God's love to me

Happy Birthday, Sweet Sarah!

Twenty-five years ago today, I became a mother. I wasn't prepared for what it would take for me to give 24 hours a day the rest of my life to be a mom. 

But God was gentle with me. He knew that in the midst of 17 moves, (6 times internationally) and very little support systems and criticism for almost all the ideals Clay and I would end up choosing, that I would need a best friend right in my home. So, in His goodness, He gave me Sarah.

I tried to be so healthy during my pregnancy and ate the right things and swam 5 times a week. Yet, when she was born, she had miconium-filled lungs, and couldn't breathe and was in the icu for babies for three days! Then I got the flu and became faint upon returning to my home. It was a rough start, but still she learned to nurse, even after the doctor discouraged it. And, she eased me into motherhood, as she was very responsive and gentle even as a baby.

From birth, she has been sweet, humble in spirit and kind. She is loyal and tenderhearted and always loved beauty. (You should see her bedroom, it is a master piece of bringing beauty to life in her world.) Now, don't get me wrong, Sarah isn't perfect--but she is wonderful and such a blessing to me. I don't know when we moved more from being Mother-daughter to best friend, but she has been the one who "got me" and still loved me and listened and encouraged and blessed. I thank you, Sarah, for being such a committed. loyal, loving, encouraging friend.

She has not had an easy life--as a matter of fact, there were so many obstacles in her life so many years in a row, that I once said to the Lord, "If you don't start being nice to her, she isn't going to keep believing in you!"

And yet, God knew what He was doing. He was deepening her soul so that it could be reflective of His light and life and beauty. 

So, my precious, even though I am not with you today, I wish you all the blessings of God's grace and provision that would fill your heart with His love, grace, beauty and the ability to keep dreaming. I love you!

Mom

PS Would all of you who read this and are prompted by the Lord please pray for Sarah today? Always, of course, for her love and walk with the Lord to keep growing. But also, For direction as she sorts out her options in the next few months; for blessing on her writing; for a good and godly circle of friends and for, in God's timing, a loving husband! Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers for my family. I so appreciate it!

If anyone wants to wish her happy birthday, her email is  this  and her blog is here

Her room:

Her beloved thinking and writing chair!

Always books, art, candles and fresh flowers.

Hail, hail, the gang's all here! Finally a quiet morning!

They may be bigger but they haven't changed a lot! (Kids snuggling Kelcy-Sarah, 25, Joy 14, Nathan, 20, Joel 22)

I am sitting sipping my tea this cool morning and am so  very grateful to have all of my children home at once. Joel came home last weekend and will be here 6 more days. What a gift to me that he and Nathan love coming home. Nate got here Saturday night. So, I have been celebrating, cooking, having long and late-night discussions, and early morning breakfasts--celebrating as much life as we can until everyone disperses starting Wednesday when Sarah flies to Nashville, Clay to Texas and Joel back to Boston. I only have 5 days when we are all in town at once! Soooo......

Nate's belated birthday Texas Sheet Cake--yummmmm!

Sarah's birthday breakfast a week early! Have to have everyone home so we can bless the birthday child together!

I have spent so much time praying for my children this season of life. Please let Joel flourish in Boston. His arena is so secular. Please keep Nathan faithful to you in New York City--please, please, please! But much to my relief, God was in New York City, too. And He is still sovereign! Joel has grown by leaps and bounds and is flourishing. Nate has been reading the biography of Keith Green and it has really inspired him. (a biography for older teens when they are in the midst of integrating spiritual life in a fallen world).

It has been so fun to see all of them together and that they still love and enjoy each other and that we all still have those rousing discussions. They are all so different--the introverts are still more introspective and a little quieter. The extroverted, "cool" kids are still louder. Clay and I hold on for dear life in the middle and I am so very blessed to have them love us and love the Lord. Are there still problems and issues? Always!

A sweet mom wrote me a letter this week and said that she and her friends had been reading through Ministry of Motherhood together. She said they really enjoyed it, but is was a little overwhelming because it felt like I was always so positive about my children and that I always loved them. Then she asked if it was always that way.

Of course not! We all go through seasons where we wonder if some of our children came from another family. Sometimes we have feelings that suggest we are not really a good mom because we don't even like our children. And sometimes we just wish we could escape.

I learned very early in my Christian life about the concept of obedience. God asked me to obey Him with my heart and Jesus said, "If you love me, you will obey me." So, obedience is out of love, not feeling. Many times, I would do the right thing, even though the feelings didn't match. In other words, I knew it was right to "act" in a loving, patient manner towards my children. Or I knew that God wanted me to "respect" Clay--even times when I did not feel like it! But because I wanted to love Jesus, I would obey. What I found out is that my feelings would follow. In other words, the more I obeyed the Lord in serving my children and encouraging them, the more of an investment they became to me, and the more I cherished them and began to see just how important children are in God's economy. Now, the thing that drives me to speak and travel so much, is that I can't stand the thought of children being abused or neglected in any way. I want to help as many moms as possible discover the importance of loving and accepting their children as a gift from the Lord.

Growth is a long process. My deep love and reverence for these children has grown after many, many years of cherishing them--sometimes because I truly loved and enjoyed them--and sometimes purely out of faith. But, as I have said before, as in a garden, whatever you water and nourish the most in this garden of life is what will flourish. If you water the garden of family and children and love and life-giving and beauty, it will grow and flourish--it is a long term work. 

Well, I am off for two more hysterical days--and two birthday party celebrations down, one more to go!

The interchange of talent between two genius's

After having fun with my mom, I flew home to yet another reunion--Joel is home from Berklee in Boston for 10 days before going back to school. (His amazing story will follow later this week when I have time to write it!)

 I keep wanting to kiss him and hold on to his arm and eat him up--so great to have him home!)

Sunday included church, a wonderful brunch out with Sarah, Joel, Joy, Clay and me (We missed you, Nathan!) and then a really fun afternoon. Started out with Clay playing us 4 of his new songs which we all think he should record. Next was Joy keeping us in stitches with funny poems she had written about life, food, mission trips and friends (she is a real wit!) 

Next, Joel showed us his new songs which have resulted from lots of new input in his classes--amazing what a few focussed months can do when you have good instruction! Finally, after we had my favorite, Italian Cream Cake, we all scattered. Then I began to hear music coming up the stairs--  for almost an hour, Joel played on the piano and accompanied Joy as they performed, together, a multitude of songs from Broadway to contemporary. The Lord has given Joy a strong voice--but it was especially fun to see the two together,  as they are 9 years apart--Joy 13, (almost 14) and Joel, 22, enjoying each other and seriously giving themselves to the music they both love. 

Maybe I never believed this great fellowship would happen between all of my diverse, different sex and different aged children--but it all came about from hundreds of Sunday afternoons just like this, of eating together, celebrating life and spending our time together. 

Now, I am off editing and rewriting, and snowed under with 3 kids birthdays to celebrate, Nate coming home Saturday to work here all summer, Sarah flying to Nashville, Clay going to Texas to help his mom and Joel going back to Boston--all in the period of a week. There is still so much work at home--but now the rewards are so evident and I have in my home my closest friends. 

The Legacy of Motherhood

Mom with her new Chinese Pashmina and me--her only daughter!

I have been thinking a lot lately about leaving legacies. What are my children going to remember? How are they going to be different because of their life in my home? What skills have I developed that give them foundations of confidence?

 I am just now flying on a plane to Dallas to visit my own mom in Canton who is 86. I wanted to spend a couple of days with her over the Mother’s Day weekend because I don’t get to see her very often any more and because I so appreciate the legacy she left me.

 When my father, who worked with IBM, met my mom, she was a systems engineer with IBM. She was a new generation feminist who had a job and was working and making her own way. But when my father proposed to her, he said, “One of my requests, if we get married, is that you stay at home and are available every day for our children, so they can have your influence on their lives.” What that meant for my mom, was to pick us up from school, to be available to us, and to build a good home base.

 My mom didn’t understand the whole concept of passing on righteousness to the next generation, or discipling her children, but she was committed to making our home a place of beauty, love, traditions and where marriage was foundational to our family’s unity.

 When I was a teenager, I remember that my mom would rush about the house every day around 5 pm and she would say, “Quick, you kids help me straighten up the living room and kitchen. And then she would light a candle and put on music. Next she would cut some cheese and place on crackers or put out some small snack. Then the finale was painting her lips with the ruby red lipstick I so well remember.

One day, I asked my mom, “Why do you do this every day and go to so much trouble around this time.?”

 She said, “I want your father to come home to a wonderful environment—that home would always be the best place to be. You see, your daddy is surrounded by beautiful secretaries every day, who are paid to meet his needs. So, I want him to feel that it is even better to come home, because someone he loves has given effort to meet his needs and to give him extra reason to be faithful.”

 My mom was also a lot of fun. One day, on my birthday, I awakened to a pathway of pennies outside my door. I followed them through the house and it led to a pile of birthday presents—even the smallest present from the dollar store, was wrapped in fun paper. Also, on the breakfast table was a cinnamon roll (the Pillsbury kind) and orange juice and a little card that said, “Happy Birthday to my wonderful daughter.”

 I don’t remember the presents I received that year, but I do remember that my mom went to great lengths to create fun.

 We did not read scripture often at our home, but we did go to church regularly where my dad was an elder. I remember that there were 3 verses that were my mother’s favorites. I don’t even remember why I know them, but she must have repeated them often enough for them to stick. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” “If God is with me, who can be against me.”

 My mom and dad were gifted at hospitality. We had people in our home for meals every week if not several times a week. They also used to have big dinner parties—for between 50 and 100 people. As children, we were expected to help. We would help clean house, cook food, mow lawns and put out flowers and candles and decorate the house. Then, we were expected to answer the door, greet their friends by looking into their eyes and welcoming them. We would also be given trays of food to take around offering people a treat or drink of some kind. It was a part of our training—to make all of us comfortable with talking to adults, serving people in our home and engaging in conversation. It prepared us to be comfortable with paupers or kings. It also gave me a heart for hospitality—it was second nature after all the years of opening our home.

 When I would come home from college, my mom would have notes all over the house—at the front door, in the kitchen, on my bedroom door and on my bed, “Welcome Home, Sally!” and “Yeah, Sally is home!” There would always be some of my favorite food in the kitchen—homemade chocolate chip cookies, and all sorts of other goodies.  I always felt loved and welcomed and couldn’t wait to get home.

 My mother modeled to me that mothering and building a family was hard work and it took place every day. But it shaped me in such a way, that it prepared me to be responsive in my heart, when the Holy Spirit stirred, to see motherhood as a calling—a Biblical design from the mind of God, for passing on righteousness to every generation. My mother’s hard work prepared me to be able to have a ministry to other moms because she was faithful with what she knew to do. Her love and commitment and personality was such a wind of life to my soul.

 So on this Mother’s Day, I honor my sweet mom, Wanda Bone, for serving the Lord by serving me, and my brothers! And she didn’t even know she was setting me up for my life’s work.

 Happy Mother’s Day, to all of you who work so diligently in the big and small details in life.  Just as my mother, you are just as surely building a legacy of memories, love and values in the hearts and minds of your children. You may not even know what miracles are taking place in your home or how you are preparing your child for a great purpose—but God will take the fish and loaves you offer to Him as worship—and multiply your work into a miracle that will truly influence the whole world as you send your wholehearted children into the world from your laboratory of life. Grace and peace from our Lord Jesus to you!

PS Thanks to Mill Creek Ranch Resort for letting me use their internet to upload this article!:)

The Mystery of Discipline.....part 1

Discipline--that mysterious area of life where people are so passionate. To spank or not to spank, that is the question. But is it really? Seems to me that the discipline of a person is a whole life process. God has used so many different approaches in my life to discipline me. Natural consequences--It you do something foolish, you will reap foolish consequences--speeding and getting a ticket--not God, my stupidity.

Scripture--conviction by the Holy Spirit

Training--learning all sorts of lessons through jobs, circumstances, missions, watching others and having the training of my parents or boss or friends in the midst of life

So much of life is a process and so is child training. Children at 2 are just less mature than children at 7 or 9 or 11. Parents of older children know that children will grow out of phases. Gentle instruction, training, "You may not speak  this way, what is a better way to say this?" and following through. "You may not hit another child when you are frustrated, ever?" And then you isolate the child from the others and work with the child until they can apologize and ask for forgiveness." It is the patterns day in day out of correcting. loving, training, instructing, putting to bed, holding, and asking God to show us, by faith what each situation and each child needs at the moment.

No training philosophy should encourage misbehavior.  One of my friends thought she was following Clay's philosophy in his book Heartfelt Discipline by being lenient, which is different from grace based. "My three year old refuses to respond to my husband and always runs to me and spits on him and kicks him and I tell my husband that it is just a phase."

I was shocked. No child of ours is ever allowed to treat anyone that way, let alone a parent. We were on top of our children training, training, disciplining all the time. It was the way of life to model and instruct them in maturity.

Since  I am in the mountains with my sweet family, and want to spend most of my time with them, I thought I would post a blog from before that many people have requested. And I pray for each of you who read it today, that God will Himself give you grace and wisdom in your home for each situation with each child. Even as we walk by faith, we must also parent by faith. Grace and peace to you this Wednesday!

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"It just bothers my head off when I see parents who don't discipline their children!" Joy proclaimed after babysitting a group of kids at church tonight. After which a long conversation between Sarah and Joy ensued. So fun to hear them talk with such strong opinions--guess the Clarkson family culture was pretty strong!

When I asked what to write about, several of you asked about discipline. I am off to bed tonight, but I will throw just a few thoughts out. Seems to me that people tend to take two extremes. Either they are high disciplinarians and are too strict and harsh or they say they are grace based and don't intervene in their children's lives at all. Clay and I believed in high love and high discipline--but most of our discipline was training, instruction and correction.I have learned more about my parenting by pondering Jesus than from anywhere else. In Hebrews we are told, "All discipline, for the moment, seems not to be joyful but sorrowful, but afterwords it leads to the peaceful fruit of righteousness." That right there says that God cares that we interfere with our children's development and maturity and discipline them to become righteous.

"He disciplines us that we share in his Holiness." His discipline was for a purpose--not to be overbearing with us and become authoritative--but to train us--to help develop His character in us. He has high standards for us. I feel that in my own life, he has used many obstacles, difficulties and stresses to help conform me more to His image--he does not let me off the hook--he uses His training to help me grow up- to become more mature.

So, I realize that I have to be willing to let my children suffer displeasure in order to train them to become excellent.   However, the point I want to make clearly is that discipline and training of a child is primarily relationship based----not rule based! We are to seek to win their hearts--to give them a reason to want to obey us. We are to accept our children as a gift and communicate clearly to them how we love and treasure them.But for Clay and me, it meant spending lots and lots of time.

How did Jesus influence His disciples, so that they wanted to follow Him to the cross? By spending 3 years with them day in and day out, teaching, training, modeling, correcting and loving and enjoying life with them. (I wrote about this a lot in Ministry of Motherhood) His influence was based on his servant-leadership--(The night before he died, he was pondering where he had come from--heaven with God where he was always worshipped--and where we would be going back--back to heaven--and then he knelt and girded himself about with a towel and began to wash the disciple's feet.

I was having a quiet time once and realized that Jesus washed 12o toes! He understood me as a mom wiping noses, changing diapers, etc. Seems he has such integrity--he never asks me to do what he has not already done! "If I being the Lord washed your feet, so you should do to one another."

He was a humble, servant leader, and so I must have such honor and integrity with my children. It is in serving them and honoring them that they develop a desire to respond to me.

However, training was moment by moment--every day. For instance, when  child whined, we took them away--away to their bedroom or if we were at someone's house, to a private room or bathroom. (What is the matter? Mommy and Daddy are allergic to 'whiny" voices. I cannot listen to you until you can talk in normal voice. (And then we put them in their crib or hold them firmly and  quietly until they could get control.

When they were disrespectful to either one of us or to someone else, we immediately corrected them and said, "How should you have said that to your brother, Father or whatever." Children should not be allowed the freedom to be rude or to be disrespectful--grace-based parenting doesn't mean that you don't do anything, it just means that you don't primarily use the paddle for everything. We would always pick up our child if they were disrespectful to either one of us and made them immediately do what we had asked. "Tell Daddy you are sorry you disobeyed. Now I will take your hand and I will help you pick up the toy he asked you to pick up. Please do it now." If the child did not comply, we worked with them until they did comply--right then and until the child complied. Do not train a child to throw fits or to cry or throw tantrums. And do not excuse behavior that you have decided is not acceptable.

But do consult the list below to see if you are provoking a child and testing them beyond their ability to control themselves. Each child requires prayer and thoughtfulness as they all have different personalities and your goal is to reach the child's heart with your training--to give them a desire to do well according to their own heart-felt motivation and needs, personality, gender and age. And be sure that your discipline is appropriate to the offense--a strict voice and long spanking and discipline should not happen for a child who has been careless or done something small--correction and consequences or doing it over is more appropriate--if you make every thing a big deal, your children will learn to dread you.

I have been really reacting lately every time I see a policeman. Our town is giving out as many tickets as possible to make up for lack of taxes on certain issues. So many tickets are given each day and police cars are everywhere (lots of articles and complaints have been in the local news.) I was wondering if this is how children feel when they have parents who are over bearing and authoritarian--dreading seeing their parents because they know their parents will find something wrong! How terrible to be afraid to be with your parents because they correct every single thing you do--that would be terrible in a friendship, marriage, or as a child--there must be grace in the midst of life.

Part 2 tomorrow

Favorite books that describe life-giving homes

Hi, Just a short note--I just had to connect you to my friend's blog today. Brenda Nuland and I are so much alike, it is as though God created us out of the same mold--we even both don't like to fly in airplanes--which is a faith issue for me about 20 times a year!  She is a dear friend and my older children have gotten to know her oldest daughter Stephanie, as she is on the way to Boston. Brenda has a wonderful blog that always feeds my soul and she and I love so many of the same things. She had a post called I Heart Hobbit Houses. You can go to her blog here to connect and read down in her article to connect to the article. I love it because she asks for recommendations for those who know of books that have great descriptions of homes and also great descriptions of food I thought I would put some of my list here and ask all of you to tell me of your favorite homey books. Here is a short list off the top of my head.

Brambly Hedge--delightful children's picture book series from England--more contemporary than Beatrix Potter and has the most inviting pictures of the inside of an English Home that is lived in by precious animals--lovely-- and worth buying second hand for your own library.

Pilgrim Inn--a favorite book from an old English author, Elizabeth Gouge, whose story is about the redemption of people in a home, and family after World War II-a book for adult readers or older teens. Also shows the mending of a marriage and grace that comes through acceptance. Makes the home come alive through loving, giving grace and living as a family.

I love Edith Schaeffer books--The Hidden Art of Homemaking and What is a Family for instruction and stories about her own family and the life of using her home as a place of ministry and of course the story of L'Abri is a must read for families to picture the hand of God at work in the life of people who live by faith--heart warming stories--but all of these books are non-fiction

The Winter Cottage by Brink--pancakes a focal point and so funny as well as a cozy cottage--read aloud for kids lateo-elementary or read aloud to children.

Also, I collect old Eloise Wilkin (an artist) books because her beautiful pictures of children in family, playing, doing chores, helping mommy and wonderful pictures of home--are a great way to put pictures in your children's minds of the importance of family and home--these are simple children's picture books--but the first imprint I put on my children's brains about family, home and Mommy.

Loved the melted cheese passages in Heidi--also a must read aloud--a picture of salvation through a great story--beautiful picture of creation. This author wrote to give children literature to lead them to Christ. (We translated one of her stories into English for the first time in our book that we publish called the Gold Thread--the Story was The Rose Child and can be found through our website 

Just David--also one of my favorite books in the world--such a picture of a child's heart redeeming a whole village because of is wonderful integrity--we published this, too.  You can find this through our website

Also, the meal in The Little princess--also a must read aloud in our home-the meal she took on her porch was delightful

So many more, but wondered if all of you could tell of some great books and favorite children's books along this line. Have a great Tuesday!

Back in the saddle again!

Monday morning and I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Another beautiful mushy spring snow falling out the window and it seemed like cuddling up would have been fun--but alas I have an extroverted almost 14 year old raring to get back at life--so she gives me accountability. I am glad to end on someone so idealistic and she is self-motivated and I think the Lord knew at this busy season of life, I would need someone who is driven to keep me going!

Just a few thoughts and I promise I will write more later this week. Also, please let me know if there are any subjects you would like for me to address. Sometimes when I speak 9 weekends and then to 8 events in China, I assume that I have nothing new to say and everyone has already heard all of my opinions since I have had to hear myself so often!

Just a simple thing to share--I have so many cooking ideas that I revert to so often because I have cooked thousands of meals and sometimes I just want easy. One of my family's favorite meals is when I make homemade chicken soup and to me it is so easy. Often, I will boil a whole frozen bag or two of chicken breasts as I can then freeze them in small containers and I have an instant meal. (I also do this with hamburger, turkey, and brown rice!)

But today, I knew that I would be taking Joy to some call backs for a local production of Pride and Prejudice tonight, so I threw dinner together this morning. I got out bagged chicken from the freezer and a bag of frozen brown rice. I sauteed a table spoon of garlic, a medium chopped onion and about a tablespoon of  herbs (French--thyme, parsley, rosemary) in about 2 Tablespoons of olive oil, more or less. To this I added about a 1/2 cup of cooking wine. (learned some of these tricks when I lived in Europe for 6 years). 

I also put in about one teaspoon of salt (to taste), a few twists of fresh ground pepper and about 4-5 cups of water to simmer. I also added 3 cups of frozen peas and carrots. I let this simmer around 20-thirty minutes until the veggies were cooked and the other stuff was thawed. Then I melt two Tablespoons of butter, a teaspoon and a half of condensed chicken bouillon (without MSG--you can get it at Sam's or health food store.) And 1/3 cup of flour. Stir constantly until thickened and get all the lumps out. Then to this I add 2 cups of milk and stir it together. Add this to the soup mixture until it is thickened. You may add a few fresh herbs to it the last few minutes. Serve with a teaspoon of sour cream (and garlic croutons if you like.) I make it in about 15 minutes as I know how to throw things together. We get a jar of homemade applesauce out of the cabinet and either have it with a piece of toast (I promise sometime soon I will give out my bread recipe--it's just that it is not exact as I have been throwing it together for so many years, I am afraid I will not give out the right measurements and many will have a disaster!--I know by looking whether it needs more flour and such! so I just throw flour in until it looks right! :)) or we make oatmeal muffins--also very easy--but that will have to wait until I see Sarah again as she has it in her head! Enjoy!

Now, as to what is on my mind these days, ..... I want to write more about the culture of a family and about the art that a mom creates in her home. I have pondered and pondered why so many children adopt the values of their mom and dad and why so many reject them--even if they have been raised in a Christian, conservative home--where the mom is totally committed to them. 

Of course I will give a longer answer later. But I do think that the basis of her philosophy determines, to a great deal, what she is able to pass on. I see so many moms who think that teaching children scripture, training them morally, disciplining consistently and if they homeschool, choosing the right curriculum, is what will make for a good, moral, emotionally healthy child--who will retain the values of home. 

However, if we really understand the dimensions of God--he is not just a philosophy or doctrine to be know--but a person to relate to--we will begin to get at more of what our children need to see with integrity in our home. God is a God of creation and color--beauty, seasons, textures, music, art, thoughts and words, fun and humor, love and excellence; ability to think deeply and well, etc, etc. then we will understand that in order for our children to see more of the reality of God in our home, we must include more of what He has displayed in culture and in our very being. It is in shaping the culture of our home--meals, beauty on our walls and in our decor; great books and ideas, fun traditions and rousing discussions, cozy bedtimes each night. playing games together; serving together; feasting together--honoring the need for relationships--having people into the home--making deeply felt loving memories and ties to our heart; teaching and instructing about all aspects of life and providing dinner table discussions night after night--things that serve the mind, heart, body and spirit of a child--it is the overall culture of home that ties children to God and us. When they experience love and the close security of a family; when we trust our children and give them arenas in which to develop as young adults, when we show love and compassion to a lost culture--these are all important bits that make up the whole.

I see many children turn away from their homes and values when they get out into a post modern world and find it to be very different from their family. But because their parents. (even with good hearts) developed a fear based reaction to culture (It is a terrible place--don't ever do this or that; college kids are corrupt, and I don't trust you to be able to manage this yourself--I will rule over you!) then I see kids going out into culture and finding themselves surrounded by a world that is shocking to them or one in which they know their parents wouldn't approve and so they don't talk to their parents and don't share because they are afraid they will receive condemnation or reaction even if they shared what their temptations were or what life was like, and so eventually, they capitulate to the world's culture.

In other words, if home is a place of fear and guilt and legalism and shame and indoctrination of scripture and lots of spanking and harshness, then children will not thrive--their hearts will not be engaged in loving God because they never experienced the joy of loving God and rejoicing in life daily in their homes--life was more about duty and chores and responsibility and rules--this is a formula for disaster for most children.

However, if your home is the best place they will ever be and you have been cultivating in them, little by little, convictions and world view; if you have trained them to think of themselves as lights to a fallen generation and modeled compassion to the lost in front of them; if you have developed trusting, loving relationships with them through out their whole lives to them their whole lives, so that they can talk to you about everything, and you can help walk them into a fallen world and teach them how to manage this because you are still close to them, then they will become successful adults who learn how to navigate Christian morality in a fallen world with you there supporting, encouraging and helping along the way. It is a trust factor and relationship factor that makes a difference--and making home a place of life-giving, that they may hear about God and theology and then they taste it in the beauty of home, the celebrations of home, the service of home, the meals of home and music and art and so on--it is a whole life testimony of God's reality felt in every moment and in every relationship and every minute  of life chores and family celebration--then the joy of God, his love, his excellence, his servant heart will be felt, heard, understood, and celebrated in such a personal way, that it will become a part of their very fiber. . I will try to write more on this later, but thought I would just give it a 10 minute stab. Let me know other issues that you would enjoy discussing!

Onward to life! 

Invisible or Seen?

"For God searches to and fro throughout the whole earth to strongly support those whose hearts are completely His." 

The Little Emperor--a sweet boy, raised by 4 grandparents and one set of parents.

Greetings to all of my wonderful friends! I am back in the land of the living and slowly getting back into life here in America. The jet lag is a bit noticeable as I fell soundly asleep at 3 p.m. yesterday afternoon and had to work hard just to get off the couch to cook dinner! But I am still pondering many things in my heart and making sure to tuck my memories of China in a mental file that I will regularly visit.

Do you ever feel invisible and wonder if anyone knows your faithful deeds and choices of the heart that you make every single day? As I look back over my 25+ years of mothering, I can remember so many, many times in which I was by myself in my bedroom, pouring my heart out to the Lord--searching for strength from being so tired from sleepless nights; asking for wisdom as my children and marriage presented me with so many mysteries and dilemmas I did not know how to handle; asking for light in the darkness; hoping for friendship and community in the midst of so many moves; and asking Him, my heavenly Father, to meet with me and to hear my cries and to answer. His word so often met my cries and by faith, I would leave my room, not always changed in my emotions, but resolved in my heart to move always in the direction of faith and in the direction of loving Him and serving Him as I served my family day after day, year after year.

But, sometimes, I felt invisible--did He see me? Did my prayers matter? Did my obedience make a difference? Did my day in day out  choices of faithfully serving and teaching and cooking and cultivating life in my home matter? Did anyone care? And yet, all that I read in scripture told me to go on, to hold fast, to choose to believe.

And so my books were an outpouring of those quiet times, thinking that perhaps other moms felt like I did--and maybe struggled with the same questions that I struggled with on a regular basis. So I put these heart learned messages into books and cast my bread on the waters. 

My wonderful friend Rossana--who spoiled us and cared for us on our trip!

Meanwhile, my sweet friend, Rossana, was doing the same kind of thing--seeking God, seeking answers of how to walk with Him and how to be faithful in her family. She was living in California and went to a book store looking for answers to her heart's questions. There on the shelf of her local book store, she purchased Mission of Motherhood. In her own time of reading, God met her needs and encouraged her through the words of my own search and quiet time. 

Soon after, she and her husband moved to  Beijing, China. Over a few years, she became acquainted with a wonderful organization that was dedicated to working with parents in China to educate parents how to build foundations of character into their children. In the midst of her beginning to work some with the organization he led, she was asked,"Do you know of any books about mothering that have helped you that might help our mothers in China?"

"Well, there is a book that helped to shape my vision for parenting called Mission of Motherhood." 

And so, she passed on my book to him. "We need this book in China." And so began the process of my book being published in China--all unbeknownst to me. I was still in my home in America having quiet times, pondering life and seeking to be faithful.

All this came from my Father showing me how to be faithful in my home when I thought no one was noticing. I never asked or dreamed that my faithfulness in my home could eventually have an impact on families in China--yet God was watching! He was listening, He was already at work.

You never know how eternity may be changing this very minute because of your decision to be faithful to God today in your home. He has plans to bring light and beauty to the whole world. He is a redeemer and He delights in using very normal people like you and like me. Perhaps a word from you will spark a chain reaction that will have implications throughout the whole world as one person shares what you have shared with them, or as you share a book or send a note or give words of life and love. Perhaps one of your children will change history and effect thousands or millions because of your faithfulness today. Your labor is not in vain! 

This was the personal story God taught me in China. I was not sharing rocket science--but mainly stories of my life with 4 very different children who lived in my home that I loved and served as faithfully as I knew how--stories of family life and character building and love. What a privilege to be able to share simple truth and see it transform thousands--because his words will not return void on the earth. His power is manifested in our weakness. May He give life and hope to you as you faithfully serve today. Your work is noticed, your heart is precious, your sacrifices will result in praise throughout all of eternity. More pictures and a couple of more stories to come--but now I have to go take care of Joy!

Peace.

PS Several of you have asked for details. We were contacted about a year ago asking if we could take a trip through China as a speaking book tour for my book Mission of Motherhood which was due to come out in Chinese. 

This was a huge auditorium--Mission of Motherhood is on the screen at the front. We are standing at the podium at the front. This was 30 minutes before as people were gathering.

Beijing was our first stop. We spoke to  hundreds of people and initiated our first set of talks in a University auditorium-- a place where feminism is highly valued. This was the first place for my translator and I to practice giving talks together. 

Next we flew to Shanghai, where we rested for a day to catch up on jet lag and were spoiled and given such wonderful hospitality from a couple who worked in business in the city. We spoke to about 300+ parents there in a hotel.

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Signing, signing wherever we went!

Wenzhou--next was this wonderful city where we met many wonderful people. We first spoke in a small auditorium where a number of brothers and sisters gathered. Then, we spoke in a wonderful bank auditorium to a packed out house of about 500 were present. The official event was sponsored by the Party and the local newspaper and two banks. Before we spoke, we had a wonderful dinner with high officials in the bank and then afterwards were interviewed by a journalist from the newspaper. She printed almost the whole outline of my talk because she wanted her readers to be able to know the content for themselves. April 18, the article came out in full in the newspaper with my picture at the head--it has a readership of 320,000.

Hong Kong--Here we spoke in the Polytechnic University to over 500 people. We were warmly hosted and encouraged by many there.

Guanzhou--This was our largest event with over 1000 in attendance. We had such an incredible response there. People stood in line for an hour wanting pictures with us and wanting Sarah, Joy and I to sign their books. A businessman and his wife sponsored this and we made many friends there. The editor of one of the 10 largest magazines in China was in attendance and she went home and read the book in three days. She then called and interviewed me and said she wanted to get the information into the hands of as many parents in China as possible. The readership of this magazine is 1.1 million and she gave us a wonderful interview--very straightforward and wonderfully supportive of our message.

One of the wonderful Chinese meals, always served on a "Lazy Susan"  and we ate each meal with chop sticks. Also pictured is our new friend, who traveled with us everywhere. He started an organization that is education based to train children to have strong foundations of character. What integrity we see in his and his wife's lives--cherished friends.

Zhongshan was our last stop for the tour. A network of businessman sponsored this event with over 500 in attendance. We were hosted by one of them in a lovely hotel and met many whose lives had been changed after having gone through some previous education classes. What a blessing it was to us!

The final days, we met with many friends and small groups to continue our speaking and encouragement. Even reconnected with a friend from New Zealand who had seen us there. I have always loved our trips outside of the US and consider many friends I have met in these journeys as life-time cherished friends. So wonderful to know so many kindred spirits exist in the world. 

I did not announce this trip ahead of time, as much of our travel and speaking was of a very sensitive nature and I hope that you will be able to read between the lines. Please keep these wonderful friends and country in your thoughts as you talk to our Father.

a peak out of the Great Wall with my two wonderful assistants.

In the end, I did leave a part of my heart there--hoping and trusting that the one who has been working behind the scenes in amazing ways, will keep working in amazing ways so that in eternity, countless stories will be told about families learning how to serve and reach the hearts of their children with love and grace--and a legacy of righteousness. I was the one most blessed and so thankful--so I will keep on having quiet times in my room and have even more hope of what might become of my private meetings with my Father.

Last days last memories

Hi, to my friends in America. I can't even begin to describe the amazing memories I have made here in China. Most of all, though, it is the wonderful friends, with whom I have fallen in love, that I will miss. The hunger and sincerity and interest at every meeting has been overwhelming and encouraging. I have learned so much and had so many thoughts, but most of all I have fallen in love. It is such an honor to be able to exalt the wonderful design of motherhood in a place where the needs of family and models and instruction is so great. So much work to be done, so little time and resources. I wanted to just say hi and leave a couple of picture memories. Pray our plane makes it back home as we leave Monday at 4: 30 and get home at 5:30 of the same day==we gain a half day. Can't wait for my bed and my home and my sweet husband, but I know I will leave a part of my heart here. For more pictures, you can go to and see some of Sarah's great memories--we will eventually put more pics on when we get home. Thanks for all of you who have followed us and written--it has been a boon to our souls! Go here  for more pictures.

one of our meetings

One of the interesting trees that we see all over here.

The girls club enjoying the view over the Great Wall

Our dear friends

A happy chinese dude. He laughed when he saw us taking a picture of him

An Easter Like No Other

I hope each of you had a wonderful Easter. We awakened to a quick cup of coffee--especially for us Westerners and were whisked off again to another conference. Greeted by 100 volunteers, we wondered if there would be more volunteers than people attending. But the 1000 person auditorium was packed out and we have people standing at the back. What enthusiasm there was for motherhood and hunger for help in knowing how to reach the hearts of their precious children. We were mobbed by sweet friends wanting a picture or our signature on books--even wanted Sarah and Joy to sign! After 3 hours of a lecture with my friend translating, and about an hour of book signing, (the administrator grabbed the pen out of my hand gently and said, "You must leave now!) We then ran out the door to drive an hour and a half to another packed out auditorium of 5 or 6 hundred with the same lecture--our seventh time! Again, book signing and finally a banquet for 3 hours of meeting with wonderful people and eating another Chinese feast--including pig's feet soup, sea lettuce and pork, duck, swam and chicken with its head still on the plate. What an adventure we are having. Pictures will follow but I am dependent on my two assistants and their cameras (Sarah and Joy have been worthy assistants and are in need of their beauty sleep.) So thankful for your many thoughts and well wishes that have carried us through. Have a great Monday!

On to see the great Wall today and then to the forbidden city! Today we get to be tourists!

Shopping in Shanghai with our tireless guide, Nancy.

Soup dumplings.

Entrance to the auditorium on Sunday.

Rowing in an old river city.

Our guide and emcee, Caleb, with one of many amazing bouquets.

To the signing of books, there is no end...

In the lovely little city of Zhongshan, with the architect of the designs behind us.