The small pleasures of today, satisfying me deeply

Nightly walks around the course of my neighborhood and seeing the pinks of clouds

knowing the fires in my beloved mountains are gone,

laughing and talking with my 3 children and our fat, old dog, Kelcy

Her hair was shaved too closely, but still if we say the word "Walk" in any sentence, she dances, wiggles, shakes her tail--a sight to behold.

early morning walk and breakfast downtown at our French cafe with Sarah

Opening a college bank account for Joy and dreaming of life ahead

Searching for apartments in Denver and pondering composing, friends, churches as Joel moves to Denver

Praying, one more time for Nathan and a new audition--looking for that open door and living by faith. (anyone wants to pray extra prayers for him, I would be most grateful)

Talking dreams, disappointments, book ideas, weariness, beauty, living in a home alive--

that is my great pleasure this weekend

and ending tonight with a summer celebration, a barbeque, with friends who will all bring a dish from their own kitchens to talk and share friendships that have been perking for years and made deep from life shared and marveling at how fast all of these precious ones grew up, and how faithful God has been through all the years.

Fighting the Dragon

This bronze statue sits outside a castle in Krakow, Poland, where I was a young missionary many years ago. Known as a city of churches, this town has a fascinating legend about its founding. It is said that King Krakus built the town on Wawel Hill, atop the cave of a ravenous dragon. The dragon, aptly named Smok, ravaged the village, demanding to be kept at bay with the sacrifice of its inhabitants. After many years of this, King Krakus finally offered a reward: his daughter's hand in marriage to whomever could slay the dragon. Many warriors came to try and win the prize and failed, presumably becoming food for the dragon. Then, one day, a poor cobbler came up with a plan: stuff a lamb with poisonous sulphur and leave it for the dragon. The dragon took the bait, became insatiably thirsty, drank half of the Vistula River, and eventually burst of fullness.

Now, this legend can't be presented as history of course. But isn't it an interesting story? And I think its charm lies partially in its truth.

Because there really is a dragon who rages. He wants to steal, kill, and destroy. Many fall prey to his fiery breath, hide from his snarling growls, or try to avoid the battle altogether out of fear.

But there is also a Lamb ... 

A Lamb not stuffed with poison of the normal sort, but the type that would destroy this dragon absolutely-- the all-powerful blood of the perfect, unblemished Lamb of God. Able to destroy the works of darkness wherever He finds them. Able to overcome fire and fear and infuse us with courage.

Then I looked, and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne and the living creatures and theelders; and the number of them was myriads of myriads, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice,

“ Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing.”

And every created thing which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all things in them, I heard saying,

“To Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever.”

And the four living creatures kept saying, “ Amen.” And the elders fell down and worshiped.

~Revelation 5

Does the battle rage around you? Look to the Lamb.

The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil." 1 John 3:8

The Building of a Palace takes time

Biltmore Estate

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” 

― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity 

Twenty-four hours of flying and waiting and standing and carrying bags left me a bit weary and exhausted, but the feeling was a familiar one for me, and I knew that in a few days I would be over jet lag. But on my journey, I sat next to a young mother from Paris who had a 9 month old baby to wrestle with through out the wakings, feedings, playings and keeping her precious little boy sequestered in one seat on the plane.

As I was watching her in constant motion--changing, cajoling, nursing, bouncing, and doing it all over again, I was reminded again how much being a mother of my children has shaped, stretched and enlarged my soul.I could fairly see the soul and character of this young woman being stretched.

Often times we consider our tasks as being performed for the benefit of the children or babies.

But from God's point of view, he gave us children that we might learn how to become unselfish, to love generously, to work more heartily, to understand forgiveness, perseverance, endurance, graciousness, creativity, the skills of life-giving--because through this great work of motherhood, we are slowly being conformed into the image of Christ--and from this commitment of motherhood, we come to better understand His fatherhood, His sacrifice, His unmerited favor for us. His plan has a purpose that will create beauty of soul and heart and mind.

The very act of submitting to His plan for motherhood, became the long term instrument through which He shaped and crafted my soul.

But to become this vessel where He is willing to dwell and to become the soul that reflects Him and his gentle love and powerful reality, we must submit to the building and crafting that He has designed by making us mothers after his own heart and submissive to His design. I did not know that this journey was about soul-making, but now I see that in the shaping of my soul, He also designed the end result to be deep fulfillment and happy pleasure. For being with my adult children is my greatest joy and brings me the deepest happiness in my days of living on this earth.

I have had such great pleasure being back where I belong, in the company of my family--and it feels so very good to be in the place that I belong.

Words to fill a hungry soul--Who owns the Kingdom?

My lovely daughter, Sarah, a pilgrim after truth and following hard in His steps

Yesterday, home fresh from a journey of meaningful moments in Italy, the phone rang early.

A sweet friend, spilling her heart, "I realize that I do not trust people much, because if they knew what was inside of me, I am afraid they would be repelled and not like me anymore."

Aren't we all a pile of contradictions? We love sometimes, we pull away in selfish smallness at others. We want to runaway from ideals or perhaps discouragement, while  knowing our calling is a good one, and we should be stronger. We are all of us, a mess.

But, as I am home, I read an article from my sweet, humble, gentle Sarah and it soothed my soul. Read on for God sees you as you are and He will comfort your soul through her words as he did mine.

The following poem is not so much poesy as conviction in rhythm.

These words formed in my head three months ago when I began to read through Matthew once again. His telling of Christ’s story is, to me, of all the gospels, the one whose core thought is “the kingdom of heaven.” Like a theme, it plays throughout the first chapters of the book, leading to the sermon on the mount when Jesus states just this kingdom is. Again, as I am each time I read it, I was struck by the way in which Jesus begins by deconstructing every earthly idea we hold of what a kingdom ought to be and who ought to inhabit it.

The values of his kingdom are opposite to all we value here.  We think the strong conquer kingdoms, but Jesus says his comes to the weak. In his economy, the poor are blessed, not the rich, or even the able. Blessed are those who weep, whose words are gentle. Blessed are those who make peace, who hunger, who suffer. All of it the opposite of what we know on earth. The poem below came as I read and was convicted of my own worldly mindset. Unconsciously, even I who have long loved God slip into thinking that the strivers, the takers, the winners of the prizes are the ones who gain his love and conquer heaven. How wrong…

The humble shall inherit, Yes, the weary and the Scared, bent-shouldered beggars Shall be give God’s own Earth.

The poor are blessed, that truth’s A hard, fast slap right in The brazen, stylish face I’ve Set to guard the hard-won Places that I’ve gained By dint of battle with My brothers, by my grab The prize and crush the gentle Hearted, mourning other Ones whose quiet eyes, And shattered pride reveal them As God’s sons.

Be still and know, He says, But I instead grab hard, Live fast in fevered chase of Rest. By work and wit I win a fractured ease, And name it peace, I build A fortress for my heart And call it purity, My love locked deep away Lest any stranger think it Fair and free and for The easy taking. I am Swift and sober, never Weak or lonely, locked Up tight within my towered Integrity.

Until there comes a dawn, A dim and weary day, When grief has caught me, loss Strips off the gilded smiles, And the gaudy, pyrite Kindness, all my sleights Of soul to keep God’s glance At bay.

I never really heeded Christ; I thought that favor Could be claimed by deeds; No charity for me. To earn, and own, my tiny Piece of heaven was My goal, to play the gracious Host to God Himself, For he might be the savior, But I liked to think That I was still, at very Least, the keeper of My soul.

"Fisher Girl" by Ilya Repin

I am impoverished now, And know I always was. No gold or golden deed Can buy me worth. Alone I bear the ancient dark Of ruined pride, and in it Find I am but dust A bag of bones made quick By holy breath, and even That is not my own.

The silence grows, a calm As of the grave descends, At last I rest. Now still, I am supposed to know… Just what? The shadows stir with breath, The dimness lifts, and I Grow taut in answer As the dark is brimmed With laughter, one small hand Slips into mine, a mouth Is lifted to my ear and says “Be still, be still.” I yield, and find that love Can be so deep it feels like Death. Perhaps it is, The swift collapse of self Beneath the weight of grace. The Christ, the child speaks Again, “I am Your God, Your humble God. And now You’re blessed beyond all men. For my sweet kingdom comes Unto the poor. And that You finally have become.”

Sarah Clarkson

You can find other writings of my Sarah at her blog: ThoroughlyAlive.com

The Wonder of a Child's Emerging Walk with God

I think one of the most fulfilling things I've experienced as a mother is watching the flourishing of my children's little spirits as I nurture them. Coming to motherhood later in life, I knew my main goal was to disciple my little ones, just as I'd discipled others for many years. Of course, squalling babies weren't really ready to spout long passages of memorized Scripture or discourse on theological matters. But it was amazing to me how much they did learn--and early on!

I didn't realize how fulfilling it would be to walk with my children day by day as their spirits softened to God. What an unexpected joy it has been to talk to our children every day about Jesus, to tell them of His love for us, and our love for Him, and to see them begin to love Him in their own ways. I have patiently explained God's plan for their lives, wondering if they were paying any attention, then listened in amazement in other conversations as my instruction came back to me with clarity and insight. As I have watched each of them begin to pray to God, I have sent my own prayers of thanks and praise back to the Father for His work in their lives. And, of course, what a joyful experience it has been for Clay and me to gently guide our children to the Savior and see them receive Him into their hearts. 

There is nothing quite like the experience of handing down to my children our family's convictions and values about the Christian life. We want them to believe what we believe about the Bible, marriage, sex, family, femininity and masculinity, leadership, service, temptation, sin, gifts, ministry and so many more areas. It has been a surprising and deeply satisfying joy for me to know that I have had the privilege of shaping and filling my children's hearts. I don't think it occurred to me before we began this journey just how jealous I would be for their hearts, and how protective I would be of the ideas and values we give them that would be challenged by others outside our family unit. But how glad I am that I have them to train and shape!"

~from Seasons of a Mother's Heart

Now as they've grown and gone on into their own spheres of influence (with frequent pit stops back home for refreshment as well as coming to bless us!) it's wonderful to see all the Lord has accomplished. How grateful I am for the Lord's directions to me, day by day, as He assured me that my days spent discipling them were days well spent.

***************************

We're talking today at MomHeart Online about what it means to be a ministering mother. How do we encourage our children to see themselves as ministers? Come join us for questions from Chapter 11 of The Mission of Motherhood plus a little video from me!

Will You Drink This Cup?

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."       1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

There is no Scripture that I know of where God says it is okay to grumble, pour or complain. I sure would like to find one, but it's not there (I'm still looking!) There are, however, plenty of verses where God says to be thankful.

When I'm facing difficult circumstances, that verse at the top of this page can be a very annoying! If I consider the alternatives to being thankful, though, I can readily see God's point. When I pout instead of being joyful, grumble instead of praying, and complain instead of giving thanks, I am in effect telling God that He is mishandling my life and I don't like it. At that point, I have ceased to put my faith in my sovereign Lord, and have chosen to put my faith in my circumstances. In other words, I am telling God and myself, that if my circumstances change, then and only then can I be happy. Until then, I have nothing to be thankful for. And that, according to Paul, is when I step out of God's will.

Embracing the Lord's will for my life means accepting the exact set of circumstances He has handed me, one day at a time. Sometimes, I have to remind myself to accept them one moment at a time! Today, I have a choice to make. Will I grumble and complain? Will I stomp and lament and wonder why He isn't changing things?

(I do that, sometimes.)

It takes an act of my will and the grace of the Holy Spirit to pull myself back into line. I have to remind myself that God is for me; He loves me; He knows what is best for me and He is able to take everything that affects me and work it out for His pleasure and my good.

Our children are watching our responses as we walk through difficulties. They want to know if we really believe the things we teach them. They need to see us lean into Jesus in those times.

Will we drink the cup He has placed before us? Many years ago the Lord asked me this question. As Jesus prayed in the Garden ...

"Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done."~Luke 22:42

I think it's important to see here that Jesus did ask for the cup to be removed! We are not offending God when we ask Him to change our circumstances. But when we pray and He doesn't change them; when the fires rage or the waters rise ... it's there we find the question remains: Will I drink this cup? Will I do it with grace?

How about you? What cup is the Lord asking you to drink? Let's pray for one another.

Packing for a Journey

I'm going to college in roughly a month and a half. I don't think it's entirely hit me yet, but every once and while I'll wake up and look out my familiar window and get hit with a wave of excitement for what is to come. There are faces I've never seen, waiting to met! Roads I've never walked, waiting to be tread. Thoughts I've never thought, books I've never read, sunrises I haven't seen… Life is waiting just around the corner to be lived. The anticipation of it all fills me close to bursting. But, of course, on the flip side of that, I realize that I'm leaving this lovely place I've always called home. I'm leaving familiarity and friends and family, and all the things I hold most dear in all the world. So while I have this itch for adventure, I am also filled with this desperate feeling of "oh my goodness! I need to enjoy the bejeebies out of every moment! The end is fast approaching!!!". I feel like lately I run around in a panicked state of frenzy, seeking to get my fill of home and friends. It's really quite exhausting.

The other morning I was sitting on the front porch, my legs plopped up on the railing, mug of tea in my hand, bewailing my many woes to the Lord. How do I decided what to do and make the best of my time? Lord, I'll miss everyone! But at the same time.. I'm itching to start my adventure!

After a few minutes of that, I decided to read my Celtic Daily Prayer, as is my tradition. It was the first day of the month, and so a new theme began with the month:… Journeys. I smiled as saw the title page. I suppose God was listening to my prayers.

"Wherever He may guide me,

no want shall turn me back;

My shephard is beside me,

and nothing can I lack.

His wisdom ever waketh,

His sight is never dim,

He knows the way He taketh,

And I will walk with Him."

Anna L Waring

This is a grand adventure, life. And whether it be going to college, having a baby, getting married, getting a new job, or any other of the many events we encounter in life, something we can be sure about, is that it is indeed a journey. And one God is guiding us on, ever so carefully. As I contemplated this new journey ahead of me, an inspiration came to me. What do you do when you're about to go on a journey? You pack for it! You take into account everything you'll need to survive and thrive, you gather it on your bed, and you pack it in your bag. Of course, as I go off to college, I will pack my real bags with all the college life necessities, but I realized that there's something else I ought to be packing. I ought to be packing up my soul for its trip. Packing it with friends, family, rest, good (non cafeteria) food, books I want to read, thoughts I want to think.

So, dear reader, I will leave you with this; what is your journey? What are you packing? What are you intentionally filling your soul with?

Now I am off to drink tea and fill my soul with a good book.

May the road rise to meet you!

May you pack the bags of your soul well!

All for now,

Joy

A Father Who Frees

Today's post is written by Kristen Kill, the editor of Mom Heart Online. She lives in New York, where she and her husband squeeze grace, beauty, missional living,  a crazy dog and the homeschooling of  four kids  into a tiny Manhattan apartment. She writes about her own pilgrimage as a wife and mom and feathering her nest in the big city at Hope With Feathers.

I had one of those mornings a few weeks ago when I woke up and felt my comforter snuggled around me and longed for the continued weight and shelter it provided. I wanted to tune out the buzz of our morning and just cocoon up for a good long while.

We’ve been studying butterflies and their pupas, watching our  wee caterpillars eat and eat and eat before they snuggle up too, in their comas, wrapped warm. When they emerge as new creatures, they’ll have wet and weak crimpy wings—like my babies when they were laid upon my stomach, slathered wet in goo, chilled, ripped from comfort and their familiar cramped place of nourishment.

We snuggled each of our children close in those early days, put little knit caps on their bald, balmy heads…we tried to help them adjust  from the warm familiar womb. And all the cooing and swooshing sounds, all the rocking had to slowly woo them to their new world. There was no way to rationalize with them about the beauty their new life would hold-about the wonder and experiences that awaited them-about the tastes and smells and love to come. There was no way to express that one day they would actually long to spread their arms and legs wide and be completely naked on a sheepskin rug- they were too much missing that crimped up existence- and so we rocked and soothed and swaddled.

On this morning, waking, I didn’t want to face my wet, wimpy wings- didn’t want to allow the chill of the cold air to infuse them with strength enough to fly. I wasn’t quite sure I could fly! Change was apparent, and I knew my wings were there, but I wasn’t fully convinced they would work. Does the butterfly know they will be okay when they are thrust out of their warm shell? I was craving someone to swaddle me, to rock be back and forth- to coo in my ear a promise that this change, this emergence, was good—that I would recover and find wonder outside the womb.

And here's the thing... I still need this. I need to be reminded.

Letting go of our past, letting go of our crinkled up, tangled mess is pretty hard to do alone. I need community,  I need those who speak the truth of who I am and who God is on the days when I want to crawl back under the covers and can't remember on my own. I know others need to be reminded too. If you find yourself a little like me...a little afraid to get out from under your comforter,  hear and know the still small voice of  God whispering to your heart. May today, with fireworks blazing overhead clanging freedom's song be an even greater celebration of what is true in your heart: You are meant to be free. You are meant to be made whole. "You are a new creation! The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" - 2 Corinthians 5:17

From Isaiah 30:15 (Emphasis mine)

"The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God-" --Did you hear that? You are his child. "You did not receive the Spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons (and daughters) by whom we cry Abba! Father!"

He is a Father who holds and carries and comforts.  A Father who frees.

 With Great Hope,

Kristen

www.Hope with Feathers.com

How Do We Respond to Life?

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

~Nehemiah 8:10

This has been quite a season.

Fires, floods, heat waves and other storms wrack our country. It's amazing the perspective we gain when such gigantic, uncontrollable things happen; reminding us that our problems are not quite as large as they perhaps looked.

Others fight health battles that are never-ending and seem larger than even the natural disasters on TV.

So what does it mean? How do we respond?

With so much sadness and so many daily burdens to shoulder, how do Christian women maneuver steadily through this journey of life with joy and peace of heart intact? What does it look like to be a woman filled with joy, every day, all the time, no matter what? In the deluge of all the stresses and disappointments in a fallen world, how does a mature Christian woman really walk in the power of the Holy Spirit? How does she face each situation with gladness, despite the relentless and demanding day-after-day, month-after-month, year-after-year things that would rob her of emotional and creative energy, such as chores, bills, arguments, messes? Or how does she maintain joy in the center of more devastating troubles: a divorce, the tragic death of a loved-one, a child who has a chronic illness or disability, rejection by family members, alcoholism and drug-related scars, a job layoff?

Then the Lord reminded me: I need to dance.

He wants me to dance inside my heart, no matter what is going on outside in my circumstances. To dance is to celebrate life, to make merry, to physically live out the reality of internal joy. Those who walk closely with the Lord have a secret inner joy, a dancing energy just from knowing Him. It is in having Him as my partner, in letting Him take the lead, that I will be directed around the "dance floor" of my life. He is the One who will show me the steps, how to listen to the music, how to engage my heart with him and to stay in sync with Him, the real Source of the music, the dance, and the everlasting joy.

We live here on earth, a place broken by sin. Our lives are deeply affected by that, and there's no way around it but hand in hand with the Lord, searching for His beauty and bringing what we can of it into the midst of our days. And so today, once again, I choose to dance, to sing, to make music in my heart for Him. Because He holds it all in His hands--including me.

Does God Believe in Girlfriends?

Phyllis Stanley, My wonderful friend, speaking at one of my seminars.

Today, when this comes out, I will be in Rome, God willing, with my dear friend, Phyllis Stanley. God has a sense of humor and He also believes in girlfriends and the need to celebrate life together, even in the midst of fires.  Sooo, here is the some of the story of my last 24 hours.....

Last night as I was coming back from Joy's Summit Ministries Graduation, where over 200 kids had celebrated their adventuresome week here in Colorado Springs amidst the fires and evacuating and lectures about faith, I was struck with how amazingly powerful God is every day, all the time, even when we do not know what He is doing because as C. S. Lewis says, "He is not a tame lion."

(I would not want a God that I could manipulate or control or who was as finite as me. But hearing how excited all of the students were to follow hard after God, to become speakers and leaders and witnesses for His glory, was such an inspiration. To see faith being even more catalyzed because of the send of eternity the fires brought, was such an encouragement.)

98 girls sleeping on one large conference room at Mountain Springs Church, because they had to evacuate the conference center. (the church provided pillows and sleeping bags and mattresses)

God surprises us by showing up in the most interesting places.

"Mom, I think we are all closer because we had to sleep together, 3 bathroom stalls, 2 showers. We are all partners in arms in an event in history that will catalyze our faith for years to come."

Then there is Phyllis, my 72 year old, Godly friend. Though evacuated from her home because of the fires being within less than a mile (347 houses have been destroyed.), she is not daunted in the least, having spent 17 years on the mission field and having worked in Communist countries where her husband was always traveling and ministering for the Navigators.

But a year ago, Phyllis and I dreamed of going to the wedding of a dear friend of ours' daughter on the Amalfi coast in Italy. We love this family and we wanted to celebrate her daughter's marriage, one that we have prayed for for years.  While working in London, our friend faithfully atended Hill Song where she works with young girls and seeks to disciple them. In ministry at this church, she met her fiance, who is also passionate about the Lord and happens to be an Italian banker. So excited to celebrate with them, the wonderful answer to prayers, we both bought our tickets with our points on airlines last October, made our plans and have been looking forward to this trip for almost a year.

I would go to Italy,  just to have 6 days of cappuccino with Phyllis and to share our friendship, because she always makes me want to love God more and she inspires me in my ideals.  Our shared fellowship is revolutionary to both of us as we draw each other to faithfulness, faith and boldness in ministry.

But, with a family of 5 staying in our home and Phyllis out of her home and many more dear friends still in limbo, I finally got a hold of Phyllis.

"So what do you think about our trip on Saturday?"

"Sally, my bag was already packed, I have my passport and I just need to trust God with my home until He shows me otherwise, and we have a friend waiting for us in Italy who wants us to be with her to celebrate one of the great legacies of life--marriage. So I will pick you up at 1:30."

This was the real finish line I was looking for! After a very challenging year, I was so longing for time with a dear, spiritual mentor to celebrate life together. Throwing t-shirts and dresses into my one carry on suitcase, I am off today and finally, so very excited!

And here, God, who is good, opened the doors in the midst of a very difficult time, and because of my sweet friend's faith, for us to go and celebrate friendship and joy and to restore for some of the other adventures that will be ahead in both of our lives.

So, yes, I think God believes in girl-friends and fun and beauty and joy and He has surprised me at the end of this week with the possibility of something I just didn't think would come to pass.

Arrivederci!

May you see His hand and joy in your own life in surprising ways this week!