Pulling away to the quiet

"In repentance and rest you will be saved, 

In quietness and trust shall be your strength."

Isaiah 30: 15

All of us are always soooooo busy! I will eventually get off of this subject of refreshing, but I have received so many letters, I know that the Lord has more to teach me and there is more to share! Soooo...........

My life has been clamoring with issues, details, pressures and drainers the past few weeks. I have 55 women coming to my home in one month for a leadership intensive to be trained to become better writers and speakers and to help us expand our ministry. Besides notebooks that need to be designed and written, speakers arranged, talks prepared, meals planned, hotel rooms reserved, transportation from the airport, there are the normal issues of home. The toilet on the main floor stopped working. My oven has died. The carpet in our den was stained in about 10 places, made  by a young woman we were trying to minister to, and now needs replacing. Some teens vandalized our neighborhood last night and tore out all of the mailboxes on our street and destroyed some other yards.

I have to make decisions about a multitude of speaking requests for 2010-2011 and spend lots of time in correspondence. I must get 55 hours of driving in with Joy. Sarah is in the midst of some important decisions, that requires lots of talking and praying. Clay wants me to help finish a publishing project. Joy is in the midst of a mini-crisis while away at Summit Ministries that is taking lots of time. Phone calls to the boys. Articles due, thousands of emails in my inbox--unanswered. Cooking and shopping and washing dishes daily for all who live and stay in my home. And, and, and. 

God so clearly says in so many passages, in quietness and rest shall be your strength--you will find strength when you are quiet and when you rest.

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I had the illusion when I had little babies, that some day, life would settle down and I would have more personal time to myself. We find ourselves saying,"Life will be easier when.....When the baby sleeps through the night; when I am through having babies; when all are out of diapers; when they are all reading; when they can drive; when they are through with these teen, hormonal years, when............

Yet, if we are not careful, we can fritter life away waiting for an elusive time in the future when we think all will be well, and we will have more time then to read, have quiet times, savor this moment with my children, be sensitive to my husband's needs, pray about what is on the heart of Jesus, 

and then we miss living today to its fullest and for God's glory. We miss the life that was the will of God.

We would all agree that we do not want to live the Martha life--always busy, busy, busy and a tad upset and grumpy, feeling sorry for ourselves, overwhelmed with the lists, having negative thoughts about our children, husband, life but we do not always take the time to evaluate and see ourselves as we really are. 

--but, as Jesus says,

"But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made."

What are you distracted by? What are you focussing on that is stealing from your time? Your soul? Your emotions? Your body?

So many say, My children seem to be out of sorts, they are so demanding, they argue a lot, they are discipline problems, they are draining me--driving me crazy......

Even though, often, many moms are supposedly home with their children or committed to their children as their first priority much of  the time, they are not focussing on their children's needs--having a restful, regular schedule; healthy food, engaging them in interesting activities--reading to them, playing with them, talking with them, doing chores with them, providing interesting, creative toys--taking an account of their children's attitudes, needs, unspoken issues--

just enjoying them--filling their emotional cups, stimulating their hungry minds, challenging them with spiritual excellence and character, and investing in the kind of relationship that will make their children trust them and want to share their secrets and deepest heart's needs -

-because the moms are so distracted  and busy with their own agenda--exercise, working and making extra money, house beautiful, getting their nails done, checking off all the boxes for the children's educational goals, shopping, going out, keeping up with the Joneses, buying things and experiences, while exhausting their children or neglecting them, taking that job on so the kids can have more things or a bigger house or new car, or.(all the things the world is telling them that they need)

 She came to him (Jesus) and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me.!" 

Do you ever pray like this, "Lord, don't you see how busy I am? How many things I am juggling? How important I am with all the work I do with all the people who are depending on me? Don't you realize how tired I am? Don't you see how abused I am? Don't you feel sorry for me? You are not doing a very good job of answering my prayers? Don't you care?

I have discovered that God is never moved by my tantrums. He is pretty steady and waits until I am so worn out, I am still and seek His voice and face--just like that baby or child who has to cry it all out before they will listen to you, or accept your comfort. He does care, but he can't speak to me quietly if I am screaming and talking constantly about my needs, my life, my worries,

"Sally, Sally---I mean, Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things,"

The world clamors for our attention and speaks to us in so many ways--your children need to be involved in all of the right classes or activities, or they will miss out. They will somehow be less--less intelligent, less skilled, less talented, .......

I am so important--really God's gift to the world! I can't seem to get everything done that I need to do, because God has given me more to do than I can possibly accomplish!  I have more to do than I can do. Everyone is really expecting me to: help them, write that blog every day; speak to their group, go to their meeting, say something interesting on facebook, answer their phone call, email them back, go to this luncheon, that meeting, that sports team,........

or, I have a rebellious child and I am worried about the outcome;  

I have such a demanding, insensitive, or unspiritual husband

these financial issues and strain are weighing so heavily upon me

I can't take all the criticism of my life and family

my Christian friendship is in danger. I have been so hurt by this relationship

So, often, like Martha, we take things into our own hands. We become busy in what we think is furthering God's will or helping to accomplish the task, because He is taking such a long time.

We are busy, as Martha was--but we are not quiet--listening to Him

 --but oh the consequences

When Abraham and Sarah helped God out, they had an illegitimate son that created heartbreak and endless friction between the Jews and Arabs

when the jews demanded a king, like all the other people, it cost them their sons and daughters and taxes and wars

So many Biblical examples, but taking life into our own hands a nd following the world's agenda and expectations, always comes with a great cost.

But only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." 

Mary sat at Jesus' feet, she engaged her heart, she dropped everything she had to do, she listened intently, she worshipped, she was seeking and choosing what Martha was too distracted and busy to choose. There is evidently only one good part to choose and it would not be taken away from Mary since she chose it.

It is only in seeking to understand and know Him and learn from Him and ask for His wisdom and power that we can find the resources in which to live life in this world. 

How to choose the good part? How to make time for it? How to seek for it as for treasure? 

Part 2 tomorrow

A beautiful Salad for a great holiday weekend!

Hope you have a great 4th of July with family or friends. We will miss our boys and Joy, who is at Summit Ministries this weekend. But, Sarah, Clay and I will be with friends tomorrow (Saturday) for a pot luck barbeque and Sunday evening for a pot luck. I think this year we get to see fireworks twice--Saturday and Sunday! May God truly see our gratefulness that He has allowed so much freedom and grace to us in our beloved country and may He preserve our freedom to worship and educate our children as we desire. May you have a blessed and safe holiday weekend.

This is a simple, but beautiful salad that is a real crowd pleaser.

I love salads at almost every meal. Somehow, it even seems more special when it is pretty, too. 

A sweet friend brought this to my home recently and all of us ooohed and ahhed because just seeing it made it taste oh so much better. 

Pick salad greens, lettuces or spinach to place on bottom of a large salad bowl. Then hand place chopped vegetables around the center. Add olives to center. 

Chopped:

egg

yellow peppers

green onion

greens of any variety

Sprinkle green peas or edamame to add color.

Place goat or feta cheese around the edges.

Alternate

cherry tomatoes with roasted pecans 

(roast in over on 300 degrees for 10-15 minutes until brown)

Cover with plastic wrap until it is served. Serve with large salad tongues and toss the dressing or serve it on the side. Be sure to scoop a little of each vegetable to get the full taste.

Our favorite dressing with this is oil and vinegar with a touch of ranch mixed in.

Enjoy.

I need love, I need friends

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!"  Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 One of the most repeated struggles in my life has been loneliness. Our family has moved 17 times (6 times internationally) and because of life-circumstances, we have been extremely isolated from our extended family. So it means lots of starting over times and most holidays spent alone when others are with their families. But each of us is pre-wired by God to need to "belong", to be a part of a group where we can be a valued member--a beloved person. We were made for love and friendship. Yet, so many are desperately lonely today, even though amidst lots of people.

Our soul will shrivel up without true, close fellowship. As a speaker and leader in the Christian realm, I long for people I can be myself with--they know me, warts and all, and still love me and accept my children and my sin and weakness and all of my faults. I cannot exist in a bubble of busy-life where no one really knows me but only supposes me to be what they think I am from reading my books. I need real, velveteen rabbit sort of relationships--where you are old and worn out together and dirty from sharing life--but it has made you all the more precious to each other.

I am off to a meeting in a little bit, so I will just type all sorts of thoughts I have in my heart about the importance of Jonathan-David, close friendships--no time to edit today--but I pray it will encourage your hearts.

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My sweet daughters, who are my best friends, and Gwennie, my sister friend who became so close to me and such a support when we were single missionaries in Poland.She and I are family to each other since neither of us has had much family over the years.

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In this whole idea of becoming refreshed, we need to look to God grace through others as a necessity for us to be able to be refreshed. Friendship was designed by God to be a grace from Himself. We were not created to be lone-ranger Christian believers.

Recently, I was quite discouraged and weary. A sweet friend asked me over to her house for some time together over a cup of tea, fresh raspberries and blackberries, some chocolate and biscotti. We sat on her deck and just enjoyed our time sharing our thoughts, feelings and life-issues. Then we prayed together over all we had shared. I felt like a new person when I left. The fun of sharing an afternoon in beauty and with good food, and the sharing of hearts and then the lifting each other spiritually--all three elements I needed. She lifted my heart and spirits and I didn't even know how much I needed her!

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My sweet friends Deb and Shelley forever, who meet once a week for history group for our children (and for us) and who serve side by side at ministry functions with their kids all over the US. We have grown close by planning and working and building specific dates to get together amidst the busy-ness.

*******************************************************    Sometimes I am so used to being strong and keeping going that I don't even recognize my need for other women. In days of old, people were born into and lived in their community their whole lives. They knew their neighbors and when they hung the laundry out to dry, or needed to borrow a cup of sugar, they went next door to the friend they had known for years. Often the grandmothers would live in the same house and aunts and uncles and cousins would live in the same vicinity. There were built in community relationships of lots of different people who could share the load, be friendly, make a cup of tea or bring a batch of cookies.

Now, we live apart. Go to a church of thousands not in our neighborhoods, don't usually know our neighbors and often have nothing of values or background in common. So, we become used to fending for ourselves--taking care of all the details of life alone--and then suddenly we poop out and wonder where God has gone.

God's design was always for us to live in community--first the family was to be a large group living together, loving each other and sharing life and traditions together--including the older women who could help with the younger women. There would be lots of children with similar values and close relationships for kids to play with so that the mom could actually have a few minutes alone while the children played and ran and had wholesome fun.

Then He called the Jews to be a people together, with a history, celebrations, traditions that would support themselves as a community. He picked 12 disciples to be together in a little cohesive group. The church is supposed to be a "family" or body of people with whom we can be close, and share spirituality as well as the burdens of life. 

No wonder in these last days, Satan has succeeded in creating isolation amongst us--because when we are alone in our homes, we naturally compromise our ideals, become discouraged and listen to his voice of discouragement.

Media has further separated us. We watch imaginary stories on television each evening to not feel alone and to fill the time, but there are not real live people to touch us, to give us a real meal or cup of tea or to give us their shoulder that we may cry upon. 

And husbands cannot fill all of our need for love that was meant to be filled by a community of people who loved us and by a gaggle of women who could share in all the feminine things of life--getting pregnant, bearing under morning sickness, living through the sleepless nights, nursing our babies, raising our children--cooking, cleaning, living loving--all to be shared with Titus 2 women who could come alongside us in love, friendship, spiritual and emotional and practical help.

What pressure we put on our husbands to fill us up and meet all of our needs for love, when God never intended one person to be able to do all of that!

We must re-create these groups if we are to have the same support and love. We all need love and understanding and encouragement and were not made to do well without it. Most women I know don't even know an older, Titus 2 type of woman who could encourage them or baby sit or give them sage advice.

But be sure to cultivate healthy friendships--ones who point you to God, who do not gossip or whine or create bitterness or criticism towards others. Gordon McDonald said, "A person can only have so many drainers in their life at once, before it wears them down." 

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My friend, Lynn, from North Carolina--we have known each other since our kids were quite small--but we pursue each other. She send me cards, calls me, travels with me, even flew to a conference where I would speak to drive my rental car when I had the flu--a Jonathan friend.  

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Build your inner circle of friends who have your values, who believe in God, who will pray for you or help you when you need it. You may have to create such a group--it is why we are helping moms all over the world start mom heart groups--we want them to have support and friendship and fun and love.

True, Biblical Friends invest in your life and add to it. Look and pray for women who you know you will be uplifted after spending time with them. Invest in their lives, invite them over, send them life-giving words that the relationship may not just be one way. 

Last night, I called another friend and she told me to read a book I had on my shelf. I stayed up late and was so encouraged by it. Again, help and encouragement from a friend.

I was teaching a Bible study at a large coop I attend, and one of the women came to me and said, "Sally, you are going to burn out. You never stop and you need an Aaron and Hur to hold up your arms."

I realized she was right. I invited over a group of women that I saw often and we have lunch together once a month and they have become my local support system. They encourage me and love me and help me and we are becoming closer and closer all the time. Now they are the very group who will help me host my Leader's intensive in August. They have beautifully organized the food and transportation and so many other things--it has been great fun for us to be together--but my friend recognized my need and then I had to initiate it.

This summer, as I evaluated my own needs to be refreshed, I wrote down specific goals of what I needed. I am meeting with one of my friends every week that we are both in town. She is a few years ahead of me and whenever I am with her, I am always encouraged. So I asked her if we could meet once a week and I have been so very blessed personally. 

I also made a list of some women I wanted to have time with--so I have been meeting one person a week for breakfast. I planned some time with Sarah, my daughter, because I always know I will feel loved and encouraged after being with her. So, as to our tradition, we go out each Saturday morning, when Clay is with Joy, and share coffee and breakfast and then we go walking amongst the beautiful old Victorian homes and talk and share dreams. I have "girl's club"--Sarah, Joy and Sally times once a week--just for fun--either breakfast together at home or lunch out or hiking together--intentional, relationship building time.

I have almost had to initiate every group that has ever become a blessing and have lots of people over to my house for dinner and rarely get asked back--but the cultivating of emotional life and friendships has kept me from going under. So don't wait for someone to ask you or to initiate to you--everyone is busy and overwhelmed and it does no good to bemoan the fact that you never get invited--it seems to be a common thing for all of us in this busy day and time to feel that we are the ones who always take initiative. Instead, just initiate hospitality because it is a grace God has given to you. Most people enjoy coming together, but not everyone feels comfortable initiating it--but if you want to have groups and friends, you have to create it, cultivate it, pursue it--and it is a worthwhile effort.

The bottom line, a wise-woman recognizes her need for friends, her need to be loved and her need for fellowship. She recognizes that her children and husband also need this Biblical companionship. She makes plans, she initiates, creates groups, reaches out and seeks to cultivate closer friendships--for the sake of a healthy soul. Make a plan for your own life, pray for God to open doors--to give you ideas of how to make pathways towards new friendships. Cultivate love and fun and sharing in your home today-that your sweet ones may be building towards the kind of deep friendship God created you to know. Celebrate life and bring beauty that love may flourish. 

So many friendships over the years have kept me sticking to my ideals--to keep going in ministry, to keep seeking God in crisis in my life. Though I do not have all of their pictures, they will be the reason I was able to keep going--to see His love and to feel His touch--through them, His own reaching out to me through their life-giving love and words and help when I needed it.

Wish I had pictures of all the dear ones who have come to mean so much to me. But God has seen your grace in my life and I pray He will reward you for your generous love and time. I appreciate you today.

 

My own sweet best friends who God sovereignly picked to be my family.

posting again soon, but until then......

We all need to develop lots of kinds of friendships. But there is one kind of friendship I have enjoyed this year with several wonderful women who have some craziness in common with me, we all love our family and keep busy with family stuff, we all love great literature and ideas, educating our children, we are all writers and live the craziness of writing and keeping up with an outside world and blogging and speaking and life. So here are 3 of my sweet friends' whose writing always fills my soul and they always make me want to be a better writer and follower of the Lord. Blessings to these three wonderful ones today and to all of you. The first is Brenda Nuland at coffeeteabooksandme.blogspot.com  I particularly like this post on saying yes--it is a choice and it ends up blessing us again and again--if we make the effort. And yes, I was so blessed to have a serendipitous meeting with her sweet family, as well.Brenda paints life so beautifully with her words. 

The second is Elizabeth Foss at In the Heart of My Home  I met her many years ago through some correspondence about the book Educating the Whole Hearted Child. I love her heart for her family and find her posts so thoughtful and aiming right at the heart and can't wait to have a very long cup of coffee or tea together sometime hopefully sooner than later. She leads me into a deeper desire to love Him and my children and she expresses life in a family in ways my life so agrees with the ups, downs, realities and beauty.

The third  is Ann Voscamp at A Holy Experience. Ann always ponders life deeply and gets to the inside feelings and thoughts that we all long to probe. She weaves words so artistically and makes me go to those thoughtful places in my own mind that I often am to busy to notice. Her heart for Him overflows into words for us to enjoy.

A Few thoughts about spiritual warfare for our children--why to stay strong

I have been so aware lately of how important, in light of staying strong and refreshed, it is to keep nurturing spiritual, loving and encouraging relationships. This is so biblical and I will write more specifically about it tomorrow.  But, I have also seen that staying close to our children and keeping them from feeling lonely, especially as they foray out into the world, is essential. I think most of the great kids I know who have fallen prey to spiritual battle and compromise, felt really alone in the culture and eventually became worn down from the constant drumming of cultural values and fell away from the Lord because of peer pressure and a desire for friends and for love. It becomes tiring to always be the one who stands alone.

If we but knew the strategic battle we are in for their very lives and souls, we would focus more on what matters--both for ourselves as well as for our children. And this is one of the most important reasons we must protect ourselves from burnout--so we can finish well, "smile at the future" as Proverbs 31 says, and stay strong in our ideals. I recorded some thoughts about these things yesterday and will be trying to do more messages online. Hope it works--downloading this is new to me! Let me know what you think!

Rest, part 2...an inner attitude of the heart--

   "In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength."   ~ Isaiah 30: 15

A dear friend of mine had a surgery and she was told by the doctors and some friends that she would be back to normal in no time--maybe even back to her schedule on the second or third day. Her surgery took more time than they had thought, as there were a few complications, and even after 3 months, she was still recuperating. Her body needed time to adjust before it would come back to normal.

Sometimes I think that we come to God and expect Him to work today, this minute, now! Yet, we have been living busily, with stress, too much work, no rest, fear, works oriented, too many commitments, not according to God's ways, for years and years and we want a quick fix! But what I have learned from living with Him these many years is that God rarely seems to be in a hurry. When He wants me to learn a lesson or change my lifestyle, often it takes quite a time to adjust and move into the wisdom He wants me to know.

So it is with rest and peace and refueling. It takes time to restore.

True rest comes from an inner heart attitude of relinquishing my rights to God

Even more, true rest comes from clothing my heart with a different paradigm--not living by the outer, demanding circumstances and relationship demands of my life, but from an inner compass, an inner grid that stays in tune with God's ways, His power, His direction, His plans.

 No amount of forced sleep or taking time away can create rest if my heart is in turmoil. Because God is bigger than me and I am so limited in my humanness, He has had to get my attention many times in order to teach me His ways for me in my life in this world. I will share just a few thoughts on rest that have been enlightening to me over the years and lately.

1. Come to Jesus!

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. for I am gentle and humble of heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Learn from me--is there any other place in scripture where Jesus says specifically--LEARN FROM ME. I have pondered this verse a lot this year. Jesus is humble of heart--a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. He had no stately form or majesty that we should look upon him. He embraced children, forgave prostitutes, touched lepers. In coming to Him and pondering Him, I have slowly realized that He is with me, He wants me to learn from Him--in following Him and living out His priorities and ways, I will find rest.

  He is not one who lived for the praise or pleasing of others, and so I will find rest when I live not for the praise of others or seeking to fit in with those who cannot offer me peace. He lived by the love and grace in His heart  It is in pondering Jesus, and thinking about Him and submitting myself to His priorities of life that I have begun to live in peace.

It means living with your limitations and in the midst of it, abiding in His presence--

Living well within my skin--I will never be perfect or get everything done or always be patient, or understand or even always like my children, my husband, my life--but Jesus is here--He will take my problems, stresses, sins, fears, and He will be the source of my strength--He will take care of me and give me rest. He will give me strength to endure and then flourish if I look to His presence and provision

2. Learn to wait! (Did I hear a big uhg!!!!?) 

"Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7

My notes say, "Feed on His faithfulness." for the word rest.

Isaiah says in quietness and rest will be your strength. It also says in Isaiah 40, "Those who wait on the Lord will gain new strength." You want new strength--you have to wait on God.

I could give a zillion more verses on waiting, but waiting and not doing my will or trying to help God or begging Him---but waiting is where peace, rest and strength will come--it is His way of getting our attention, of helping us to change our heart toward His will, of learning that He is in control.

waiting till you get married; waiting till you get that new job; waiting till you get pregnant; 

waiting till your baby sleeps through the night or doesn't need diapers anymore or gets through the terrible twos or learns to read, or, or, or; 

waiting till you get that bigger house or new car, waiting till your teenager quits having such hormonal, irrational moments, 

waiting through the mystery of trying to understand or help a child who is autistic, downs syndrome, adhd, bi-polar, obsessive, compulsive or out of the box

waiting till your husband matures or until your work is over or whatever--we are always hoping and waiting for something--but in waiting on God in the midst of His will, we will find rest--not in changing the circumstances. 

We can only have rest inside that spreads through to our outside if we relinquish controls and expectations and wait, resting, trusting in Him in the midst of a storm.

Why did Jesus sleep through the storm on the sea? Well, for one thing, he was exhausted, so he fell asleep--talking to people all day long, ministering, helping, feeding, well--it is just exhausting.

But for another thing, he had no fear in the storm, he could rest because He knew the one who was more powerful than the storm and He knew He was in His care, so he rested in the storm while everyone else needlessly fretted and raved and tried to control it. 

3. Don't be Martha--be Mary!

I cannot achieve peace or rest in my life when I am running around like a chicken with its head off. There are so many applications about Martha--but overall, she was working too hard, feeling like a martyr, supposing she was bearing the whole world on her shoulders since Mary wasn't willing to help, fussing about and complaining and missing life in her overwhelming busyness. 

I know Marthas. I have been a Martha--anxious, busy, complaining, criticizing others, supposing by the franticness of my life, I am accomplishing lots.

I have learned, in my exhaustion, when God had my attention: Simplify, don't do activities that steal peace, rest or harmony unless you are absolutely sure they are necessary. Stop living by works. Stop trying to perform--sit down, listen to wisdom, be quiet, get perspective. 

4. Do not allow yourself to be anxious, or fearful and do not worry!

Ulcers, heart palpitations, fibromyalgia, cancer, depression--many illnesses are caused by anxiety, fear and anger. You cannot experience rest and you cannot get over exhaustion without trusting God. These attitudes wear us down, exhaust us, keep us from sleep. Faith is a choice to believe God, to believe Him that He will lead us out of this season, even when we do not understand or know the answer. Faith is a healer and faith restores physical strength. We are not made to carry the burdens of this world--only He is strong enough. There is no burden that He is not willing to carry or lift if we yield it to Him.

Psalm 37: 8 says, "Fret not, it leads only to evil doing."

Jesus himself said, "Do not be anxious for your life." Matt. 6: 25

Paul said, "Do not be anxious about anything, but pray about everything, and the peace of God will guard your heart." Philippians 4: 6-7

When my children were very young and were whining or crying loudly, out of control,  having a tantrum, I would pick them up, take them to their crib and say, "I cannot speak to you or hel p you while you are out of control and crying. When you can quit crying and be quiet, then you will be able to hear my voice and I can help and comfort you."

It is the same with God. Though we, like children, don't always like what we have been given or feel good about our circumstances, the plain truth is that God is always right and His ways are always the best. We can throw a tantrum, cultivate anxiety, try to find peace by doing it our way, but He will just wait until we are quiet so that we can hear His voice and then be willing to let Him give comfort or perspective.

I wish I had just enjoyed life more instead of fighting against it. I could have had more rest, more fun, more joy. Much of the stress we feel or experience is just the norm of life--like living through the stages of a family of children, in the midst of the details of life--it is all ok. It is going to pass and another stress will come. Just relax-

Today, the circumstances you are in, the limitations you have, the relationships you have been given is the place in which God is present. Today you have the choice to seek to learn what you can, to strive to rest in His will, to cultivate a patient heart that trust in Him, to celebrate life. Today, if you bow your will, even if you don't especially like where you are, you will find that His will is good and acceptable and perfect. It will bring healing to your bones, rest to your heart, joy to your minutes. 

It is one of the reasons I wrote Dancing with my Father--I wanted not to be a victim of life, but to learn His rhythm, to hear His music, to follow His lead.

An Ode to Tired Mamas

There once was a sweet mom with children,Who worked day and night just to serve them, She cleaned and she cooked and she taught and she booked, Till she died of exhaustion and left them.

Here is a post from 2008, but I have had several moms ask me to reprint it. I will be adding my new thoughts about rest when I get beyond my tasks the next couple of days. Have a day of grace and make time for 15 minutes of total rest today!

Ok, ok--it's not great poetry, but I did think there should be a short dedication to all the moms who have given and given and given with nary a one to appreciate them. I got tickled the other day. I had written the blog about taking Nathan to dedicate him to the Lord after taking him out to lunch and then the little story about taking Joy out for her 13th birthday. A sweet mom who read the blog was probably sending a comment to a friend and accidentally pushed the reply button and sent her email to me which said, "She makes me tired!" (I have done this before much to my horror--meaning to send a comment to Clay and instead sending it to the person who wrote it! Grace and peace--don't worry!)

But, I do think this task of ideal mothering is such a tiring calling and we all put ourselves under  so much pressure to be perfect when we have too many sinful children,  no support systems, no breaks, no full time maids,  and they all want  to eat and wear reasonably clean clothes every day !  And we are  responsible for their character, manners, education and spiritual  outcome, sense of well-being and happiness! A lot to ask.

In light of this, I also received another letter from a sweet mom. She asked if I ever blew it and yelled at my children! Yes, I have sinned often in the presence of my less than perfect children. I have had to accept myself as God does--it says in Psalm 103, "He is mindful that we are but dust!" Oh well, God says, Sally is just dust anyway, what can you expect from her?" As Joel my son once well said when I was in a tizzy over the messy house. "Mom, we will clean the house and it will just get messy again. But when you are sad, we feel guitly, like we have done something wrong. But when you are happy, we feel happy and like we are the greatest family in the world. So, Mom, lighten up and we will all be ok!"

We moms are giving out at a much faster rate than we are taking in and so depletion and exhaustion and consequences thereof are normal. So blowing a top once in a while is very  normal. I love the verse in Proverbs that says, "Where there are no oxen, the stalls are clean." I have at least six oxen in my stalls all the time, so my stall is always in different degrees of clean-ness!

I just want to affirm all of you who are hard on yourselves. You are making a difference in this world-your work is eternal and extremely important. Don't give up what you are doing--ever, ever, ever. But, take a break. What will it take to fill your cup emotionally? Going out with a friend to an adult lunch where no one tastes of your food? Or being by yourself alone? Or sleeping? Take time this summer to put beauty and life and joy and fun and pleasure in your life.

Another mom sent me a letter asking if my children were ever overworked in ministry or if we just had fun all the time. Probably, because my life has been so hard (children with illnesses and difficult issues; moving 17 times--6 times internationally; having little support or encouragement from family and almost never having anyone take my children as many grandparents do; and oh so many other difficulties), it is the very reason I seek to create life and beauty and fun--because I don't want to die in the process, and I don't want to live a life of constant depression and weariness, knowing it is not good for me! I want to keep going and live and keep being gracious, because life and light and beauty give strength--to me and to my children!

One summer, we had 62 nights of overnight guests. That meant weeks on end of kids giving up their beds, washing stacks and stacks of dishes, and loads of sheets and towels, babysitting other children--so that one day when one of my children looked out of the window and saw a strange car drive up, he said, "Quick, everyone hide and maybe no one will see us and want to come in!" I realized at this point, my kids needed a rest, fun, replenishing and a break from so much work.

So, knowing it is God's will for me to last, I have had to conduct my own symphony of beauty and joy, so to speak. I have had to take responsibility of planning grace, rest (I never do housework or ministry or tasks on Sunday--it is a sabbath rest for this girl!). I make my family and husband a priority above writing and ministry--which is why I am so slow at getting projects and books out.

Just this morning, was a perfect example of potentially getting tired over so many little things. I got up at 6 to have a quiet time and planning to go on a 30 minute walk and then write this short blog! Nate called up to me and said, "Hey, you wanta have eggs with me--then we can talk--you make them I will eat them--before he went to his landscaping job. By then, I had to awaken Joy and make her breakfast as she is helping with the 3-5 year olds at VBS. Then Joel came in and said, "I will do shopping for you if you make a list." Afterwhich as I got Joel and Joy out the door. (Joel is leaving for a summer project in 3 days and needed input on shopping.) Clay came in and said, "We really need to make a decision about some ministry stuff." Forty minutes later, he left for work, so I took a hot walk instead of a cool one because it was so late.  The moment I stepped in the door from taking the dog out, Sarah came in and said, "Can I just have a few moments of your time. It is about my future and a job that came up and what I should do." So now, it is almost 11 and my day has been taken up by everyone else, having gotten none of my own plans accomplished, but did what I am supposed to do. It as been that way since they were toddlers!

So, after years and years of 24/7, I have learned that I have to force things into my schedule that give me rest, provide a break, fill my cup. I am not talking about the cultural expectation that we deserve to have our own time--as my life has never regularly allowed this. But I am talking about being a good steward of yourself. Women must take time to read the word and pray--it is a foundation for fitting in to a schedule. I found that for my health and adrenalin, I had to build walking into my life almost everyday--Health and eating the right foods makes me last longer. It is also Biblical to have friends who can encourage us in the Lord--Lone Ranger mommies are more prone to give up, give in to depression and quit their ideals. Ecclesiastes tells us to find a companion to lift us up. As an introvert , I have to have some alone time in order to keep centered--it is why I developed the habit of getting up early to have a quiet time an to drink a cup of tea all alone. It doesn't always work, but I worked to let the kids stay up later so that they would sleep a little longer.

It is also why we started to do the Whole Hearted Moms conferences--to give moms a break, spiritually encouraging input, fun, encouragement, chocolate and a nice luncheon! So, as you are planning your summer, be sure to make time for yourself. You and your attitude are at the center of all things working well.

Remember, "A Joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Take good medicine, and even in the midst of draining circumstances or difficult times, plan on lighting a candle in the darkness, playing music through the pain, dancing in the midst of the mess, and smiling often as it is truly good for the heart! And above all, give yourself sweet grace!

Sally Sally@wholeheart.org

Rejuvenating Rest...a mandate from God--part 1

When I had three children, 2 more miscarriages, and then Joy just shy of 42, I found myself almost constantly in a state of exhaustion. She was my third child who had nocturnal asthma, and I was up with her most nights as she gasped for breath and I was full into homeschooling my older children, and having a ministry, and busy, busy, busy all the time. I suddenly came to a point where I was gaining weight, trying to avoid depression and burn out and didn't know exactly how to get off the merry-go-round. When I went to a doctor, he said, "You can kill yourself of die early if you want to, or go downhill in your health continually, but if you don't figure out how to get some rest, you will surely have consequences in your life. You have got to manage your own life, stress, rest and health--no one else will do that for you. If you don't you are headed toward serious consequences."

It was a wake-up call for me. I could see that often I was short with my children and impatient with Clay and stress eating and fighting feelings of depression. It was not how I wanted to live. God got a hold of my heart and I began to look at scripture and come up with a plan. I realized that I needed to take hold of my life and make a plan.

God made our bodies to need sleep every night--our health depends on it. We cannot think without proper sleep. It creates problems with cortisol and adrenalin and increases the tendency to gain weight and can be one of the sources of depression. Here and here are articles concerning sleep deprivation and its results on the body.

I began to realize that I needed to be a steward of my body. If I was the key to my family's happiness and feeling of well being, then I needed to stay healthy, have a sense of balance in my life to be able to pass it on to them. 

As I looked at scripture, I found plenty of places that encouraged me to re-look at my life. 

"it is vain for you to rise up early or to retire late, 

to eat the bread of painful labors.

For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Psalm 127: 2

I began to ask myself the question, what things am I doing that are vain--creating too much work and stress and "painful labor" that I can eliminate? Which activities are really not necessary or beneficial and drain our whole family and especially me! How can I eliminate some of the "hurry up and get in the car so we won't be late," times that really added stress to all of us. 

I began to realize that God had not given me more to do than I could do, so I needed to rest within the limitations of my season of life at that time. I began to say no to the expectations of other people that stole my energy and attention, but did not build my core priorities. (stealers of time like phone calls, emails, activities that robbed us from peace in our home, too much time with other people and not as much time of quietness in my home. I had to change my expectations from all the voices in my head that told me what I should do to what was my desire and what was best for me and for my children.

"By the seventh day, God completed His work which He had done and He rested on the 7th day from all His work." Genesis 2:2

I recognized that God valued and modeled rest to us, and that I needed to begin putting it into my mind as a grid from which I viewed life--that rest was strategic and necessary. I had to look for ways to simplify life, to rest, to put aside my own work--not as an option but as a command. 

"Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy." Exodus 20:8

God instituted these mandates because they would bring health and well-being to our lives.

Not only did we establish our own Sabbath rest day and applied the spirit of sabbath to our own personalities and needs, but I instituted rest in the midst of every day at home. 

Sunday, Sabbath Rest

On Sundays, we put away the work of the house or Monday-Friday tasks. We established an afternoon tea time--I would make something wonderful on Saturday or buy something of a snack.   Around 3, on Sunday afternoon, after I had taken a nap or everyone had had a chance to rest or play outside, we would have a cup of tea and delectable snack and read grand story  or picture books, or Clay and I would just sit and talk to the kids or go for a walk as a family in the mountains or watch a fun afternoon movie or just rest and play. We still do this every Sunday we are home. It became a beloved tradition of all of us that my far away children still love to come home to--it was an anchor of time we all looked forward to spend together in peace and fun each week.

The work was always there on Monday, but our goal was to give ourselves and family a time to stop, to enjoy the fellowship of church, and then to play and have fun and put aside the duties of the week.

Daily Rest

I established a rest time every day in my home. Everyone would go to their rooms or places around 2 and have an hour quiet time--I piled baskets of books and magazines in their rooms, they could take a little snack and all would read or nap during that hour. I would usually manage a cup of tea and 30 minutes or so by myself--when you establish this early, and everyone does it, it becomes a habit and all cooperate. Especially when you have several children and the younger ones tend to do what the whole group does. 

This became a parenthesis in my day--a breath away--a time to sit just for a few minutes to regroup and to rest my mind, my emotions, my body. Of course no family is perfect and there are always exceptions and interruptions, but it was a goal, a discipline and it created space in my day and made my children into readers.

There are seasons when a mom does not get as much sleep--when she has babies, when there is illness. But in these times, a mom should just understand that these seasons are common and they should adjust their expectations and body to the limitations of this season. Have simpler meals--fruit, bread, cheese, popcorn, raw veggies, salads, simple sandwiches, make life as simple as possible during times of stress--plan your life so as to make your work load easier--eat off of paper plates if it helps. A mother's strength is essential to the well-being of her whole family.

Refortifying my soul---avoiding burnout!

"Restore unto me the joy of my salvation."  

Finding rest on the path of life.  

I find that I am always giving out--giving my time, energy, money and life to my husband and children. Giving time to cleaning my house, preparing a Bible study and reaching out to young moms; keeping up with my boys, calling, helping, writing, emailing. Writing articles, traveling, speaking, counseling. Trying to keep up with my failing mother and writing her, calling her and visiting on the occasions when it is conducive to her life and mine. Meeting with friends. Taking my part in all the commitments our family has and having lots and lots of people into our home. Driving, driving, driving, cooking, cooking, cooking, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning......

You get the picture. There are times I feel that I am being consumed but not replenished. At my monthly Bible study this month, I asked the women what they were hoping for this summer and most all of them said, "To be refreshed, renewed in my vision, to get back to my center, etc." 

What I have seen over my almost 57 years is that only the wise and diligent stay committed to their ideals. Many burn out. I have seen that if you become weary and exhausted, harshness and despair is a natural consequence. It really has little to do with spirituality. If a woman neglects her own body and mind and soul, and pours out, emptiness is a natural result.

A godly woman does not happen by accident--she is intentional. There must be a plan. Life is so busy that if I do not make a very specific plan, that applies to this season of life (all seasons have their own issues), then I will come out at the end of the summer even more spent than I am now. Consequences of being over extended are depression, confusion, willingness to listen to the wrong voices, looking for an immediate solution to present problems instead of trusting God, and giving up on ideals--marriage, friendship, church, children--giving them over to others to influence them instead of staying faithful to owning this responsibility.

Yet, one of the most important things I have learned is that no one else is going to initiate to me to tell me to slow down, to refuel, to get spiritual input. It is an evaluation I must make for myself. I must take the bull by the horns and manage my own life and my own stresses with wisdom and with a plan. This is part of being a wise woman--knowing and responding to your own limitations.

What to do? I will be writing some articles in the next days that specifically address these issues--and each of the areas I list. I have had to learn many of these things the hard way. But I have also sought the counsel of older, wiser, more experienced women and read and studied and prayed over these issues. I do not want to fall short of finishing the race that I started. I want to finish it with joy and resilience. 

What we sow, we will reap. If we do not sow the seeds of wisdom and water, nurture and protect our priorities, then there will be a death to the garden of our souls. These essential priorities insure that we are growing in balance with God and man and purposes of life. 

But it helps me to remember that choices have consequences. Sometimes bad consequences. So, if I stay diligent to see these core commitments as essential to my long-term productivity in my life, then I will fill my soul and body at the same rate as I am being depleted, and I will have enough strength to finish my race well.

1. Rest--God made it so that our bodies needed sleep every single day. He also commanded Sabbath rest.

2. Relationships--We were designed to be relational people. We need accountability, companionship, love, friendship, support, input, encouragement. In an isolationist world, we have the illusion that we can brave it on our own. In my own experience, the lone ranger Christian becomes an easy target for Satan.

3.  Community of believers--We need to be a part of God's body--we need church. It is not an option, even if it is difficult to find one. In Hebrews, we are commanded not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together.

4.  Regular time in the word. If we neglect time reading and studying God's word and praying, then we are cutting ourselves off from one of the means of grace that God intended for us to have every day--His strength, his voice, His solutions, His power, His comfort, His promises. You cannot be spiritual without investing in the spiritual.

5. Recreation--God created personality and laughter and desire and pleasure and drive. If we neglect beauty, pleasure, fun, celebrating life, enjoying his creation, we will cut off a part of His Holy Spirit's provision for us to flourish and believe in His goodness.

6. Productivity--work is a part of what can make us feel affirmed. We all have a need to feel that we are being productive in life, accomplishing purposeful, tangible tasks. If we feel useless and worthless, it mitigates against God's work in our lives.

7. Feeding our minds on truth. We need to fill our cups with the ideals, philosophies, stories, practical input that will undergird the commitments of our lives. Culture tells us that we deserve a break, it encourages our selfishness, it gives us the permission to give up on marriage, or caring for our responsibilities and children. We need to feed our minds on those areas that cultivate and nurture our ideals, so that we can be living and working from a corpus of truth. 

8.  Physical--Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. However, if you abuse your body--don't sleep, drink healthy fluids, exercise, eat well--not too much sugar, fast foods, white flour, fats, you will not be able to function in the other areas. Stewardship of your body is a must if you want to sustain energy and health.

There are other priorities, but these are essential to good emotional, spiritual, mental and physical health. 

I am taking time the next couple of days to evaluate my life in light of these areas to be sure that this summer, I am refueling, restoring and filling my soul with those things that will help me to continue to invest in those areas that ultimately bring delight and life--to keep me centered in the joy of my salvation and the love of my savior.

Delinquent, I know!

Hi, to all of my wonderful blog friends. I have received such great emails and facebook comments telling me you are praying for us at Whole Heart and just plain encouragement from you. Thanks so much. Your emails and comments have really been keeping me going. I have not been writing regularly for almost a month, and plan to get back to it soon. But, I have been living life and spending my time on things that are important to my own family during this time. (Planting flowers and a garden, having birthday parties and several luncheons and personal tea time with a few friends, and sleeping and cooking) so my life and need for rest have just not allowed me to write--though I have lots of new ideas brewing in my mind and lots to share from the last couple of months. So stay tuned!

But I did want to connect you to a few good articles that I thought might encourage you and or give you some pleasure and insight. 

First, I am always so glad when research validates what I have always been doing and says that it is good. This one is about the healthy impact of black tea--how good it is for you--even with caffeine! So, of course I had to share that with you! Drinking Tea as good as drinking water! You do not have to agree with the article--but you do have to let me be happy about my 2-3 cups of English tea a day!

Now, I am garnering all sorts of research about how far-reaching the physiological effects and emotional and physical effects a mother's love can have on a child and finding new evidence all the time. This is a great article about how the voice and or hug of a mom can lower a child's cortisol and be a calming influence--even into adulthood. You will love this article. Maybe this is why I miss my mom so much--I need her voice and hug.

I will be writing more soon! Blessings and lots of gratefulness for my sweet online friends.

Grace and Peace,

Sally