Monday Morning, Birdsong, and Shanghai

Hello from the flowery, humid streets of Shanghai. We are running all around the country it seems, and have been in our second city in two days. It's been lovely. The people are so very kind, so gracious and we are loving what we are seeing of China so far. The jet lag is wearing off slooooowly.We spend today in some fun shopping time with our lovely friends, and will get some rest in before heading off again tomorrow morning.

 

Okay, I can't seem to get text in between the photos. So here is the run down: first and second photos are from the lovely first speaking engagement. A responsive and gracious crowd. That little girl was darling as she brought my new book (picture three) to be signed. The fourth photo is from our hotel window in Shanghai, and the fifth below, well. Jet lag is leaving us slowly. :-)

The restaurant where we had a real Chinese meal in Beijing. A fasincating downtown at night.

Speaking at a women's college with friend and translator. That's all for now. Until next time, the adventure continues....

We're in China!

We arrived into the arching, criss-crossed, beamed ceiling of the Beijing airport after a nearly sleepless 12 hour flight. We are now lounging with strong coffee and bagels in the lovely home of our host here as we discuss our itinerary. I will speak to my first group this afternoon. Sarah and Joy both have cameras and have signed on as journalists to record this adventure, so hopefully we'll be able to update every couple of days. Pr@y for each of these times, today I speak to Chinese businesswomen through my friend, who is translating for me. There is so much need and we are walking in a plan of grace to even be here. Tonight, we fly into Shanghai. For now, au revoir from Beijing.

I'm Off on an Adventure

"Serve the Lord with gladness."

I am off to another adventure in a few minutes and just wanted to tell all of you who have wished me well and are praying for me--that you are a great blessing. I am so encouraged by your comments, too, as it lets me know there are friends in cyberspace.

Last night, Joy went to our church's dress rehearsal for our Easter production. She came home with a heart filled with praise. "Mom, Jesus gave everything and put up with so much suffering so that we could have forgiveness and love. If He was so sacrificial, then I need to see all of my sacrifices in light of His life. So, I want to go on this trip with a heart ready to serve and sacrifice."

This couldn't have come at a better time. I love it when God uses others and other venues to tell my children what I want them to know.

Since I became a believer many years ago, one of my greatest Joy's has been to tell others about Him--so show them the same wonderful love and grace I had received and was so very grateful for. Our love of reaching out to people was what brought Clay and I together. It has been a call on our family. And so, I am so excited to be on the missionary trail again--part of the history of my heart and hoping these experiences will open my children's hearts to Him and His calling. 

So, it is with anticipation and excitement that we go to a new country for us--and even though we will be in lots of different beds and 10 airplanes and meet lots of people, we will be the most blessed because of the wonderful ways we will get to share about His great design for family with those who have never heard. We so appreciate your prayers for us the next 3 weeks. If we can, we will try to post pictures and a little commentary. May the Lord bless each of you the next few weeks and may He sow peace, comfort, inspiration, righteousness, and love in your homes through you this day and may you be glad in your ministry for eternity right where you are. I so appreciate my sweet friends out there in cyberspace. You have been a real encouragement to me.

Grace and Peace.

A light in the darkness

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." This quote is the way Joy began her history report about Eleanor Roosevelt. Seems Mrs. Roosevelt had much in life to get down about. Her parents expected a boy, she was a disappointment from the very beginning. Her mother told her she was homely, and she died when Eleanor was just eight. Her father was an alcoholic and died when she was 9. She married FDR and he was disloyal to her and had an affair off and on throughout her marriage. There were other issues, too, but this amazing women decided that it was up to her to take hold of life and conquer all of her sadnesses. She left a legacy as one of the most hard-working presidential wives and began and developed many wonderful community service and organizations that helped many unfortunate people. She was beloved by many.

Her life has been captivating to Joy. She has talked and talked about her over the past days. "I really want to be like her, Mom. She could have been a victim, but she chose to rise above her circumstances and do great things."

I have to agree with Joy. This whole issue of depression and discouragement is rampant in our culture today. Many people are sad and overwhelmed about finances, divorce, immorality, broken relationships, loneliness, illness, contention, and so many other things. We have had quite a bit of disappointment in our lives, but some of it I may never be able to write about out of loyalty. Yet, in the midst of a mission trip a few years ago, after having been in 4 countries, working with so many wonderful leaders and missionaries, I was struck with how many were depressed and disappointed with life. I realized that it would be very easy for most of us to be disillusioned in a fallen world. The issues each person was struggling with were so similar to the ones I so often heard about at home: difficulty in marriage; less than perfect children and the baggage that goes with rebellious children; finances, loneliness and all the things I mentioned above. As I sat pondering this on a park bench, I realized that my own life was filled similarly with disappointments, but that I did not want to be sad all my life!

As I have studied scripture, it is very clear that there is a way to find joy in life and move from the darkness of depression to the light of Christ. He Himself said, "I am the way, the truth and the light." He is the way--not just to God and to redemption, but also He points the way to live on this path of life. He is also with me on the way. His life showed me secrets to follow to maintain my own joy and to move toward contentment.

1. Don't let the nay-sayers get you down. There are plenty of people around who are immature and are readily available to criticize, say hurtful things, reject us and argue with us or let us down. I call these people nay-sayers or Job's friends. The nay sayers want to disagree with you, your ideals, your spirituality, your personality and so on. Job's friends are those who smugly sit by feeling free to say hurtful things or offer critical opinions in their Pharisee robes. Though it is certainly ok to be saddened by people who hurt us, we don't have to take on their criticism or hurt. I have some irrational people in my life who will be there forever! But even if they become angry or hurtful, I don't have to let their words or behavior enter into my life or allow it to determine how I feel about myself. But I can trust in the one who will always love me to build me up, to affirm me and to comfort me. Jesus did this."While  being reviled, he did not revile in return but kept trusting Himself to God who judges righteously."

The other thing is, don't live by guilt--so you blow it once in a while or sometimes often, accept God's forgiveness and move on--wallowing in self-condemnation only leads to more depression. You are forgiven--live in His forgiveness and don't rehearse your problems over and over again in your mind. Take your thoughts captive and put them in jail, never to bother you again. 

He just trusted God. He put the situation in God's hands (I picture it as God's files) and then closed the drawer for God to deal with in His time. I have a choice about whether I will be bitter and mean spirited back to those who hurt me or to be a peace maker and just to practice "love is patient, love is kind," and so on. If it is true that what we sow we will reap, then if we practice love and peace-making and sow seeds of kindness and grace, we will certainly become more kind and gracious and our souls will be filled with satisfaction.

Does this mean that the mean people will go away? No, there will be sad times ahead, but I don't have to be a victim--or take it in.

2. Learn every day in every circumstance. I observed a very difficult relationship problem this week and the sadness of it deepened my compassion for those who are lost and hurting. it even made me rethink some messages I was working on for an upcoming mission trip. My message will now be much more filled with grace, comfort and love because of the lessons I learned in my own circumstances. I had a choice--to let the hurt overwhelm me or to say, "What can I learn? How can I move forward in graciousness and be sure that I never do this to anyone? What does a person who has been hurt like this need? How can I pass on this kind of love and comfort in my messages? God's hand can deepen our hearts and love--He can turn things out for the good--when I walk the road with Him as my counselor.

3. Figure out just what is bothering you and resolve how to get rid of as much of the stress that you can. I met a young mom last week who was very down and crying. She was very hard on herself and felt like a failure as a mom and was quite discouraged with her children. I asked how old her children were and she said, 7, 5 and 6 months. Then I asked her if she had gotten a full night of sleep lately. Immediately her tears began to fall and she said, "No, and I feel like this season will never end."

We arranged for a friend to keep her precious children for an overnight, and this mom had time alone and time to sleep 9 hours, and by the time I saw her again, she was a different person. "I though I wasn't going to make it, but you can't imagine how much better I feel about life and I even missed my children."

Sometimes it just takes sleep to feel better. Sometimes, it is the messes or the relentless of it all. It is at these points that sometimes, I have stopped all activities for a couple of days and just spent time getting everything back together. I hired someone to help me put my house back in order again and then I felt immediately better. 

Other times, I have made a fun plan--to make time to do some things that I knew would fill up my emotional cup--as well as put things into my schedule that would be something to look forward to. Years ago, in the spring, I would always plan a fun trip for me and the kids and some other friends. This is the time of year I would become weary of the relentless work and Clay had to work long hours, so I would plan a short or long history trip out of town with a friend and it gave us a break from mundane life, and we all became better friends and my children and I have a great diversion from the mundanity of life.

4. Of course, pray and spend time with the Lord. We are indeed needy people in a fallen world, and yet we have the profound privilege of coming into the presence of God with hope, because He listens to prayers and because He listens and answers us even as we would answer our own children. Learning to persevere in prayer and wait for God has been a lesson He has been teaching me for a long time. Often the very things I was worried about, over time, changed and showed me that He was working all along. Even as a toddler, who is exhausted, still doesn't want to take a nap, and yet a kind parent will see that he gets a nap, even against His permission, so God, who knows what is best for us, will put up with our tantrums and put us down for a nap against our will, because He knows what is best for us. So the sooner we learn to submit to His plan, the more easily we will find contentment and joy.

5. Read, read, read. C.S. Lewis said that we read to know we are not alone. My favorite authors became my friends. Just reading about their lives and stories fed my soul and showed me how to live my life. In the absence of having older women or grandmas in my life, my books became my friends and fellowship--especially throughout the 17 moves, I needed a friend and so my books became my friends and fellowship and shaped my life. 

6.Organize relationships in life so that you can be blessed. I have had to start many groups and Bible studies and kids groups in my home. But when we initiate or organize a way for friends to meet, we find that we are blessed in the midst of it. I have started book clubs (where you read a book and then get together for dinner and discuss it); once a month dinners for several families, prayer groups for myself with a few close friends; taking turns to host all the families at a home; started Bible studies for the girls and their moms and the boys and their dads (Clay did that); tea parties, picnics, meet at park days, Christmas parties and so on.

Some of these attempts fizzle, but some end up blessing me and our children.We had a spontaneous meal with a friend the other night and we all had so much fun and felt so loved in the midst, and I just ran into her at the grocery store. It was worth the trouble to get together.  Often when we are too busy, we don't take time for this and eventually we become lonely.

Often just the reaching out to others or opening my home, brings more friends my way and in the long term meets my needs. I also plan things that I know I will enjoy into my schedule--Saturday morning breakfasts downtown with Sarah and a long walk by all the old, mansions, hot chocolate with Joy; breakfasts with my boys, alone dinners at home with Clay when I feel like I miss him--I sent the others out for a trip to a book store/coffee shop and I light candles and have a simpler dinner all alone--without anyone bothering our conversation.

I also save each year for travel by putting away 10-15 dollars a month--because for me to get away from home and dishes and internet and phone calls is always a great break and rest for my adhd, restless soul--and of course I keep chocolate hidden to have as a treat on a needed day and always have tea in a real china cup with candles lit and civility--even if just for 15 minutes. When I organize life with delight, I often find I end up with a happier soul and fun and make friends in the midst. All the leaders I have ever known have said that they always have to initiate more to people and people don't always reciprocate, but I would rather have the opportunity to have friends and fellowship, even if I have to do the work, than to always be by myself. 

Most of all, though, I remember, intentionally, over and over again, that God, my precious Father, loves me and wants me to experience His joy. I have resolved to look for His love and to receive His love by faith, even when I don't feel like it. He dearly loves each one of you precious moms, too,  and wants to lead you away from darkness or sadness and move you to joy and peace. So, may His warm hand grasp yours in the midst of your darkness and may He lead you to a way to light a candle in the darkness so that you can see His face and be assured of His tender companionship in the midst of it all.

Digging out of depression; Defeating discouragement.

"For even when we came into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were afflicted on every side: conflicts without, fears within.  But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus; and not only by his coming, but also by the comfort with which he was comforted in you, as he reported to us your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me; so that I rejoiced even more." II Corinthians 7: 5-7 In Seasons of a Mother's Heart, many years ago, I wrote a chapter about myself when I had been almost immobilized with a feeling of darkness. I was lying on my bed in the afternoon as the sun was going down and I had the thought that I wanted just to stay there and disappear into the darkness. I then thought, I hope no one in the house finds me. I still remember that day and a number of other times when I felt so discouraged in my life that I felt, for the moment, hopeless and defeated. I remember that in Anne of Green Gables, Marilla, the woman who adopted Anne, had said to her, "To despair is to turn your back on God." It always made me feel a little guilty, because I had felt despair many times in my life.Often, when a mom reads that chapter, she will say, "That is just how I feel!" And then, "It helped me to know that others had felt that way, too." Yet, I think, in reality, that if we are following God's will, difficulty and discouragement will be a regular part of our lives. 

I actually had to admit, that when I read the passage by Paul, in II Corinthians, about his being depressed, it made me feel better about myself--after all if Paul, the great hero of the faith, had been depressed, then maybe there was hope for me. I discovered that it is not a sin to be discouraged or depressed, but our response to it is what determines our long term well-being. 

God made me an idealist. I love the idea of life being romantic and everything turning out happily ever after. I would like to have raised my children in a g-rated world. I would have liked to have a perfect family and good support systems and a really good church fellowship to be a part of, and a Pollyanna community who reciprocated to me in friendship and fellowship and no financial stress or relationship stress or, or, or!

I think that this was the hardest thing for me over the years. I just wasn't expecting life to be so hard. I didn't know mothering would be so taxing. I didn't understand that the culture was going so post modern, in exactly the opposite direction than Clay and I were leading our family. I also didn't know or understand the constant work load and wasn't trained to do it. I wasn't prepared for real life--and that was one of the most common sources of my difficulty. 

It was sweet, though, to see that Paul said, "God comforts the depressed." I have also realized that it is so important for me to realize that God doesn't get some kind of perverted pleasure in watching His sweet children suffer. He is not a cosmic being that says, "Ok, now that you have decided to commit yourself to me to raise godly children, I am going to make your life just as hard for you as I can to punish you for seeking to be so godly." 

God is a loving Father, and just as we want our children to be happy and to see their lives blessed, so that is His will. After all, He made a perfectly beautiful garden as a place for His first children to live. He walked in this garden looking for their companionship and willing to give His unconditional love. During my quiet time this week, I noticed a phrase that was in the psalms several times, "Lovingkindness and truth go before thee."

Lovingkindess goes wherever God goes. He loves us and wants the best for us and He is the creator of happiness and joy. Yet, we are living in a very fallen world, in which most of the world, is in rebellion to God and His ways and as scripture says, the ruler of this world, Satan, is determined to devour us. Jesus said, "In this world, you have tribulation. But take courage, I have overcome the world." 

So the first thing I need to realize and acknowledge is that God is good and that He wants me to experience joy and happiness. That scares some people. They feel that there is such a distance between us and God that it is presumptuous for us to celebrate God's goodness. Yet, David rightly said, "In His presence is fullness of joy and in his right hand, pleasures evermore!" Evermore, yet! Pleasures it says! God created us to enjoy beauty, to feel happy in being loved, to accomplish great things, to sing deeply in our hearts, to laugh heartily at jokes, to enjoy eating great feasts and to enjoy warm, fluffy covers as we snuggle up on a cold winter's night. 

Yet, we are in a battle ground, where the booty is human allegiance and souls. Especially as moms, we are in a battle for our children's hearts. A battle is difficult, hard, challenging, and relentless and often deadly. So, understanding the nature of the battle is helpful. 

Yet, I can see that, in spite of the many seasons of depression and struggle, God had been faithful to me. He strengthened my hands, so to speak, in the midst of my trials and has increased my capacity to work. He stretched me and gave me more ability to be patient. He used these difficult times to mold me more into the image of Christ. The end result is, that little by little, I am becoming a person I always wanted to be, but it has happened in the midst of submitting to God's will, even in the midst of difficulties. 

Even a couple of weeks ago, I was momentarily caught in a many years old relationship in which I had been rejected and was being rejected one more time-which heralded me back to many such memories of such rejection. I was amazed at how quickly the darkness descended.

Yet, I decided that I didn't need to stay in that place and rehearse all the past hurts. But, I turned my heart to God and asked Him for perspective and to show me how to be thankful for His presence, truth and reality in the midst of it. He immediately helped me to see how he had used this in my life to really show me what it really looked like to be loving. He showed me how very grateful I had become for those in my life who really did love me and showed  love and loyalty to me. He reminded me how much I was able to understand other hurting women, because of my own past hurt, and how it had become a part of my ministry message to help others find a way out.  He gave me the freedom to understand that I could be happy and free, even if the unloving people in my life never changed--I was not responsible for their bad attitudes, but only to keep my own pure and free from bitterness. 

I also was prompted by the Holy Spirit to redeem the day. What could have been a bad day, spent trying to figure out the unloving person who often changed our plans and rejected us,  and left us in the lurch, turned into a sweet memory with my children. I then made a plan with my sweet girls, (we were on the road) and we enjoyed a great, memory making afternoon of going to an art museum and then discovering a great new Russian restaurant that served wonderful bread, European soup and strong tea out of glasses. We had such fun.

 I wouldn't have asked for these experiences, these difficulties, but because He is good, He used them for my benefit as I kept putting one foot in front of the other. It helped me to understand the Romans passage that says, "God causes all things to work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose." He will turn things out to work for our good, if we remain in His will, submitted to His purpose, determined to be overcomers. 

I am off to pick up Joy from a friend's house, so I will continue this article in a day or two and talk about what to do to crawl out of the place of depression and despair. Meanwhile, have a great afternoon!

Home Sweet Home--the culture that keeps on giving!

It is so wonderful to be home and to sleep in my own bed and to be surrounded by familiar everything. I feel so blessed to have a home that feels like a haven. I also feel blessed, though, to have been able to meet so many wonderful women while on the road this season.  I have lots and lots of thoughts swirling around in my head that I will be sharing over the next weeks. One thing that has been at the forefront is a book I have been reading called "Culture Makers." First Clay read it and then Sarah and now me. Books tend to get passed a lot in our family. I love the concepts presented because it is so much a picture of motherhood. We are Culture Makers in our homes when we teach the truth about God and His word, but then it can't stop there. We must embody the truth in the way we behave, the way we set up our homes, the way we speak, the way we cook, the way we relate and so on. 

So many treat God as though He is an idea or thought to be understood--that the thinking of God is superior to everything else. However, it is the incarnation of God--God living in our flesh--living and breathing through everything we do, that makes Him real to our children. 

Once I was in the kitchen with one of my children when they were making a cup of tea and waiting for it to steep as we all moved toward our hour long reading time in our own areas (a habit I started when they were very small--the rule was that everyone had to stay relatively quiet for an hour--they could either read or take a nap!) But it is how I helped the kids develop the habit of reading--I would bribe them with rewards as they read through their basket of books-but that is for another article.)

Each one of us could take hot chocolate, tea, coffee or whatever to our reading time to make it a little more cozy. Anyway, this child said, "You know, a lot of our friends act like God makes them unhappy and sour." What do you mean, I asked. "Well, they have a stern look on their faces and say no a lot and look like having fun is against the rules. But in our house, God is the one who made Chile peppers for fajitas and Celtic music to dance to and stars to sleep out under on our porch and holidays to celebrate and jokes to laugh at and backs to scratch and tickle--our God is big and fun and good and interesting and loving and true. I like that kind of a God better."

As I have been reading this book, I have realized again, how true my child's statement is. If you want to build a value system and cultural values into a person, you can't just tell them what they are supposed to do--you have to model it--live it out. In other words, you can't just say, "Jesus said the most important thing we are supposed to do is to love one another," But if you want it to sink in, you have to spend focussed time with the one you love and listen to them; give words of life and build them up; have fun, shared experiences with them; minister to them when they are sick or tired; appreciate their dreams; support them and forgive them when they have failed--then they do not just hear love as a word--but they experience love as a reality and capture in their own lives what it means to love.

Similarly, if we want to change our own culture (which is very liberal and post modern), we can't just say, "People should be married for life and love each other and raise children and avoid sexual immorality." We can't just tell people what is right and wrong, they must experience it in our lives and see it and know it in their mind and in their experience. We show people the reality of family and marriage by inviting them in our home for meals, by loving them actively and serving them as a family when they have a need; by hosting them on holidays and by sharing Christ with them in our words and with our cups of cold water.

I have thought long and hard about why we live in such a post modern culture and how people can so readily accept a liberal, non-traditional paradigm. I think, to a great degree, it is because paradigm of home is changed. There used to be a mom who cooks real meals and nurses her children and creates a life-giving atmosphere and reads to her children and plays with them and makes chocolate chip cookies for the neighborhood children in the midst of teaching the truth of the gospel and praying in front of her children and serving others as a part of family life. 

However in the last years, many, many moms have gone to work and moved across from their own families, so there are few relationships and less traditions. Women put their children in day care or lots of activities and pick up fast food and place their children in front of the tv instead of having real conversations at dinner time; and their children, who long for relationship and affirmation, attach themselves to their peers and whoever has the time to spend with them and show them love. Consequently, when it used to be parents who passed on morality and faith; now, it is the outside culture--peers, tv and movie culture--but not primarily the family or community of believers who are close and share life together. I don't think it is necessarily an issue of a mom working or not--as a matter of fact, as I read more history, I see that moms have worked throughout the years--some had gardens and sold their produce; some took in laundry or sewed or  ran a country store with her husband. But the issue was that the home was the center of life, the moms were devoted to serving their children and the children worked side by side with their parents and learned about life with them. The outside influence and peer dependence was so much less and not a way of normal life--and the media interruption of the family hours together was non-existent. 

So, whereas a hundred years ago, most people became Christians through their homes (as a survey of 1898 shows) and it was because that is where they logged time and built relationships. Not so in modern times.

That makes the role of motherhood extremely important in our days--that we build life culture in such a way that it builds anchors from our children's hearts to our hearts; that it gives them a reason to always think of home as the best place to be; that we are inviting others into our home so they, too, will catch the family culture and then seek to build it for themselves.

It has given me even more reason to do the mom heart ministry. We want God to raise up leaders all over the world who cannot only teach the Biblical foundations of motherhood and the importance of passing on righteousness to the next generation. But we need there to be leaders to teach and then serve a cup of tea and light a candle and invite these moms into our lives and homes so that the younger moms can hear it and taste it and be served by us as Jesus served His disciples.

That is why Jesus didn't just give lectures to His disciples. He taught them and then lived with them; traveled with them, served them, healed their family members, cooked them meals and fed them. They heard Him and they felt His nearness and love--and that is the reason His disciples were willing to follow Him to their death, serving Him and His kingdom.

May the Lord bless you in your own little kingdom of life today and give you the grace to teach it and then live it well and with joy.

Love and blessings to all of you.

 I have been so blessed by angels this season who gave us little blessings--someone has cleaned my home while I was gone, others have brought meals, others gave a love gift so that I was able to have some treats in Asheville and Clay was able to take all the kids out in New York City to a fun cafe while the older three kids rendezvoused with him there. we have had prayer warriors and cards and in so many ways we have been strengthened--all have given life-giving grace to us. I have to say, I have never traveled so much and I have never in any other year felt so strengthened and helped in our ministry. Thanks so much to so many of you who have made a difference for us.

So again, love, grace and peace to you all!

Sally 

Sally@wholeheart.org

PS I still don't have a computer and we are waiting to see if I have all my hard drive stuff on another storage place online. Clay had an emergency in his family and so was gone for a week before our Dallas conference, then 2 weeks on the road and then another week in Texas trying to take care of the emergency--so we have not been together to figure out what we are going to do about computers until this week. I am on Joy's computer and so don't have much time to answer my mail or respond--as she needs it and she had it while I was away. I have read all my letters and do pray for the moms who write--but I haven't had the time or means to write back!All that to say, please forgive me for not responding to emails or comments! I haven't had the means! Thanks for grace!

Back in Asheville again!

Dear Ones, I have intended to write but have just been gently trying to catch up and refresh a little from all the travels and speaking engagements. I am in Ashville, North Carolina again--seems we have been here 5 or 6 years for a few days in Spring to ponder life, eat well and catch up on rest. Sarah and I have been here together. It started when she was a teen and we were living in Nashville and we snuck away for a few days to begin the writing of a book I think I will try to finish this summer. You will read the story of how we discovered a wonderful place when the book comes out so I will let that be a surprise to those of you who don't yet know the story. It is a gift to be able to get away with this precious, first born. Indeed, she is one of the deepest, most beautiful of souls that I ever invest time with--and again just being with her is filling my soul. Sarah reads and ponders and thinks and evaluates life constantly (sound familiar?) and she also enjoys all the things I enjoy, so it is a gift to both of us.

Why do I love Asheville? It embodies much of what I enjoy--physical beauty--mountains, flowers beginning to bloom this time of year; old, artistic architecture; great homemade food--organic and whole and fresh in many of the restaurants; great music; wonderful bookstores; lots of trails and neighborhoods to walk and numerous places that serve a great cup of tea. (Chealsea's tea room has been a place we have visited for many years at least once during our stay. A great little cafe and shops in the Biltmore village area.)

We brought my wonderful, dear friend, Lynn Custer, with us for one day. She has taught many mom's groups for 12 years and has traveled with us all over the United States, at her own expense, for many years--just to be able to help moms. We wanted to spoil her just a bit for all the faithful labor she has accomplished. We took her to a new, cute cafe where we enjoyed a lovely breakfast. It is called Tomato Jam Cafe. Great tasting, huge whole wheat bisquits (had some yeast in them.) Potato pancakes, grilled with Applewood bacon and wonderful, grits. A lovely little four year old girl greatly entertained me as she sat near her mom, who was busy cooking our breakfast, and cut out an owl. She reminded me so much of Sarah when she was a little girl-so it was great to be in this environment.

Walking downtown, we came upon several bookstores, old and new, which definitely required a couple of hours of our time. And then an antique store beckoned and we obeyed. Each of us found treasure with our name on it! Sarah found old, hard-back books for a dollar apiece; Lynn found some beautiful glass-wear that she has been collecting since she was married; and I found 4 sconces with glass--two large and two small, for table-side candles. They all had the glass in tact, so I couldn't resist (the large pair were $45 in one part of the store--and I found another identical pair in the back of the store for $15--so I had to get them! The others were brass and were only $8. I can't afford much with all of these older children in my family who are in school, driving cars, using computers and wanting to eat and wear clothes in the midst!)

We walk miles and miles while we are here--to the nearby grave yard where O'Henry and Thomas Wolfe are buried. Also, by the old, rambling turn of the century homes with grand porches and great yards. We stopped in at a local Jamaican cafe where we split a delightfully spicy meal of grilled veg's, fish over almond, rice--and then walked home. I could go on and on--but then I wouldn't get to write in my journal and dream of what God has for me and my family. It is good to get away and ponder--the Lord always shows up and I get refueled enough to create new dreams. (How do I afford this? I put away $10-20 dollars a  month in a special little hidden drawer all year long--and if I get any Christmas or birthday money of a windfall--there it goes--it is how I have afforded many pleasures over the years with my children--rigorous saving of dollars and dimes that I can then go to for fun, special occasions. It is also how many moms afford our conferences--by saving all year--a bit here and a bit there!)

This has become a very special time for Joy, too. She is such an extrovert and dearly loves the families we are close to--so she gets to stay with 3 families and plays her heart out in between classes, and dance and her regular babysitting job for Mops! She loves the ways she is spoiled and makes memories with her friends. (I have adopted friends as family since we don't really have any family that our kids can stay with--I found I had to learn to create my own support systems and small groups and accountabilty and friends over the years--by planning, initiating, and providing a structure through which fellowship could take place.--More on that in another article! But the Lord has indeed built some angel friends into my life!)

Why do Clay and I not travel together? Sweet Clay decided years ago that he would almost always rather stay at home and not travel in between our conferences--so since he knew I needed the break, (when I go on my little trips like this--there are no dishes to wash, meals to cook, people who know where I am--just total invisibility) he would always help me plan these times during  his busy writing season when he has to work long hours. He loves home as a haven and can't be away from the office very long without it overtaking him, so he stays home and so enjoys home. I am very grateful for a husband who blesses me by allowing me to get away! And I am so blessed to have built, in my home, my own very best friend to go with me! (Though, all of my kids are really my closest friends and that is why I do take them alone on trips--to have talk time and to search souls together while on adventures!)

However, do please pray for Clay this week as he is on his way to Texas (after having been gone from home for 2 weeks), where his brother will meet with him. They found some big issues confronting their 86 year old mom--of a financial sort--that has developed in the few months since we last saw her and her capacity for perceiving reality has gone downhill. Please pray for grace and wisdom and provision for Clay and his brother as they seek a solution for his mom--who probably cannot stay by herself any more--but the cost for such help is almost beyond us--so yet another place where we will have to rely on the Lord.

There are so many ideas and dreams that have bubbled up during this time which I will be sharing in the future weeks--what does it mean to step out expectantly in faith? What is the result of complacency and passivity for believers? How do we provide structures in which blessed fellowship takes place so that we our selves may be nurtured? What does it mean, in a good Biblical sense, to wrestle with God? Why is work so important? and much more.

I was so blessed today, when Sarah, who has been very weary from so much travel, said, "Mom, I think all children should grow up working as hard as we have had to and learning to serve people as we have. It gives them a pattern to follow the rest of their lives! Sure I get tired, but when I have had a good night of sleep, I see how necessary it is to keep going and keep working and keep reaching out!"

Thank you, Lord. I often feel that my children could be tempted to be critical of the amount of work they have had to do to help us in our ministry--but so far, by God's grace, their attitudes turn to thankfulness--at least most of the time!

So, tomorrow, we will be back in the saddle again--one more airplane, hauling more books, setting up more tables, sleeping on one more hotel bed as we speak for three days at the Hearts at Home conference in Normal, Illinois. I look forward to seeing many of you there. I know the Lord will be there to encourage and bring hope to many as He has done for me this week.

Blessings to you of God's grace, peace and beauty today! Sally@who leheart.org

Angel hands, angel words and angel help

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the day drawign near." Hebrews 10: 23-25

This morning, in our small group Bible study which I co-teach with a friend, a sweet mom was so overwhelmed with her children that when we showed just a little tiny bit of interest and sympathy for her, she burst out sobbing and told us what an awful mother she was. Ends up, she hasn't gotten any sleep with a small baby and 3 other children under 7. No wonder she was falling apart! She is tired and weary. She has had no help or relief in the past weeks and just needed some love and prayer. I was so very happy she came to our group today, because the Lord was waiting to encourage her through lots of others, but if she had not come, she would not have felt the fellowship of the Lord, His love, His words of encouragement or His direction--because the sweet mom would have been alone and as a person alone, we become a target for Satan's arrows of defeat and discouragement.

I remember one time when we had just moved to a new city and I was feeling quite alone,  a lady at the check out stand of a grocery store was very sweet to me and asked, unexpectedly just how I was really doing. She said, "You look like you just need to know someone cares." Well, I didn't even know that I was close to tears, but just her kindness brought tears to my eyes and she gave me a hug and when I got to the car, I thought--she was just a check out clerk--but she became an angel to me just to know that someone in the world cared!

We all need sympathy, love, help and encouraging words. We all feel inadequate at times and just knowing we are not alone is so important. I have also realized lately that all of us moms who are believers have the Holy Spirit working in us and it drives us to wanting to be involved in ministry--but the ministry of being God's voice, words, hands, touch and help to those who are in our personal lives, could be the ministry He wants to use us in today.  Some moms are great at meals, some are practical, some are encouragers. But all of us who decide to initiate life-giving to those around us--including our children--could be the difference in them being faithful and having hope and in them giving up or giving in to despair or moral failure. I see this especially in young 20 somethings--when they feel alone--they are most tempted to give up their hope and foundations---but it is also especially true of young moms. That is why I am so committed to starting small groups all over the world to give grace and strength to those who are called to ideals. It is praying for one another and loving one another that we will build community and love and friendship.

There have been years in my life and ministry when I have felt very alone and overwhelmed. But this is a season in which I see God's angel helpers everywhere I go. This season, we have had precious friends helping with meals for our workers and for us at each conference. We have had precious families traveling at their own expense just to come and help at conferences because they want to help and encourage in this Biblical call of parenting a righteous generation in their homes by giving to moms who come to our conferences. The children who are helping have given and served tirelessly for hours. 

We have had moms volunteer to pray and help us every week--I think it has made a difference everywhere we have gone as we see sweet women's lives being softened to the word and to the Lord. We have had the most delicious meals waiting the evening we get home--my house is pretty empty of food right now as we are traveling so much--and these meals have been an enormous blessing and I didn't even have to shop or wash dishes! 

Now, I even have had an angel friend whose husband is going to try to recover the information on my hard drive. And those who have written emails or notes are amazing--I have had strength and resilience this season like no other. Another group gave a love offering to bless our family--just happens Clay is flying to New York for a conference and now he will be able to bless our kids (Sarah, Joel and Nathan are meeting up there with him for a family time--and he will be able to treat them all to dinner because of this precious gift. I might even think of some small way I can bless Joy while we are home and traveling away from the others--as she has described herself this week as fragile and so I think she needs a little boost of love in the midst of giving and going and serving.)

All of us can be channels of the Holy Spirit's love, grace and encouragement every day--it just takes a few minutes to be an angel messenger of God's grace to someone--even to your own children--just ask to be a vessel and then initiate those words that are in your heart, that baked bread or cup of tea or phone call. I know that these small, loving acts of God's grace have blessed me so very much and have helped me to keep going. If all of us had an angel friend of some kind each week spurring us on to excellence and faith, we would all be such better warriors in this battle for our children's souls. I hope some angel person ministers to you today! I know that many of you will also be God's angel messengers this week to those who are feeling invisible or alone. I appreciate so much those who have been such to us and it makes me want to keep giving and giving because so many of you are a blessing to me!

I got my tires fixed, am borrowing Joy's computer and have hope I might have a new hard drive installed on my own computer this week. Please pray for Clay and Sarah as they leave tomorrow. (Please pray for health and strength for both of them.) Also, please pray for Joy and me as we travel to speak in Baltimore this weekend. Then next weekend Joy and I will hold the fort down here in Colorado Springs alone before leaving for the Mom's conference in Raleigh! Then finally we will end up in Normal, Ill. for the Hearts at Home conference. God is so good and we are so blessed to be able to share of his goodness with others. May all of you know His goodness and love today. Many thanks and many blessings.

Sally

Never, never a dull moment!

What a wonderful time we had in Dallas this weekend. Since it was the first place we held our conferences, it is a homecoming of sorts to our family. It is so fun, too, because we have friends who travel with us from here to help, as well as board members who fly in to help and we have so much fun catching up and making new memories that all of us have great fellowship--even if we are a bit tired. I have developed a theory that God gives speaker/writer types an adventurous life so that they will always have new chapters to write or stories to tell to show His truth and greatness. But, sometimes I don't know what it all means and just live through it. After our conference in Charlotte, I had to stop by a gas station on the way home from the airport to go to the Lady's room. In it, I found a sweet, lost little pregnant girl sitting on the floor of the bathroom with no money and no one to help her and so we picker her up and had to take her eventually to the police and find a safe place for her as she was on the amber alert. It made us three hours later getting home. It is a long story and it made me even more committed to trying to reach parents because all of her problems could be traced to her being abandoned as a baby by her teen pregnant mom and all the ensuing being tossed from here to there in her life time. More on that someday later. 

Then, when we flew home from California, we arrived at the airport about midnight. Clay was driving and noticed that the car in front of him was weaving from side to side. He commented, "I bet that guy is drunk and I bet he is going to have a wreck." Just after he said this, the car tried to take a turn to the left in front of us and he missed it and turned horizontally into a deep ditch. So, once again, Clay stopped to get out and help the guys who were in the car to be sure no one was hurt.

Then, I commented to the girls last night before we got off our plane, "Let's see if we can just go home from the airport--no more adventures tonight!" (Clay was driving the car and books and stuff home from Texas--the girls were flying!) Finally we got to our car and it was the dark of night and I jumped in the passenger side as Sarah started the car to drive off with Joy in the back and the car started going, "Ker plunk, ker plunk, ker plunk." Oh, mom, I think we have a flat tire!" was the comment of dear Sarah. Sure enough, our front left tire was all the way flat. So, once again, we were delayed in getting home. Now it makes me suspicious what Joy and I will find when we get back from Baltimore next Saturday night-------!!!!!!!

This morning, the first thing, I had to take my computer in to the Mac store as it totally blacked out. The words I heard were, "I think it might be the hard drive." So, I am praying I can get all my info off and hoping for a rather eventless rest of the week. But I am blessed and happy to be home. More soon! (Pray I can get my books and articles and addresses off my computer, please. I need an angel-mac person to preform a miracle!)

Blessings!

PS Just found out that is is my hard drive and the Mac store can't open it. Might have to turn it into a hard drive retrieval place in California. Does anyone out there know of a better way or group or person who could help get my info back from my Mac? Thanks ahead of time.

Sally@wholeheart.org

Living out the reality of God in your home

I am off to Dallas in a couple of days and I look so forward to seeing so many moms there. I consider it such a privilege to be able to serve God by serving moms, because they are the trainers and developers of leaders of the next generation. Often people have asked me why I am traveling so much and working so hard at this season of life. I have to. I keep hearing of precious young adults who are compromising their morals, giving up their faith, making decisions that bring about scars in their hearts and souls. I sometimes feel that I have only a limited time to reach as many moms and parents as I can in my lifetime and I want to meet Jesus face to face and be able to say, "I gave my whole heart and time and life to you and your kingdom's cause because I love you. You are worthy of all of my praise and moments and life. I treasure you and sought to be a steward of all the wonderful truth you taught me." We must each take serious our responsibility to be a steward of His grace, love and redemption.

Our young adult children are confronted more than ever with post modern values. Almost every movie, television show, book has an expectation of immorality, infidelity, impurity. Our children are confronted with it at every turn. There are fewer and fewer models that we can point to, to say, "follow His pattern of leadership, of sacrifice, of holiness."

That is why we must, in our homes, be a true and vibrant picture of the living God, of the depth of Jesus. However, we must ponder often what that means. I have asked myself often just what it is that is causing so many of our older children to fall. My children have precious friends who have grown up with godly parents and heard all the messages of the gospel, and yet they still turn away from God. Many of these parents were faithful and wonderful. But I will share with you what I am learning.

It is a very lonely world out there for godly children. They will find few young adults with strong values and  convictions. They will have to stand alone again and again amongst the crowd--the veritable sea of people who are not living with a paradigm of faithfulness to their creator. Loneliness is very difficult to bear over and over and over again. Therefore, we need to stand in the gap, to be there for our children, to reach out to them, to understand their temptation, to keep giving and giving and giving--to continue being the servant leader that Jesus was.

But there is something else I have been thinking about. Often, in our zealousness, we live by fear in the presence of our children. We tell them of the harsh realities of the world, we make them memorize verses, we indoctrinate them with our philosophy and focus on their behavior--we follow methods and formulas and law. But we must understand that it is only when we reach their hearts and pass on a true love of God that they will become engaged in His life.

I have focused my past few years of spiritual life on Jesus Himself. Jesus is, according to Hebrews 1:3, "The radiance of His glory, the exact representation of his nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power." In other words, when you see Jesus, you see God, himself, living in the flesh."

Looking at Jesus is to look and behold God himself. Jesus was a man who walked on water, was tossed about in the stormy sea on a smelly fishing boat, he held a picnic and satisfied the hunger of thousands of people several times--he didn't just talk about truth, he satiated hunger of rumbling stomachs. Jesus touched the untouchables--he touched with tenderness and love a prostitute, lepers, sick and dying. He held and fondled on his knee children and laughed with them and loved them. Jesus was not afraid to rage at the religious leaders who led people in legalism and performance but were not compassionate--he was not afraid of the rulers. He talked of birds, trees, lilies, mountains, and creation. Jesus washed one hundred and twenty dirty toes, the night before he died, and wiped them tenderly with a towel as a mother bathes the children she loves. He celebrated and drank wine at a wedding, cooked fish on the beach and validated women for their service and tender love of himself.

People have often asked me why I emphasize beauty--art, candles, beautiful music, a cup of tea, cinnamon rolls, great stories and books and celebrating life. It is because I want to bring the reality of God and His life into my home. He painted the skies and the flowers, her touched human flesh, he gave a capacity to think, he told epoch stories through prophets and in his sermons, he fed and celebrated amongst his own disciples. He comforted the sad, healed the broken hearted, inspired the vigorous young men amongst him to live for a kingdom that would never end. He modeled, through his every waking hour, the vast love, compassion, holiness, beauty, touchable food, and servant leadership that expresses the very heart of God. Jesus is not just a thought to be understood, a verse to be memorized, but a living, breathing, vibrant, loving, personal God who lives and breathes amongst us in my home each day. He is the way and He is with us along the way.

It is the life and reality of a God who came to love and serve and redeem that is what my children long for in their hearts. They experience this through my life and service and love and excellence and faith and confident celebration of life. I can only give to them what I have found by loving Him on my own, by seeing  Him with my own eyes, but understanding Him in my own quiet time and then living from a soul fully engaged in Him. The joy of life, which is contagious, comes from being in His presence and enjoying Him. (In His presence is fullness of joy and in His right hand are pleasures evermore. Do I experience this? Do I believe it? Do I live it?)

In my personal relationship with my children where I love and value and serve them as Jesus did His own disciples, my children will not just hear of doctrine and manners and chores, but they will feel the touch of Christ, the compassion of Christ, the encouraging words of Christ and they will learn to love Him because they have felt and seen and lived love in the minutes of our lives together. Even as Jesus said, "I will never leave you or forsake you," so I will let my children know, "I will never leave you or forsake you--I will be praying for you, I will celebrate life with you (and cook for you and give you gift cards when you are far away from me.) and you can tell me anything and I will be your friend and companion as well as your leader and guide.

Love will be the foundation of our discipleship relationship as love is the foundation of Jesus' relationship with me.

So when our children are out in the world, (Jesus said he would not take His disciples out of the world, but he asked the father to keep them from the evil one--to deliver them from temptation--we must send our disciples into the world as Jesus did, when they have been trained and understood the kingdom and the King, that when they are mature, they can also be redeemers.), we will still be with them, close to them, pursuing them and active  in their lives. Lonely children, even young adults, always need to have someone to lift them up, to encourage them, to believe in them, to help them--it is the way of discipleship, motherhood and servant leadership--it is the reality of Christ lived through us.

So, as I go to spread these messages, I would so appreciate your prayers, for safety in travel, for health for my family as we serve, for my children to stay faithful and to live in His strength and reality, as I feel that as Clay and I are serving our wonderful Lord, Satan hates us even more and my children become targets. Please pray for them and for us. I so appreciate so many of you who help and give and serve and pray for us together in the ministry God has called us to. May each of you be blessed and prosper in His grace, strength and love today.