43 Years! Marriage: The Ideals & The Reality

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“Above all, be fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sin.”

Last weekend, Clay and I celebrated our marriage of 43 years — quite a legacy. We could never have imagined the adventures, legacy, lessons we would learn about life through our many years. Today on Tea Time Tuesday, I speak of basic principles that helped us find grace to strengthen our marriage.

Most marriages start out with some idealism, romantic expectations. Mine was no different. Clay won me with bouquets of yellow roses (I was his yellow rose of Texas), romantic cards, dinners out. He put a lot of effort into winning me. And of course, I think most of us put a lot of imagination into how amazing our married life will be, how amazing our spouses will be.

 And then, there is life — 24 moves, 9 internationally; 4 children and 3 miscarriages, morning sickness all 9 months of pregnancy, almost dying from blood loss from one miscarriage, having to be in bed for 2 months. We have had deaths of family members, car wrecks, financial challenges, illness, a fire, and even 2 floods in our house, church splits, relative problems, ministry problems, lots of stress.

 Nothing quite prepared me, as a very immature, untrained young woman, to know how to bear all of the stresses we would face just by being a family.

It was several years before I realized, "This is it? It is not going to change — these are the defining issues of our marriage, our children, our family and they are not going to change?" And yet, I had been taught to seek God’s word, to pray and to obey and live in wisdom.

Just like salvation, you should work out your marriage with fear and trembling.

Learn and practice how not to be petty.

Look into the heart of your husband. Understand the context of his life, see who he is inside. What made him the man he is today. Ask God to give you understanding, wisdom, insight and mature love to relate to him based on his heartfelt needs.

Take it slow, seriously — it is one of the most profound legacies and stories you will ever live in reflecting faith, love, beauty in your lifetime. I’ll share even more principles in today’s new podcast episode.

Read about marriage in my new book, Well Lived.

I Promise, It Matters

"In the twilight of our lives, we will be judged on how we have loved."

-St. John of the Cross

I promise, your sacrifice of yourself matters.

The love you take time to give in the busy moments of life—the tender “tuck ins” at night when you are already tired. The cuddles after a skinned knee. The meals made one more day. The books read, the prayers given, the gentle answer to a heart broken child, the corrections to fussing children, the acceptance of a little one who is awkward or too much—does all of this really matter? Am I making a difference?

I promise you that it does. Your sacrifice of love means the world to your people and gives them emotional health, stability in a chaotic world, a sense of security because they know no matter how they fail or mess up, you will always be there to love them, understand their struggles and affirm their great worth to you.

It is still rare in my life that I have more than five minutes to myself! It is truly a phantom to think that any woman can do it all and find a finishing point in meeting the needs of her family. ! I have found in my own life, that if I am attending to the needs of my children, Clay, home, close friends and family, I really have to economize and prioritize my time and the way I invest it.

My life pretty much demands every moment of me!

I do, more and more with each passing day, though, sense how important my role as a mother and godly woman is and I do get such joy out of it. Even now as the mother of grown, adult children. I am still needed. I daily see the results of my many years of striving toward the goal of being a woman after God's own heart and serving those around me for His glory.

Now don't get me wrong, this does not mean that I always feel loving towards these strange people who inhabit my home! Or that I do it perfectly. But because of my love for the Lord, which is more dear to me each year, I keep putting one step in front of the other and see, with the eyes of my heart and mind, the power of my work to fill souls with great thoughts and causes and love for God's kingdom.

Mostly, though, I see more clearly how much I am a living picture of God's reality every day, by exhibiting the fruit of the spirit, by giving cups of cold, refreshing water, by serving and giving of myself and my wisdom and teaching and by always taking the initiative to speak life and joy and wisdom on a daily regular basis—by loving these others with all of my heart.

Let Me Tell You All About Oxford

How can I properly describe for you my little world of Oxford? Let me tell you all about it...

Ancient churches where faith had been celebrated for centuries, with exquisite stained glass windows, were sprinkled throughout the town. Generations of believers have prayed here, been married here, been strengthened in their faith here. It was in such a church that I worshiped regularly.

At any given moment, I might pass a group of young, busy, bright-eyed students passionately speaking in a foreign language, probably discussing their thesis.

In waterways throughout the city, swans would glide by, elegant and regal.

Quintessential vibrant red English phone booths charmed me often.

The old, grand libraries encouraged significant thoughts, great words, and a deep love of learning for all who entered.

The stunning architecture would draw my thoughts to the people that had built this world for me to one day enjoy. It created a deep appreciation in my heart, that I would live in such a city.

And lastly, the lasting legacy of beauty, wisdom, and grace that many before me had left during their time in Oxford inspired me to write my latest book, Well Lived. Pre-order your copy today!

Parents Are God's Way Of Providing For Children

Parents are the ones most closely connected to their child and who have the most personal emotional investment in seeing that their child grows healthy and strong. They have more weight in the long-term development of who their child becomes than anyone else who cares for the child. Parents are profoundly influential in the lives of their children.

After becoming a mother, I realized that a part of my being faithful to God was being faithful to steward the lives of children He gave to me as a blessing. This entrustment came to be a part of my living relationship with Him. This was the way He determined children would be cared for by the parents who called them theirs.

Read more about this in Awaking Wonder.

Tea Time Tuesday: Building Spiritual Muscle

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Tea Time Tuesday

Almost every day, I walk 3 miles — half in a morning walk and half around 5 o’clock. Walking is a habit of health. In order to get the benefit from it (stronger muscles, bone density, lower blood sugar, mental and physical strength, etc.) I must do it regularly, most every day. A day here and there does not build strength or health.

It is the same with our spiritual walk with God, developing spiritual muscle. In order to have a deeper personal faith, a foundation of truth based on reading God’s word, a habit of journaling and prayer, a trust in His goodness, a dependence on His counsel through His Holy Spirit, I must practice my spiritual walk as I practice my physical walk — as a discipline of my life every day.

As I was pondering the messages of my new book, Well Lived, I came up with 6 spiritual habits and practices that helped me grow strong in my spiritual walk, so that I can leave a legacy of a deep spiritual life. I will expand on these areas today in my podcast, At Home with Sally. I hope these simple goals will encourage you.

Giving Thanks—the Bible says it is good to give thanks to the Lord. I start out with this practice every day.

Reading God’s Word Daily — I believe that scripture is God’s vocabulary to instruct and lead us. We cannot be sensitive to know His wisdom unless we are storing His words and wisdom regularly to guide our decisions and choices every day.

Practicing Love — every day with our family, friends, co-workers, etc. God tells us to Love Him with all of our heart and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Forgiving — Even those who have offended me. Jesus says we are to forgive as He has forgiven us. If we practice blaming and hating, it will poison our thoughts and relationships. Forgiveness cultivates humility and peace in our hearts.

Waiting Patiently — For God’s timing and direction, even if it takes a long time, even if I don’t understand. Patience builds integrity and perspective for others.

Cultivating Faith — Hebrews says, “Without faith, it is impossible to please God.”

I will expand on these areas today in my podcast. I hope these simple goals will encourage you. I’ll also share about: peach cobbler, a favorite book, and much more!

God Entrusted Us With Human Beings To Shape & Protect

Holding my grandchildren's hands while walking around the grand architecture of Oxford was a delight to my heart.

I was unprepared, untrained, and honestly, had not given motherhood a lot of thought in my single years. At almost 31, never having changed a diaper, never knowing a mom who had nursed her children, and not even knowing how to hold a baby, I was heading into a great unknown — this thing called motherhood!

And yet, when my first baby was born, it was not the overwhelming sense of responsibility or inadequacy that hit first, but the incredible wave of unconditional love. I was not expecting the pure awe that would flood my heart the moment she arrived and was gently placed into my arms.

As I was holding her, it was as if God was whispering to me: "You are holding eternity in your arms. This little one is a miracle, a gift from Me. Will you love her so that when she grows up, she will believe that I love her? Will you whisper to her the secrets of My ways, give her a sanctuary in which to celebrate all that is good in life so that she will fill the treasure chest of her soul with all that is good, true, and beautiful?"

Read more about this in my new book, Well Lived.

Flowers Always Create Kindred Spirit Conversations

When I moved into a new flat in Oxford, I would adventure up and down the nearby streets, finding fascinating stores and exquisite shops, right in my little neighborhood.

Much to my delight, I lived around the corner from a charming flower shop. Over the months, I became friends with the shop owner. She would explain the variety of flowers and the different locations in England where they were grown.

I would buy a new bunch for when I'd have guests over for a warm cup of tea and a scrumptious pastry. Somehow, flowers always created an inviting atmosphere and seemed to inspire kindred spirit conversations.

What is your favorite flower? I always try to choose ones that will last at least 2 weeks!

Pre-order your copy of Well Lived today.

The Passing Seasons In The Life Of A Mother

There are many passages in the life of a mother, and they come whether we like them or not. It begins with the weaning of a baby from the sweet dependence of nursing to the wonder of toddlerhood. Soon after comes the preschool years when a child can spend a night away from home without crying.

After that the transitions come in rapid succession — the emergence from the elementary years, in which mom is the cherished friend, moving into the hormonal years, when a child begins exploring their independence. Then come first jobs, driver's licenses, and graduation. Then adulthood, with its claims of work and marriage, and the new reality that my home is only a place for special occasions.

Knowing that my kids have their own lives now has brought a special spice to my time with them. It has made each meal more meaningful, each conversation more intense, and whatever we do together more worthy of celebrating as special.

I find in this season a sense of work well done, a bright harvest being gathered in after many years of faithful, hopeful work in the fields of my children's hearts and minds. I also find in myself a resolve to pass through this season with grace, and to find a peace as the doors of the past close behind me. I am looking ahead, by faith, to the new doors that will soon be opening on a brand-new season.

Read more about this in Seasons of a Mother’s Heart.

Tea Time Tuesday: Finding Direction In A Chaotic World

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“Every day of your life, you have the potential of leaving a godly model to follow, a kingdom message to believe, an integrity that is holy and a purpose that is eternal. God has allowed you the opportunity to touch eternity with your life by giving these gifts to those children he has entrusted into your hands. Live into your legacy and you will change your world forever.” 

(from Well Lived)

In a world where life can be confusing, messages about life are contrary, circumstances are taxing, women are longing for direction and peace of mind to know that their lives matter. We long to know that our lives can have meaning amidst the chaos.

God designed women to be strong agents of love, redemption, truth and beauty. The more clearly we can define our design and purpose, the more peace of mind and flourishing our lives will be.

For the next weeks, I will be uncovering some of the ways we can live well and leave a legacy of gratitude and grace while bringing light and truth into our world. These are messages I gathered over my 70 years that have lasted as values to hold to during this season of my life. I hope these messages encourage you.

Join me today on Tea Time Tuesday for a favorite book, the process of becoming queen of your own domain, a favorite salad, and more fun and inspiration.

Becoming Queen Over Your Own Domain

Women are amazing creatures and have the ability to civilize the world, to influence generations by generously pouring out love, training the very character and souls of the next generation and persevering through great trials and challenges while coming out resiliently.

The book of Proverbs in the Bible hails the wondrous attributes of women. Proverbs 31:10 even says, “Her worth is far above jewels,” a veritable treasure in the times of Solomon who wrote this book before Christ.

Read more about this in my new book, Well Lived.