Son, (of God), yet he learned obedience by the things he suffered." Jesus learned obedience by submitting His will to the Father. (by practicing doing what was right--learning obedience)

So, all true love and goodness comes from obeying God and doing the right thing for His sake. When our hearts and the hearts of our children understand this, then we will have the right reason to choose not to be contentious and selfish. Loving God and therefore choosing to be loving to unloving spouses, patient with unlovely toddlers or teens, forgiving in church situations when we have the right to be offended, are all for the love of our Lord who was perfectly loving, patient and kind as the servant leader.

If we are contentious to others, or constantly critical of friends or people in our own life, how can we expect our children to "catch" the spirit of love. If we complain and whine and cry as a habitual response to life, how can our children understand the strength and grace of the unconditional love of Christ lived through us. If we tell our children to quit complaining or whining of arguing and then proceed to complain against our in-laws or husband or arguing with others, then we are not establishing a foundation for them to stand upon.  If we are angry and impatient, it will create scars but also  deform them in the ability to move beyond fussing to become healthy adults who can bring grace to relationships.

Eventually young children grow up and will see through hypocrisy. We don't have to be perfect--but we have to be humble and ask for forgiveness. We must seek to have integrity. Trying to tell our children they have to obey us and lording it over them in harshness will only suffice for a short few years. They will mature and see through the words to the heart and actions and will not follow inconsistencies. I do think parenting is the way God humbles and trains us in righteousness because it requires our best in order to be the best parents we can be.

I have had friends over the years who know a lot of scripture and read a lot of books and put forth a righteous front, but who are critical behind people's backs or talk in judgment about people and in pious self-righteousness, convinced that they are justified, feel no conviction for their sin.

However,Jesus, while being reviled, did not revile in return, but kept trusting himself to God.Wherever Jesus is there is peace,  gentleness, humility and grace--except for the Pharisees and religious people or the exceedingly, intentionally wicked.

Though as  moms, we tend to be so irritated at the quarreling and immature fussing of our children, it is no more attractive in adults. If we don't address the general selfishness of all of our culture, then we will not be able to address the issues in our own home. So, I have been convicted over the years, that the first place of creating a peaceful environment in my home must start with me. I am responsible to God to seek to love and serve others because of His love for me.

I will continue writing about this next week as the Lord has taught me so much as I have pondered it all, but now I am off to celebrate our Family Day this weekend--our once a year holiday to celebrate and discuss the faithful hand of God in our lives. Since my two boys are both moving away from home in the next two weeks, we wanted to have one last family day together before we all parted to the four winds.

I am looking forward to speaking in Montreal August 22-23 and preparing to see many of you soon. Then I will be in New York City for 8 days with Clay to help Nathan settle in and to celebrate our 28th anniversary! Have a great weekend!

AMTCworld.com

For all of you who have asked for more information, this is for you and your friends who dream about the  motion picture, singer's, modeling and performer's industry--and besides that Nathan would love to have you see his video! Watch Nate perform his winning song here! Nathan Clarkson At AMTC  (He would love  to hear from you at Nathan@wholeheart.org) So many moms have children with dreams of getting into the television industry or into movies or modeling. But if you are like me, you are skeptical and wonder if there are really any places in this arena to find Christians or an arena with any kind of strong, moral codes! Well, I have been surprised and want to pass on  what I found in case the Lord is directing any of you or yours to enter this arena!

What fun to watch dreams come true! My sweet, out of the box child, Nathan, is stretching me again this week as we prepare him to move to New York--nothing tame for him! And more opportunities for me to be on my knees! So many of you who have known us over the years have watched our children grow up. When Sarah and Joel were taking normal piano lessons and moving ahead in the classical arena, the lessons didn't fit Nate. But over the years we could see that he was great at performing and speaking and entertaining. He was a magician for birthday parties, did some big stage illusion in front of big crowds and then formed a small band with some of his friends--he had countless kids into our home for food, to share our family's love and especially he had a heart to enter into the lives of many broken kids to tell them about his hope in Christ. He would also write songs that expressed the feeling of the heart of so many of these precious friends! And yet through all these years, he remained faithful to our own family's call to love and serve Christ--but it took me to many  arenas  outside of my comfort zone!

He began to pray and dream about God opening doors for him in the music, acting, tv and movie industry. We prayed with him, but honestly, I didn't know a thing about entering the world of contemporary music or Hollywood and New York and wasn't sure that is where I wanted this child. Fast forward to this spring when 2 of my friends called me a total of 7 times to tell me about an organization they heard about on the Christian radio station that was trying to help Christians get into this industry. Finally, since my friends kept bugging me, (Sally, you know you and Clay and Nathan have been praying for God to open doors for him--you need to follow through!)

Reluctantly in the midst of a busy schedule, I had Nate and Joy attend the talent search. Both were accepted to become candidates for this conference, but because of Joy's age and our limited finances, we decided to give Nate  and his dreams a chance. To make a long story short, after much prayer and consideration, we decided to take Nathan to Orlando to the Actor's, Model's and Talent competition. What a great decision that was for us!

To my surprise, because I didn't know of anything in the industry that would be moral or Christian, this was an excellent conference in every way for us. We attended many seminars that really helped to inform us about  many issues in the industry, Nate competed and received great input from many professionals. He made it into the showcase talent show where 40 would have an opportunity to perform for 2 minutes.  This meant he had an extra opportunity to sing in front of around 90 top agents and talent scouts from many different agencies. (Universal Studios, Capital Records, New York Film academy and many more.) The result was that he was called back to meet a number of agencies and people who will be strategic in representing him, helping him develop a plan for his career, received a $5000 scholarship to the school he was hoping to attend and met wonderful people.

I didn't realize there were so many strong Christians in this arena. We met wonderful people in a very strong family environment. Because the conference wanted to emphasize modesty and true talent, simple t-shirts and jeans were the dress code of the day--no immodest clothing allowed. No drinking and smoking allowed! I recently had dinner with the founder and director of the conference and was so touched by her heart to help Christians find a bridge into the industry. Though she has received flack and pressure to not limit  it to being  a Christian conference, she is holding her ground and praying about how to become even more effective in creating an environment in which Christians may develop their talent and have a way to enter the market place of performing.

I know that the Lord must have a plan for using committed Christians to bring His light and messages to this arena. It is not for the weak of heart, but I prepared my children to go into the world to bring God's love and redemption, and now I have to trust Him to lead and protect them!

So for many of you who have asked me about it, I wanted to put you into contact with AMTCworld.com where you can find out more about this great organization. I know that there are many of you who are serious about entering this arena or who have children who are driven to this arena. Tell them that Nathan or Sally Clarkson sent  you and I know they will help answer your questions and be  glad to hear from you. I might even speak at the next one to help encourage the parents who attend  to enrich the souls of their children in order to give them messages that will last for eternity. How great it would be if a whole army of godly, talented people would enter this industry and bring light, beauty, truth and moral excellence!

This saved us  what could have been years and thousands of dollars if we had just sent Nate to New York or LA and had him attempt to enter the industry without being really informed. In one week, he  went from having  no contacts or personal relationships to having a whole field of people to meet, to help him and to help open doors. He now has a possibility of a great new discipleship group, two great church artists groups, several Christian leaders he will be meeting with, as well as great support and encouragement from our local agent who provided him with 25 hours of training before attending the seminar. She is precious and has become a real friend. It is still a challenging arena to enter, and all preparation and caution needs to be observed, but what I found out is that there are many believers hoping to make a real impact for Christ.So, by faith, we will support and encourage and pray for our own who will be entering this new area in just a few weeks. If you would pray for Nate, I would so appreciate it. If you want to write him a word of encouragement, please send him a note at Nathan@wholeheart.org

Not every child who thinks about becoming an actor or musician will be successful or even ever have the opportunity to actually work in the industry. But if you are serious about this arena,  the AMTC conference is  a great place to test the waters and to see what doors will open. Children from 3 years old all the way to 80 competed in modeling, acting, and singing. What a great group of people. Just wanted anyone who wanted a safe environment in which to explore the professional side of the performance industry to know that it was a blessing to us! You can contact them at AMTCworld.com or call them at: 1-800-STAR-420 or 678-783-0500 (There will be a Colorado Springs opportunity to try out on September 6!)

Now, in the next couple of days, I will return to another subject my friends asked me to write about--fussing!

Pursuing God on my birthday!

Heartfelt greetings to all of you precious women who mean so much to me! Your well wishes and prayers and comments and emails have bolstered me and I am truly grateful for your encouragement. I have lots of thoughts I have been pondering and articles I have written in my mind while in the shower or driving in the car, but they will have to be for another day! Today is my 55th birthday! An auspicious birthday for me! I awakened this morning to cool breezes coming in my windows as I awakened and I lay in bed pondering my life. I am probably way over half-way through the time I will walk on this earth. I don't know how many more years God will grant here for me to please Him, but if I wasn't serious about it before, I want to be now.

I was with a sweet friend the other day in a small group of women that I meet with twice a month. She is a dedicated, idealistic, committed young woman. Yet, through her tears, she admitted, "I don't really feel that I have grasped and understand what it means to be intimate with God. I read the Bible and I pray, but I don't always feel comfortable that I have attained my goal. I don't always feel the love of God to be real."

Not too long before that, Sarah and another friend and I were in a prayer meeting with some older leaders at our church. A very sweet, godly man, said to us, "You know, I have walked over 60 years with God, but sometimes I don't feel close to Him at all, and sometimes He seems right next to me. But one thing I know, He is always there and He is always good, even when I don't feel close to Him."

Paul said, "we see in a mirror dimly, but then we will see face to face." I think the older I get the more I see how different God is than me or than I thought and yet how much bigger and more wonderful He is. Yet, With all the clamor of this world and busy-ness and promise of fulfillment through possessions, experiences, status and longing for more, more of life, we, (I), can spin my wheels on things that don't matter and that won't fulfill. Sometimes these things and my own Martha-ing around in life, hide the very presence that is surrounding me every day.

On occasion, I am a toddler in my behavior  and don't know or understand what is going on and my heavenly Father keeps faithful, strong and true and responsible for me, even when I don't understand--even when in my immaturity, I throw a fit or two. But He is still there--always loving--always acting in faithfulness.  I learn from God as my Father by parenting my own children. I have seen each of my children go through phases of life and always seeing things from their own perspective--sometimes loving Clay and me and sometimes feeling a bit distant from us wondering at our parenting and decisions we make for them. But in the end, they grow up and come to understand us as parents. It is amazing to me how wise we have become in the eyes of our older kids. But we were just faithful in season and so is God in my life--He is wise, steady in season and out.

So, I have resolved--again, this morning, that I want to keep trying to simplify, to focus, to hold on to that which really matters--my Lord and my God. I am going back to the basics--"The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge," Proverbs 7:1

Jesus said it even more plainly, "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." John 17:3--this said soon before he was to be crucified. A very simple statement--to know the eternal God and Jesus Christ.

Jesus' life was simple--no things (big house, car or chariot!)  or position or striving--only a simple man who loved and served and trusted His beloved Father. I am a pilgrim in this journey, and I certainly don't have the all the answers yet, but I want to keep trying to get it right--putting aside the distractions but delighting in the "lilies of the field", entering into the joy of my children's laughter and antics, enjoying the delicious blueberry coffeecake I can smell that my daughter is baking downstairs, basking in the "I love you, Mom, birthday cards and whimsical gifts my children have sacrificed to buy for me, taking time to notice and enjoy the pink sunset that God painted across the sky again, loving those He brings my way,  celebrating life and seeking to know and love and glory in the God, the master artist, who so deserves my attention, allegiance and my heart.

So thank you, Jesus, that you have let me know you and love you and walk with you during these short years of my life. Let me know you and love you more fully every day until I see you face to face.

A Very Blue Tuesday!

Tuesday morning, I awakened at 3:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I finally got up and listed all the areas of worry that were on my mind. I have tried to make it a habit to reject thoughts of worry, fear and discouragement. One of the ways I have dealt with these thoughts is by remembering scripture, thanking and praising the Lord for what He is and what He has provided. So I spent quite a while acknowledging His love and light and beauty and different passages that had spoken to my heart. Then I listed out to Him all the areas that were worrying me! By morning time, as everyone began to awaken, I was at least back to neutral. But, first thing off the bat, as I had made Joy a piece of peanut butter toast to eat in the car on the way to a half-day computer camp, I spilled her drink all over my lap and started off in the car wet. Then on the way down the freeway, after I had picked up her friend, I was pulled over by a policewoman. My adrenalin shot up! Seems she was stopping people and asking them why they weren't getting over in the left lane if there was a policeman on the side of the road. I asked her if she had seen the truck with trailer just left of me. She said she had, but thought maybe I would have had time to get safely over in the left lane. "I guess you didn't have time. But is your insurance current?" "Yes, I said, as I showed her all the cards. (thanks to Clay who is organized!) Well, let me check your record. (So we waited while she checked on my record as the minutes clicked off!) "Well, I guess you are clean. You can go."

Came back home and had a looooonnnnnng conversation with Clay before he left for work. He was feeling quite down about all the things I was worried about. When my husband is down and I try to lift him up, it can tempt me to feel quite down as I love him and feel responsible for his well-being.  (Finding an apartment for Nate in NYCity that he can afford, should we send him there? What about his loan? Will he be able to pay it off? What about Joel? Will he be able to find a job and room mate? Should he move to Nashville or work and complete his degree at home or go to school in Boston? What about all the finances in that? What about all the financial issues facing us? House, cars, medical? printing and publishing and staff? The impending medical issues for a couple of family members? The bad economy--will Whole Heart go under if women quit coming to our conferences? If supporters quit believing in our ministry? How will we help our college age kids who are struggling so hard? What about Mom--will she have to move to a nursing home against her will with her increasing health problems?

The next chain of thoughts after Clay went to the office was something like this, "I am so tired. Everyone takes from me--my children, my husband, the women I minister to, my staff, my friends. But, I never have a break. Lord, do you even care that I have been faithful all these years? What about all the hours and hours I have prayed? Am I invisible to you? I need to see you do something today to show me that you are real and that you still care. And so on!"

I call this the Elijah syndrome. I, alone, am faithful! Well, sometimes it does seem as if us moms are carrying the world on our shoulders. And I am convinced I have had much more on my shoulders than most other people! (It is how we feel--baby years there is pregnancy, ear infections, behavioral issues, learning to give up all of your rights, housework, too much to be done, not finding other believers that have our values, isolation--and then the universal areas that plague us through all seasons--finances, loneliness, marital stress and strain, moving, husband's jobs, problems at church, depression and so on.)

I think, in general, American culture sells us a bill of goods--if you just have the right things, or right home, or good figure or exercise program, or find the right school or right homeschooling resources, or if my husband or children would just change, then I would be happy and then I could deal with my life. The commercials and magazines promise easy solutions.

But in reality, we are in a war. Jesus said, "In this world, you have tribulation. In this world you will be persecuted. Lay up treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal." None of what he said promised a panacea in this world. So, after I had some good cries and felt the depth of my discouragement fully, yesterday, I remembered some things that have really helped. 1. Satan is a father of lies and he whispers false thoughts about God and causes us to doubt God's goodness. In John 8:44, Jesus says to the Pharisees, "You are of your father, the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father, who was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks, he speaks from  his own nature; for he is a liar and the father of lies!"

I Peter 5:8 tells us that we are to "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."

In Genesis, the very first time we see temptation from Satan to Adam and Eve, Satan casts a shadow of doubt over God's goodness. "Indeed has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree in the garden.'?" Then he proceeds to lie, "You shall surely not die. For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Satan wants us to think  we cannot trust or believe in God because of all the difficult things that are happening in our lives. He also tempted Job that way. So we must know that much of our emotional battle as women is to fight against the feelings and thoughts that tempt us to think badly about God and His provision. He tempted Jesus and Peter, he will tempt us.

2. Satan particularly hates moms who are raising godly children. Revelation 12: 12 tells us, "Woe to the earth and the sea, because  the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time." Great wrath!  But in verse 17, it goes on to say, "And the dragon (Satan) was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her offspring, who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimonies." Satan is making war with the offspring--our children--especially those who keep the commandments of God!

3. Realistically recognizing that there is a battle every day and understanding the implications in our life. I am so engulfed with the details of daily life, that I forget that I am changing eternity by bringing God's excellence and character and truth to bear every minute of every day when I display His attributes--even in the small ways I relate to them and keep my home a life-giving place as well as the attitudes I have about work and my husband and life and challenges! But Paul, who loved and served God so very passionately, warns us:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual fores of wickedness in the heavenly places. therefore, take up the full aror of God that you may be able to resist in the evil day and having done everything to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; and in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. And take the Helmet of Salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God."

I find that it is in my heart, my thoughts where I am either totally defeated or strengthened. I need to hold up the shield of faith--God will provide, I believe He will take care of me, living by fear cannot exist with faith. I have His favor and understanding and He will provide my needs in His time. God is faithful. I pledge my allegiance today to him.

Interestingly, Peter said pretty much the same thing that Paul said, and we know both of them had very challenging lives. He says, "But resist him, (satan), firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren throughout the world."

All of us are experiencing the same kinds of trials. Many sweet moms are struggling against the work load, the fusses, the loneliness, the pressures, the piles and the emotions. But those of us who push through, stand strong in faith, resist temptation and negative, dark thoughts, are joining with the over-comers--those sweet believers whose lives will bring great glory to God when we see Him face to face.

So, today, I am approaching all the same pressures, but today, I am putting up my shield of faith and letting God carry my issues. What I practice, I will become. If I practice faith, I will become more a person of strong faith. If I practice negativity and doubt, I will become depressed as I quench the Spirit. Sometimes it is moment by moment, but already I am moving toward a place of His peace where He lives. May he give His sweet grace and an abundance of His gracious love to all of you today!

I would so appreciate your prayers for Clay and me as we move into strategic meetings, relationships, decisions and circumstances that God's wisdom and ways would prevail. Thanks so very much.

I have already prayed for you who will read these words. You are indeed precious to Him and your work is noticed and oh so important! Bless you!

just a few things

Hi, Sweet friends!I am so frustrated because I usually write back (on email) every one who comments on my blog. However, when I have tried to send them to my email from the wholeheart box they come to, I am only getting about one out of every five! So, though I really love it when people comment because it helps me to know there are people out in cyberspace, I can't seem to make it work. So I might eventually go back to my old address but I will let all of you know what I decide.

I am currently working on a book right now that address the idea of cultivating a heat of joy in a disappointing world. Also, hard at work on some exciting projects for Whole Heart Ministries. Clay and I really feel that moms are the key to building a righteous generation, but so many sweet moms haven't been trained for their role, lack the philosophy to carry them through, don't have a deep understanding of scripture and have few support systems or accountability. Clay came up with an idea that will encompass a whole new ministry outreach. We are praying together about how to create a sense of spiritual movement amongst moms all over the world committed to raising a godly generation.

So we are seeking to develop a new ministry that would be an international network of moms developing small groups to gather around the word together--to keep each other encouraged and to help support this difficult but important calling! I am convinced that those women and families who are alone and isolated without friends to speak encouragement in their lives are much more vulnerable to spiritual discouragement and loneliness. We are developing a leadership group who will give input, articles, speak and train at future conferences. We are also developing small group Bible studies for all of our current mom's books as well as seeking to develop some new Bible Studies that moms can use in their homes for daily encouragement.

We hope to develop a web site soon and maybe even begin putting up messages--audio and video--that we hope will give moms a place to come to receive regular encouragement and input. We would so appreciate any of your thoughts and input on these areas. We are hoping to begin raising the funding for staff and new Bible study materials and guides and projects. it is too big for us to do alone with all of our  other commitments,  and so we are praying that the Lord will raise up others  who can help us in our newest vision for ministry. If you would like to receive our email newsletter about all that is happening and all that we are doing, please subscribe to our newsletter list at admin@wholeheart.org as we will be sending out more information to those on our newsletter list very soon. It is exciting to see the Lord opening many doors as we move ahead. We would love to see many of you become a part of our network!

I would appreciate your prayers in regard to all of this. Also, if any of you would like to be a part of such a network, please email admin@wholeheart.org and you will be put on a list to receive notification of conferences, possible news letters, events and small groups in your area as we become more organized, and other happenings to tie you into all that we hope to see the Lord doing. Also, if you desire to be a leader of a small group and would be interested in more information on how we can help you be successful in creating an environment in which the Lord will work for a small group of women in your life, please email me (Sally@wholeheart.org or admin@wholeheart.org).

I am so excited to see what the Lord is doing. He is raising up others nationally who are becoming a part of the leadership and  helping us to invest in the writing of  some of our materials.   But for now, I need to keep working on my book, support Joy in her role as the mother duck in Honk, a Broadway musical being performed with our local drama group about the Ugly Duckling, send Sarah off to Nashville for a week as she goes to visit a dear friend and drive Joel home from Masterworks and seek a reasonable loan for Nate with his new school this fall. I am very thankful for all that the Lord is doing in our lives. He has blessed us so much and I thank Him for His faithfulness. I am also thankful for so many of you, my friends, who help keep us going!

Have a wonderful week! Blessings! Sally Sally@wholeheart.org

Nurturing Dreams and living through them!

Hi, Sweet Moms,How I have enjoyed hearing from so many of you! However, I am on a new blog site (Type pad) and I haven't figured out how to respond back to those who leave comments! So, thanks for letting me know you are out there. We think that the server has been sending the details about my comments to Whole Heart, so I never get a link to all of you! So please know I am in the middle of figuring this out.

Now, to those who have asked about the beautiful picture on my header--as to whether it was my house!--Maybe in heaven I will have such a house. But this house is the home of Longfellow. Sarah and Joel worked in Cambridge last summer and a great memory was to travel to the area where Longfellow lived and also to visit the home and area of Beatrix Potter. They said it was breathtakingly beautiful and wonderful to hike! So I am dreaming of a future trip and just liked the picture--so there it is!

"Then Joseph had a dream...." Genesis 27:5

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 3: 10

"My frame was not hidden from Thee when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in thy book they were all written,  the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." Psalm 139 15-16

Here I sit on my bed in my hotel room in Orlando, Florida. I am attending a Christian performers conference for a whole week with Nathan, who is involved in numerous competitions in acting, singing and a various other areas for exposure. (Clay couldn't get off of work, so I am the attending parent!) Traveling one more time is not really what I thought I needed, since I have been twice to California and once to Orlando and once in Canada in the past few weeks. But, I am here to support my 19 year old's dreams--to go into the performing arts--singing or acting. Hollywood and New York are not the places I would pick to willingly send any of my children! But, as I have prayed about it, the Lord has reminded me that He wanted me to train my children to be stewards of the gospel and the truth of God's message to their culture--but he didn't give me a choice where He would have them bring His message. He just gave me the stewardship of His truth and His calling that I was to intentionally--with all of my heart and mind and strength--to pass on to my children--the next generation.

So, for years, I have said, "I wonder what God has designed you to do? I can't wait to see how He uses you in your world for His glory!" "What a great piece of music you played--maybe you will be a Levite--one who composes or sings music for God's glory! You are so funny and delightful--maybe you will be used to entertain and encourage people who need hope! I have never known anyone to read so many books or to write so prolifically! Maybe you will be one of the writers He will use to show people His reality through books! You are so kind! Maybe you will help counsel broken people! I believe He has made you for a special work to do!"

Looking back on Nathan, I can see that he has been dramatic and wiggly and fun and bigger than life since he was a wee thing. He has also been the most engaged by hero tales--loved acting out with swords and capes and plays and video productions. As I read in scripture, I see that God prepared our children with certain personalities--ideosyncracies--individual humor, loudness or softness--even things that irritate us--but as we see in scripture that what might irritate us could be something that will prepare our children for the task they were given!

I, myself,  always felt I was "too much" for people. I have always been exceedingly passionate and driven (only girl with two older brothers!) I think I was ADHD before it was a term. But, when I am speaking to 1000 women, I feel that I am doing what God created me to do! I travel and speak and write and love doing it because I have been driven to do it from the time I was little. God gave me this personality because He wanted me to be a pioneer in the moms and homeschooling movement. I needed to be idealistic and driven, so that I would be equipped to do what He had designed me to do. What felt out of place in many situations, became a blessing when  I was in the niche God had designed for me!

Almost none of my friends have my personality! But they are so much more capable of handling things that I am just not good at! Each of us has a stewardship to fulfill--and it will have to do with the unique personality God gave us for what He designed for us to do! However, personality is not always pleasing to those different than we are!

Immediately after we read of Joseph's dream in Genesis 37:5, we read, "When he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more!" God gave Joseph a dream that sustained him during many years of trials. But this very dream irritated his brothers! So often, the rough edges or parts about us that are different, are the very areas that God has designed to be a part of a personality that will equip a person to do what God has created him to do!

But, for me, it meant accepting my children as God gave them to me--even with all of their extremes. I wasn't blessed with all "normal" children, but the ones God gave me, He has used to humble me, teach me His values, learn things I needed to learn and find out what it meant to grow in Him!

I was often in situations when moms could easily judge my "out of the box" children because they often didn't "fit" into the norm. But, I believed that one part of His call on my life, was to seek to nurture and cultivate my children according to their "bent." I can look back now and see that, though they have matured, they haven't greatly changed from the personalities they had as little children--even as babies. The extroverts were that way when born and the introverts were that way as babies! Some were academic--some were more physical and performing and loud! But, seeing them with the eyes of faith and the eyes of God, slowly taught me to be patient--to accept the limitations of my children, to try not to change them too much, but to help them to mature in Christian character and in a sense of destiny for their own lives. A child with hope and a sense of future, can sustain difficulties and limitations--if they know they have been created for God's purposes--and if they come to understand that each circumstance and each situation is preparing them to be equipped to do what He has called them to do.

However, if a child is trained that his life is about performance and works, he will lose heart if his life doesn't provide results. It is the mom who models and teaches hope, love, acceptance and faith for a future of purpose in God's hands--but only if the mom has accepted the limitations of her own life as well as the limitations of her children. For me, it has been a slow process, but , like so many others, I see that having children has been the tool God has most used to conform me to His image--and to confront my own sin and selfishness.

I am learning a lot while I am here, too. Just this morning, I saw probably 250 kids go down the runway as models. Yet, only a few stand out! They are all pretty attractive kids, but I realized that in the midst of so many bodies walking across the stage, it was those who sparkled--who had light, inner beauty, fun. life inside--that came out through their face--that I remembered. Same with the monologues--many talented, but only few passionate and real and alive. We read that man looks at the outward appearance but  God looks at the heart.  It is heart and life and passion for living for Him that fans the flame that will shine through the personality of our children--that will make them good message makers. It is not about fitting in and living up to what is expected by culture--it is about setting free the  spirit of a child to know and experience real love, deep faith, broad truth, touching beauty--that will set free the spirit of God to live through them--in whatever He calls us to!

So much for waxing eloquent. My break is over--the singing and monologue competitions are ahead.  So please pray  for me as I  cheer-lead Nathan,  and for Nathan to find God's favor in whatever work He has called Him to do!  Blessings and fondness to all of my sweet friends in cyberspace! I am here until next Monday so would appreciate your prayers that I remain the mom I should be while everyone else holds the fort down at home! I have so appreciated your many letters and notes and plan to catch up on correspondence in about 15 years! Blessings! Sally Sally@wholeheart.org

The Hands-Down Favorite Blueberry Muffins

    * 1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour    * 3/4 cup brown sugar     * 1/2 teaspoon salt     * 2 teaspoons baking powder     * 1/3 cup vegetable oil     * 1 egg     * 1/3 cup milk or 1/3 cup vanilla yogurt     * 1 cup fresh blueberries (you could also use frozen)     * 1/2 cup white sugar     * 1/3 cup all-purpose flour     * 1/4 cup butter, cubed     * 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon (very important!)

DIRECTIONS

   1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Grease muffin cups or line with muffin liners.    2. Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 3/4 cup sugar, salt and baking powder. Place vegetable oil into a 1 cup measuring cup; add the egg and enough milk to fill the cup. Mix this with flour mixture. Fold in blueberries. Fill muffin cups right to the top, and sprinkle with crumb topping mixture.    3. To Make Crumb Topping: Mix together 1/2 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour, 1/4 cup butter, and 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon. Mix with fork, and sprinkle over muffins before baking.    4. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, or until done.

A Child's Heart

The hunger for love, affirmation, attention, and acceptance is a deep drive that will search for fulfillent until it finds it. A child's first attachment is meant to be with its mother, so lots of loving touches and caresses from her make a difference in the child's future intellect, emotional stability, and sense of well-being. Time and affectionate attention from a father and significant others is crucial as well. However, if a child's need for such attachment is not met in the home, he will need to look for it from his peers or anywhere else he can find it. In order to fit in with those wiling to give him time, the child will tend to adapt his values and morals to whatever is required. At the same time, a child who does not learn to make healthy attachments and maintain healthy relationships in her family may have a hard time developing intimate bonds with anyone else in the future.

As a mother, I have the ability to provide the love, acceptance, and attention my children need to grow up secure and able to develop mature relationships. I also have the opportunity to model mature love, commitment, fogiveness,accountability, grace. and encouragement for my children. The home is an ideal environment in which children can experience the growth of a mature relationship where give-and-take are learned in the context of real life. And this ideally includes an understanding of the true power of God's love.

-Mission of Motherhood, Chapter Seven