New areas for Mom Heart conferences........Seattle?

Just a quickie. Sweet Diana Waring wants Whole Heart to come up to the Seattle area to do a Mom Heart Conference this fall. Does anyone know of a facility (church?) where we could have up to several hundred women, close to freeway connections, and near a hotel where women can stay--and you have inroads with that facility to help us make it happen? If anyone out there wants us to come or can help us get there, please let us know asap, as we are trying to put this together soon.  It would be great to come to Seattle--we have had lots of inquiries and requests--but now if we can find a place to hold the conference, we will make it happen in early November. Let us know--Diana Waring on FB or me on FB or Sally@wholeheart.org

Have a great weekend!

Heartfelt Discipline - And a Giveaway!

  Clay's book on Heartfelt Discipline--hopefully to be back in print the end of the year!

  One of the most common emails or letters that I get concerns child discipline. How do you make your children stay in bed at night? My daughter will not obey my husband but runs to me when he tries to discipline her. What should I do? My children are always bickering and I want them to stop.

Now all of these are common habits of children and of course our goal is to help our children to mature enough that they will move toward mature behavior and learn self-control and practice obedience. The maturing of a child is a life-long process that will take many years. But it is possible to have pleasant children, most of the time, who are secure, happy and moving towards godly character.

However, it is not by formula or "follow these rules" that the shaping of their heart and character is developed. This is not a post about how many spanks for lying, talking back, or giving Mommy "the look." This is not a post about Ten Easy Steps to Make Your Children Obey. Our culture is formula-driven and impatient. We want to know what to do, how to do it, and when we can expect results so we can move on to the next issue. Surrounded by these false teachings, no wonder so many moms are tired and stressed and feel that they have failed when their less than perfect children continue to act like children--and often are out of control from being treated as objects of discipline and punishment instead of unique children with gender and personality and maturity differences.

For many years, I have pondered scripture as well as the ways God parents the Jews and how He seems to parent me. Our Heavenly Father is loving, gracious, and makes all things beautiful in His time. His timetable for my life and for answers to my own prayers and questions seems to take a lot longer than I ever would. He doesn't seem to mind at all letting me suffer through circumstances--instead He encourages me to hold fast, obey, stay strong and so many times He makes me wait for things. 

As I look at how Jesus worked with His disciples, He was patient with them, put up with their personality differences, often said, "They did not understand," and let them fail. Aren't you thankful He loves you enough to stick with you, gently pointing out areas of your life that need work, and allow you ample opportunities to grow in those areas? I know I am! I have often felt that I make so many mistakes that I am disqualified from being in ministry. But He still chooses to use me, by His grace, because His glory is to show His likeness and grace through normal, human beings.

With this kind of a patient, loving, accepting Father, I have no other choice but to be like him as a parent to my children.

The reason I want to obey Him and please Him is because of a deep, heart fulfilling relationship I experience with Him most of the time. But there are times I feel far away from Him, and still He loves me and waits until my heart warms again.  I believe He is trustworthy and has integrity and calls to my inner self--that if I follow Him and obey Him, I will find the best for my life.

He loves me, He cares for me, He teaches me truth, He calls me to excellence, He gives me purpose, He humbles me, He provided beauty and love and intellect to give my life scope, challenge, meaning and stimulation, He provides for celebration and feasts in His plan for the life of His people, He commands rest. He called me into a relationship with Him before He started working on my attitudes, my bad habits, and the areas of sin with which I struggle.

His discipline and love and training for me is a whole life experience, not limited somehow to "paddle-time."

Several years ago, Clay wrote a book called Heartfelt Discipline. It is out-of-print now, but we plan to put it back in print. So many parents have told us how it changed their concept of "discipline." In the first chapter, Clay wrote:

"We are all influenced by the cultural tendency to view discipline only as punishment. To be honest, this narrow view makes things easier on us as parents. If my disciplinary responsibility is fulfilled by a simple act of punishment or correction, then very little else is required of me. But God has issued a much higher calling. Biblical discipline is much more than an act. It is both an ongoing, heart-to-heart relationship and a continuous spiritual interaction with my children. It is far more than simple correction; it is a parent and child walking together along the path of life. That is the Bible's bigger picture. " p. 15 of Heartfelt Discipline

Discipline is about a heart-to-heart relationship,  continuous spiritual interaction.

Does that sound easy? time-consuming? sacrificial? intentional? I have yet to meet a mom who told me she felt so refreshed after working on her child's character training! What you are doing will affect eternity ~ you are in a battle for the hearts of your children. Your enemy wants you to feel like a failure, he wants you to give up. He does not want you to see baby steps of progress ~ he wants you discouraged. Is it a wonder then that so many moms look for shortcuts to having "the perfect child"?

Many of the shortcuts leave out the relationship completely or allow the child to usurp the parents' authority. Here are some words from The Ministry of Motherhood (p. 37):

"Sometimes we serve our children best and most lovingly by sticking to our guns and not letting them have their way. Loving discipline can be part of the gift of grace. So can teaching with words and exhorting our children to excellence. But the relationship has to come first. Discipline and teaching are most effective when administered in a context of a close, ongoing relationship of love."

Some Biblical Wisdom

1. Discipline is a long term process based on long term family relationships. Timothy is one of the classic examples of a young man whose godly mother and grandmother invested in his life. In II Timothy 1:5 Paul wrote, "For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well." What dwelt in Timothy's mother and grandmother? How do you think they passed that on to Timothy? They did not have children's Bibles or Awana or DVDs.

2. Read Romans 2:4, "Or do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you towards repentance? What does this verse say leads to repentance? Whose kindness is this verse talking about? If God used patience and kindness and tolerance (mercy) in relationship to us to lead us to Him, what does that say about our attitude toward our children?

3. Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." What are we tempted to do? What will happen if we persevere? How does this encourage you as a mom?

Application

What are some practical ways you can build relationships with your children this week? Fixing ice cream cones (it's supposed to reach 100 degrees today!)? Playing with them? Reading books to them? Building legos--doing what they want to do! For a list of great family oriented books, see Sarah's Recommended List of Children's Literature here.

Give Away

Another way that Clay and I knew how to train our children was that we laid out very clearly what values we wanted to pass on to our children. We published this devotional book that we used as a family. Training is specific and it gave our children something to shoot towards. We will give a 24 Family Ways away next Thursday. 

 

To purchase or read about Our Twenty Four Family Ways, go here.

 To be entered in the drawing, leave a comment on this post; connect this post to your blog or facebook or twitter, and then let us know by contacting admin@wholeheart.org

 Post a comment telling a practical way you are building relationships with your children. We will focus on character qualities we desire our children (and ourselves) to have in next week's Bible study. Until then, pray to "keep heart" and to not grow weary!

For more on discipline, you can read this older post: Will Training

Discipleship by the tray--serving up grace and love

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. 

Proverbs 25: 11

Stomp, bang, slam, stomp again, slam again.  "Everyone in this family is always losing things. And if they would just be responsible, we wouldn't waste so much time looking for them all the time. Why can't people just be responsible?!!!!!!"

My 16 year old child was getting ready to take the car to run over to a friend's house and then go to the store for me. But we couldn't find the one set of car keys that we still had or at least had before we lost this set. Our family of 6 now had 4 drivers and 2 cars. It seemed we could never figure out who had driven the car last or where they had put the keys. "I haven't had them!" was what everyone said, so it must have been a little house demon that just stole them and hid them to frustrate us. We did find them behind the refridgerater, which we had to move away from an enclosed wall to find! How in the world had they gotten there!

But the bigger issue was the yelling, stomping, banging around the house. Somehow, in my heart, I knew it was a time for grace.

I went to the kitchen and loaded up my tray--made some hot tea, put some chocolate chip cookies on a plate, lit the candle. Then I took the tray into my little tiny personal place, back of my bedroom, turned on some instrumental music--and the scene was ready. 

I told this child that I wanted to speak to him, "in my room----now!"

The dread filled his eyes. When we sat down on my couch, I poured tea, offered cookies and began,

"I just wanted to tell you how much I have come to appreciate you lately. You are responsible, you help me so much, you are creative and I love your songs you have been writing. You are so diligent academically. You are growing in your faith. You are such a friend and blessing to me. I know it is hard to live in this crazy family sometimes and we do lose things, but we are all so very glad you are in our family. I wanted you to know I understand the frustration and I love you."

Relief just seemed to melt away from his face and he began to relax. "Wow,  I thought I was going to get a lecture or something. (apparently he had had a few of those before!) I don't mean to be disagreeable. I have even had great quiet times lately. But sometimes when I walk out the door of my bedroom, it is only minutes until someone irritates me. It just comes over me. Have you ever felt like that?"

We ended up having a great time of friendship together. He felt understood. I had a chance to speak into his life and the Lord worked in our midst. 

Discipleship, devotions, advice, teaching is so much more effective over something delectable to eat, something hot to drink and soothe, and a pleasant setting to enjoy with a loving relationship extended, than when spirituality is just dosed out in a utilitarian sort of way.

I have found that when, on occasion, I take the time to do a tray-time, it just sets the stage for my saying, "I thought about you. I care for you. I want to make time for you--or spend time with you."

I learned many years ago to serve my children with trays. Surprise breakfast trays in bed early in the morning to say, "I love you just because."

A tray and hot chocolate and cinnamon toast in a private corner of the house which says, "I know you are sad or mad or depressed or whatever, I just wanted to let you know you are special and valued." 

Trays for children when they have been sick--with a special little book or treat or puzzle or something to do to make staying in bed easier.  Our trays have come to mean love and comfort to our children.

I started this when Sarah was very young. My boys learned to love these "Get away with mom times--all by yourself!"I could see that even as a little girl, sometimes the tray made what would be normal conversation into an event. I have also seen that when I set the stage, the Holy Spirit seems to show up in a special way.

Now, I make trays when I meet with friends--a tea time tray on the porch, in the living room--always a candle, something to drink, something to eat or munch--like giving a cup of cold water to a soul--beauty, serving, an environment where the word is shared, friendship is kept, hearts are opened and the art of life is celebrated--and the Holy Spirit shows up.

Even Jesus used this kind of methodology. He washed the disciples feet and then talked to them about servant leadership. He fed them fish on the shore and then gracefully said, "Tend my lambs, shepherd my sheep."

The gospel is a powerful message. It is redemptive, but the reality of Christ with the strength of His message can sometimes be more perceived as life-changing, when we use all the art, beauty, tastes, smells, pleasures that God gave us as resources to use. So go set a try and have a tea-moment this afternoon.

The power of life-giving words

Studying the word of God--together--a new weekly article for Itakejoy!

I receive so many emails from moms asking specific questions: How do I discipline my two year old? When should I start "school"? How can I build a stronger relationship with my teen who is more interested in spending time with friends than with our family? How can I love my husband when he isn't being the spiritual leader our family needs? As much as I would love to answer each email personally, there is just not enough of me to go around! As I've prayed and wondered how I can minister to more women, the idea of posting a weekly Bible study has come to mind. By taking an in-depth look at some of the topics I've written about, I hope that you will dig into God's Word and lean on Him to give you His strength and wisdom. You are the only one navigating the Mom Walk He has designed just for you.

This week, we are going to look at the power of words. I have been thinking about the importance of words lately - they bring life or death. Jesus was called the word and His life brought hope and redemption and truth and guidance. 

I have met so many young 20 somethings who have scars from their parents--mainly, I have heard stories of parents who never encouraged or had time to listen or believe in dreams or sympathize. "My parents never listened to me. They never understood me. They were always angry at me," is often what I hear. 

But if we were to look at the Word, Jesus himself, we would see intentional encouragement. "Peter, you are the rock. Thomas, a ma in whom there is no guile. The centurion--no one has had faith like you. Mary, your story will be told about you for all times." Jesus always took time to show love to initiate words of life--even to believe in Peter and encourage him as he was about to rebel against him. Peter, Satan has desired to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you......"

A word held back could keep a person from hope, faith, affirmation -- or it could keep them from scarring a child, building a wall, separating friends. James tells us that we should be very careful of our words and that we will be held accountable for them someday. Here are just a few thoughts on words from The Ministry of Motherhood.

Words are powerful; the Bible is full of that message. The whole universe came into being because God spoke the words. God's written word in the form of Scripture is central to his ongoing communication with his people. Jesus himself, God's ultimate form of communication, is described as the Word of God. And the Bible is clear that our words are important too. Many verses instruct us in the importance of words spoken as a source of life and encouragement. A few of these verses from Proverbs describe how precious words can be:

A soothing tongue is a tree of life. (15:4)

A man has joy in an apt answer,

And how delightful is a timely word! (15:23)

Like apples of gold in settings of silver

Is a word spoken in right circumstances. (25:11)

Encouraging and affirming words -- words of life, as I like to call them -- have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard times, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong.    taken from The Ministry of Motherhood, p. 41

In Proverbs 15:4, how is a soothing tongue a tree of life? How do bitter words stunt growth?

Proverbs 15:23 says a timely word is delightful. How can you encourage one of your children with a "timely word" today? Have you received a "timely word" in your quiet time lately? How did that encourage you?

Gold and silver are precious metals mentioned in Proverbs 25:11. Read this verse to your children and have them illustrate what they think this would look like. Discuss how our words can create a picture of beauty for others. End your time with an apple snack. =)

May the Lord bless you with creative ideas on ways you can speak life to your loved ones this week!

Pulling away to the quiet into His presence

 I love my brood!

"How often I wanted to gather your children together, just as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not have it." Luke 13:34

I get giddy just thinking about the last week in August. Family Day is a time each year that we gather with all of our children to celebrate the "Clarksons". My mother heart longs to have all of us together, close, touching each other, enjoying each other. They are my beloved ones, the ones in whom I am related--they came from my body, I have nursed them and loved them. They are my brood.We eat our favorite foods and have feasts together. We spend all of our time, just us, talking, giggling, celebrating life, sharing our dreams, thoughts, cuddling together on the couches watching our favorite movies, go hiking together, remember together all the ways we have seen God answer prayer and provide for us as a family.

It is a time I am blessed to gather my brood under my wings. As a mother, I delight in sharing the company of my precious children and loving and ministering to them and sharing hearts one more time, before they all go back into the world.

And so Jesus shared with us the same mothering example--he longed to gather his brood under his wings, so to speak. Jesus wants a relationship with us.

Loving Him, Cherishing Him

When asked what the most important commandment was, he said to love Him.

Jeremiah further tells us, "Let Him who boasts, boast in this, that He understands and knows me, that I am the God who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness." Jeremiah 9:24

God was walking in the garden he had created for the delight of His children, Adam and Eve, in the middle of the day to share their companionship. Imagine the creator of the world seeking the friendship of human beings. It is His heart, to love and to be loved.

He tells us in Revelation, "But I have this against you, you have left your first love, so repent." Revelation 2:4

Coming to the quiet, is coming to Jesus, being with Him, loving Him, worshipping Him and appreciating Him, listening to Him, serving Him.

Mary, as I mentioned in the last post, showed us this posture--listening to His every word. 

I used to ask myself, what qualified Mary to be the mother of Jesus? I think that she was a woman who loved her God. She pondered His word, she engaged her heart in His majesty. 

Luke 1:46 shows us her heart: "My soul glorifies my Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my savior.

Her heart, deep down, where her dreams and values and love was--was where she treasured her Lord.

So, if we are to become spiritual beings, spiritually wise, it will be in drawing near to God, seeking to ponder His being, listening to His voice, loving Him and believing in Him and in His goodness.

To be truly spiritual means to be more like Him. You become like whoever you hang around with--if you are hanging around with Jesus and loving Him, He will rub off on you. What you sow you will reap.

The World's voice

Often, I have said, "In the absence of Biblical convictions, people will go the way of culture." I want to also say, "In the absence of investing your time and heart and love in God, your heart will be invested in the world, the culture and all the voices clamoring for your heart's attention. The world clamors for our attention all the time.

The world says:

status, the pride of life is important--God says the humble please Him

what you own, your riches  defines you--the possessions, idols of life--Jesus came without home or riches and told us to lay up our treasure in heaven

what you have accomplished, your works justify your life--Jesus says, it is by grace through faith that we are justified and made beautiful--Christ's work in us, He makes us adequate

your busyness means you are accomplishing something, scripture says, "make it your ambition to lead a quiet life." Faith is what pleases God--not works

pleasing people and having lots of friends and admirers proves your worth. Proverbs tells us that the fear of man brings a snare.

Establishing your kingdom on earth is a worthy goal. Jesus says, "Seek first the kingdom of God. Thy kingdom come." He wants to build us for eternity, not for this earth.

Pleasure and self-gratification is what will satisfy. Jesus says, "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose His soul."

If I get my way and convince God that He needs to do my will, I will be satisfied and fulfilled. Jesus says, He who loses His life, gains it. Jesus said, "I came to do His will, not my own will."

His Solutions

I found that the more time I spent in His word, praying, seeking to trust Him with all of my problems and issues and fears and sought to have His values, they almost always led me away from culture--even from the Christian culture I was surrounded by. 

I also wish I had not fretted so much about my life, as He used all situations to strengthen, to build, to deepen my compassion for others who were struggling. He had a will for my life--to prepare me for eternity--to make me more like Jesus--and that has taken Him some bit of work. But I wish I had trusted Him more along the way, and not fought what He was doing.

But without the investment of time with Him, it is impossible to be spiritual. The Holy Spirit resides in us, He speaks to us the things of Jesus, He teaches us the wisdom and reality of His word, but we can quench the Spirit and close off His voice, by engaging so much in our own ways and spending too much time in the company of the world and listening to their voice.

Practical suggestions

1. Read through the psalms--one per day--either in your Bible on in a journal, circle or write down anything, any truth, any attribute it teaches you about God. You will have a wealth of knowledge about God when you do this and you will know much more about His heart.

2. Do the same for Hebrews. Hebrews tells us the Jesus is the exact representation of God. Look at Hebrews to learn the lessons of what pleases God, the attributes of Jesus, the truth about His will for us to hold fast.

3. Read a proverb a day and make a column in your notebook or journal and write world on one side and wisdom on the other side.

4. Figure out your own puzzle--when is a time or times you can be sure to have time to be with the Lord--to read scripture, to pray about your life and issues. Even 5 minutes is better than nothing--but try to have at least one time a week for an extended period. There is no holy time--you can learn just as much at midnight as you can at early dawn--whenever suits you and your situation the best is the right time.

Lord, I pray that you will raise up amongst these women, ones who will love you, seek you, trust you, serve you with their whole hearts. Speak to them in their needs and issues of life, help them to learn from you. Comfort them and guide them in wisdom. Bless these precious ones I pray and thank you so much for your generous, unfailing love and that you would want to be with us. We love and worship you. In Jesus precious and wonderful name we come. Amen

Pulling away to the quiet

"In repentance and rest you will be saved, 

In quietness and trust shall be your strength."

Isaiah 30: 15

All of us are always soooooo busy! I will eventually get off of this subject of refreshing, but I have received so many letters, I know that the Lord has more to teach me and there is more to share! Soooo...........

My life has been clamoring with issues, details, pressures and drainers the past few weeks. I have 55 women coming to my home in one month for a leadership intensive to be trained to become better writers and speakers and to help us expand our ministry. Besides notebooks that need to be designed and written, speakers arranged, talks prepared, meals planned, hotel rooms reserved, transportation from the airport, there are the normal issues of home. The toilet on the main floor stopped working. My oven has died. The carpet in our den was stained in about 10 places, made  by a young woman we were trying to minister to, and now needs replacing. Some teens vandalized our neighborhood last night and tore out all of the mailboxes on our street and destroyed some other yards.

I have to make decisions about a multitude of speaking requests for 2010-2011 and spend lots of time in correspondence. I must get 55 hours of driving in with Joy. Sarah is in the midst of some important decisions, that requires lots of talking and praying. Clay wants me to help finish a publishing project. Joy is in the midst of a mini-crisis while away at Summit Ministries that is taking lots of time. Phone calls to the boys. Articles due, thousands of emails in my inbox--unanswered. Cooking and shopping and washing dishes daily for all who live and stay in my home. And, and, and. 

God so clearly says in so many passages, in quietness and rest shall be your strength--you will find strength when you are quiet and when you rest.

*****************

I had the illusion when I had little babies, that some day, life would settle down and I would have more personal time to myself. We find ourselves saying,"Life will be easier when.....When the baby sleeps through the night; when I am through having babies; when all are out of diapers; when they are all reading; when they can drive; when they are through with these teen, hormonal years, when............

Yet, if we are not careful, we can fritter life away waiting for an elusive time in the future when we think all will be well, and we will have more time then to read, have quiet times, savor this moment with my children, be sensitive to my husband's needs, pray about what is on the heart of Jesus, 

and then we miss living today to its fullest and for God's glory. We miss the life that was the will of God.

We would all agree that we do not want to live the Martha life--always busy, busy, busy and a tad upset and grumpy, feeling sorry for ourselves, overwhelmed with the lists, having negative thoughts about our children, husband, life but we do not always take the time to evaluate and see ourselves as we really are. 

--but, as Jesus says,

"But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made."

What are you distracted by? What are you focussing on that is stealing from your time? Your soul? Your emotions? Your body?

So many say, My children seem to be out of sorts, they are so demanding, they argue a lot, they are discipline problems, they are draining me--driving me crazy......

Even though, often, many moms are supposedly home with their children or committed to their children as their first priority much of  the time, they are not focussing on their children's needs--having a restful, regular schedule; healthy food, engaging them in interesting activities--reading to them, playing with them, talking with them, doing chores with them, providing interesting, creative toys--taking an account of their children's attitudes, needs, unspoken issues--

just enjoying them--filling their emotional cups, stimulating their hungry minds, challenging them with spiritual excellence and character, and investing in the kind of relationship that will make their children trust them and want to share their secrets and deepest heart's needs -

-because the moms are so distracted  and busy with their own agenda--exercise, working and making extra money, house beautiful, getting their nails done, checking off all the boxes for the children's educational goals, shopping, going out, keeping up with the Joneses, buying things and experiences, while exhausting their children or neglecting them, taking that job on so the kids can have more things or a bigger house or new car, or.(all the things the world is telling them that they need)

 She came to him (Jesus) and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me.!" 

Do you ever pray like this, "Lord, don't you see how busy I am? How many things I am juggling? How important I am with all the work I do with all the people who are depending on me? Don't you realize how tired I am? Don't you see how abused I am? Don't you feel sorry for me? You are not doing a very good job of answering my prayers? Don't you care?

I have discovered that God is never moved by my tantrums. He is pretty steady and waits until I am so worn out, I am still and seek His voice and face--just like that baby or child who has to cry it all out before they will listen to you, or accept your comfort. He does care, but he can't speak to me quietly if I am screaming and talking constantly about my needs, my life, my worries,

"Sally, Sally---I mean, Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things,"

The world clamors for our attention and speaks to us in so many ways--your children need to be involved in all of the right classes or activities, or they will miss out. They will somehow be less--less intelligent, less skilled, less talented, .......

I am so important--really God's gift to the world! I can't seem to get everything done that I need to do, because God has given me more to do than I can possibly accomplish!  I have more to do than I can do. Everyone is really expecting me to: help them, write that blog every day; speak to their group, go to their meeting, say something interesting on facebook, answer their phone call, email them back, go to this luncheon, that meeting, that sports team,........

or, I have a rebellious child and I am worried about the outcome;  

I have such a demanding, insensitive, or unspiritual husband

these financial issues and strain are weighing so heavily upon me

I can't take all the criticism of my life and family

my Christian friendship is in danger. I have been so hurt by this relationship

So, often, like Martha, we take things into our own hands. We become busy in what we think is furthering God's will or helping to accomplish the task, because He is taking such a long time.

We are busy, as Martha was--but we are not quiet--listening to Him

 --but oh the consequences

When Abraham and Sarah helped God out, they had an illegitimate son that created heartbreak and endless friction between the Jews and Arabs

when the jews demanded a king, like all the other people, it cost them their sons and daughters and taxes and wars

So many Biblical examples, but taking life into our own hands a nd following the world's agenda and expectations, always comes with a great cost.

But only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." 

Mary sat at Jesus' feet, she engaged her heart, she dropped everything she had to do, she listened intently, she worshipped, she was seeking and choosing what Martha was too distracted and busy to choose. There is evidently only one good part to choose and it would not be taken away from Mary since she chose it.

It is only in seeking to understand and know Him and learn from Him and ask for His wisdom and power that we can find the resources in which to live life in this world. 

How to choose the good part? How to make time for it? How to seek for it as for treasure? 

Part 2 tomorrow

A beautiful Salad for a great holiday weekend!

Hope you have a great 4th of July with family or friends. We will miss our boys and Joy, who is at Summit Ministries this weekend. But, Sarah, Clay and I will be with friends tomorrow (Saturday) for a pot luck barbeque and Sunday evening for a pot luck. I think this year we get to see fireworks twice--Saturday and Sunday! May God truly see our gratefulness that He has allowed so much freedom and grace to us in our beloved country and may He preserve our freedom to worship and educate our children as we desire. May you have a blessed and safe holiday weekend.

This is a simple, but beautiful salad that is a real crowd pleaser.

I love salads at almost every meal. Somehow, it even seems more special when it is pretty, too. 

A sweet friend brought this to my home recently and all of us ooohed and ahhed because just seeing it made it taste oh so much better. 

Pick salad greens, lettuces or spinach to place on bottom of a large salad bowl. Then hand place chopped vegetables around the center. Add olives to center. 

Chopped:

egg

yellow peppers

green onion

greens of any variety

Sprinkle green peas or edamame to add color.

Place goat or feta cheese around the edges.

Alternate

cherry tomatoes with roasted pecans 

(roast in over on 300 degrees for 10-15 minutes until brown)

Cover with plastic wrap until it is served. Serve with large salad tongues and toss the dressing or serve it on the side. Be sure to scoop a little of each vegetable to get the full taste.

Our favorite dressing with this is oil and vinegar with a touch of ranch mixed in.

Enjoy.

I need love, I need friends

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!"  Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 One of the most repeated struggles in my life has been loneliness. Our family has moved 17 times (6 times internationally) and because of life-circumstances, we have been extremely isolated from our extended family. So it means lots of starting over times and most holidays spent alone when others are with their families. But each of us is pre-wired by God to need to "belong", to be a part of a group where we can be a valued member--a beloved person. We were made for love and friendship. Yet, so many are desperately lonely today, even though amidst lots of people.

Our soul will shrivel up without true, close fellowship. As a speaker and leader in the Christian realm, I long for people I can be myself with--they know me, warts and all, and still love me and accept my children and my sin and weakness and all of my faults. I cannot exist in a bubble of busy-life where no one really knows me but only supposes me to be what they think I am from reading my books. I need real, velveteen rabbit sort of relationships--where you are old and worn out together and dirty from sharing life--but it has made you all the more precious to each other.

I am off to a meeting in a little bit, so I will just type all sorts of thoughts I have in my heart about the importance of Jonathan-David, close friendships--no time to edit today--but I pray it will encourage your hearts.

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My sweet daughters, who are my best friends, and Gwennie, my sister friend who became so close to me and such a support when we were single missionaries in Poland.She and I are family to each other since neither of us has had much family over the years.

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In this whole idea of becoming refreshed, we need to look to God grace through others as a necessity for us to be able to be refreshed. Friendship was designed by God to be a grace from Himself. We were not created to be lone-ranger Christian believers.

Recently, I was quite discouraged and weary. A sweet friend asked me over to her house for some time together over a cup of tea, fresh raspberries and blackberries, some chocolate and biscotti. We sat on her deck and just enjoyed our time sharing our thoughts, feelings and life-issues. Then we prayed together over all we had shared. I felt like a new person when I left. The fun of sharing an afternoon in beauty and with good food, and the sharing of hearts and then the lifting each other spiritually--all three elements I needed. She lifted my heart and spirits and I didn't even know how much I needed her!

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My sweet friends Deb and Shelley forever, who meet once a week for history group for our children (and for us) and who serve side by side at ministry functions with their kids all over the US. We have grown close by planning and working and building specific dates to get together amidst the busy-ness.

*******************************************************    Sometimes I am so used to being strong and keeping going that I don't even recognize my need for other women. In days of old, people were born into and lived in their community their whole lives. They knew their neighbors and when they hung the laundry out to dry, or needed to borrow a cup of sugar, they went next door to the friend they had known for years. Often the grandmothers would live in the same house and aunts and uncles and cousins would live in the same vicinity. There were built in community relationships of lots of different people who could share the load, be friendly, make a cup of tea or bring a batch of cookies.

Now, we live apart. Go to a church of thousands not in our neighborhoods, don't usually know our neighbors and often have nothing of values or background in common. So, we become used to fending for ourselves--taking care of all the details of life alone--and then suddenly we poop out and wonder where God has gone.

God's design was always for us to live in community--first the family was to be a large group living together, loving each other and sharing life and traditions together--including the older women who could help with the younger women. There would be lots of children with similar values and close relationships for kids to play with so that the mom could actually have a few minutes alone while the children played and ran and had wholesome fun.

Then He called the Jews to be a people together, with a history, celebrations, traditions that would support themselves as a community. He picked 12 disciples to be together in a little cohesive group. The church is supposed to be a "family" or body of people with whom we can be close, and share spirituality as well as the burdens of life. 

No wonder in these last days, Satan has succeeded in creating isolation amongst us--because when we are alone in our homes, we naturally compromise our ideals, become discouraged and listen to his voice of discouragement.

Media has further separated us. We watch imaginary stories on television each evening to not feel alone and to fill the time, but there are not real live people to touch us, to give us a real meal or cup of tea or to give us their shoulder that we may cry upon. 

And husbands cannot fill all of our need for love that was meant to be filled by a community of people who loved us and by a gaggle of women who could share in all the feminine things of life--getting pregnant, bearing under morning sickness, living through the sleepless nights, nursing our babies, raising our children--cooking, cleaning, living loving--all to be shared with Titus 2 women who could come alongside us in love, friendship, spiritual and emotional and practical help.

What pressure we put on our husbands to fill us up and meet all of our needs for love, when God never intended one person to be able to do all of that!

We must re-create these groups if we are to have the same support and love. We all need love and understanding and encouragement and were not made to do well without it. Most women I know don't even know an older, Titus 2 type of woman who could encourage them or baby sit or give them sage advice.

But be sure to cultivate healthy friendships--ones who point you to God, who do not gossip or whine or create bitterness or criticism towards others. Gordon McDonald said, "A person can only have so many drainers in their life at once, before it wears them down." 

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My friend, Lynn, from North Carolina--we have known each other since our kids were quite small--but we pursue each other. She send me cards, calls me, travels with me, even flew to a conference where I would speak to drive my rental car when I had the flu--a Jonathan friend.  

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Build your inner circle of friends who have your values, who believe in God, who will pray for you or help you when you need it. You may have to create such a group--it is why we are helping moms all over the world start mom heart groups--we want them to have support and friendship and fun and love.

True, Biblical Friends invest in your life and add to it. Look and pray for women who you know you will be uplifted after spending time with them. Invest in their lives, invite them over, send them life-giving words that the relationship may not just be one way. 

Last night, I called another friend and she told me to read a book I had on my shelf. I stayed up late and was so encouraged by it. Again, help and encouragement from a friend.

I was teaching a Bible study at a large coop I attend, and one of the women came to me and said, "Sally, you are going to burn out. You never stop and you need an Aaron and Hur to hold up your arms."

I realized she was right. I invited over a group of women that I saw often and we have lunch together once a month and they have become my local support system. They encourage me and love me and help me and we are becoming closer and closer all the time. Now they are the very group who will help me host my Leader's intensive in August. They have beautifully organized the food and transportation and so many other things--it has been great fun for us to be together--but my friend recognized my need and then I had to initiate it.

This summer, as I evaluated my own needs to be refreshed, I wrote down specific goals of what I needed. I am meeting with one of my friends every week that we are both in town. She is a few years ahead of me and whenever I am with her, I am always encouraged. So I asked her if we could meet once a week and I have been so very blessed personally. 

I also made a list of some women I wanted to have time with--so I have been meeting one person a week for breakfast. I planned some time with Sarah, my daughter, because I always know I will feel loved and encouraged after being with her. So, as to our tradition, we go out each Saturday morning, when Clay is with Joy, and share coffee and breakfast and then we go walking amongst the beautiful old Victorian homes and talk and share dreams. I have "girl's club"--Sarah, Joy and Sally times once a week--just for fun--either breakfast together at home or lunch out or hiking together--intentional, relationship building time.

I have almost had to initiate every group that has ever become a blessing and have lots of people over to my house for dinner and rarely get asked back--but the cultivating of emotional life and friendships has kept me from going under. So don't wait for someone to ask you or to initiate to you--everyone is busy and overwhelmed and it does no good to bemoan the fact that you never get invited--it seems to be a common thing for all of us in this busy day and time to feel that we are the ones who always take initiative. Instead, just initiate hospitality because it is a grace God has given to you. Most people enjoy coming together, but not everyone feels comfortable initiating it--but if you want to have groups and friends, you have to create it, cultivate it, pursue it--and it is a worthwhile effort.

The bottom line, a wise-woman recognizes her need for friends, her need to be loved and her need for fellowship. She recognizes that her children and husband also need this Biblical companionship. She makes plans, she initiates, creates groups, reaches out and seeks to cultivate closer friendships--for the sake of a healthy soul. Make a plan for your own life, pray for God to open doors--to give you ideas of how to make pathways towards new friendships. Cultivate love and fun and sharing in your home today-that your sweet ones may be building towards the kind of deep friendship God created you to know. Celebrate life and bring beauty that love may flourish. 

So many friendships over the years have kept me sticking to my ideals--to keep going in ministry, to keep seeking God in crisis in my life. Though I do not have all of their pictures, they will be the reason I was able to keep going--to see His love and to feel His touch--through them, His own reaching out to me through their life-giving love and words and help when I needed it.

Wish I had pictures of all the dear ones who have come to mean so much to me. But God has seen your grace in my life and I pray He will reward you for your generous love and time. I appreciate you today.

 

My own sweet best friends who God sovereignly picked to be my family.

posting again soon, but until then......

We all need to develop lots of kinds of friendships. But there is one kind of friendship I have enjoyed this year with several wonderful women who have some craziness in common with me, we all love our family and keep busy with family stuff, we all love great literature and ideas, educating our children, we are all writers and live the craziness of writing and keeping up with an outside world and blogging and speaking and life. So here are 3 of my sweet friends' whose writing always fills my soul and they always make me want to be a better writer and follower of the Lord. Blessings to these three wonderful ones today and to all of you. The first is Brenda Nuland at coffeeteabooksandme.blogspot.com  I particularly like this post on saying yes--it is a choice and it ends up blessing us again and again--if we make the effort. And yes, I was so blessed to have a serendipitous meeting with her sweet family, as well.Brenda paints life so beautifully with her words. 

The second is Elizabeth Foss at In the Heart of My Home  I met her many years ago through some correspondence about the book Educating the Whole Hearted Child. I love her heart for her family and find her posts so thoughtful and aiming right at the heart and can't wait to have a very long cup of coffee or tea together sometime hopefully sooner than later. She leads me into a deeper desire to love Him and my children and she expresses life in a family in ways my life so agrees with the ups, downs, realities and beauty.

The third  is Ann Voscamp at A Holy Experience. Ann always ponders life deeply and gets to the inside feelings and thoughts that we all long to probe. She weaves words so artistically and makes me go to those thoughtful places in my own mind that I often am to busy to notice. Her heart for Him overflows into words for us to enjoy.

A Few thoughts about spiritual warfare for our children--why to stay strong

I have been so aware lately of how important, in light of staying strong and refreshed, it is to keep nurturing spiritual, loving and encouraging relationships. This is so biblical and I will write more specifically about it tomorrow.  But, I have also seen that staying close to our children and keeping them from feeling lonely, especially as they foray out into the world, is essential. I think most of the great kids I know who have fallen prey to spiritual battle and compromise, felt really alone in the culture and eventually became worn down from the constant drumming of cultural values and fell away from the Lord because of peer pressure and a desire for friends and for love. It becomes tiring to always be the one who stands alone.

If we but knew the strategic battle we are in for their very lives and souls, we would focus more on what matters--both for ourselves as well as for our children. And this is one of the most important reasons we must protect ourselves from burnout--so we can finish well, "smile at the future" as Proverbs 31 says, and stay strong in our ideals. I recorded some thoughts about these things yesterday and will be trying to do more messages online. Hope it works--downloading this is new to me! Let me know what you think!