Kind words soften the heart momheart blog post

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Joy, 5 years ago, being dragged around to conferences.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

Mother Theresa

So often as a mom, I have had grand ideals and plans of how I would influence and inspire my children. Yet it has been in the small moments that came upon me unexpectedly, those that take you totally by surprise, when the heart of what I have left my child has been most truly felt and left an eternal mark. And so, through time, I have learned to become aware at those moments to take notice, and to seek to make in investment of love, resisting what could be a forever memory of conflict. Kind words, chose well, can move a child to faith for a lifetime.

A memory of Joy from a few years ago entered my mind recently as I was praying for her to find the grace to face some difficulties in her own life. Each January for many years, our family served together at 4 national Mom Heart Conferences. These conferences were exhausting, required a lot of patience and commitment and tested all of our ability to endure well.

It had been a very long weekend--the third of such weekends. Lots of wonderful women chattering, asking questions, sharing hearts; speaking, praying, encouraging, laughing. One more conference with 4 more to go before our 20 day mission trip ending the season. And now, we were leaving the hotel to spend a day with friends. Everyone's adrenalin was down and our tempers were short.

It is always a challenge to round up all the "stuff" we spend 3-4 days spreading out over our hotel rooms. A mess bomb had exploded everywhere, as the 15 people working with us helped us to spread it all around. Remnants of papers and copies of name-tags,  as we register women and have notebooks, stamp the bookmarks to give out, have snacks and food crumbs and leftovers we eat away from the crowds with our staff and helpers, Bibles, notes, hair spray, shoes, bathing suits, hangers, towels, ibuprofen, and lots of other little things. Somehow getting it all back in the bags the same way seems harder than when we started out.

I was bone-tired and was feeling  the weariness a little more with each year. The girls had been working long hours at registration, putting up boxes of books, setting up tables. They had spent countless hours running cash registers and putting gifts and chocolate out for all the women to enjoy, going to bed late and getting up early. Everyone did their job as expected without being asked or followed. Our family all knows the routine and what is expected.

But at this moment, as we were to check out of the hotel, and Sarah and Clay and I were walking down the hall to the elevator, Joy said, "Hey, wait! I want to get my sweater out of my bag. Just as I turned around to look at her, I saw her reach into her bag and accidentally dump the whole contents of her suitcase on the hall floor, with hair bands and brushes, shoes and books, shampoo and lip gloss, and a swim suit rolling everywhere.

A "You need to be more careful! Why did you hold up the suitcase when you were unzipping it?!" was on the edge of my tongue. I did not feel like putting down my suitcase, computer bag, purse, coat, and Clay's shoes that were all barely juggled in my grip. But, something inside me nudged my heart and I pictured this sweet teenage girl, working, greeting, smiling and helping all weekend long. I knew this was not the time to scold or to be impatient, though I felt all of this on the edge of my attitude, waiting to spill over.

I put everything down and walked toward her. "I am so very sorry it all fell out. You must feel so frustrated and if you are as tired as I am, you could use a real rest. Let me help you."

"By the way, did I tell you how amazed I was at how hard you worked this weekend? You were such a trooper. You are handling yourself like a pro. I can't believe you can work such long hours without anyone telling you. I really appreciate you, honey, and know you must be bone tired." I chattered as I picked up and folded with her. How thankful I was that the Holy Spirit had put his finger on my heart. I saw eyes of anger  and defense change into gentle eyes--glad to be understood. She really didn't drop this whole bag of clothes just to further irritate me on a tiresome morning! And  she really was a great 13 year old.

Grace--a cup of cold water to a thirsty body; a bouquet of flowers on a winter window sill; a kind patient timely word; a rescue to a four year old who drops his whole plate of food or spills one more cup of milk; a cup of tea for a hormonal girl; a back rub and chocolate chip cookies to an overwrought teen boy; instrumental music and a candle lit with a warm meal for a grumpy husband so worried about finances when he comes home from a hard day of work.

Grace is the undeserved and unforeseen act of kindness and patience that totally changes moments. It is the noble soul exercised toward the humble, needy and grateful.

I am so very thankful that I have received so much grace from my wonderful heavenly Father. He keeps loving and giving and bearing with me through all my immature and awkward moments of life. Grace changes everything and redeems amazingly. Just thoughts running through my mind on Sunday morning before church.

I received gifts of grace in my own moments of ministry the last few weeks. A beautiful blue Spode tea cup (one of my favorites now), with my favorite tea, with my favorite chocolates to encourage me in the midst. Friends who travel far and work with us, with no benefits to themselves, just for the joy of serving--these are graces that stay in my heart and speak to me of His love seen through the actions of others near by. A lovely hot meal waiting when I return from a trip.

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Because we were all so very depleted, we decided to follow up our "packing" Sunday morning with a breakfast on Crystal Cove beach with friends. Somehow, playing and restoring out in the beautiful California sea, followed up  with avocado and bacon omelets and whole grain, apple pancakes in a seaside cafe--was just the recipe we all needed to begin to restore our emotional equilibrium,  before engaging in life again in teh outside world. Taking time to fill our cups with grace was most needed.   Work hard, play hard. Laugh at least a little to keep the relationships intact. And now, this Crystal Cove visit has become a yearly tradition. Looking forward to playing always makes working easier.

I am grateful.

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Join me today at itakejoy.com where I will be writing about teaching your children to serve.

Perfect! Not a word high on my vocabulary as an expectation of life

Joy with two of her sweet girlfriends--none perfect but all precious.

I wrote the blog below a couple of years ago, but thought it might be relevant now. The hardest part for me and for my children as public figures is that our public life is so unreal compared to our personal lives. My children love just being home without anyone watching or expecting them to be "Clarksons." I am such a normal person who plods along, but my heart is for Jesus and He is all the good I have. So, though written a couple of years ago, still applies today! Here it is:

When I was in California recently, I had several experiences that were similar. Basically all of them were about how perfect they thought my life and kids must be. If I had expected perfection as a goal for my children, my marriage or my behavior, I know from the start I would be guaranteed failure. What about, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans"There is none righteous, no not one." Isaiah

"He is mindful that we are but dust." Psalm 103

"Wretched man that I am. Who will set me free?" Paul about himself in Romans 7One mom said, "It is easy for Sally to make her home a life-giving place. But I live in a condominium."

I began to learn to be life-giving when I was living in a tiny house (900 square feet) in Vienna whose walls leaked rain when we had storms and where we had pigeons in the attic (named them Walter!)

But it was there, when I looked out on a gray, drab apartment building outside my window, that was 8 stories high. All windows were the same, drab and dirty. But in one window sill, someone had planted a flower box full  of red geraniums. In a wall of gray, the beautiful flowers stood out like a flame.

I decided right then that I would be like that one apartment out of hundreds--that no matter how small or old, I would bring life and beauty to my home--that I would create life as God did.

But of course I learned as I went. It was not house beautiful, but beauty in the house.

Next came cooking and baking. Learned as I went. Some meals were a success. Some a failure. Some just not to the taste of my family. (Hate to waste my time on unappreciative people!)But this meant years of days of dirty dishes and pots and pans and bowls in the sink. Our home is always in the process of being in and out of messes.

Didn't ever even think about being a mom when I was a young single woman--hate to admit it but it was true! I wanted to be in love and get married, but I was never one of those who longed for a baby--eventually got to that, but had to learn how to love my children and my noisy home and all the demands. it was not natural to me--but I leaned into it and learned how slowly but surely.

As one of my children say, "Mom, our days have not been easy and we have had no support systems and I don't know how we made it, but we have lots of great memories."

I had to learn almost everything that I now do. I have taught myself to cook, decorate, educate my children, how to become more mature in marriage; how to do chores and work (didn't grow up doing it!), how to nurse my babies (even when one doctor told me that I might cause my child brain damage because I had been sick with the flu when she was born and she was a high risk baby.) Moved 17 times, had 3 asthmatics, 3 ocd kids, one adhd, fires (one in Vienna), floods (3 in our house), etc. (smile)

In the midst of such a life, there are lots of ups and downs. Children are immature and a mess, teens are self-centered and self-absorbed; and all are sinful. But, I have a picture of being a redeemer--bringing light in the darkness, moving along on the pathway of ideals and maturity one step at a time, while holding God's hand.

Same with my children. My goal was reaching their hearts with the love of God and showing them His reality, so that they could find His grace and truth every day. Now that is doable. All I have to do is love God every day. Love Him, and show Him to my children. Since I am not expected by God to be perfect, I don't expect them to be either. No one likes to live in a place where failure is likely to happen all the time. If moms expect perfection, then their children will want to run far from them. If women think God wants them to be perfect, they will always live in guilt and defeat or eventually want to quit their ideals, because there will be no joy.

Now, I will admit, that feeling inadequate is a mantle I am likely to wear many times, as I have always struggled with my "imperfect personality." Seems from time to time I put my foot in my mouth. But that is why I knew my children needed to live in a home of grace, because I needed God's grace every day.

It is as I seek to celebrate life, live in grace, know his love and appreciate His gentleness and compassion, that it grows in my heart. I have not always known how to walk this journey, but I have always had a hand to hold on to and wisdom to practice and apply.  It is journey--a long distance run. Not a perfect husband. Not a perfect wife. Not perfect devotionals or perfect method of discipline. Just a grace walk. Not perfect children--but children with great hearts, best friends, loving, living, laughing, sharing, arguing, being petty and then getting back to the center one more time to do it all over again.

Now I am off to eat a chocolate chip cookie--even my diet and self-discipline isn't perfect--but I think after a tiring year, I am going to just enjoy myself and rest and worry about losing 10 pounds in one week another time!

PS A great blog entry that you will love: http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/ Thanks sweet Angela!

What I am doing in the whirl of life

Sweet Friends,I miss being in touch with you. But at this moment my heart is full of joy and satisfaction. I see the goodness of the Lord and His faithfulness as I reflect on my life. I had so much fun last weekend. I was in Nashville with some friends that started a coop for moms with me 18 years ago. I taught passionately, at that time, that if a mom stayed centered in her walk with the Lord and loved Him in front of her children, that she would be fruitful and productive in everything she did. And I was convinced that all moms needed a support group of some kind--kindred spirits to pray with, to hold hands with, to giggle and have fun and cry with and who would keep each other focussed on the Lord and His ideals.

It was such an encouragement to me to see how faithful these friends had been to keep the small group system going in the Nashville area for all those years. They have kept the faith, loved their husbands, and their children and sought to build a godly legacy in their homes. We can all see the amazing faithfulness of the Lord. What a heritage I have found in friendships that hold together from the glue of doing ministry together. I had a chance to share a lot of these ideals with the new group of moms that have joined their small group and it is so good to see that foundational things never change, they just become more clear.

I also see that if we view God as loving and life-giving and redeeming--a God who is a champion for our cause and on our side and patient with us--and we live that out before our children in our home, they will catch it. But if we have in our heart thoughts about a God who is disappointed with us or condemning us, our children will read that God in our behavior and never learn the joy and love and grace of the Lord. I have so realized that those who water the right plants of faith, hope and love in their hearts, remain steadfast. How blessed I am to walk in the company of such women.

But before I spoke on Friday-Saturday, I had flown to Nashville a day early so that I could stay with my oldest, beloved friend, Gwen Todd, in Kentucky--the first friend who taught me the value of commitment and love in working alongside if her in ministry. We are indeed like sisters. Gwen moved back from Vienna, Austria to take care of her beloved mom who is 93 and has alzheimers.

Just happened Gwen didn't meet me at the airport. I found out that she was stuck in her Kentucky cottage with her mom and had been there for 3 days and nights without electricity, or lights or heat in the midst of the ice storm. She couldn't leave her home because of her mom's fragility. So, my sweet friend loaned me a car, I stopped at a store and quickly picked up a meal and drove to Kentucky. It was like a ghost town--no stop lights worked, no lights anywhere, trees fallen in the street that I had to dodge in the dark. But there ahead after 2 hours of driving through a lot of darkness, I saw a candle in the window of one house amidst a street of darkness--it was the candle my friend had lit for me! So I eased into her driveway. I actually knocked countless ice cycles off the bushes as I climbed out of the car. It was a winter wonderland even in the dark. When I went to the door, there was my sweet friend, with candles aglow everywhere. She had found out i was coming through a very short cell phone call that had finally, after 2 days, gone through, and had waiting for me some chips and cheese--the last fresh package of cold food.

What a fun memory we made eating in candle-light, storing up one more memory of adventure. How thankful I was to be of encouragement to her in the midst of feeling alone in the dark--as she has helped me through years and years of crisis in my own home and she adopted my children when there was no other family to love them. So I owed her in a big way and was so blessed to sit in our gowns, cuddled under piles of blankets and enjoying the candlelight and life.

Now, to a favorite meal Sarah and Joy and I have been eating since we got home from the Charlotte, NC conference. My friend Cindy was the inspiration for these. We sautee veggies--onions, carrots, chopped broccoli, mushrooms and some times peppers. We heat up wraps (lots of flavors and types at the store) and then smooth a bottom  layer of humus (or mashed pinto or black beans) then cover it with mashed avocado with lime or salsa, and spread our veggies over this and put chopped cabbage on top as our salad finish and wrap it up! Very yummie to us!

Books I am reading: Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry--to Joy--what a great book about the depression and the racial conflict--building a lot of compassion into her; she is reading "A Lantern in her Hand," and I am loving Eugene Peterson's new book.

Sorry, but we are having to close the California conference as we have a full house. So looking forward to it. The February winners of the drawing are: The winners are Stephanie Praytor from Rockwall TX and Jennifer  Fitzgerald. congratulations, girls!

Thanks to everyone for your great help. Blessings to you all today! Sally

Interview with Diana Waring...

Hello! I'll post more later, but just wanted you all to know that I'll be on an interview with Diana Waring today on blogtalk radio at 3 o'clock, central time. Click the link below if you are interested in listening!

Upcoming conferences...

Good morning! Just a quick reminder- the California conference is filling up quickly and we are going to have to cut off registration soon, so if you are planning on coming, be sure to get your registration in today. Go here to register.

Also, the hotel rooms in Dallas are going very quickly, so be sure to reserve yours in time if you are planning on attending the Dallas conference. Click here for the Las Colinas Marriot.

I am looking so forward to these conferences. Have a beautiful day!

The Power of a gentle touch

"It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers." And he lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold there was an angel touching him, and he said, "Arise and eat." I Kings 19:4-5

What a wonderful time we had in Charlotte with so many moms last weekend. Great talks and discussions and I think the Lord met with so many in their place of need. I was so grateful to be a part and was blessed by so many moms--seeing old friends, connecting with new--and later on, when I have time, I will even show you a new favorite tea cup that was given to me by an angel, but I have to hurry now as I have to teach a history class soon.

But, I do put a lot of energy into speaking and the older I get, I find myself completely drained afterwards. I feel like Jesus in the parable about the woman who touched the hem of his garment and "the strength went out of him." And so sometimes I feel, that "the strength literally goes out of me."

But last night, after we had been reading a book outloud and had a great dinner, Joy came to me and said, "Mom, I have a surprise for you. Go take a hot bath and before you get into the tub, I want to put an avocado mask on you that I was reading about." So, I obeyed gladly and she smoothed avocado all over my face with extra for the wrinkles.

After I got out of my bath, she made me close my eyes and led me by the hand into my bedroom. When I opened my eyes, she had gathered about 10 candles and lit them all over my room. She had put on instrumental music and laid out towels and a pillow for me to lay on. She then gave me a hand massage and filed my nails; gave me a wonderful foot message with great smelling lotion; and followed up with a back and shoulder massage. I cannot tell you how the stress went out of my body and I felt like I had been touched by an angel. I slept so soundly last night and every time I awakened, a smile came to my face as I remembered the service of this precious 13 year old and the last words--"Mom, I love you so much and I just wanted to show you my love."

Sometimes when I am exhausted or drained, I really don't need anyone to settle my problems or bring answers. I just need sleep or rest. But I also think there is a healing power to touch and affection. Her touch literally melted me last night and gave me rest.

I found over the years that often, the way to reach my boys was by scratching their backs or giving them a shoulder massage at night. I think it is so interesting that after Elijah was totally worn out after confronting Ahab and all of his entourage and also Jezebel, that he became depressed and discouraged. Then we read (two times) that the angel touched him and gave him food, after he had slept.

God has given us physical bodies. They need rest, refreshment and touch. Affection settles crying babies, it stimulates their minds and brain waves, it causes very sick people to get better. How grateful I am, that even though I didn't know I needed it, that God sent an angel to me last night to touch me and minister to me. It is the first time she has ever done this in such an elaborate way, but I will never forget this gift of love and the sweet friend who administered it to me!

Today, hug those you love, touch the disgruntled, kiss and scratch backs and you who are weary, get rest and sleep and relax and refresh. Grace and peace to you all.

Monday morning--again--conferences coming up!

Monday mornings before we leave for our first conferences are always filled with adrenalin and excitement and flurry at our house. This is the 13 year, so it is all familiar and yet each year is different. Sarah, Joy and I are preparing to fly to Charlotte on Wednesday and so we are putting last minute details together. (Like, finishing my talks--never quite ready ahead of time-maybe next year!) I am learning so much as I study scripture again! The foundations of faith, joy in the Lord, certainty of His design and calling and practical ways to know what it means to walk with Him and live a life of faith and confidence as a mom;  tips on discipleship and child discipline, developing anchors in your day that will build a great legacy; the importance of raising children to be gracious; the importance of reading outloud to children and the way to inspire great character; cultivating a great soul in your children through beauty, manners, appetites for great thoughts, art and music--are just a few of the topics my speakers and I will address. These are the topics for Charlotte, Irvine and Dallas/Ft. Worth. You can still go here to register. (And you still have a few more days to advertise the conferences on your own letters or blogs--as we will be picking our last two $50 winners February 1)

We are especially excited about our Mom Heart Morning meetings this year. They are just the beginnings of what we hope will be a movement of Moms leading and encouraging Moms all over the world. We hope to see generations changed because of the Biblical support and nurture of small groups. We are looking for writers, administrators, speakers and more. So join us, if you can, to be a part of the beginnings! Just be sure to let Jennice, our secretary, know Jennice  . 

Also, it is not too late to register for North Carolina's conference, but we need to know soon how many meals to order and how many note books to print. We have been praying for all who attend and for the Lord to bring those who especially need encouragement. You may also sign up here to sign up for conferences in Charlotte, California and Texas. (We will be drawing the last two $50 winners from those who announce our conferences again on February 1. Be sure to get your entry in after you put the announcements in and then tell us at whole heart.)

Also, some of you have noticed that I put another announcement at the top of my blog about an online seminar. My dear friend, Lori Lane, is hosting a web conference the same week that we are holding our Mom's conference in California. Sarah and I will both be speaking for a one hour slot for this confernence, but we will tape our talks as we will be in person speaking in California at the same time!

The talk I will give for the webinar will not be a talk from any of my other tape sets and will not be the from the talks I will be giving at this year's conferences. I will be speaking about the role that creativity played in my home and how to implement traditions and beauty and creativity into your schedule to enrich your children's souls. So, if you can't join us at our mom's conferences in the cities where we will be speaking the next 12 weeks, you can join us at the web conference. Lori told me that she will have more info on the site by tomorrow about how you can register if you want to, as I think the site doesn't have a lot of info at this point.

I would so appreciate your prayers as we travel. Please pray for moms to meet face to face with the Lord; pray for all the travel and health of our family and speakers, as we so need God's protection and strength; pray for us --especially my children--to have good attitudes and to be blessed by serving so many people. they work really hard and can be depleted, but they are truly troopers and a blessing. Please pray that my mind and talks will be clear and just what the Lord wants and that the Lord will keep all involved from the evil one.

It is such a privilege to be a part of what the Lord is doing through families. You are indeed essential, from the beginning of time, to God's design for life, children, families and righteousness growing on the earth. May He give each of you strength and grace and wisdom and love today for your many tasks and may you know that today, right in your own homes, souls are being shaped for eternity. Blessings, Sally

PS I love hearing from so many of you. It keeps me going. I am just so far behind on email and correspondence because of my book deadline last week and my computer being in the shop and the conferences. Hope no one falls through the cracks. Just because I haven't answered your letters doesn't mean I am not interested or appreciative. Please forgive me and know that I pray over my emails even when I don't have time to write back. You are all very special to me as I know we are kindred spirits in this stretching calling.

Rest and peace--ahhhhhhhh!

Jessie Wilcox Smith  one of my favorite artists of children! Go make yourself a treat and monkey around a bit!

Galatians 5:1 "It was for freedom that Christ set us free. Therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject to a yoke of slavery." (especially stand firm in your ideals before God without letting someone else's yoke slip around your neck unnecessarily.)

"And the work of righteousness will be peace and the service of righteousness quietness and confidence forever." Isaiah 32: 17

I have seen some books and articles going around that suggest that moms don't really need a break from their children and that it is possible to be around them all the time without going crazy. Now, I love my children and I am very committed to family, and I hope I don't step on anyone's toes, but it is statements like this that put lots of burden and law on women and make them feel guilty unnecessarily. This is a very long term calling and I think all women need the encouragement of other women at times without having to feel guilty for leaving their children.

I have come to really question truths like the one above because they come across as universal and sound wise, but in the end, I have to say, "Is this law? Is it an unshakeable truth that applies to all moms at all times?" Or is it possible that there is grace for each mom to conduct her own symphony, so to speak, with her family, circumstances and children in mind. "It is for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore, keep standing firm that you may not be subject to a yoke of slavery."

I wrote a chapter in Seasons of a Mother's Heart about legalism imposed upon us by others that produces burdens God never intended us to carry. I find it interesting that God purposely left many areas in scripture very vague. No lists about just how to discipline a child, how long to spank, at what age, and for how long, for instance. Or no rule book about what a mom should cook if she was really bringing health to her family or what exact music was acceptable and what music would indeed lead a child astray. Or what it really looks like to submit to a husband-(they are all different and have different preferences!) Not ever a verse that says, "Every mother should stay with her children all the time every hour or else they are not spiritual and their children will go astray." Or, or, or. There is so much in scripture about living by faith, trusting God and Paul and Jesus were so very clear about not having the heart of a Pharisee and putting heavy loads on people.

Now, I find that we are to use wisdom principles and have quiet times and grow in maturity and of course, I  came to the conclusion that if I wanted to pass on my life and beliefs and vision to my children, I needed to be the one who invested time in them and won their hearts, out of the integrity of my heart. But, seeing my children do well in life and love the Lord and us and continue growing is not as a result of a list of rules that I followed, but as a result of following the Lord, praying, obeying Him and seeking His wisdom and then living by faith and watching His grace. God is in charge and will work in and through the personality and circumstances of my life uniquely, If I walk it with Him.

There are so many wonderful teachers and speakers who have such a good heart and love the Lord and want to encourage. But the bottom line is the word of God is to be our ideal and not just "wisdom" from others that is extra-Biblical and not scripture--and I find God to be a better task master than most humans I have ever known.

I find that so many young moms lacked good families and they want to "do it right" with their own children, and so they are willing to believe anything in print or that they heard a speaker say and then put themselves under great burdens, in the name of Christian ideals, and then eventually find themselves wanting to give up ideals because they are very depressed or overwhelmed.

I find that the longer I walk with the Lord, the more freedom I feel to be who I am. I don't have to live by anyone else's laws. Clay and I just have to answer to God and scripture,  not to an arbitrary list of someone else's standards. I think that living overseas and traveling a lot has helped in this area a little. Every culture I see and national that I meet has a different tradition of worshiping God and a different set of circumstances to deal with coming from a different culture in applying the word of God. When I meet people from all over the world, I realize that God is so much bigger and beyond my own box. And yet, he allows all of us, from so many different points of view, to enter into His rest and redemption and forgiveness because of His wonderful, gracious love.

My real desire in writing this article, though, is to give moms permission to be themselves. There is no "one right way". Each of you has a different puzzle to solve--different children's personalities, husbands and even a different personality yourself. Some of you are introverts and some extroverts. But the bottom line is, that as a wise woman, you need to figure out how you can best make it in the long run--loving God and loving your family. 

I am a bit adhd and in order for me to make it as a mom of 4 children, who homeschooled and had very few support systems, I personally had to have variety in my life. If life got too stale, I would go under, so I would create adventure for me and for my children. I am also a bit introverted in some ways and if I am around people all the time for days and months at a time, I will indeed explode! Clay and I figured out that I could go to a coffee shop early a couple of days a week at 6 a.m. and have coffee and a quiet time and write in my journal and then come home by 7:45 a.m. and then he could go to work--and I felt like a different person and he was happy to take care of the kids during that time.  (Especially during the years Joy had nocturnal asthma every night for a year and a half--I needed a break just to keep sane!) I can't live without my quiet time, to think and plan and get perspective. Now there were plenty of times when the kids were sick or Clay was out of town or things just fell apart--and I didn't get time alone for weeks on end. But, I learned that for me to last well for a long time, I had to figure out how to find time in my schedule to have some alone time. 

Each season was different. I have found this season of my life as one of the hardest. (as I have no control over my sweet older kids needs or schedules and there is always an interruption--always and every day and every hour!) When my children were all little, I had a group--we were a clan! and could tell them when we would do things and then I had each child have a quiet hour every afternoon--I would put books in a basket for them and fun magazines and let them have a cup of something to drink--like hot cocoa--and then they would all have to stay in their own areas for an hour. It helped my kids to become readers and to learn to enjoy time alone, un-entertained. But it also gave me time to look forward to every day, where I could have my own cup of tea that no one else could drink and a little time to regroup or rest or make a phone call. Now, it wasn't perfect and there were lots of interruptions, but in general, it worked for me. It was an anchor for all of us to look forward to in our day. But this is not a standard for you--you might want something different or have a whole different kind of preferences to work with. I also would leave the house when we were having too much stress--go to a park, or a ride in the mountains to listen to music or a book on tape with Hot Chocolate to drink--as just getting out helped them and me!

Now, when my older kids are home, I am interrupted at every point. But I want so much to be with them and spend time with them and continue building on our relationship that I make myself available as much as possible. On holidays, I never know who is going to wake up when or eat when or come or go when, as they all have their own schedules and friends and commitments. So, I have had to make a new plan for this season. But, I would have gone under long ago if I hadn't figured out my personality and my needs and how to best stay on top of emotions and needs in the midst of always giving to others. I need to stay healthy  so that everyone else can find strength from me.

The Mama is the key. If she is watching over her heart with all diligence and her heart is becoming depleted and dry, then she needs a plan. Where can I go to become spiritually encouraged? What book can I read? What would fill my cup, emotionally, spiritually, physically and still fit the puzzle of my family?

Who can I spend time with that can encourage me? If a mom's heart stay's full, she will always have the strength to give to all those who need her. However, it is one of the attributes that I admire most--the ability to manage your life, so as to keep going and going. I had to learn that the sabbath rest was God's idea. I had to figure out how to take Sunday's as a day of rest so that I didn't burn out. I had to figure out how I could refresh and regroup after so many conferences, as this is the vocation Clay and I were called to. Clay is a real visionary and architect of new ideas and there is not end to what He might dream up. We married knowing that we would be committed to ministry until we went senile or died. It has meant a different life, schedule, commitments and responsibilities than almost anyone I know. But we worked together over the years to figure out what we needed as a family to protect our inner circle with each other and to keep our hearts warm to each other, the Lord and our children. But, if we read some of the books that are out there, we would have quit what we are doing long ago--because we don't fit the mold or anyone's idea of what a perfect schedule or balance to life is. Yet, we feel such a privilege to do what we do and we want to keep working all the more until we see Jesus.

But all that to say, God is on your side. He is so well pleased that you are seeking to please Him and to love your children and husband. He no more expects perfection out of you than He did of Peter! And He is not surprised when you blow it--as a matter of fact, he would probably say to you, (or me) "Sally, I know that when the cock crows (or the children push you over the edge) you are going to blow it. But take courage, because I have prayed for you that when you get yourself together again, you will strengthen the brethern" In other words, he would say, "I am with you. I understand you. I love you and I will help you make it. Now, go get some sleep or go have fun or go be with a friend and know that it will all be fine. I am the one in control--even of your children, their future, your finances, your mental health. Don't stress. Just rest--in me."

I have to live this way--it is the only way to maintain joy in the midst--to know that He will never, never leave me or forsake me. He will always love me. He is always my helper and good shepherd and prayer warrior and redeemer and model of how to live a servant life and yet still find time alone with the Father-- he is even now, building a great home for me to live in forever in eternity, which I can't wait to go to.

Grace and peace to all of you precious ones this January time of life. Sally Sally@wholeheart.org

PS I had so much fun Monday. One of my genius friends figured out that most of us had conference calling on our phone and so eight of us joined together for a conference call and we all prayed together for a long time and giggled and loved each other--for the community we were having over a phone call that connected all of our phones together. It was fun and so very encouraging to me and to Joy--as several prayed and prayed for her and it filled her heart, too. I am so blessed to have friends who will pray with me. You call one person and then put them on flash and then call another person. Then that person calls another person and puts them on flash and then calls another person and so on. If you find enough people who have this option on their phone (most phone agreements come with it!) you could endlessly connect with friends everywhere.

My favorite things...

Just a short list of thoughts as I am away in a hotel room by myself trying to finish my book by Monday! Got Joel and Sarah off today to Boston-(Sarah wanted an adventure and to help Joel settle in--they are grand friends and have so much fun traveling, listening to books on tape, singing to favorite music, stopping at Starbucks and talking and talking--wish I were with them!) I get a little lonely when I have to sequester myself to write as I do love home and my family. 

So, I brought some of my favorite things with me to keep my spirit buoyed--a rose table covering and vanilla candles; Yorkshire gold tea and a china tea cup--(keeps it hotter.); my favorite lap throw with flowers--I hate to be cold and it is snowing today; celtic music; Pride and Prejudice soundtrack; Mrs. Potter soundtrack; and Ladies in Lavender soundtrack; Joshua Bales on violin on a concerto; and of course Joel on his new album; also love walks in the mountains and cool cloudy days; the color blue and also rose; sweet friends who love me and care about me--I need them so much with not so much family in my life; my children are some of those  best friends as well as a few special buddies who love me no matter what; great books and stories--Eugene Peterson's new book; Victoria Magazine; salad with lots of vege's and avocado and walnuts and always onions; a hot bath that covers my whole body--I love baths; traveling to new places and old favorites (Vienna; Asheville; Prince Edward Island; across country with my kids in a car) chocolate--especially any chocolate with nuts; and especially Lindt--the dark one with the blue foil wrapper; talking with Nate (or Sarah, and Joel)  to see how New York and the other far places in the world) is doing; and encouraging letters or emails from friends; studying the Word and being with my precious Jesus and pondering Him!

Must go back to writing now. Have a great weekend. Congrats to the moms in Ca and North Carolina who won the coupons for books. Still time to advertise and be signed up for the last drawing, February 1! Remember that Clay has extended the deadline in California and Charlotte until midnight on Sunday night so more moms can get in to the conferences on the lower price. We have to set a deadline cause we have to order meals and have notebooks printed and get favors in time--so be sure to sign up if you are coming as it makes it so much better for our office! Fun to know of women coming from Quebec and Spain and from all over. Praying for all of you. Be sure you know that in California, there is a direct shuttle to the hotel from Orange County airport--not LAX!

Also, Mom Heart Vision training will be at each conference as a separate meeting at 9:30 a.m.  in Charlotte, Irvine and at Dallas/Ft.Worth--my friend, Sandra Maddox and I will be laying out the vision and look forward to visiting with all of you who can come to this meeting and to help you start small groups and give you special encouragement. If you want to come to this, please register at wholeheart so we can plan on how many materials we need to print--also, the hotels require us to have refreshments or to rent the rooms, so a donation of $10 would be appreciated if you can. This meeting is for all who want to find out about Mom Heart Ministry and who might want to help with this-and it is a separate meeting before the mom's conference will start. I am so excited. We hope it will all be of great encouragement to moms all over the world!

Now, please pray I will finish my book with great thoughts from the Lord. Wishing you all peace this weekend.

Sally
Sally@wholeheart.org

The Joy of the Lord is my strength--a New Year Resolve in the midst of trials!

"Thy words were found and I ate them, And they words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Thy name, O Lord God of hosts." Jeremiah 15: 16 "Blessed is the man who trust in the Lord, and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water. That extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; And it will not be anxious in the year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit." Jeremiah 17: 7-8

Happy and Blessed 2015!

I have come to love the first few mornings I can really get alone with the Lord in the days of a new year. It is the foundation of my ability to be able to face days with courage and hope and peace. I get excited about  what is ahead, what ways I will see Him working in my life and in the lives of my children--but I don't get excited until I am alone in His presence!

Another new year is upon us! This year will be one filled with fears and anxieties and stresses--and I know that it will be--but how I handle the stresses and face the trials will totally determine the fruitfulness and grace with which we live each day.

 

As adults, our idealistic children are juggling ideals with reality--where to invest one their lives, how to find community of spiritual people, practical issues of how to pay their bills.

Our own family of 7, is always faced with all sorts of financial demands and insecurities--the future of Whole Heart--our livelihood and the ability to pay our staff, usually is determined by filling our conferences. This is even more complicated with the new health care system as insurance for our small ministry is exorbitant. Paying off  school loans with our children, preparing for conferences, books, travels, responsibilities--all of us have our own piles.

But this year, we know many precious friends have lost their jobs and are under financial stress--we are all affected by this downturn of the economy. Clay and I don't know any other kind of work--it is our life's work to minister to families--what is our future?

We know so many of you face these and other issues.

Yet, it is not the battles that defeat us, but how well we fight in the battles that determine our outcome and victory.

Depression and fear are natural results of being in and surrounded by difficulties--three times in John we read that Jesus was troubled--

but it is moving into the presence of the Lord--our commander, in which we see life from His eyes, refocus and gain strength and instruction about how we can move ahead with grace.

I was feeling exhausted and depleted for 28 years of giving, giving, giving! Seems I have spent myself on others--forever--serving them, loving them, providing for them, and caring for their endless needs. So, the thoughts were going that invaded my mind. Whether my husband and children or the many in our ministry or friends, I have spent myself as much as possible for as many years as I can remember. But this night, when  I had to pack up--again--and knew that we would only get 2-3 hours of sleep before our alarm awakened us at 3:20 a. m. so that we could get to our taxi, to the airport, and then board our 6 o'clock plane--this night--I felt pretty much like giving up--or giving in--whatever that meant!  But I also knew that decisions should never be made at night--happy hormones are down and need a night of sleep to build them up again--never pay attention to the dark thoughts of a late night! They kill and deplete and destroy!

"I think I need a long, long rest, Lord. I think I may be getting irrelevant, dried up, unusable--I don't think I can go one more year in ministry. I am tired and drained and discouraged! I am tired and this is only the first trip of our busiest season yet. Can I please have a year off--just to rest, refresh and gain perspective?"

And so the dark cloud swirled around, hovering around my depleted heart, threatening and accusing and intimidating! But, after many, many years of learning to put one foot in front of the other, I finished packing. Nate came in and we had a 45 minute talk--my last time with him before he went back to New York the next day--so I had strength to give to him, since I knew it would be my last face to face for a while! Just as I finished with him, then, Joy came in changed into her "flying" clothes and crawled in bed with me. Seems she was overwrought from tiredness and depleted adrenalin from many competitions and was a little weepy. "Mom, I can't get to sleep. Will you please snuggle with me? I just need to be close to someone."

So I snuggled, rubbed her head, until 1:00 a.m.--one more time, I could give out one more time--because this little bundle was so very precious to me. Finally fell asleep, looking at the clock for the last time at 1:23! The impossible had been done again--giving out again--there had been enough strength afterall--in spite of my emotions and thoughts!

Yesterday was a blur--sleeping like we were drugged on the plane. But, Clay picked me up at the Denver airport with my own home-made cinnamon bread, toasted; with cheese and toasted pecans and a welcome heart for the hour long trip home. When Joy and I arrived home, Sarah and Joel had lit every candle in our house; they had cleaned up all the Christmas stuff and redecorated with valentine stuff--and put on a beautiful instrumental c.d.; and made a fresh pot of tea with muffins for a 9:30 a.m. tea time. Now, I would have only two more days with them before they both took off to Boston, where Joel, just this week, in the nick of time, had found amazing, great, inexpensive housing near to the campus--another story!

But, just now, Oh, to be home. For so many years, this is how I had greeted them--after trips, in the mornings, when they returned home from adventures. How very encouraged I was to be in the life of home again-that my own, young adult children had created for me. Then, Joy and I slept and caught up on phone calls and mail and the stories Clay, Joel and Sarah had to share--and we shared all about our adventures with them, and I fell into bed shortly after 9 p.m. last night.

This morning, I awakened wide-awake at 4:45. Slipping out of bed, I snuck (is that a word?) downstairs, made some tea, lit our fire and a candle, and almost got butterflies in my stomach because, finally, I would get some much needed time with my beloved and most precious friend--the Lord. Slowly, as I read the Word--His word, I could feel my burdens lightening, my heart getting slowly realigned with His; joy beginning to fill my heart; peace about trusting in His hand to provide for our many needs ahead; and assurance that He would meet me at every point along the way.

Clay had shared a verse with me for the last chapter of the book I have to finish this week--Jeremiah 15: 16--just what I needed this morning--"Thy words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart." His words, the words of my beloved Father, creator, shepherd--the one who wants to care for me this year-the one who longs to speak to me and to have me listen to Him--His words become the delight of my heart."

And so I looked just across the page of my Bible to another couple of verses--Blessed is she (my slight change!) who trusts in the Lord (not in money, things, jobs, people--but in Him) and whose trust is the Lord--(He alone is my strength, help, source of life, and wisdom)--For and this is an important little word--for--if--a person trusts the Lord and has him as their strength--he will be planted--placed by water--a source of life--roots will go down into His stream of life--fear will not be a part of his life when heat and drought come--but instead, fruit will be produced! This person will not cease to yield fruit--even in drought--even in heat--but the water of His life--will be the source to provide fruit that will never cease.

These are the words my weary heart and mind needed to feed upon--just what I needed to keep going with strength and energy to meet all He will bring my way. He is real. He is with me. He is with you--as a little girl, as Joy did with me, go to Him for snuggling, for reassurance, for love and for peace. He is ready to hold you and love you.

How reassuring to me-I see drought ahead--heat ahead--difficult times. I think many are in the refining fire of God's love and care--God is not willing for us to depend on materialism--that is idolatry. He doesn't want us to be lazy and corrupt in our nature--He wants us to be like Him--so our hearts and souls may be tested and refined--but, we will find Him and His ways in our life to be faithful--true--good and truly fulfilling--and joyful. But, the bottom line is--if we trust Him and make Him our trust, if we respond to His loving discipline, if we bring His light and life into the dark places; if we obey his words and life--then the waters of His love and encouragement spring forth in our hearts and we sense his presence and love anew--enough for each day.

I have been learning so much in the past months about how to look at the future with hope; how to walk with God; how to continue to find strength--I can't wait for my conferences to share many of these new lessons with you! And am praying that many of you will still find a way to come. There is something amazing that happens in these conferences where women are gathered together in a large group for fellowship, strength and encouragement and prayer and fun--the life of Christ is almost palpable. We have seen so many lives changed and so many families strengthened for the tasks of life.

But we are also trying hard to figure out new technology on our website and in our ministry to put some of these conferences online so that women all over the world may partake. Please pray for the Lord to help us with this--to provide the technical support as well as the financial support to undertake these projects very soon.

(Some very unexpected support came from friends in Australia that encouraged us to keep going in this direction. Many of you very generously supported us at the end of this year to help us keep going--and we know that many who sent in financial contributions sent them even though they had lost jobs--we were humbled and overwhelmed with thanksgiving for each person who sacrificed and gave that we may keep going! -I have to say that this makes Clay and me really want to be good stewards of your love, faith and support. We feel such a privilege to be a part of God's hands and words and life in this world to parents.)

I will be writing more, later this week, about other ways that the Life of God grows in our hearts and encourages us. But wanted to say hi, we are praying for the many wonderful moms and families that the Lord brings our way. May you find His beauty, strength, grace and peace today. May He fill you with renewed joy. Blessings of His grace to all of you in 2009--may we live to tell stories of His faithfulness to all of us this year through all eternity. Sally Sally@wholeheart.org

PS We will be contacting the two winners of the $50 coupon from Whole Heart from those who advertised our conferences in your email or newsletter in December. They will be contacted today! We will give 2 more $50 away to those of you who advertise in January for the Charlotte, Irvine and Dallas/Ft. Worth conference--to enter your name in our contest, please send Jennice  your name and phone number and where you advertised our conferences. You may go here Wholeheart.org and look under conferences for email information and letters that have already been written that you can use for your announcement. We so appreciate those of you who are helping us get the word out. Now that the holidays are out of the way, many will begin to think about the possibility of coming and your announcement may just help a discouraged mom to come for the encouragement she needs. We so appreciate your helping our ministry in this way!