A Day to Celebrate Love With Those Who Long to Know Your Love

A Living Room Picnic for the cold winter days speaks of celebration!

Love One Another!

Happy Valentine’s Day, wonderful friends!

I hope that today is a day when you know deeply that you are loved, because you are precious to your Heavenly Father.

I love that we have a day in the year when we can be especially encouraged to give words of love, kisses and hugs, acts of service and delight in an overall celebration of loving others well. It is a day that we can use as an anchor that reminds us that everyone in our lives needs to know that they are loved.

Loving by showing it does not have to be expensive or elaborate. It just needs to be expressed. It is a day that helps us practice acting out our love in tangible ways.

Whatever you want your children to cherish and tuck deeply into their hearts must be something that is an intentional part of their lives every day, every season. Loving one another, as adults find out in marriage quickly enough, is a choice, not a feeling. Honor given to another comes from an attitude of humility and respect that is trained into a young child and practiced over many years. So, those who cultivate love and respect find it blooming more often than those who leave it unattended, or expect it to blossom all by itself.

Consequently, if you want to have children who know what it means to exhibit generous, unconditional love, you must help them practice loving every day, but especially on Valentine’s day!. When my children were young, at regular intervals, I would give them practical ways that we would practice love and giving encouragement to others.

First, we had studied our 24 Family Ways and memorized them and learned the verses—you can find the book by clicking the link below!

"We treat one another with kindness, gentleness and respect," was one of the ways that our children heard and wrote over and over again, so that this principle became a pathway in their brain.

Then, I would create ways, over the years, to help them practice taking the initiative to extend their words and actions of love towards others they cherished. One of these ideas would be a perfect project for Valentine’s Day!

One lonely year, when we felt we had no friends because of moving to a new town, we made a list of people that were special to our family, some we had just met or seen at church and a community group we had attended a couple of times. Together, we spent a whole day baking--cookies, bread, cinnamon rolls. While we waited for them to bake, I provided doilies, markers, paper, ribbon, and glue and we spent the day crafting "I love you, I am so thankful you are my friend," and "I appreciate you and thank God for you," cards.  Each child chose one of the people to present his or her card to. And of course, you could do this for ten, or three, or even just one special person!

Finally, we all gathered our plates of goodies, ribboned and carded, placed them gingerly in the car, and we were off. It took us 4 hours to deliver them to all the homes of those we had chosen to give our words of love to, and it delighted and filled all of my precious ones with memories of how much a tiny thoughtful gift can mean to someone who needs to hear the words, "I love you."

That night, I made a picnic in our living room to celebrate the day. (After all the dirty dishes and pans fun cookies made, I did not want to have one more dish to clean!) We lit candles all over the room, bought some chocolates, made a special board of picnic fare and ate in front to the fireplace. It was a favorite memory of all.

Other times we made homemade bread, a meal for someone in need of practical help who had been ill, a tea time for a friend who had just lost her mother, a feast of cookies and a “king of the mountain” game with favorite friends. More than anything, shaping my children’s hearts around the idea that love is practical and it is something we give to others from the storehouse of our own abundance became a way of thinking.

These kinds of patterns practiced are a part of who my children perceive themselves to be now as adults--lovers of others. The habit of being thoughtful was a learned value, as we practiced it regularly. The fruit of that kind of seed planting is a soul that emanates love, from being planted intentionally, cultivating and watering those seeds with deeds of kindness, led by a mother who gave her time.

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clay Clarkson

Flourishing in the Meantime, Part 2 & Podcast

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The secret to becoming content and to cultivating happiness in your story is learning to make a plan to flourish right where you are, as a habit. Today, I speak about practicing holy attitudes that will serve you well as you grow and mature and live well in this long journey of life. I pray it inspired you.

Fifty-five women clustered in groups of 3's, 5's, 10's around the cozy table of our local coffee shop. Chattering, ordering coffee, quiche and soup, all seemed so very happy to be together as adults, as women, enjoying a rare time away from the daily grind. When I am going to be out of town on the night of our monthly Bible study, I reserve a local coffee shop for our evening together--just for us. So nice to have owners who love us and give generously to our group, after we have dubbed them our favorite coffee cafe for over 2 years now.

After our time of study, I always open it up for any question and spend about 10 minutes just addressing issues we all share.

"Sally, how did you live through all the mundane boring days where one day melted into another? Did you ever just feel like you were overwhelmed with the mundane tasks of it all? I feel like a prisoner in my own home."

It is true that all of us find ourselves amidst repeated chores, duties, and responsibilities--part of being an adult, part of eating, sleeping, living in this world--and often a challenging part when we feel we have no help or friends to carry the burdens.

Another mama, the next day, wrote almost the same letter. "I am dying here. Want to quit homeschooling but feel to guilty to do so. What should I do? I have been at it for 15 years."

Sometimes I see that moms have lost their vision along the way to live lives of ideals. Sometimes they just get lost in the journey, feel lonely, unappreciated, unnoticed and wonder if they are making a difference.

Though I will address some of these issues later this summer, after Joy graduates and I give her the party with all of her friends, after her's and Sarah's birthdays, after I return from California, after I get through with 6-8 weeks of therapy for my back and leg that has been so painful, after I turn in the manuscript for the Bible study guide for my new book, after my leadership intensive, after after after! :) We all have full plates.

1. Take the free short Myers-Briggs test at Truity.com and find out your personality. Assess if you think the description of you is true.  I am fully between an Enfj and an Enfp--mostly leaning toward an ENFP at this point. It means I hate to be boxed in, I love variety, I enjoy personal relationships, I am an idealist--(no surprises there!)

Many years ago, I realized that I needed to take my personality needs into account when considering what kind of life I would shape for my family so I could last better, longer. And so, I included in my life: music, experiences, adventure, interesting opportunities, personal relationships, creating community, etc. If God made me the mother of these children, he made me the way I needed to be to fulfill His purposes.Who I am is enough to fulfill His will for my life. I do not have to live someone else's life.

On hard days, if we were fussing too much and all felt like prickles, I would throw the kids in the car, give them some little snacks to munch on, put on a fun book on tape to listen to-exciting and adventurous or a wonderful sweet story, and drive. I found places in my area that would get us all outside and give us fun. Parks, hikes, bookstores, museums, frozen yoghurt places, interesting places where they could run or swim or engage their own little needs and personalities--even my little 5 star hotel where we could have a hot chocolate on a cold snowy day--and if we did not have enough money--I would get 2 mugs full and make them split! Getting out on some impossible days helped all of us settle down.

Why do people insist on living by duty and so called "authorities "voices that limit their own fun or interest? We have great freedom in the Lord to use our own brains, our own values to live into His will for our lives, if we are basically orthodox in our beliefs and the way we practice them.

Sometimes our lives seem overwhelmingly mundane because we are choosing to live boring lives.

When shaping my own plan, I knew that reading, discussing, devotions, engaging and giving a verbally rich environment was the best I could offer my children, so I did not limit our education to the lists and formulas and curriculum ways of others, as I trusted God that He had given me a will to use my imagination within the wise counsel I read about and the input I had taken in.

And so, when my adult children got into schools I did not even dream of, (Oxford, Cambridge, Yale, Berklee, New York Film Academy) I could see that reading, giving freedom to develop their own muscles emotionally, mentally and spiritually and engaging them in life,  helped them all to grow into the person God made them to be and gave them a more than adequate education and rich life. Formulas would never have worked for my family as they would have been bored and so would I have been.

2. Get rest and refreshment If you are exhausted, take some time to sleep, give yourself a break from responsibility fatigue. Play and recreation can be so healthy for your well-being. Some of the things I have added over the years are tea or coffee breaks every day--for me and 15 minutes of pleasure to do what I want. Taking a French cooking class with my girls. Going out to breakfast with my teen boys. Playing tennis as a family. Having Clay take the kids out sometimes on a Saturday so I could do something fun with a friend or just stay home and watch a movie or take a bath or whatever.

3. Don't do life alone Whether  you are an introvert or extravert, you were made for relationships. Seek people who have your values or who can build into your life. I meet with an older friend I met from mutual Austrian mission experiences as often as possible when we are both in town. We share so many values, tastes and life appetites in common. When I am particularly down, I call her and we gather. I also have regular lunches, breakfasts with a group of friends that have been meeting for 9 years now and we do ministry and life together. We are different ages, different in personality and go to different churches, but I invited them over for lunch some years ago just once a month and from that we committed to each other.

If you do not have friends around you, read books by inspiring people--(books were my mentors amidst 17 moves!) Go to a seminar, volunteer in a ministry, do something--give of yourself and invest in others.

Walking miles each day, especially in natural, beautiful places, writing, playing music all the time, using my intuition to plan new ideas, projects, writing, speaking, traveling--and then figuring out how to pay for it--and regarding my children's needs and commitments as well as Clay's when I make plans. Making the mundane parts of my life as interesting and easy as possible have helped me to endure with grace. Simplify your expectations--you will never be in control, you will never get it all done, there are always new challenges around the corner, so prepare yourself for these life occurrences.

4. Make it a goal to seek out wise women, those more mature than you, those whose lives you would like to emulate. 

"He who walks with the wise will be wise, a companion of fools suffers harm." This verse is not just for children--it is for you. Don't spend lots of time on vanity, empty websites, television, books, people who bring you down. You know if you are compromising your life--turn away from harmful influences and repent (go the other way) and ask for God's help. Jeremiah tells us if we walk after emptiness, we shall become empty. What you allow yourself to think will take hold in your life. The values you cultivate will grow in your heart. Determine to walk on the road to excellence one step at a time. Invest in the ideals you want to pursue--don't allow your heart to become addicted to women who pull you down, give you excuses to compromise your life in any way, tell you its ok to move in immoral directions. Avoid consummate complainers, those who criticize many people, those who always blame others for their difficulties or have a habit of shaking their fist at God.

Instead seek out the holy, the lovely, the good. What you seek after will determine what you become--where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. But seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Seems to me that seeing results always took longer than I thought they should but now when I look back I see how gently, strongly, intentionally, wisely God was directing and training and fulfilling his ways in my life.

5. Use your God-given imagination--it is part of the Holy Spirit to fill us with ideas, give us beauty, open doors, enlarge our boundaries. Part of being a mature believer is to use your mind, desires, convictions, dreams, enjoyment to create life in your own life.

Do it today--Own Your Circumstances, Own your design, Own your puzzle and make it an interesting, god-glorifying place to live or at least slowly move into that direction. Don't be a victim to your life's duties, find ways to make it personally fulfilling.

Off to work on bringing some color into my black and white duties of life right now. Praying blessing for each of you.

For lots and lots more ideas, read:

Own Your Life

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Flourishing In the Meantime of Life, Part 1 & Podcast

Have podcast will travel. :)

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   "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C. S. Lewis

 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

The past three weeks, I have had the privilege of serving as a grandmother in my sweet Sarah’s home. Baby Samuel is 4 weeks today and LiIy is almost two—approaching those interesting challenging times. Now I remember what it was like to sit for hours on end rocking, walking, nursing, playing, feeding and wondering if I was accomplishing anything at all.

Seems we all have lots of meantime when we are waiting for something to happen when we will be happier or freer or more fulfilled. I have learned that waiting for any other circumstance or person to fulfill all the felt needs of your life is a wrongly directed expectation. It is a process to learn, but only as we learn how to flourish in all those meantimes when we are waiting, (for a spouse, for enough money, for children or for children to be out of diapers or out of teenage hormones, or a new house or whatever), it is possible to flourish. Today, I am speaking about how to flourish while you are waiting. I have learned it over many years and was not always patient, but it has served me well.

I am not naturally a very noble or valiant person. And so when I read this verse over the years, I would flinch and go through it quickly, because I didn't relish trials. Our lives have been full of them and I have, at times, learned to dread another day in case it might have some new trial in it. 

Having 4 children, homeschooling, moving 19 times, 8 times internationally, and all the difficulties in relationships, criticism for my ideals, finances, health issues, loneliness, marriage, the different phases of my children's lives, ministry and an overload of responsibilities, just keeping up with all the work that never ends was so very much harder than I ever realized life would be.

Though in my early 20's, I became serious about the Lord, and truly committed to going anywhere, doing anything for His kingdom, I no more had an idea of what that would mean, than a little girl who dresses up as a princess and pretends to know what it would mean to become a queen and rule a country. 

Yet, I can look back now, after many years of trials, and see that God had such great plans for my life, and the only pathway to these plans of His, was through many trials. I had pretty much committed myself to becoming a warrior for His kingdom in this life, not realizing that in order for someone to become a general to lead others into battle, he must first begin with basic training.

Basic training is that hard, disciplined, demanding season of training that seeks to build strength, self-control, in the life of a would-be soldier. It is also for the purpose of drawing soldiers forward, stretching their capacity to be stronger, more capable, to live up to their own ability and potential.  

After passing successfully through basic training, a soldier must  prove worthy in real battles to earn the right to humbly and wisely lead others into victory in bigger arenas.

And so, because God delights in us entering into the fray of this world, to bring light, beauty, truth and to stand strongly and boldly for His purposes, he sends us trials and training to prepare us for the platform He would have us stand on. His trials have been the training grounds to give me integrity in my messages so that I really could encourage other women. Only God was there in the dark moments of my life, to see if my heart would respond in faith, to do the hard work, to love when no one else knew I was making this choice but God. 

And so, my victories through the trials became the very platform in which I saw the grace of God, His goodness and love, in seeing that He had a better plan for me than I had for myself. My integrity was won in the seemingly invisible places, where He was testing and strengthening me for bigger arenas. And so I understand this process better for my children as they foray into life.

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Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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A Month to Focus on Love!

I have never been loved too much. Have you?

We all long for companionship, friendship, community- some one to help us, to pay attention to our feelings, dreams. needs. But that comes from taking time to invest in relationships:

Asking someone to meet for coffee,

Staying up late with a teen who is anxious about life, and wonders if she is acceptable to her peers,

Holding a baby and rocking him until he finally falls securely asleep in strong arms.

Taking time for a cool drink and snacks with your husband so he can unload the stress and pressure he feels in his job.

Making love a priority means giving up some of yourself to receive love back. It’s what we all need.Every year, as I put up my Christmas decorations into lidded boxes marked "Christmas,” I pull out the plastic lidded boxes called "Valentine's Day," and put hearts out everywhere--on all the tables, in the bathroom, as books on the hearth, on my brass fireplace covering, on top of my china hutch, and in the basket with magazines in the bathroom.  

Even if you haven’t done so yet, it might be fun to seek out some heart-y decorations to place around your own house! It is fun to have decor every season. Love is such a central theme in our Christian life, that it deserves to be celebrated for 6 weeks!

One of the things I have practiced in the past is to review one love verse a day in February--to remind us all just how foundational love is to marriage, ministry, family, friends, healing, giving, serving.  If you just search “Bible verses love” you will find many such verses to review with your precious children—or just for yourself! These habits practiced for many years become a highway in our hearts, reminding us to always practice love.

As I taught my family these important verses, it was actually me who became the definition for what unconditional love is really like. It is as I see my children through the grid of wanting to show them just how generous God's love is, that I behave in a way that helps them believe the words of scripture about His love.

So make this a month of loving, decorating, celebrating, and of course eating a little bit of your favorite chocolate!

Some verses to get you started:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believe in him shall not parish but have eternal life." John 3: 16

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all you soul, and all your strength, and all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10: 27

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in sin, but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails." I Corinthians 13: 4-8

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." I John 4:7-8

Some of my very favorites for our family:

"Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend." John 15: 13

"Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another because love covers a multitude of sin." I Peter 4:8

"Above all things, put on love, for love is a perfect bond of unity." Colossians 3:4

"God is love." I John 4:8

I hope you all have a wonderful month celebrating love this February!

Building a Great Legacy, One Day at a Time, Part 2 Podcast

The Sistine Chapel Ceiling--painted by Michelangelo

Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance. Samuel Johnson

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.

Hebrews 10:36

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Life is a long story for most of us. The sum of what we have accomplished when we go to see Jesus face to face is not measure by one deed, or one act of faith. It is measured by years of love growing, compassion stretching, faithfulness practiced over and over. When we add up a life of faithfulness in serving God, accumulating maturity, grace, knowledge, wisdom, failure, forgiveness, compassion--it is thousands of moments of choosing to practice greatness, one moment at a time.

The history of the Sistine Chapel

A great example of enduring greatness in a work of art is the ceiling paintings of Michelangelo. He painted over 5000 square feet of ceiling, one stroke at a time. Hundreds of scenes from the Bible, meticulously painted. Set backs, mold problems, scaffolding problems, financial issues, criticism, and more. Over four years, it took him to complete this work. Yet, now, thousands if not millions of people have admired his great work.

For him, it was grueling, sweating work that took a master artist perseverance and endurance of great magnitude to finish this distinguished work. You can read about it here: Michelangelo Sisteen Chapel 

And so it is with our lives. God has given us this opportunity, today, to invest our lives for His glory. But greatness requires endurance, perseverance. Am I one who keeps going, keeps seeking, keeps trusting, keeps moving ahead by faith? What does it require us to accomplish God's work? A steadfast heart, mind and work ethic.

Today, as you contemplate Him, and His work, may you decide to keep fervent and patient and strong in His call to use you in your life time to bring His kingdom work to bear on a world that is desperate for His touch and redemption.

Books Referenced in This Podcast:

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• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Building a Great Legacy, One Day at a Time, Part 1 and podcast

Each vessel distinguished by a different shape, different design, but all bear light. And so we all have different stories but bear light within the context of our own lives and homes.

Play Episode on iTunes & Stitcher

Patience--the ability of bearing up under trials without complaining.

High infant squeals, saying “Feed me, feed me now,” are erupting from somewhere in the upstairs, while I sit on the carpeted floor, once again, putting one duple on top of the other and saying outlaid, “Good job. Good tower.”

Arising early to take little Lily in hand so her mama and daddy can get 15 or 20 more minutes of sleep; making one more breakfast and cutting it into small pieces, changing one more diaper, snapping one more snap on footy pajamas, going out for a little walk and collecting treasures to show “mama” is the routine day for me the past 2 weeks.

The difference for me now is that 36 years ago, I wasn’t sure if what I was doing mattered. And today, I know that every kiss, every tender, gentle moment of talking and being patient matters more than most of the other things I have accomplished. For, in these repetitive days, my daughter and I and her husband are building a legacy of faith, love and goodness. I know now that Lilian and Samuel are looking at the ways we are relating to them and to life and that they are storing up impressions of what matters in life.

I see that it matters because I have 4 children who care about Jesus, who care about taking His love to their world, about bringing light and beauty to their worlds through their professions. I know because all of them believe in the sacredness of marriage, of faith, of the life of human beings. And all of this came from days upon end of being faithful in small places.

Your faithfulness matters. Your choice to trust God is ringing out cheers in the heavenliness because it is so rare. There is no formula and no guarantee of exact results and we do not control our adult children’s choices. But they are more likely to follow truth if it has been lived out in myriad moments of serving, loving, feeding, listening, praying, teaching faithfully over years. The moments of lifegiving relationships, truth discussed, virtue modeled, happens over thousands of days, many years, lots of laying down of life. Today, you are writing your own story of faith and faithfulness.

Join me today and be encouraged in your own life to live faithfully.

Books Referenced in This Podcast:

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• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Exhausted Already this January? Create Spaces of Rest!

Rest may very well be the most strategic thing to do if we have a busy, full and demanding life.

If we do not practice a habit of a restful life, we will end up with serious illness, exhaustion, bad attitudes and fist-shaking faith aimed heavenward. As I have said before, one of my most useful memory verses is, "Fretting leads only to evil doing." (Reflection of Psalm 37:8!)

God put Sabbath rest into the weeks of our lives with a purpose. It is not just a Sunday thing--it is a principle of stopping when life has drained us too much.

I have found that when I believe and engage my heart in the goodness of God's character, and place into the file drawers of heaven all that I am carrying and worrying about, including the lists of all that I have to do,  I begin to find peace.

When I find myself depleted, I stop and take stock of what is going on in my life. I simplify my schedule and plan a snack-style dinner, maybe crackers and cheese or fruit and toast, and break out the paper plates. I take a day off from regular commitments and plan to be still. The next day, I again put away normal commitments in order to attack the demanding tasks that are increasing my burden. But into that day, I also plan simple pleasures--making time for several coffees or cups of tea, having a nap, watching a show, or reading a magazine--which gives the little break I know I need.

When my children were little, on these burned-out days I would do whatever would free me for just a bit. Bubbles would be brought out, or a long bath with new bath toys, a Winnie the Pooh cartoon, a trip to the frozen yogurt cafe, or a quick jaunt to the park or playground. I crafted a way I might have a break from the children’s banter and demands.

Refueling just a little to find joy, create pleasure and celebrate life in the midst of all the demands helps fill my heart up just enough to begin seeing light at the end of my tunnel. Slowly, I would begin to see the miracles bubbling up ... slowly, surely; He, my Father, delights to provide when I take time to breathe, listen, and rest from the daily grind.

 A Martha heart, frenetically busy, won't see the miracles of God, as she is so busy living in the whirlwind of her own making and subsisting in her own meek provisions that she loses all hope and becomes a wretched nag.

The more exhausted I am with life, the more tense, grumpy and tight I become—and eventually, it spills all over everyone else.

Yet, from so many times like this in the past, I have learned a secret. My Prince Jesus comes to me at just the right time. Like the story of Sleeping Beauty, the prince comes not when she is searching the horizon, pounding her fists, running the floor,

But the prince comes when the princess is asleep, and doing nothing but resting.

Resting in Him, choosing peace, putting off responsibilities, and recreating can be such grand medicine for my soul, that after choosing to rest and to invest in fun and love and ease of life, my strength is renewed and all life's issues can be faced with grace.

I know duty is bound to come, but I will face it with courage tomorrow  if I rest today, when my body demands it.

And so my plan for today is to go back to bed, to pace leisurely, to sip and really taste my coffee, to call Clay at the office just to say "hi"--and remember that he is also tired; to focus on the beauty around me; to stay in comfy clothes all day-- listen to music, watch a fun movie, read and pray--and then maybe to rest again, tomorrow, because I know that while I am resting, my Prince is already coming to my rescue, because He has my back covered.

Peace, be still, the Lord is near.

I Need a Little Grace, Every Day & Podcast

Since I travel often, I bring grace into my environment, wherever I am—a candle, a china cup & my favorite tea, and roses from a local store. (in a kitchen utensil holder—they had not vases in this airb&b. :)

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Dear Lord, So far I've done all right. I haven't gossipped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm really glad about that.

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed. And from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help."

Ever felt like praying this prayer? I have! A candle, cup of tea and my Bible (and today, roses) get me started off right. I've laid my burdens at Jesus' feet. I've read His words and they have ministered to my heart. I've worshiped Him. I have asked Him to change me, to help me grow, to bless my family and lead them. I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful day, and all is well with the world.

And then I get out of the chair.

And sometimes, it feels as if all is downhill from there!

Wouldn't motherhood, wifehood, even Christianity be much easier ... if there weren't any other people involved? But I suppose then we have the problem alluded to in that scene from It's a Wonderful Life, when the family's help says, "That (the noise happening upstairs) is why all children should be girls!" and then the elder Mrs. Bailey says, "But if they were all girls--oh, never mind!"

God loves relationships. He, Himself, exists as a relationship--Father, Son and Spirit, three in One--a mystery we can't wrap our minds around. We bear His image, and part of that is this need we have for relationships; to know and be known, to love well, to draw strength and learn from one another. Yet relationships are not easy. Sinful people, living together in a broken world, sometimes hurt one another. We misunderstand and are misunderstood. We struggle with pride and envy, greed and deceit. So do those around us--and our children are no exception.

We need God's grace.

"Giving the gift of grace to our children is actually a two-part process. First, we need to help our children receive grace. We do this both by extending grace to them and by teaching them about God's grace through salvation. After that, by our teaching and example, we must train our children to give grace to others in turn.

Jesus summed up this two-part process when He was asked to name the greatest commandment. He said we are first to love the Lord God with all our hearts (receiving grace) and then we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (giving grace). This commandment, therefore, sums up the first gift we can give to our children--the desire and ability to understand and receive the grace of God and to give it to the rest of the world.

Understanding the importance of the gift of grace has really helped me respond to the daily dilemmas and frustrations of life in a household of four children. As we go through our days, for instance, I try to be mindful that, to God, relationships are always a top priority. I try to think of ways I can model for my children the redemptive grace and love of Jesus--and also influence them to extend grace to others through their actions and their attitudes." ~ The Ministry of Motherhood

We will always be pressed by our relationships. My prayer is that they press us all closer to the heart of God, Who loves to extend His grace to us, and teaches us through His example to do the same.

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Living By Formula or Faith? (Desperate 4) Holly & Margaret Podcast!)

Formulas Don't always Work, but they can sure make us feel like we are accomplishing something!

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In this chapter of Desperate, we are touching the issues that so many moms talk about--if I could just find the right book or formula to answer all of my situations.  However, this search for the magic bullet can only end in frustration, as God did not design this as the answer to our questions in mothering.

Do you ever have voices in your head?

A good mom would.....fill in the blank.

My children were potty trained by 12 months, and if you were disciplined, you would do the same..

My children never whine, yours always do....

You should keep a cleaner house if you were really committed.

You are too lenient on your children, you need to spank them more.

You are too harsh with your children, and you will cause them to rebel.....

And on and on and on.

I used to hear voices and almost all of them made me feel condemned, as though I wasn't mothering the right way or doing the right things enough.

And then there were these four children of mine, differing in personality and different heart issues, different developmental time frames. So many issues that I just thought if I knew the right rule or had a better planner, or the right book or curriculum, I would get it right!

With all the letters I receive, there are so many days I would like to be able to offer blanket advice to everyone I meet.

If you do things just so, it will all turn out all right and your children will obey happily and walk with God and never do anything wrong. Wouldn't that be dreamy?

It seems to me that there are many wisdom principles in scripture, but very, very little advice of an exact nature. God is vague on so many issues--intentionally! He gives us great freedom to live into our own personalities, our own puzzle and to apply wisdom in our own creative ways.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying not to train your children. God very specifically gave us so much wisdom to follow, and laws that would protect us and guide us--but they were few.

He tells us to speak to our children every day about Him--the great shema of scripture in Deuteronomy 6:4-9:

Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

He tells us to train up our children in the way they should go. And evidently, a lot of training is just talking throughout the day according to what the issue of the moment is, often at night when they are supposed to go to bed and are asking questions. In the day when they are learning about work, relationships, truth. We are to have His words on our own heart, and then from our heart we will teach them out of a well of wisdom that comes from what we are cherishing--His words; wisdom personalized every day, according to the need of the moment.

He gives us a commandment to teach our children that they must honor their mother and father. He tells us in Ephesians to raise up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord.

But He does not ever say, "Spank for 45 minutes. Carry a paddle or switch in your purse to be sure you don't miss any offense or you will be responsible for their demise." (I am so grateful He doesn't correct every single sin or immature act I perform or I would just give up now!)

He doesn't say, "Quiet times are so much more effective before 7 in the morning" or "Women have no ability to teach young men." (Have you seen Proverbs 8 or 9 or read about Timothy?)

Or "You can tell a woman's spirituality by looking at whether their drawers are neat and clean on the inside." (Really? What chapter and verse is that?)

He doesn't even say "All children will learn best if they study Latin or Hebrew." (Whew!)

 I often have women who say, "How did you raise your children? What rules did you keep? Why do they love you and love the Lord and how did you teach them to trust you?"

 As far as I can tell, scripture tells us that it is faith, not works, that pleases God. (Hebrews 11:6)

Your family is your own particular puzzle. God has given you those children, that husband, that home and community, in this time. And no one else can tell you exactly what you ought to do in it! But He is faithful and He desires to help and instruct you as you walk with Him. A list of rules and regulations to follow--do things this way, every time, with every child, in every circumstance!--would only serve as a separation between you and your need to communicate with Him and obey His personal instructions to you.

We have great freedom in Christ. Don't give it up for a yoke of slavery to any thing, any one, or any set of rules! Being a great mom is not about rules or formula--it is more like a dance--moving to the rhythms of life, listening and paying attention to the mood of the music in your children's lives and choreographing wisdom as the words to the song.

Your God is truly bigger than a rule, certainly wilder, and cannot be tamed. He wants us to walk this adventure by faith and celebrating life within the bounds of our own personalities and those of our husbands and children.

Look for His voice, not the voices of others, and you will find yourself growing in contentment, grace, and even joy.

What are some of the formulas you have followed that have led to legalism?

What area do you most wish you had a formula to apply?

Do you struggle with "the voices"? How do you replace these voices with real wisdom?

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Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

What Really Matters in Our Homes (Even Come January!)

The secrets and deep emotions shared during the goodnight hours in which a the soul of a child is tender and open; the comfort of warm, homemade food n the early evening as ideas are shared and discussed and prayers and devotions given; the laughter, stories, advice offered in the midst of washing dishes together; the heroic and riveting stories read aloud together that establish common patterns of morality, values and dreams in the comfort of the blazing hearth, mugs of steaming hot chocolate and squishing against each other on a den couch—these are those heavenly things, which are food to the soul and nourishment to the mind and conscience of a child fully awake to all that is important in life.

There is no computer, television, software or textbook that can pass on such passion, love and motivation.

It is indeed the personal touch of a mother’s heart that creates grand civility, deep affection, care, and commitment to the foundations of a family. When the invisible strings of a mother’s heart are tied to the hearts of her children through loving sacrifice and nurture, the stability and foundations of a nation become secure and stable.

A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation.

Her impact is irreplaceable and necessary to the spiritual formation of children who will be the future adults of the next generation. Fun, comfort, humor, graciousness, spiritual passion, compassion for the lost, hospitality, chores, meals, training, life-giving words, hours and hours of listening and playing and praying and reading—all are parts of the mosaic in the process of soul development.

So, though the weariness of the busyness and celebration of Christmas is still upon our hearts and felt in our bodies,

the Spirit and vision of His life in ours will keep us going--

the refocusing on His great call will fuel our commitments to keep going, to keep loving and to keep believing. Taking time with Him this morning has fueled my own soul with new excitement. May He grace you all with His encouragement--right where you are, in whatever season--to know that it really matters. Grace and peace and rest be yours in the days ahead!