Favorite books that describe life-giving homes

Hi, Just a short note--I just had to connect you to my friend's blog today. Brenda Nuland and I are so much alike, it is as though God created us out of the same mold--we even both don't like to fly in airplanes--which is a faith issue for me about 20 times a year!  She is a dear friend and my older children have gotten to know her oldest daughter Stephanie, as she is on the way to Boston. Brenda has a wonderful blog that always feeds my soul and she and I love so many of the same things. She had a post called I Heart Hobbit Houses. You can go to her blog here to connect and read down in her article to connect to the article. I love it because she asks for recommendations for those who know of books that have great descriptions of homes and also great descriptions of food I thought I would put some of my list here and ask all of you to tell me of your favorite homey books. Here is a short list off the top of my head.

Brambly Hedge--delightful children's picture book series from England--more contemporary than Beatrix Potter and has the most inviting pictures of the inside of an English Home that is lived in by precious animals--lovely-- and worth buying second hand for your own library.

Pilgrim Inn--a favorite book from an old English author, Elizabeth Gouge, whose story is about the redemption of people in a home, and family after World War II-a book for adult readers or older teens. Also shows the mending of a marriage and grace that comes through acceptance. Makes the home come alive through loving, giving grace and living as a family.

I love Edith Schaeffer books--The Hidden Art of Homemaking and What is a Family for instruction and stories about her own family and the life of using her home as a place of ministry and of course the story of L'Abri is a must read for families to picture the hand of God at work in the life of people who live by faith--heart warming stories--but all of these books are non-fiction

The Winter Cottage by Brink--pancakes a focal point and so funny as well as a cozy cottage--read aloud for kids lateo-elementary or read aloud to children.

Also, I collect old Eloise Wilkin (an artist) books because her beautiful pictures of children in family, playing, doing chores, helping mommy and wonderful pictures of home--are a great way to put pictures in your children's minds of the importance of family and home--these are simple children's picture books--but the first imprint I put on my children's brains about family, home and Mommy.

Loved the melted cheese passages in Heidi--also a must read aloud--a picture of salvation through a great story--beautiful picture of creation. This author wrote to give children literature to lead them to Christ. (We translated one of her stories into English for the first time in our book that we publish called the Gold Thread--the Story was The Rose Child and can be found through our website 

Just David--also one of my favorite books in the world--such a picture of a child's heart redeeming a whole village because of is wonderful integrity--we published this, too.  You can find this through our website

Also, the meal in The Little princess--also a must read aloud in our home-the meal she took on her porch was delightful

So many more, but wondered if all of you could tell of some great books and favorite children's books along this line. Have a great Tuesday!

Back in the saddle again!

Monday morning and I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Another beautiful mushy spring snow falling out the window and it seemed like cuddling up would have been fun--but alas I have an extroverted almost 14 year old raring to get back at life--so she gives me accountability. I am glad to end on someone so idealistic and she is self-motivated and I think the Lord knew at this busy season of life, I would need someone who is driven to keep me going!

Just a few thoughts and I promise I will write more later this week. Also, please let me know if there are any subjects you would like for me to address. Sometimes when I speak 9 weekends and then to 8 events in China, I assume that I have nothing new to say and everyone has already heard all of my opinions since I have had to hear myself so often!

Just a simple thing to share--I have so many cooking ideas that I revert to so often because I have cooked thousands of meals and sometimes I just want easy. One of my family's favorite meals is when I make homemade chicken soup and to me it is so easy. Often, I will boil a whole frozen bag or two of chicken breasts as I can then freeze them in small containers and I have an instant meal. (I also do this with hamburger, turkey, and brown rice!)

But today, I knew that I would be taking Joy to some call backs for a local production of Pride and Prejudice tonight, so I threw dinner together this morning. I got out bagged chicken from the freezer and a bag of frozen brown rice. I sauteed a table spoon of garlic, a medium chopped onion and about a tablespoon of  herbs (French--thyme, parsley, rosemary) in about 2 Tablespoons of olive oil, more or less. To this I added about a 1/2 cup of cooking wine. (learned some of these tricks when I lived in Europe for 6 years). 

I also put in about one teaspoon of salt (to taste), a few twists of fresh ground pepper and about 4-5 cups of water to simmer. I also added 3 cups of frozen peas and carrots. I let this simmer around 20-thirty minutes until the veggies were cooked and the other stuff was thawed. Then I melt two Tablespoons of butter, a teaspoon and a half of condensed chicken bouillon (without MSG--you can get it at Sam's or health food store.) And 1/3 cup of flour. Stir constantly until thickened and get all the lumps out. Then to this I add 2 cups of milk and stir it together. Add this to the soup mixture until it is thickened. You may add a few fresh herbs to it the last few minutes. Serve with a teaspoon of sour cream (and garlic croutons if you like.) I make it in about 15 minutes as I know how to throw things together. We get a jar of homemade applesauce out of the cabinet and either have it with a piece of toast (I promise sometime soon I will give out my bread recipe--it's just that it is not exact as I have been throwing it together for so many years, I am afraid I will not give out the right measurements and many will have a disaster!--I know by looking whether it needs more flour and such! so I just throw flour in until it looks right! :)) or we make oatmeal muffins--also very easy--but that will have to wait until I see Sarah again as she has it in her head! Enjoy!

Now, as to what is on my mind these days, ..... I want to write more about the culture of a family and about the art that a mom creates in her home. I have pondered and pondered why so many children adopt the values of their mom and dad and why so many reject them--even if they have been raised in a Christian, conservative home--where the mom is totally committed to them. 

Of course I will give a longer answer later. But I do think that the basis of her philosophy determines, to a great deal, what she is able to pass on. I see so many moms who think that teaching children scripture, training them morally, disciplining consistently and if they homeschool, choosing the right curriculum, is what will make for a good, moral, emotionally healthy child--who will retain the values of home. 

However, if we really understand the dimensions of God--he is not just a philosophy or doctrine to be know--but a person to relate to--we will begin to get at more of what our children need to see with integrity in our home. God is a God of creation and color--beauty, seasons, textures, music, art, thoughts and words, fun and humor, love and excellence; ability to think deeply and well, etc, etc. then we will understand that in order for our children to see more of the reality of God in our home, we must include more of what He has displayed in culture and in our very being. It is in shaping the culture of our home--meals, beauty on our walls and in our decor; great books and ideas, fun traditions and rousing discussions, cozy bedtimes each night. playing games together; serving together; feasting together--honoring the need for relationships--having people into the home--making deeply felt loving memories and ties to our heart; teaching and instructing about all aspects of life and providing dinner table discussions night after night--things that serve the mind, heart, body and spirit of a child--it is the overall culture of home that ties children to God and us. When they experience love and the close security of a family; when we trust our children and give them arenas in which to develop as young adults, when we show love and compassion to a lost culture--these are all important bits that make up the whole.

I see many children turn away from their homes and values when they get out into a post modern world and find it to be very different from their family. But because their parents. (even with good hearts) developed a fear based reaction to culture (It is a terrible place--don't ever do this or that; college kids are corrupt, and I don't trust you to be able to manage this yourself--I will rule over you!) then I see kids going out into culture and finding themselves surrounded by a world that is shocking to them or one in which they know their parents wouldn't approve and so they don't talk to their parents and don't share because they are afraid they will receive condemnation or reaction even if they shared what their temptations were or what life was like, and so eventually, they capitulate to the world's culture.

In other words, if home is a place of fear and guilt and legalism and shame and indoctrination of scripture and lots of spanking and harshness, then children will not thrive--their hearts will not be engaged in loving God because they never experienced the joy of loving God and rejoicing in life daily in their homes--life was more about duty and chores and responsibility and rules--this is a formula for disaster for most children.

However, if your home is the best place they will ever be and you have been cultivating in them, little by little, convictions and world view; if you have trained them to think of themselves as lights to a fallen generation and modeled compassion to the lost in front of them; if you have developed trusting, loving relationships with them through out their whole lives to them their whole lives, so that they can talk to you about everything, and you can help walk them into a fallen world and teach them how to manage this because you are still close to them, then they will become successful adults who learn how to navigate Christian morality in a fallen world with you there supporting, encouraging and helping along the way. It is a trust factor and relationship factor that makes a difference--and making home a place of life-giving, that they may hear about God and theology and then they taste it in the beauty of home, the celebrations of home, the service of home, the meals of home and music and art and so on--it is a whole life testimony of God's reality felt in every moment and in every relationship and every minute  of life chores and family celebration--then the joy of God, his love, his excellence, his servant heart will be felt, heard, understood, and celebrated in such a personal way, that it will become a part of their very fiber. . I will try to write more on this later, but thought I would just give it a 10 minute stab. Let me know other issues that you would enjoy discussing!

Onward to life! 

Invisible or Seen?

"For God searches to and fro throughout the whole earth to strongly support those whose hearts are completely His." 

The Little Emperor--a sweet boy, raised by 4 grandparents and one set of parents.

Greetings to all of my wonderful friends! I am back in the land of the living and slowly getting back into life here in America. The jet lag is a bit noticeable as I fell soundly asleep at 3 p.m. yesterday afternoon and had to work hard just to get off the couch to cook dinner! But I am still pondering many things in my heart and making sure to tuck my memories of China in a mental file that I will regularly visit.

Do you ever feel invisible and wonder if anyone knows your faithful deeds and choices of the heart that you make every single day? As I look back over my 25+ years of mothering, I can remember so many, many times in which I was by myself in my bedroom, pouring my heart out to the Lord--searching for strength from being so tired from sleepless nights; asking for wisdom as my children and marriage presented me with so many mysteries and dilemmas I did not know how to handle; asking for light in the darkness; hoping for friendship and community in the midst of so many moves; and asking Him, my heavenly Father, to meet with me and to hear my cries and to answer. His word so often met my cries and by faith, I would leave my room, not always changed in my emotions, but resolved in my heart to move always in the direction of faith and in the direction of loving Him and serving Him as I served my family day after day, year after year.

But, sometimes, I felt invisible--did He see me? Did my prayers matter? Did my obedience make a difference? Did my day in day out  choices of faithfully serving and teaching and cooking and cultivating life in my home matter? Did anyone care? And yet, all that I read in scripture told me to go on, to hold fast, to choose to believe.

And so my books were an outpouring of those quiet times, thinking that perhaps other moms felt like I did--and maybe struggled with the same questions that I struggled with on a regular basis. So I put these heart learned messages into books and cast my bread on the waters. 

My wonderful friend Rossana--who spoiled us and cared for us on our trip!

Meanwhile, my sweet friend, Rossana, was doing the same kind of thing--seeking God, seeking answers of how to walk with Him and how to be faithful in her family. She was living in California and went to a book store looking for answers to her heart's questions. There on the shelf of her local book store, she purchased Mission of Motherhood. In her own time of reading, God met her needs and encouraged her through the words of my own search and quiet time. 

Soon after, she and her husband moved to  Beijing, China. Over a few years, she became acquainted with a wonderful organization that was dedicated to working with parents in China to educate parents how to build foundations of character into their children. In the midst of her beginning to work some with the organization he led, she was asked,"Do you know of any books about mothering that have helped you that might help our mothers in China?"

"Well, there is a book that helped to shape my vision for parenting called Mission of Motherhood." 

And so, she passed on my book to him. "We need this book in China." And so began the process of my book being published in China--all unbeknownst to me. I was still in my home in America having quiet times, pondering life and seeking to be faithful.

All this came from my Father showing me how to be faithful in my home when I thought no one was noticing. I never asked or dreamed that my faithfulness in my home could eventually have an impact on families in China--yet God was watching! He was listening, He was already at work.

You never know how eternity may be changing this very minute because of your decision to be faithful to God today in your home. He has plans to bring light and beauty to the whole world. He is a redeemer and He delights in using very normal people like you and like me. Perhaps a word from you will spark a chain reaction that will have implications throughout the whole world as one person shares what you have shared with them, or as you share a book or send a note or give words of life and love. Perhaps one of your children will change history and effect thousands or millions because of your faithfulness today. Your labor is not in vain! 

This was the personal story God taught me in China. I was not sharing rocket science--but mainly stories of my life with 4 very different children who lived in my home that I loved and served as faithfully as I knew how--stories of family life and character building and love. What a privilege to be able to share simple truth and see it transform thousands--because his words will not return void on the earth. His power is manifested in our weakness. May He give life and hope to you as you faithfully serve today. Your work is noticed, your heart is precious, your sacrifices will result in praise throughout all of eternity. More pictures and a couple of more stories to come--but now I have to go take care of Joy!

Peace.

PS Several of you have asked for details. We were contacted about a year ago asking if we could take a trip through China as a speaking book tour for my book Mission of Motherhood which was due to come out in Chinese. 

This was a huge auditorium--Mission of Motherhood is on the screen at the front. We are standing at the podium at the front. This was 30 minutes before as people were gathering.

Beijing was our first stop. We spoke to  hundreds of people and initiated our first set of talks in a University auditorium-- a place where feminism is highly valued. This was the first place for my translator and I to practice giving talks together. 

Next we flew to Shanghai, where we rested for a day to catch up on jet lag and were spoiled and given such wonderful hospitality from a couple who worked in business in the city. We spoke to about 300+ parents there in a hotel.

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Signing, signing wherever we went!

Wenzhou--next was this wonderful city where we met many wonderful people. We first spoke in a small auditorium where a number of brothers and sisters gathered. Then, we spoke in a wonderful bank auditorium to a packed out house of about 500 were present. The official event was sponsored by the Party and the local newspaper and two banks. Before we spoke, we had a wonderful dinner with high officials in the bank and then afterwards were interviewed by a journalist from the newspaper. She printed almost the whole outline of my talk because she wanted her readers to be able to know the content for themselves. April 18, the article came out in full in the newspaper with my picture at the head--it has a readership of 320,000.

Hong Kong--Here we spoke in the Polytechnic University to over 500 people. We were warmly hosted and encouraged by many there.

Guanzhou--This was our largest event with over 1000 in attendance. We had such an incredible response there. People stood in line for an hour wanting pictures with us and wanting Sarah, Joy and I to sign their books. A businessman and his wife sponsored this and we made many friends there. The editor of one of the 10 largest magazines in China was in attendance and she went home and read the book in three days. She then called and interviewed me and said she wanted to get the information into the hands of as many parents in China as possible. The readership of this magazine is 1.1 million and she gave us a wonderful interview--very straightforward and wonderfully supportive of our message.

One of the wonderful Chinese meals, always served on a "Lazy Susan"  and we ate each meal with chop sticks. Also pictured is our new friend, who traveled with us everywhere. He started an organization that is education based to train children to have strong foundations of character. What integrity we see in his and his wife's lives--cherished friends.

Zhongshan was our last stop for the tour. A network of businessman sponsored this event with over 500 in attendance. We were hosted by one of them in a lovely hotel and met many whose lives had been changed after having gone through some previous education classes. What a blessing it was to us!

The final days, we met with many friends and small groups to continue our speaking and encouragement. Even reconnected with a friend from New Zealand who had seen us there. I have always loved our trips outside of the US and consider many friends I have met in these journeys as life-time cherished friends. So wonderful to know so many kindred spirits exist in the world. 

I did not announce this trip ahead of time, as much of our travel and speaking was of a very sensitive nature and I hope that you will be able to read between the lines. Please keep these wonderful friends and country in your thoughts as you talk to our Father.

a peak out of the Great Wall with my two wonderful assistants.

In the end, I did leave a part of my heart there--hoping and trusting that the one who has been working behind the scenes in amazing ways, will keep working in amazing ways so that in eternity, countless stories will be told about families learning how to serve and reach the hearts of their children with love and grace--and a legacy of righteousness. I was the one most blessed and so thankful--so I will keep on having quiet times in my room and have even more hope of what might become of my private meetings with my Father.

Last days last memories

Hi, to my friends in America. I can't even begin to describe the amazing memories I have made here in China. Most of all, though, it is the wonderful friends, with whom I have fallen in love, that I will miss. The hunger and sincerity and interest at every meeting has been overwhelming and encouraging. I have learned so much and had so many thoughts, but most of all I have fallen in love. It is such an honor to be able to exalt the wonderful design of motherhood in a place where the needs of family and models and instruction is so great. So much work to be done, so little time and resources. I wanted to just say hi and leave a couple of picture memories. Pray our plane makes it back home as we leave Monday at 4: 30 and get home at 5:30 of the same day==we gain a half day. Can't wait for my bed and my home and my sweet husband, but I know I will leave a part of my heart here. For more pictures, you can go to and see some of Sarah's great memories--we will eventually put more pics on when we get home. Thanks for all of you who have followed us and written--it has been a boon to our souls! Go here  for more pictures.

one of our meetings

One of the interesting trees that we see all over here.

The girls club enjoying the view over the Great Wall

Our dear friends

A happy chinese dude. He laughed when he saw us taking a picture of him

An Easter Like No Other

I hope each of you had a wonderful Easter. We awakened to a quick cup of coffee--especially for us Westerners and were whisked off again to another conference. Greeted by 100 volunteers, we wondered if there would be more volunteers than people attending. But the 1000 person auditorium was packed out and we have people standing at the back. What enthusiasm there was for motherhood and hunger for help in knowing how to reach the hearts of their precious children. We were mobbed by sweet friends wanting a picture or our signature on books--even wanted Sarah and Joy to sign! After 3 hours of a lecture with my friend translating, and about an hour of book signing, (the administrator grabbed the pen out of my hand gently and said, "You must leave now!) We then ran out the door to drive an hour and a half to another packed out auditorium of 5 or 6 hundred with the same lecture--our seventh time! Again, book signing and finally a banquet for 3 hours of meeting with wonderful people and eating another Chinese feast--including pig's feet soup, sea lettuce and pork, duck, swam and chicken with its head still on the plate. What an adventure we are having. Pictures will follow but I am dependent on my two assistants and their cameras (Sarah and Joy have been worthy assistants and are in need of their beauty sleep.) So thankful for your many thoughts and well wishes that have carried us through. Have a great Monday!

On to see the great Wall today and then to the forbidden city! Today we get to be tourists!

Shopping in Shanghai with our tireless guide, Nancy.

Soup dumplings.

Entrance to the auditorium on Sunday.

Rowing in an old river city.

Our guide and emcee, Caleb, with one of many amazing bouquets.

To the signing of books, there is no end...

In the lovely little city of Zhongshan, with the architect of the designs behind us.

Monday Morning, Birdsong, and Shanghai

Hello from the flowery, humid streets of Shanghai. We are running all around the country it seems, and have been in our second city in two days. It's been lovely. The people are so very kind, so gracious and we are loving what we are seeing of China so far. The jet lag is wearing off slooooowly.We spend today in some fun shopping time with our lovely friends, and will get some rest in before heading off again tomorrow morning.

 

Okay, I can't seem to get text in between the photos. So here is the run down: first and second photos are from the lovely first speaking engagement. A responsive and gracious crowd. That little girl was darling as she brought my new book (picture three) to be signed. The fourth photo is from our hotel window in Shanghai, and the fifth below, well. Jet lag is leaving us slowly. :-)

The restaurant where we had a real Chinese meal in Beijing. A fasincating downtown at night.

Speaking at a women's college with friend and translator. That's all for now. Until next time, the adventure continues....

We're in China!

We arrived into the arching, criss-crossed, beamed ceiling of the Beijing airport after a nearly sleepless 12 hour flight. We are now lounging with strong coffee and bagels in the lovely home of our host here as we discuss our itinerary. I will speak to my first group this afternoon. Sarah and Joy both have cameras and have signed on as journalists to record this adventure, so hopefully we'll be able to update every couple of days. Pr@y for each of these times, today I speak to Chinese businesswomen through my friend, who is translating for me. There is so much need and we are walking in a plan of grace to even be here. Tonight, we fly into Shanghai. For now, au revoir from Beijing.

I'm Off on an Adventure

"Serve the Lord with gladness."

I am off to another adventure in a few minutes and just wanted to tell all of you who have wished me well and are praying for me--that you are a great blessing. I am so encouraged by your comments, too, as it lets me know there are friends in cyberspace.

Last night, Joy went to our church's dress rehearsal for our Easter production. She came home with a heart filled with praise. "Mom, Jesus gave everything and put up with so much suffering so that we could have forgiveness and love. If He was so sacrificial, then I need to see all of my sacrifices in light of His life. So, I want to go on this trip with a heart ready to serve and sacrifice."

This couldn't have come at a better time. I love it when God uses others and other venues to tell my children what I want them to know.

Since I became a believer many years ago, one of my greatest Joy's has been to tell others about Him--so show them the same wonderful love and grace I had received and was so very grateful for. Our love of reaching out to people was what brought Clay and I together. It has been a call on our family. And so, I am so excited to be on the missionary trail again--part of the history of my heart and hoping these experiences will open my children's hearts to Him and His calling. 

So, it is with anticipation and excitement that we go to a new country for us--and even though we will be in lots of different beds and 10 airplanes and meet lots of people, we will be the most blessed because of the wonderful ways we will get to share about His great design for family with those who have never heard. We so appreciate your prayers for us the next 3 weeks. If we can, we will try to post pictures and a little commentary. May the Lord bless each of you the next few weeks and may He sow peace, comfort, inspiration, righteousness, and love in your homes through you this day and may you be glad in your ministry for eternity right where you are. I so appreciate my sweet friends out there in cyberspace. You have been a real encouragement to me.

Grace and Peace.

A light in the darkness

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." This quote is the way Joy began her history report about Eleanor Roosevelt. Seems Mrs. Roosevelt had much in life to get down about. Her parents expected a boy, she was a disappointment from the very beginning. Her mother told her she was homely, and she died when Eleanor was just eight. Her father was an alcoholic and died when she was 9. She married FDR and he was disloyal to her and had an affair off and on throughout her marriage. There were other issues, too, but this amazing women decided that it was up to her to take hold of life and conquer all of her sadnesses. She left a legacy as one of the most hard-working presidential wives and began and developed many wonderful community service and organizations that helped many unfortunate people. She was beloved by many.

Her life has been captivating to Joy. She has talked and talked about her over the past days. "I really want to be like her, Mom. She could have been a victim, but she chose to rise above her circumstances and do great things."

I have to agree with Joy. This whole issue of depression and discouragement is rampant in our culture today. Many people are sad and overwhelmed about finances, divorce, immorality, broken relationships, loneliness, illness, contention, and so many other things. We have had quite a bit of disappointment in our lives, but some of it I may never be able to write about out of loyalty. Yet, in the midst of a mission trip a few years ago, after having been in 4 countries, working with so many wonderful leaders and missionaries, I was struck with how many were depressed and disappointed with life. I realized that it would be very easy for most of us to be disillusioned in a fallen world. The issues each person was struggling with were so similar to the ones I so often heard about at home: difficulty in marriage; less than perfect children and the baggage that goes with rebellious children; finances, loneliness and all the things I mentioned above. As I sat pondering this on a park bench, I realized that my own life was filled similarly with disappointments, but that I did not want to be sad all my life!

As I have studied scripture, it is very clear that there is a way to find joy in life and move from the darkness of depression to the light of Christ. He Himself said, "I am the way, the truth and the light." He is the way--not just to God and to redemption, but also He points the way to live on this path of life. He is also with me on the way. His life showed me secrets to follow to maintain my own joy and to move toward contentment.

1. Don't let the nay-sayers get you down. There are plenty of people around who are immature and are readily available to criticize, say hurtful things, reject us and argue with us or let us down. I call these people nay-sayers or Job's friends. The nay sayers want to disagree with you, your ideals, your spirituality, your personality and so on. Job's friends are those who smugly sit by feeling free to say hurtful things or offer critical opinions in their Pharisee robes. Though it is certainly ok to be saddened by people who hurt us, we don't have to take on their criticism or hurt. I have some irrational people in my life who will be there forever! But even if they become angry or hurtful, I don't have to let their words or behavior enter into my life or allow it to determine how I feel about myself. But I can trust in the one who will always love me to build me up, to affirm me and to comfort me. Jesus did this."While  being reviled, he did not revile in return but kept trusting Himself to God who judges righteously."

The other thing is, don't live by guilt--so you blow it once in a while or sometimes often, accept God's forgiveness and move on--wallowing in self-condemnation only leads to more depression. You are forgiven--live in His forgiveness and don't rehearse your problems over and over again in your mind. Take your thoughts captive and put them in jail, never to bother you again. 

He just trusted God. He put the situation in God's hands (I picture it as God's files) and then closed the drawer for God to deal with in His time. I have a choice about whether I will be bitter and mean spirited back to those who hurt me or to be a peace maker and just to practice "love is patient, love is kind," and so on. If it is true that what we sow we will reap, then if we practice love and peace-making and sow seeds of kindness and grace, we will certainly become more kind and gracious and our souls will be filled with satisfaction.

Does this mean that the mean people will go away? No, there will be sad times ahead, but I don't have to be a victim--or take it in.

2. Learn every day in every circumstance. I observed a very difficult relationship problem this week and the sadness of it deepened my compassion for those who are lost and hurting. it even made me rethink some messages I was working on for an upcoming mission trip. My message will now be much more filled with grace, comfort and love because of the lessons I learned in my own circumstances. I had a choice--to let the hurt overwhelm me or to say, "What can I learn? How can I move forward in graciousness and be sure that I never do this to anyone? What does a person who has been hurt like this need? How can I pass on this kind of love and comfort in my messages? God's hand can deepen our hearts and love--He can turn things out for the good--when I walk the road with Him as my counselor.

3. Figure out just what is bothering you and resolve how to get rid of as much of the stress that you can. I met a young mom last week who was very down and crying. She was very hard on herself and felt like a failure as a mom and was quite discouraged with her children. I asked how old her children were and she said, 7, 5 and 6 months. Then I asked her if she had gotten a full night of sleep lately. Immediately her tears began to fall and she said, "No, and I feel like this season will never end."

We arranged for a friend to keep her precious children for an overnight, and this mom had time alone and time to sleep 9 hours, and by the time I saw her again, she was a different person. "I though I wasn't going to make it, but you can't imagine how much better I feel about life and I even missed my children."

Sometimes it just takes sleep to feel better. Sometimes, it is the messes or the relentless of it all. It is at these points that sometimes, I have stopped all activities for a couple of days and just spent time getting everything back together. I hired someone to help me put my house back in order again and then I felt immediately better. 

Other times, I have made a fun plan--to make time to do some things that I knew would fill up my emotional cup--as well as put things into my schedule that would be something to look forward to. Years ago, in the spring, I would always plan a fun trip for me and the kids and some other friends. This is the time of year I would become weary of the relentless work and Clay had to work long hours, so I would plan a short or long history trip out of town with a friend and it gave us a break from mundane life, and we all became better friends and my children and I have a great diversion from the mundanity of life.

4. Of course, pray and spend time with the Lord. We are indeed needy people in a fallen world, and yet we have the profound privilege of coming into the presence of God with hope, because He listens to prayers and because He listens and answers us even as we would answer our own children. Learning to persevere in prayer and wait for God has been a lesson He has been teaching me for a long time. Often the very things I was worried about, over time, changed and showed me that He was working all along. Even as a toddler, who is exhausted, still doesn't want to take a nap, and yet a kind parent will see that he gets a nap, even against His permission, so God, who knows what is best for us, will put up with our tantrums and put us down for a nap against our will, because He knows what is best for us. So the sooner we learn to submit to His plan, the more easily we will find contentment and joy.

5. Read, read, read. C.S. Lewis said that we read to know we are not alone. My favorite authors became my friends. Just reading about their lives and stories fed my soul and showed me how to live my life. In the absence of having older women or grandmas in my life, my books became my friends and fellowship--especially throughout the 17 moves, I needed a friend and so my books became my friends and fellowship and shaped my life. 

6.Organize relationships in life so that you can be blessed. I have had to start many groups and Bible studies and kids groups in my home. But when we initiate or organize a way for friends to meet, we find that we are blessed in the midst of it. I have started book clubs (where you read a book and then get together for dinner and discuss it); once a month dinners for several families, prayer groups for myself with a few close friends; taking turns to host all the families at a home; started Bible studies for the girls and their moms and the boys and their dads (Clay did that); tea parties, picnics, meet at park days, Christmas parties and so on.

Some of these attempts fizzle, but some end up blessing me and our children.We had a spontaneous meal with a friend the other night and we all had so much fun and felt so loved in the midst, and I just ran into her at the grocery store. It was worth the trouble to get together.  Often when we are too busy, we don't take time for this and eventually we become lonely.

Often just the reaching out to others or opening my home, brings more friends my way and in the long term meets my needs. I also plan things that I know I will enjoy into my schedule--Saturday morning breakfasts downtown with Sarah and a long walk by all the old, mansions, hot chocolate with Joy; breakfasts with my boys, alone dinners at home with Clay when I feel like I miss him--I sent the others out for a trip to a book store/coffee shop and I light candles and have a simpler dinner all alone--without anyone bothering our conversation.

I also save each year for travel by putting away 10-15 dollars a month--because for me to get away from home and dishes and internet and phone calls is always a great break and rest for my adhd, restless soul--and of course I keep chocolate hidden to have as a treat on a needed day and always have tea in a real china cup with candles lit and civility--even if just for 15 minutes. When I organize life with delight, I often find I end up with a happier soul and fun and make friends in the midst. All the leaders I have ever known have said that they always have to initiate more to people and people don't always reciprocate, but I would rather have the opportunity to have friends and fellowship, even if I have to do the work, than to always be by myself. 

Most of all, though, I remember, intentionally, over and over again, that God, my precious Father, loves me and wants me to experience His joy. I have resolved to look for His love and to receive His love by faith, even when I don't feel like it. He dearly loves each one of you precious moms, too,  and wants to lead you away from darkness or sadness and move you to joy and peace. So, may His warm hand grasp yours in the midst of your darkness and may He lead you to a way to light a candle in the darkness so that you can see His face and be assured of His tender companionship in the midst of it all.

Digging out of depression; Defeating discouragement.

"For even when we came into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were afflicted on every side: conflicts without, fears within.  But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus; and not only by his coming, but also by the comfort with which he was comforted in you, as he reported to us your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me; so that I rejoiced even more." II Corinthians 7: 5-7 In Seasons of a Mother's Heart, many years ago, I wrote a chapter about myself when I had been almost immobilized with a feeling of darkness. I was lying on my bed in the afternoon as the sun was going down and I had the thought that I wanted just to stay there and disappear into the darkness. I then thought, I hope no one in the house finds me. I still remember that day and a number of other times when I felt so discouraged in my life that I felt, for the moment, hopeless and defeated. I remember that in Anne of Green Gables, Marilla, the woman who adopted Anne, had said to her, "To despair is to turn your back on God." It always made me feel a little guilty, because I had felt despair many times in my life.Often, when a mom reads that chapter, she will say, "That is just how I feel!" And then, "It helped me to know that others had felt that way, too." Yet, I think, in reality, that if we are following God's will, difficulty and discouragement will be a regular part of our lives. 

I actually had to admit, that when I read the passage by Paul, in II Corinthians, about his being depressed, it made me feel better about myself--after all if Paul, the great hero of the faith, had been depressed, then maybe there was hope for me. I discovered that it is not a sin to be discouraged or depressed, but our response to it is what determines our long term well-being. 

God made me an idealist. I love the idea of life being romantic and everything turning out happily ever after. I would like to have raised my children in a g-rated world. I would have liked to have a perfect family and good support systems and a really good church fellowship to be a part of, and a Pollyanna community who reciprocated to me in friendship and fellowship and no financial stress or relationship stress or, or, or!

I think that this was the hardest thing for me over the years. I just wasn't expecting life to be so hard. I didn't know mothering would be so taxing. I didn't understand that the culture was going so post modern, in exactly the opposite direction than Clay and I were leading our family. I also didn't know or understand the constant work load and wasn't trained to do it. I wasn't prepared for real life--and that was one of the most common sources of my difficulty. 

It was sweet, though, to see that Paul said, "God comforts the depressed." I have also realized that it is so important for me to realize that God doesn't get some kind of perverted pleasure in watching His sweet children suffer. He is not a cosmic being that says, "Ok, now that you have decided to commit yourself to me to raise godly children, I am going to make your life just as hard for you as I can to punish you for seeking to be so godly." 

God is a loving Father, and just as we want our children to be happy and to see their lives blessed, so that is His will. After all, He made a perfectly beautiful garden as a place for His first children to live. He walked in this garden looking for their companionship and willing to give His unconditional love. During my quiet time this week, I noticed a phrase that was in the psalms several times, "Lovingkindness and truth go before thee."

Lovingkindess goes wherever God goes. He loves us and wants the best for us and He is the creator of happiness and joy. Yet, we are living in a very fallen world, in which most of the world, is in rebellion to God and His ways and as scripture says, the ruler of this world, Satan, is determined to devour us. Jesus said, "In this world, you have tribulation. But take courage, I have overcome the world." 

So the first thing I need to realize and acknowledge is that God is good and that He wants me to experience joy and happiness. That scares some people. They feel that there is such a distance between us and God that it is presumptuous for us to celebrate God's goodness. Yet, David rightly said, "In His presence is fullness of joy and in his right hand, pleasures evermore!" Evermore, yet! Pleasures it says! God created us to enjoy beauty, to feel happy in being loved, to accomplish great things, to sing deeply in our hearts, to laugh heartily at jokes, to enjoy eating great feasts and to enjoy warm, fluffy covers as we snuggle up on a cold winter's night. 

Yet, we are in a battle ground, where the booty is human allegiance and souls. Especially as moms, we are in a battle for our children's hearts. A battle is difficult, hard, challenging, and relentless and often deadly. So, understanding the nature of the battle is helpful. 

Yet, I can see that, in spite of the many seasons of depression and struggle, God had been faithful to me. He strengthened my hands, so to speak, in the midst of my trials and has increased my capacity to work. He stretched me and gave me more ability to be patient. He used these difficult times to mold me more into the image of Christ. The end result is, that little by little, I am becoming a person I always wanted to be, but it has happened in the midst of submitting to God's will, even in the midst of difficulties. 

Even a couple of weeks ago, I was momentarily caught in a many years old relationship in which I had been rejected and was being rejected one more time-which heralded me back to many such memories of such rejection. I was amazed at how quickly the darkness descended.

Yet, I decided that I didn't need to stay in that place and rehearse all the past hurts. But, I turned my heart to God and asked Him for perspective and to show me how to be thankful for His presence, truth and reality in the midst of it. He immediately helped me to see how he had used this in my life to really show me what it really looked like to be loving. He showed me how very grateful I had become for those in my life who really did love me and showed  love and loyalty to me. He reminded me how much I was able to understand other hurting women, because of my own past hurt, and how it had become a part of my ministry message to help others find a way out.  He gave me the freedom to understand that I could be happy and free, even if the unloving people in my life never changed--I was not responsible for their bad attitudes, but only to keep my own pure and free from bitterness. 

I also was prompted by the Holy Spirit to redeem the day. What could have been a bad day, spent trying to figure out the unloving person who often changed our plans and rejected us,  and left us in the lurch, turned into a sweet memory with my children. I then made a plan with my sweet girls, (we were on the road) and we enjoyed a great, memory making afternoon of going to an art museum and then discovering a great new Russian restaurant that served wonderful bread, European soup and strong tea out of glasses. We had such fun.

 I wouldn't have asked for these experiences, these difficulties, but because He is good, He used them for my benefit as I kept putting one foot in front of the other. It helped me to understand the Romans passage that says, "God causes all things to work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose." He will turn things out to work for our good, if we remain in His will, submitted to His purpose, determined to be overcomers. 

I am off to pick up Joy from a friend's house, so I will continue this article in a day or two and talk about what to do to crawl out of the place of depression and despair. Meanwhile, have a great afternoon!