Pick up your baby! Do to them what you would have done to you!

Lhermitte

All of us, at some time or another, have been taught the golden rule, " “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets" Matthew 7:12

And yet, it seems we forget this when we raise our children. Having babies is a mysterious journey to say the least. Most moms search all the books for right answers and want to figure out just the right way to be a mom, because we are usually separated from more experienced moms or grandmas and aunts, and so we flounder to find what is the right method of treating babies. Most of us are a little neurotic when we start out. Little experience and few models create an insecure beginning.

All of my babies were different in personality and not one size fit all--in other words, I had to get to know each baby on its own and slowly figure out what each needed to sort out life the best. Each child also had to fit into the whole of our family life, so adjusting on all sides took place as we added one baby after the other. Living by faith and trusting God and the instincts he gave us, within the bounds of loving our children, and understanding their basic needs, is how a mom will best proceed. It is not an exact formula.

A sweet young mom in my ministry was telling a story recently. She has a new baby and her mom has encouraged her to nurse her sweet baby when she cries, to cuddle and sing to her, to hold her, to comfort her and to enjoy her. My friend is surprised at how responsive her new infant is, even at three months, and how easily she comforts.

A friend of hers who had her baby at the same time, reading a book that had strict guidelines about when to feed a baby and hold a baby. . She does not hold her baby often.  She will not feed her baby until 4 hours exactly, as she does not want to train her babe to be selfish and break the rules she had been taught about picking up her baby too often and training her baby to demand too much of her,  and so on. (I had such big babies and not so much milk, so my babies would have starved and been so fussy if I waited 4 hours.)

When the two moms were together, the mom who was adhering to the rules, whose baby was fussy and cried a lot, proclaimed. "Look at my baby. Even at 3 months you can see that she is strong willed and defiant--just look how she cries when I don't pick her up. But what she didn't know was that her baby was saying,  "Hey, mom, I need you. I am hungry and insecure--would you please hold me? "

How would this work if someone  treated me this way--let's say that I was in some kind of pain--physical, emotional, psychological--whatever. Because of this, I began to cry. If my husband or family said to themselves, "Let's just let her cry this out. If we just leave her and ignore her, she will eventually get a hold of herself and we will show her who is the boss, because in our home, we do not want to put up with people crying and needing us too much."

Sadly enough, this kind of treatment of me would eventually cause me to pull away from the family member who treated me that way and would teach me to stuff my emotions and needs, but it would not create a healthy environment for a good relationship.

Now I know that this post will create controversy and my desire is not to make anyone feel guilty, but you need to know I get literally hundreds of letters from moms who say, " I feel like I have developed an antagonistic relationship with my children. I regret being so harsh. I lost the heart of my child." Literally hundreds.

Many moms have been told, "You will spoil your baby. You need to establish discipline now. You need to show your baby who is the boss." And so moms become afraid to do the wrong thing--they do not want to raise a spoiled, selfish child, and so they start out feeling they need to be a policeman figure in their children's lives instead of a mentor, guide, trainer, lover, encourager---you get the picture.

But what the young mom did not know is that even as Jesus was vulnerable and needed the love and cuddling of Mary, so all babes are created to find a basis for security by having security and snuggling with their own sweet moms, who speak to their brains about life, by being cared for and attended to. God made babies to be dependent--and toddlers and young children--it is a relational strength and has purpose.

I am sure this mom in the story is seeking with all of her heart to be diligent. By three months, she had already judged her baby to be strong-willed, defiant and she had created this problem herself--the sad thing is, she created her own havoc and didn't even know it.

My friend's baby was sitting in her lap cooing, snuggling, resting and smiling. And the mom felt jealous that she should be given such an easy-going baby.

Does this mean that all babies who are held will sit still and coo and be happy? No, absolutely not. All of mine had colic and all had different personalities and habits. But physiologically, all babies need to be touched, caressed, and attached to become as healthy as possible.

The deep desire and felt-need in ourselves ad our babies, is for the golden rule to be practiced in our own lives. 

Call me silly, but I long for friends and family who love me, who are affectionate to me. I really appreciate having the ones who are closest to me, give me grace and forgive me, for my frequent mess-ups. I appreciate words of encouragement. I long for loyalty. When someone listens to me pour out my heart and comforts me, I feel validated and heard--sympathy means so much to me. I am blessed by thoughtfulness. Loyalty and steadfastness and a generous friend is such a satisfaction to my soul--I do not deserve such grace but am blessed by it when it comes my way. I have been blessed by friends and my sweet children who do to me what they wish would be done to them--and it makes me want to respond back in kind. And so this is what I wish for in others--and so this is what I need to give others, and especially those in my home.

Wouldn't a baby want, long for such things?

Jesus told his disciples to serve and lay down their lives. He served them meals, He washed their feet, He died for them. He never asked them to do or be what He had not done or been first.

If I want my children to honor me and respect me, I must treat them honorably first to show them what honor is.

If I want them to work hard, they must see me work hard. If I want them to have godly character and not complain, they must observe me making the choices to not complain and to not create strife. How can I teach them to be gentle and long-suffering if they do not receive this from me.

Of course all of us are selfish and struggle with our own sin and lack of training, which means we will fail often in carrying out these noble displays of love. But if we understand this principle--that the law and prophets are defined by this rule, it simplifies our choices, our behavior. And the interesting thing is that it reaches and opens hearts.

Our home, our relationships, our family will become what we live by, what we practice.

So today, if you wish your children would respond to you in love, in gentleness, with grace, with loyalty, with words of life, just do unto them as you would have them do unto you. Be consistent, have integrity, practice maturity--what we sow becomes what we reap in the lives of our precious children and I can say, at this stage in my life, the fruit of such practice is so very sweet. How very blessed I am by my wonderful, thoughtful, still growing, but loving children. A mystery and miracle took place in my home when God partnered to make my paltry offering of His ways enough to become a blessing.

As I wrote yesterday, I do not mean we use no logic and just give into every demand of our baby--that is another extreme. But, all children have a deep longing to have that security of belonging, being held, being attended to at the point of need. And babies move from total dependence to independence over time.

There are many mistakes along the way, days of strife, seasons of battle and lots of fussing. No doubt it is so very challenging, and especially if you are like me and were not trained.

Thank goodness, God is gracious and redeems. I used everything--every philosophy-- on my first one and prayed and sought the Lord, and somehow, in spite of me, she is delightful--though she could have lots of reasons to go to a counselor! (We told our children we would pay if they ever needed counseling because of our family!) But, I just want to share with sweet moms who are looking for Biblical wisdom, so they will not have to make as many mistakes as I did. God is with us and He will give grace to us and through us and we seek to walk through by faith.

This is why Clay wrote his book Heartfelt Discipline--to address these issues from a Biblical point of view.

****************************************************************************************

Now please remember, Sweet Mamas,

I have no intention of offending any of you or being harsh. I was just repeating a story and pondering this in my quiet time this morning, and realized that a lot of philosophy would be clarified if women would learn to look at their babies as real human beings who responded to life as they did--do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

All mamas blow it many times--and guilt does not move us forward.

All of us mamas are going to make mistakes and we are limited in our own strength  and knowledge to always know or do what it right. By God's grace, and in spite of all the ways I failed, He redeemed my best efforts and worked in my children's lives because He is faithful. We all make mistakes of judgment throughout our children's journey.

Yet, I believe that God pre-wired us to be mothers and to love and to civilize--it is the beautiful grace of a woman. Yet, many have been confused by reading books that sounded good but directed them in the wrong way. And if you know me, I do think that harsh parenting and adversarial philosophies do not win hearts. I am all about winning the hearts of our children through love and serving, as Jesus did,  so that they will learn to love the the precious God that we love. And we know that, "Love covers a multitude of sin."

I do, however, long to affirm moms in their need to be present for their children--to be a good mom, whatever philosophy, one needs to give up rights, time, body, life and convenience in order to build, to invest in a child who will have a healthy soul.

I also want to help moms learn to fall in love with this gift from God and trust in their love, desire to comfort, treating their sweet babies as the gifts God has said that they are, and to learn the gentle, generous art of mother love.

I want the sweet moms who come here to also give grace and peace to each other, as I hope that my blog will be a place of life and encouragement and peace.

It causes you to think more deeply about your own convictions, great.

I do hate for anyone to believe the deception that holding and responding to a baby's cries in any way will cause the child to learn less or be less responsive. As a matter of fact, volumes and thousands of pages of research show that if a baby is attended to quickly, it is calmer, happier and learns self-control at an earlier age, because it does not have to wail and fuss loudly to be responded to--attentiveness helps the mom to learn her baby, to train her baby, to respond to her baby and to build security. May He cover this blunder of mine with His grace as my heart meant it to encourage. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Peace be with you today, the Lord is near and with all of us.

Buy Here! 

Grace based does not Imply Leniency or Passivity! Giving Away Heartfelt Discipline!

Daniel Ridgway Knight

I adore beautiful gardens and especially roses. To see an prolific antique rose bush in its glory is amazing. In Vienna, near the Hoffburg Palace and also the summer palace where Marie Antoinette was raised, there are rows and rows of abundantly full rose bushes when in bloom speak of His divine touch and craftsmanship.

However, the grace and beauty of such a garden comes through much cultivation, planning and sacrifice of time. The bushes must be fed with the best of fertilizer, watered constantly to maintain proper growth.

Roses are especially vulnerable to mold and aphids and so the outside forces that would destroy them must be monitored and dealt with constantly. An eye of protection must look for any evidence of such pests. The more quickly the threats are dealt with, the less damage the bushes incur.

In winter the branches are cut back so far as to appear dead, at times seeming to have destroyed the very life inside. Yet,  the cutting back and training of the branches, allows the roots to grow deep and provides for a healthier long term plant.

The blooms are the fruit and glory of the cultivation of the plant. Yet, even the blooms are temporary and must be trimmed so that others may grow in their place.

The care of such a garden and particularly of the rose bushes is given because of the love the gardner has for cultivating such beauty. All the acts of cultivating and grooming the garden is that it may grow.

So it is with the discipline of children. Grace-based parenting is not just passively letting children go and over-looking their ways. Leniency and ill attention is also unacceptable. To raise and cultivate a lovely legacy of children requires so much time, attention, intentional discipline and training.

I have received interesting letters and been with women whose children are a nightmare to be with because they thought grace-based parenting meant not ever getting in the way of their children's will or saying no to them or making them wait. Once a woman said her 3 year old spit on her husband and kicked him when he walked in the room, but she said, "He just didn't understand grace based parenting and he is getting upset with my way of applying these principles."

I would never, never allow such behavior in a child for one second unless I knew the child had a disorder of some kind that prevented more mature behavior. All children must be trained and taught and shaped in order to reach their full potential. But anger and harshness need not be the prevailing attitude. Strength can be exhibited by firmness with gentleness, consistency and guidance with love self-control as the base attitude of the parent.

Because I knew my children were going to be in a tough world, where their needs and whims would not be swiftly met, I knew that they had to grow strong inside and learn to develop an inner sense of strength and self-control.

So, it starts with the great soil of love, warm and tender affection, words of life and affirmation and acceptance--even if a baby is challenging and difficult.

Then, we feed our children daily on the truth of God's word, modeling and training their little natures to have character. Saying prayers of gratefulness while shaping their little hands in a form of prayer to God every meal, snatching their little hands if they ever hit or grab a toy, saying, "No, you may never hit a child, you may never grab a toy." Separating them when they misbehave, teaching them to have self-control by waiting the tiniest bit for mommy, not interrupting, not demanding. Encouraging them to share, to give, to help siblings, to serve others by giving them real live things to do.

Training children by giving them consequences that tug at their heart to choose to obey. Telling our children ahead of time what is expected of them. "We need to stop playing and clean up the den. I am telling you five minutes ahead of time so that you can finish what you are doing and then we will all work together. Do you understand? Tell me what I said. "

Shaping their little appetites for life with beauty, peace, self-giving serving of others. We are to be God's instrument in their lives of turning them away from their own self-wills. We cut out the offending pests that would deplete the emotional, moral or spiritual health of our children--it means we must confront sinful attitudes, create consequences, train truth, and memorize scripture and train from that scripture! We must also create and allow difficulties to have their course in our children's lives so that they may become strong and deepen their roots. If we steal them away from all that is bad or unfair, then they will never be able to stand on their own in a world at war with God's principles.

It is a life of nurturing, cultivating, protecting, allowing to bloom, cutting back and shaping. It is an active life of constant attention and work. But the product is one of beauty, grace, and indeed has the divine touch of God's handprint on it.

One of my older, godly friends who heard of our philosophy of grace-based parenting, and thought we could never raise godly children without spanking heavily and being strict, traveled with me and got to know our children very well.

"Sally, you are training and instructing and correcting your children all the time--constant instruction, "Now, we are going into a very adult concert and I trust you because I know you can choose to be mature. We need to be quiet, considerate of others and self-controlled."

("If you use a whiny voice, mommy cannot talk to you because, as you know I am allergic to whining. When you stop whining, I will listen to your request."

"There isn't much food for all the people today, so I would really appreciate it if our family could stand at the back of the line. I will be sure to feed you later if they run out of food."

"Come with me to the other room, please. We need to have a little talk." (and then the offending child will be given a mommy talk about the misbehavior or conduct, consequences if the behavior is not changed, with the child able to give defense, and if necessary, the child will apologize or share or whatever.)

The work of the gardener of souls is never finished, goes through many seasons, wards off many pests. But the end result--a godly heritage is more beautiful and sweeter to behold than I ever knew. The fruit of the planting and gardening produces more fruit and satisfaction that I would have understood.

Passivity, undisciplined--not allowed, but the grace of life-giving, always. It is the glory of the gardener to see the fruit of labor well-done, beautiful and in full bloom.

ORDER HERE! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Obedience is a pathway of Maturity and Faith--Giving Away Heartfelt Discipline!

The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn which shines brighter and brighter until the full day. Proverbs 4:18 (Sarah, Joy, Joel and I on a Austrian path in the alps on a lovely spring day.)

And as I have been studying Hebrews this month, I see that obedience is really connected to faith, believing hearts--soft hearts willing to wholeheartedly trust, follow, rest in Him, those who love and believe God are who he considers obedient--not just those who check off the task to be done or consider obedience an action to be accomplished.  So here is the article......

Obedience--first time or eventual?

Now, the secret is out--I do believe in obedience for me, for children, for all who want to love and serve God. But, I see now that the goal for my obedience is not behavioralism--performance--doing a task that I want done this instant because of fear of punishment. I do not measure my success as a parent by whether or not my children instantly obey.

I think that the goal is to teach our children to obey quickly, but search as I may, I cannot find that as a standard in scripture. And so I may find relief in the grace I have found in scripture.

I have loved the book by Eugene Peterson, "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction." ( Not a book about parenting, but a book on discipleship for adults) Even the title itself is about the process of discipleship--creating lives dedicated to the service and love of God by a life time of learning to make mature choices. Wisdom is little by little.

Instead, I want my children to learn to love God, to desire to serve Him out of their hearts of respect, awe, reverence, love. I look for growth, not perfection. Maturity, not instant holiness.

Now, it is in the process of having them learn to do my will, that they learn obedience. I must go against their wills to teach them to obey. But it is little by little, season by season. Personality and gender and exhaustion and wellness and life all go into the process.

Sometimes it is first time and sometimes it isn't. But, I am trying to train their hearts to learn and to value and honor obedience.

For me, this was best done over years and years of training, correcting, modeling, loving and doing it all again the next day.

God's Ways

The older I get, the more I reflect on Christianity from a long term perspective. It seems that God is a long-term process Father. He doesn't do things all at once. He is rarely on my timetable. I almost always have to wait much longer than I want to to see my prayers answered. He does not make my life easy or take away the difficult things, but teaches me in the midst. I am very grateful, though, that he is not pernicious or unnecessarily harsh. He is patient, compassionate, understanding, loving through the whole process.

His focus for me as a child is that I move from immaturity towards maturity. From self-absorption to self-sacrifice. His discipline for me is daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, training my appetites of life to His ways. Teaching me to love righteousness and to be sensitive to His heart. Learning in my real paths of life how to life my life his way, with His wisdom. It has taken me a whole lifetime to learn the ways of righteousness. And so it is with our children.

God's Fathering of me

When I was a young, single missionary in Eastern Europe, I thought I was so spiritual--and I probably was for my age. I had given my life to Christ and wanted to be "His girl", following Him to the ends of the earth and bringing His love and grace to bear. But, because I was young and I had not failed enough or come to my own limits, I did not even know how much I needed to depend on God. I did not know how very capable I was of sin. I did not clearly see my own immaturity. I was not humble. All of these areas were not because I did not want to please God, but because I was young, inexperienced and didn't know better.

But then when I got married and had children, I began to realize just how selfish I was and how little I had learned to work. For a while, I thought my problem was my children and marriage,  and then I realized that my children were God's gift to me, but also His way of bringing training of righteousness into my own life, by teaching me what it really meant to serve Him, to give up my rights, to be humble.

The real giving of my life to Him was every day, every minute to the constant demands of my family and Clay. Parenting was for me His pathway of teaching me to obey, to love, to serve. Family life was His training grounds to build holiness into my life.

I am so very grateful that He did not show me all of my sinful, selfish ways at once. He gently took my hand and through the process of caring for my family, little by little I became aware of my need to mature, to love more, to give grace, to be loyal, to work harder,  to serve, as He had done with His disciples.

He disciplines us that we may share in his holiness. Holiness is a long term process of development in our hearts, training our wills to want to obey out of a developed love and awe of God.

Path of Life Parenting

There are so many verses that speak of this. Clay calls it, "The Path of Life" parenting model.

The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn--it shines brighter and brighter, a little at a time.

Proverbs also tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. It is a process--a little here, a little there, a little again. Giving our children the appetite for obedience, wisdom, love, and holiness.

I am so grateful in my own life, that God did not overwhelm me with all of my sin and selfishness at once. I would have quit if He had treated me harshly. I wanted to please God and I wanted to be righteous, but didn't even know that I was so very immature. My heart was right in my own eyes and was seeking to please Him, but my character and behavior lacked so much. it has taken me a life-time to understand just what it really means to be sacrificially loving, loyal in my faith, righteous and generous in my behavior. If God has treated me in such a way, shouldn't that be the way I treat my children.

Babies

Babies are made to be totally dependent so that they can live in their mother's arms, and be held and taken everywhere she goes to breathe in the reality of the life she herself lives in Christ.

First, they learn that they can depend on their mother to be comforted, touched, protected. They learn that when they are hungry, their mothers provide their needs, feed them, clothe them, sing to them. This loving connection is the first place babies must learn to look to their parent for their very life, but also for the cues of life.

The baby grows into a toddler, and then into a fully walking person, all gradually. And so the baby learns obedience this way as well.

Even nature itself teaches us so much about process and I find that God has hidden so many mysterious and wonderful answers within the art of His playground--creation. All seeds start small and take time to develop into a full plant. Same with trees. A small sapling in time can become a great, towering tree, but it takes years and years.

Same with baby animals. From puppy to dog. Calf to cow or bull. Chick to fully grown hen.

Sometimes I think it is because we have such small families that we micro-manage obedience and training of little children. When a mom has numerous children who are constantly in need of life, food, clothing and managing chores, and responsibilities, she is much more gradual about the training of her little babies--as she goes, as she can, as the baby lives and learns in the warp and woof of the family life.

Throughout centuries, families were large, and the "gang" all tended to lend themselves to a positive-peer pressure sort of influence on the development of the baby. I know that all of my children tended to learn things together, what the Clarkson values were, what the Clarkson manners were, what the Clarkson expectations were.

With asthmatics and ear-infected children, I had to teach my children to wait their turn. Life itself gave them ways to learn to be unselfish and to learn to serve-because I needed their help!

I have seen that my children went through normal growth patterns. None of them now suck a binky (pacifier), wear a diaper, want to sleep with me every night, etc. God has put maturity into their very dna and brain cells. It is ours to be patient with the process, to enjoy it and to learn from it.

If we just learn to patiently live with our children long enough and learn to look to God for guidance, and train them little by little, the mysterious life of God begins to work in and through their hearts and lives. Yet, we must remember that this is a natural and normal path from the beginning of time--to live into it, and not fight it, and to cultivate joy along the way.

BUY HERE!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

First time obedience, really? Revisited and A Giveaway of Heartfelt Discipline!

My own children, (. 3 years ago!), on whom many philosophies of child discipline were practiced! And yet God's grace covered our mistakes and they grew into healthy loving human beings by His grace!

I just wanted to tell all of you again just how much I appreciated your comments and emails in response to my questions. I will be printing it all out and try to figure out a plan for hitting as many subjects as I can.

However the next few days, I am going to be reposting some older discipline articles. The most common questions are about child discipline. I also want to promote the newest version of Heartfelt Discipline, which Clay finished a couple of months ago. It has been fully edited and has been rewritten in a number of places to give more clarity. I will also be giving away one copy each day of my discipline articles. So be sure to tell all of your friends about our giveaway and about Clay's wonderful book. It will answer so many of your questions about Child Discipline, but from a discipleship perspective. I hope you enjoy these principles--I call them basic leadership principles. Let us know what you think.

And yet God's grace covered our mistakes and they grew into healthy loving human beings by His grace!

ORDER HERE!

FIRST TIME OBEDIENCE, REALLY?

Often, the subject of child discipline comes up as I am working with young parents. I do not have the time to answer all of my email or comments as I must stay focussed on my own family and I will not be able to answer all the questions this article will raise, so please understand my time limitations. But I do offer this as some of my own thoughts on childhood discipline and hope that in some way, it may be of encouragement. My blog below is a mish-mash of some of my thoughts--but hope you can make some sense of it!

A Need for Guidance

Well-meaning parents all over the world have tried throughout the centuries to try to figure out the right formula or wisdom to use in raising up a godly, responsible, emotionally and spiritually healthy child. It is right to desire to find a way to love, educate, train and discipline a child to help him become mature.

However, in our culture, so many young couples do not live around their parents, do not have good models of what a healthy family looks like, and so they look to "authorities" to find their answers--people who speak or write books. (Scary thought, since that is what Clay and I do!)

Formulas do not work!

 Most parents are looking for a formula--a one easy step guide to instantly raising up an obedient child, a one size fits all.

But, over the years, I have heard so many extreme talks about child training and I have also seen many young immature parents follow rigid, formulaic parenting philosophies and I have lived to see many children rebel, leave all the training of their parents and even turn their hearts away from God.

The parents wring their hands saying, "I don't understand. I followed all the books and did it just like they said!"

Thinking Biblically

However, when we learn to think Biblically, we must learn to live by faith and in wisdom in the raising of our children. If God had wanted us to follow a formula, He would have given one and made it clear so that we could use the ten easy rules to pop out perfect children. But He made each person with a different personality, different maturity level, different ability.

Scripture is much more long term about maturity than we usually want to understand. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not fall away."

"The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until the full day." A path of life parenting that allows for more and more light to show forth with each passing year.

In Hebrews we read about the mature and immature--about babes who are still drinking milk and not yet ready for solid food--and here the context is of a young Christian and a mature one--allowing for growth.

I tend to look at my children through this lens, "It is the kindness and mercy of the Lord that leads to repentance." Romans

An Issue of the Heart

First, we must understand that all discipline should be focussed on the heart--not the behavior. Over 800 times in scripture, God talks about the heart--Love the Lord with all of your heart. God searches to and fro for a heart that is completely his. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. and so on. And yet I see many extraverts being disciplined for being louder and more talkative (not rebellion--a personality issue--or boys for being boys--moms who want them to behave like a little lady, etc.)

But God is concerned with our desire to love and obey Him, he already knows we are immature and that we take time to understand His ways. Jesus was patient with Peter and said, "Satan has desired to sift you like wheat," He predicted that Peter would fall--and Jesus was totally supportive of his disobedient, immature disciple---He said, "I have prayed for you, and after you have returned, strengthen the brethren." In other words, "I know you will blow it, but I will be with you, I will pray for you, I will still use you."

And so, when we discipline our children, we must learn to look at their hearts. Is their heart rebellious? Are they being willful? Am I expecting too much for them--their age, their level of over-stimulation, the circumstances, their maturity level, their abilities? A child should not be punished for being exhausted, immature, a boy, or for making a mistake. I make mistakes all the time, again and again. And yet scripture teaches in the new testament and the old that maturity is as a result of training, time, growth, heart and will.

Reading and understanding the way babies and children respond at different ages helped to inform my expectations. I remember that I read an article that said that the average 2 year old took between 30 seconds and a minute to have some messages sink in if they were engaged in their brain somewhere else. And so often,  Moms can be very strict with their children and  harsh when sometimes the child has not even understood yet just what he is doing wrong. Harshness does not win over a child. Neither does wanting a 2 year old to be more mature than he can be and so punishing him for being 2. We must use wisdom and discretion to understand the situation, the heart of a child, and how to best train him according to our wisdom, faith and training of the child. It is the kindness and mercy of God that leads to repentance. Child discipline should always be based on a relationship between a mature, benevolent, loving parent who is seeking to lead his child to maturity, to train his child to think in the direction of righteousness and to train his behavior little by little.

The mature parent should consider the state of the child, his emotional needs, physical needs before meting out harsh discipline.

Formulas like "First Time Obedience" do not necessarily reach the heart!

I was speaking at a conference once and the speaker before me was plying the audience with all sorts of guilt. This speaker said, "If you don't require first time obedience every time from your children, then you are disobeying God and you will be responsible for losing your child's heart and tempting him to rebel against God!" Many men in the audience cheered loudly and clapped. I could just see the harshness that would follow in their homes because a speaker had given them permission to be harsh and demanding, every time with children, without ever teaching these parents sympathy, wisdom, skill and understanding with their children, their ages, their paths of life.

But Really? Can you cite me verse and give context that says God always requires first time obedience without mercy? I am thankful that He is much more patient with me than that in my own life. I have made so many mistakes over the years and done such foolish things, and still He is there loving me, instructing me, showing me his compassion and gently leading me daily to better understand His holy and righteous standard for me. God reveals one issue of immaturity at a time and I learn slowly. He has never pointed out all of my weaknesses and disobedient attitudes at once--and if He did, I would be devastated.

There seems to be no exact Biblical evidence that this is a true "rule." Of course I believe in training our children to obedience and to teach them to have the highest of standards, and often it meant training them to learn to obey us as we requested something of them, by training them to learn to respond to us and obeying quickly as they learned and matured.

 The reason Deuteronomy 6-8 talks about us speaking to our children morning, noon, night and presenting truth and the gospel to our children every moment of the day, is that training is to be a whole-life passing on of values and obedience and wisdom, a morning, noon and night---let's live together in fellowship and relationship and you will see that I have your best in mind and I will teach and train you how to be mature, wise and excellent.

It is a process of love, consistency, patience, and repeating over and over and over and it takes many years for a child to become mature. Maturity and integrity are also issues of the heart and motivation that comes from responding to the teaching and instruction given in love and mutual respect.

Ignorance produces harshness

The unfortunate thing is that many parents, in the name of faithful discipline, do not understand the differences between babies or toddlers or young children or even teens with all of their hormones,  and they exhibit  anger and harshness toward  their children, act in a demeaning way, while neglecting the cues of the child at each stage. These parents  have no perspective for the children themselves--they use  a  rule and formula no matter what--and often wonder why their children to not respond to them.

But, this kind of one rule discipline neglects the child's basic well being. If children are exhausted or overstimulated by television or other children, they are naturally more hostile or out of control. A wise parent will tend to his child's need for rest, quiet, rhythm, balanced blood sugars and understand hormones or emotions, and personality. Often I see children disciplined for things the parent has neglected--their physical and emotional needs---when the child's behavior is often a direct message to the parent of a basic need that has been neglected.

 Biblical discipline must take a long time to secure the heart--many years of constant loving training and instruction. We had very high standards for our children, but our discipline was always viewed through a lens of relationship as the strong basis of our discipleship of our children. Without a close relationship, discipline is quite unproductive.

A parent must live by faith, trust in God, wisdom, and patience. I spent many hours on my knees praying, seeking God, learning new ways of His parenting with me as I parented my children. It was a process of growing in wisdom. My children are all very different in personality and ability, and yet, by God's grace, all have come to love us and do deeply love the Lord. But we had to raise each of them up in love, by faith and treat them according to their own personality bent. And the basis of our home was God's unconditional love and grace.

Lack of Basic Knowledge

I have also observed often, lately, precious moms who do not even know how to treat little ones. I was walking down the hallway of a hotel several months ago in California and a sweet, very young, exhausted mom was exasperated and shaking her 4 month old baby, saying loudly, "Go to sleep, go to sleep!" At which point the exhausted baby cried louder and louder. The baby was her first child.

I offered to hold the baby for a few minutes and to give the mom a break. She quickly gave the baby to me. I held the baby tightly in my arms and held it against my cheek and gently rubbed its head while singing softly into his little ear, and swaying gently back and forth. Immediately the little one relaxed its stiff body and listened to my voice and within 5 minutes was soundly asleep.

She just had not been taught how to be gentle, affectionate, or personal. It scared me a little to think of the future of this little child.

I also observed that my very introverted, creative child took longer, even as a baby to focus on me. I learned to work with his personality and to get on his eye level, gently get his attention and clearly state what my expectations were. He was happy to comply, but he did not always hear me the  first time. (He now my absent-minded professor who composes music and still has a great heart to obey and to please me.)

My third son, I eventually learned, was adhd, and ocd and a few other letters. But being harsh never, never made his more mature or able to change his behavior. I learned that the more I poured into his life--affection, time, listening, talking, the more able he was to obey. I learned that if I was patient and gentle and helped him--holding his hand, using words of encouragement, gentleness, I could lead him in obedience.

My husband, Clay, wrote an excellent book, called Heartfelt Discipline and many have said that it changed their lives. It will be back in print next summer.

When babies are touched and loved and sung to and talked to and have regular routines and regular, healthy diets, they are much more happy all the time and responsive to instruction. However, when a child has not received these basic needs, the only means of a child letting his parents know he is not happy or comfortable with his life is to whine or cry. When I am around generally healthy children whose needs have been met, it is obvious because they seem more content with life. All children are immature and will misbehave, and pages and pages could be written about the subject, but these are just a few of my thoughts.

My last thoughts on this today and then I must run to my day. Jesus'  life is my example. There was a lost world because His children rebelled against Him--no first time obedience. But His love and compassion was so much a part of His character and being, He was compelled to come to save us. He fellowshipped with His disciples, loved them, listened to them, confronted them, corrected them, fed them, taught them, and laid down His life for them. Because of their relationship with Him, and their love for them, they were willing to lay down their life for Him and His kingdom.

His love compelled them--it was a long-term process, this one of securing their obedience and hearts, but their hearts wanted to please Him and obey Him because of what He had meant to them. And so I did write Ministry of Motherhood, reflections on Jesus' method to secure the hearts of His twelve. It has been a study over many years. And today, from my quiet time, I am again humbled and blessed by His active, redeeming, sacrificial love that redeemed me.

His model to me as a parent, "Greater love has no one than this, that He lay down His life for his friend." a Rafflecopter giveaway

Loving Well is the most profound Commitment of Life

Measure your life by how well you have loved. Choose love. 

Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life Book

No matter how we try, none of us will ever have a perfect family. Most families are fraught with personality issues, immaturity, selfishness and baggage of unhealthy relationships from a past broken family heritage. 

No church, ministry, neighborhood holds perfect, always happy relationships, either. Because we are a part of these groups, we make them unstable because none of us is perfect. 

And often, we are most disappointed when we have conflict, fall-outs, and broken relationships with other believers. 

I wish I had known this earlier, as I was broken-hearted and disillusioned the first time we were involved in church where several created disharmony and separations with groups in the church. 

Yet, another aspect of growing in love is giving ourselves time and grace to grow. Most of us never knew how selfish we were until we got married and had children. All of us fall short, but all of us can mature. Learn every day to live more and more into the foundational love and unconditional grace of God and you will become a generous lover like Jesus is.

It is best if we also know we will never be perfect in loving or in relationships. It will keep us humble, generous and make us more likely to forgive.

Loving is the food that fuels each of our lives with health, hope, and a sense of well-being.

That is why is it most important that we learn to practice loving well, forgiving more each year and guarding our mouths so as not to create unnecessary conflict. 

Learning lots about the importance of loving well came through being a mama to children who were starving for it from the beginning.

"Mama, you love me the most, right?" ....Our joke through all the years but repeated over and over again.

"I love you the "Joyest" and you the "Nathanest" and you the "Sarahest" and you the "Joelest," my sweets.

Seems that even now, I am often texting, emailing, fb'ing my kids how much I love them, how special they are to me, how much they are beloved by God.

All of my children have gone through bouts of doubt when confronted by a constant barrage of challenges. All four have written notes to me to say our constant love is what pulled them through. "You always believed in us, you were always at our back. You never gave up!"

A heritage of being loved and cherished is profoundly important in the life of any human being.

Surrounded by people who care for their needs, commit to cherishing them from birth to death, wrapping them in the bonds of unconditional love is a legacy that will give them strength, hope and vision through the rest of their lives.

It is something that cannot be bought or quantified or boxed. Love is a real, day in day out, giving of ourselves for the benefit of others God has placed in our lives--a giving of ourselves for the blessing of others. When we love and touch affectionately, it pre-disposes our children to remember the caresses and affection of love hidden in the pathways of their brains and will cause them to be more prone to believe in the love of God when they are teens and we tell them, again, that God loves them.

When children are deprived of love as an infant, consequences to their health, emotional stability, understanding and perception of God, ability to hold relationships and even intelligence is effected the rest of their lives. Of course, Christ is able to redeem and restore all things. I know in my own life that restoration and healing are possible. But in this fallen world, the process of healing may take awhile.

God created all of us with a deep need to be loved, and a capacity to love generously.

Being loved perfectly was God's original design, it was born in His heart when he created us to know Him intimately.  

If I could point to one thing that truly had an impact in my children, it was giving them a foundation of unconditional love. Generous, overwhelming, words of affirmation, an expectation of forgiveness, acts of service, and many more gestures of love is what opened our children's hearts to listen to our messages about God. 

Loving them as they are, appreciating the personality that God has given them, restoring them to generous love when they have failed, pouring out love even when they were at arm's length, focussing on love as the lens through which I looked at life as a mother, giving out words of love on a daily basis--sometimes many times a day, became the fuel for building a fire in their hearts to want to love God.

When love is modeled as a way of life, then a child has the brain patterns, the very familiarity of how love feels from a parent, and will then be more able to experience the love of God when introduced to it as a concept.

We read:

God is love.

Greater love has no one than this than a man lay down his life for his friend.

The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others.

Love one another and so fulfill the law of Christ.

They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.

So many times, parents are afraid that if they show their love for their children too much, they will spoil them. (I am not talking about enabling them by giving in to every whim, but real, unconditional, servant, mature love.)

Has anyone ever loved you too much? Or do you wish for more love?

Though I was loved in many ways, I grew up with some performance based issues in my family, I often felt inadequate and as though I could never do quite enough to please others--my parents, the world--God Himself. I felt defeated in my inner heart, though I kept striving to perform for many years.

However, it was at a college conference in Mexico my junior year, that a wonderful teacher personally explained to me, while focussing on my heart's cries for over an hour, that God truly loved me and that nothing would ever separate me from his love.

This knowledge changed my life forever.

Then I read and pondered and studied the life of Christ with His disciples. It was His love poured out, serving them and their families, living with them, giving them words of life; cooking for them, washing their feet, encouraging them, that so changed their lives that they were willing to give their lives for His cause.

We as adults must understand that unconditional love, as shown by Christ, is the foundation to good relationships.                                              

But the place that our children learn this kind of mature love is by watching us practice loving them in our home.

Many of you, never really understood or experienced love in this way while growing up and perhaps you carry unhealthy habits of relating to people in ways you learned in your home growing up.  What I have found is that by receiving God's love by faith and then practicing it in my home with my family has stretched my ability to love, and it has changed my life. Reading books about relationship has given me tools to recognize what is healthy behavior and what is not (Boundaries and Safe People are two books by Cloud and Townsend that have  helped me to recognize un-health in myself and in others.)  Recognizing habits that do not build my relationships and learning to grow little by little has helped me move in the direction of strong friendships and stable family relationships. This has also helped me to understand and recognize unhealthy people that come into my life and to understand more about how to establish boundaries in ways that protect me from manipulative or broken people. This has become especially important to me in ministry, where I am interacting and committing to people all the time. But the love of God has slowly transformed my life over many years. In making loving well my goal, I have learned to love many people better and more effectively. It is a process of growth.

In our own family devotional, The 24 Family Ways, we made love prominent in our training.

Way # 5 WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, TREATING EACH OTHER WITH KINDNESS, GENTLENESS AND RESPECT.

MEMORY VERSE:

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us." I John 4:11-12

If we understand the importance of building this foundation of loving our precious children and teaching them to love others, we will give them the power they need to build strong relationships, stay strong in marriage, learn to work in ministry and a profession well--in short, we will give them the ability to have a fuller, more fulfilling life.

Loving my adult children is still just as important as when they were young.

The world can be hostile to adults who seek to live morally excellent lives, and who attempt to live lives for the glory of God. And so even now, loving, listening, encouraging, supporting and giving my adult children a home where they will be circled in love and commitment of friendship is one of the pulls in their lives to uphold their ideals in a very challenging time.

Love covers a multitude of sin.

Love is a perfect bond of unity.

So today, commit in your journal what it means to love to each of the precious ones entrusted into your hands and then begin by practicing love today.

How do you show your children acts of love that penetrates their hearts? 

What am I supposed to do?

Now that I have raised 4 children into adulthood, and find, by God's grace, they are all reasonably intelligent, moving ahead with ideas and inspiration and relative accomplishment, love the Lord and growing in that direction and love us, I have closed the door on a season of my life.

I am no longer in the "raising my children" phase, but I am at a moving on to another season, supporting and loving my children, but mostly done with those initial phases of training, educating and inspiring.

Now this is the dilemma. Many of my wonderful younger friends, including Sarah Mae, say, "There are no mentors out there. We need more moms to help us, encourage us."

Having been immersed in this whole role and calling for so many years, I can get lost in the forest for the trees.

So my question to you is:

What are the burning topics that you wish you could ask a mom like me?

What are the biggest issues in your life?

What should I write articles on?

I realize that by God's grace, I have made it through pretty well. But now that I have done it so long and so much is second nature to me, I don't remember exactly how I got here or what people would want to know.

So, I ask you to please help me.

Please answer some of the questions below as well as add your own input.

1. What is the biggest mothering issue in your life that you wish someone would address?

2. Do you want me to write about homeschooling or even just education issues in the home no matter what educational choice?

3. What are spiritual topics that are relevant to you?

4. What are personal issues that you wish I would address?

5. What other topics do you like to see discussed?

6. What aspects of child life do you wish you had more help with?

7. Should I write about marriage?

8. Practical areas--like cooking, baking, house organization, traditions, what areas of practical life appeal to you?

9. Do you like or not like videos and or podcasts--which is preferable, writing, or voice.

10. Would you rather have more information or encouragement (longer articles) or shorter articles cut up over several days?

Thanks ahead of time. I am often tempted to quit blogging because I speak so often and teach a lot and have written a lot of books and so I feel like there is nothing more to say or share--so your input will help me a lot!

So should I spend my time writing more books (lots of ideas here) or keep going with blogs and writing fewer books.

And truth is--when I get more comments and help in getting the word out, I feel like what I am writing is hitting the target. When there are few comments and not as much help in getting a wider audience, I wonder if I should just write more books and maybe rest the blog for a while--your input would help.

He is not a tame Lion, but He is Good

"He is not a tame lion," said Tirian. "How should we know what He would do?"

The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis

Recently, I spotted this old print of a lion, beautifully framed. I purchased it on the spot and now it hangs framed over our fireplace in our den. Aslan, the picture of Christ, stands guard in our home.

Always, I desired that my children understand that they, and no one can contain the living God. We spoke of His greatness, His sovereignty, His kingship and Lordship over the world and over our lives.

"I wonder how God is going to use you in this world in your lifetime to bring His power, His beauty, His wisdom to bear in this world. He has called normal people to do great things because He wants to live through them."

And so we spoke to them of a kingdom that would never end and a King Jesus who had dominion over all realms.

Our instruction was not a moralizing kind or a teaching to be good. But following hard after one who was Life Himself and who had created all of His followers to join in the battle for good against evil, love against hate and redeeming back what was his. All of our children knew they were to be warriors for His cause.

When I first ventured out as a missionary into Communist Eastern Europe, I faced many unknowns with my fellow pioneers. Our doors were pounded by police, we smuggled Bibles and Christian materials in our car and sometimes, our knees shook in frightening situations. Our girls that we lived with in our home were questioned by the secret police as Christian ministries were disallowed to exist in a Communist country.

But we believed we were involved in a spiritual revolution for God who was bigger than governments and stronger than any barriers.

The language was quite difficult and we were lonely and there was not much food. No television that we could understand. No cell phones. No personal computers. The food was strange and we ate mostly eggs at almost every meal because we could not get meat very often.

Our parents worried when they heard on the American news that the Russian tanks were plowing into our city in Poland because of the rebellion rising all over the country. We hovered around the BBC radio to try to hear what was really taking place in our country and to try to find out if we were really in danger.

But, deep in our hearts, we had made the commitment to be there because we believed with all of our heart that we were living for a Kingdom that could not be shaken and we were determined to bring light to a dark world where Christianity was suppressed.

To us, God was almighty, Holy, beyond our comprehension, and so we trusted Him to do miracles, and He did. We also knew He was one who heard our prayers and was willing, for the sake of those who believed, to do miracles and to bring powerful redemption to a whole nation and to the world behind the iron curtain.

Our faith was exhibited behind closed doors where our hearts were tested and no one could see.

Sometimes, I miss the fellowship of such believers. We knew that God could not be contained in a box--but that He was much bigger and more powerful than we could ever imagine. We took risks in order to bring this Hope to a world that desperately needed light and and hope.

Now, as I am approaching 60, I do not want to be satisfied with what I have seen God do previously in my life. I want a new frontier, a new way and place to cast a vision in the lives of others so that they might understand the infinite ways of His love, wisdom and goodness.

I often feel as though we do God an injustice by playing at words and grappling after finite issues, by pettiness and criticism of others, when the lives and eternal destiny of people are at stake.

How can our children be inspired to live great lives if our lives are not burning with a passion to serve Him and to see His power lived out through our lives?

Perhaps we are indeed guilty at times of straightening the picture on a wall of a house that is burning down, when we focus on temporary issues.

And so, as I reevaluate my life and my goals, I pray:

Let my faith not be limited to mere words on the internet, but let my life be a sacrifice to real people who need to know the loving touch of your hands, the power of life-giving words, the healing of forgiveness and acceptance that you have so generously provided.

Let my messages be filled not with rules and lists and formulas, but with truth, vision and foundational instruction. In the power of your Holy Spirit, God, give me renewed faith, boldness, compassion, so that I may expect to see your power through my life in new ways. In the next 10 years, what would you imagine for me to accomplish for your kingdom? What would you have Clay and me venture to help others understand your power. 

Please, Lord, let our faith never diminish to a point of limiting you to a mere philosophy or dogma. Help us always to see you as the Lion of Judah, the God transcendant, the one who crafted the galaxies and put in place the eyelashes on a baby's face. 

And let my children, understand these truths and live their story, faithfully, boldly to give profoundly of your love and life till they see you face to face.

As we ponder your omnipotence, that you are greater than we could imagine, 

that your ways and thoughts are higher than ours and that you can do whatever you choose, 

let that picture of you inspire us to bow our knee to your will and be willing to risk and work with all of our heart to please you until we see you face to face in all of your beautiful wildness, glory and splendor.

Putting Away Cynicism

Rudyard Kipling

"God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers."

In a culture that values sarcasm, makes fun of every possible public figure, and disdains virtue, often the sacred trusts that have been held through out history, lose dignity and meaning. Rudyard Kipling was a man who was a champion of women, and especially mothers. He understood their impact on the next generation.

I find it unfortunate that basic virtues of goodness, graciousness, respect, honor, truth, humility,  are not valued or appreciated in our culture anymore. When people forget civility and the respect that is due every person created in the image of God, human beings are devalued and sacred relationships lose their value.

Crudity, bane words and humor often deprecate those values dear to the heart of Christ.

Facebook and the internet at large have given many the impression that anything can be said on facebook without accountability to manners, graciousness or decorum.

James tells us that we will all be held accountable for each of our words.

The composure and moral stature and values of a person is of great consequence in leadership throughout history. If we want our children to influence their culture for the sake of Christ in their lifetimes, we must teach them the value of honor, respect and service of others.

Training my children to have a sense of what it looked like to become most excellent for Christ and to uphold his reputation in all circumstances, led me to offer them many poems, verses and quotations to memorize. The treasure box of their minds are filled with stories of greatness, as well as words of wisdom and virtue. I know that the Holy Spirit can use these words over and over again during their life-time to remind them, inside their hearts, regardless of the values in the world, of what is true and what really matters. And these words can also call them to a high regard for integrity in their conduct and behavior in public and through their words.

Poems and psalms, however, have a special way of "sticking" in their minds and internal values. I made each of my children memorize this wonderful poem as a part of a family tradition. Each of my kids has told me that this poem, in particular,  has come to mind often when they were faced with trials, choices of conduct and times when they needed inner guidance to direct them in their conduct.

May we seek to build up a sense of strong virtue and value for what is true, in order to devalue the power of cynicism and sarcastic humor, which can destroy a respect for what is honorable and good.

I give you this poem to teach to your own families! Say it outloud each evening, one verse at a time. Discuss it. Give examples. This is a poem that will feed their souls forever!

If

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too: If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master; If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same:. If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And never breathe a word about your loss: If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much: If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And---which is more---you'll be a Man (or woman), my son! (or my child)

Rudyard Kipling

I am woman, hear me roar, kinda.....Joy and I reminiscing

The Capacity of a Woman is endless--and I do think women are pretty amazing in most ways.

So, Joy goes out to start the car in order to drive to her college class. The battery is dead.

The "ding-ding" bell on the car my children drive, went awry. This means that usually the ding-ding goes off when they turn off the car and leave the lights on as a warning to turn the lights off, so the battery won't die.

But, this is the 4th time in 6 weeks one of my children drove this car and left the lights on too long and the battery died. It is always blamed on the "ding-ding" thing-a-jig.

This is not a popular subject with my husband, who would like to just say to the kids, "Just turn out the lights, as a habit, when you get out of the car. It's pretty simple."

Now, the rest of the story......

"Mom, what do I do? Do you know how to charge a dead battery?"

"Let's not call Daddy, again,  and see if we can do it. He's at the office and I hate to  bother him."

Out comes my computer and we look up "charging a dead battery" on youtube.

Brought the computer out to the garage, and we both gingerly took different sides of the cables, as we have no idea what we are doing, and hoping we do not somehow get an electrical jolt or burn up the car, which is what one of the guys Joy asked for advice, told her.

Turned on the video and followed directions and voila-the battery started and we felt empowered by our genius.

So, what has your life required of you lately, and what have you conquered that you never thought you could do?

Teaching Your Children the Bible {The Dig for Kids} and a giveaway!

My sweet friend, Ruth Schwenk, at the Mom's conference in Raleigh.

Over and over again, when my children come home for the holidays, they all agree that often in the midst of their daily lives, scripture just pops into their brains. Stories that were as familiar at the place they were told still enter their imagination at odd times of their prayers, thoughts and lives.

It is as though it is a part of their psyche because we read them so very much.

When Clay finds a devotional product that guides the family through scripture, he loves to promote it to other moms and dads to use. The Dig is such a product. Well written, fun for the children and easy to use, this book will open wide some of your devotional moments for your children.

Ruth and Pat are great friends of our family and we love how they are helping families with these wonderful resources.

We want to offer three free books for you so that you can enjoy them, too.

I asked Ruth to tell us a little about the Dig.

****************************************************************

About 2 years ago my daughter said to my husband, “Dad, I am glad you are a pastor.” When he asked her why, she said, “Because you teach us the Bible.”

The truth is, every parent should be (and can be) a pastor to his or her children.

The Apostle Paul makes an interesting comment regarding Timothy’s training as a child. In 2 Timothy 3:14-15, Paul says, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

Paul suggests in those verses that Timothy was being taught the Bible from a very young age.

In an effort to simply and systematically teach our children books of the Bible, my husband created The Dig for Kids. Out of the experience you create, biblical principles are learned and lived. The goal, of course, is that our children will fall in love with Jesus as their Savior and grow up to follow Him with all their heart, soul, and strength.

We were thrilled to have such an amazing response to The Dig for Kids: Luke Volume 1! The Dig for Kids has consistently been on Amazon’s “Best-Seller” List and #1 in Children’s Bible & Prayer!  It is incredible to think of literally thousands of families joining together and learning God’s Word with this resource.  The Dig, provides a fun and easy way for YOU to get into the Bible with your kids!

For those of you who haven’t heard of The Dig, a typical Dig lesson consists of the following four components:

1. The Map: The Map tells you and your child where you’ll be going in each lesson. It is a short summary of the study ahead.

2. The Dig: The Dig is the main passage you will be studying. Following each passage will be several questions designed to help conversation and understanding. They are meant to be a guide. You can use them or tweak them to help you talk with your children.

3. The Treasure: The Treasure is the big idea of each lesson. In a short statement, it is what you want your child to remember from the passage you studied.

4. The Display: When an archaeologist finds a treasure, they will clean it up and put it on display for everyone to see. This is the basic idea of the Display. It is the application of the Treasure you have found!

Of course I may be a bit biased, but the author is an incredible father and Godly man that I am honored to call my husband  .  Here is a little bit about him.

Patrick Schwenk grew up going to church wearing clip-on ties, uncomfortable shirts, pants that were too short, and shoes that were too tight (at least that is how he remembers feeling). He was born, raised, and then born again within a conservative evangelical home (and church) in the Midwest. Today, he still loves the church and is thankful to both serve and lead others toward Jesus. He is a father, husband, and pastor. Patrick and his wife Ruth (www.thebettermom.com) met while attending the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, IL. They have been married for fourteen years and currently have four children ages three to ten. They love serving in ministry, spending time together as a family, reading, drinking lots of coffee, and resting in God’s grace.

The Dig is available in PDF, Kindle, and Nook Versions as well as Paperback.

The Dig Luke Vol. 2 (Chapters 13-24):

Click HERE to purchase for $2.99 (reg. $4.99) the PDF Click HERE to purchase for $2.99 (reg. $4.99) the Kindle version  Click HERE to purchase for $2.99 (reg. $4.99) the Nook version  Click HERE to purchase for $9.99 (reg. $12.99) the Paperback version

You can also purchase The Dig Luke Volume 1 here.

To celebrate we are giving away 3 copies of The Dig for Kids: Luke Vol. 2!! Enter to win below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway