Announcing Momheart.org! Celebrating Motherhood

In every culture and in every generation, a mother and child reflect the beauty of God's design of womanhood. God intentionally crafted babies so that they would be fragile, dependent creatures that would need the love, songs, touch, inspiration and nurture of a mother. When a woman understands that one of the greatest gifts she will ever receive from her creator is to have the opportunity to touch eternity through artfully nurturing the mind, heart and soul of a child, whose life will have implications for all of eternity, her life joins in kingdom purposes with God.

Motherhood is one of the most strategic Biblical callings for women at this time in history. When a mother understands God's design for her to raise a godly generation in her home, who can love and serve God and pass on righteousness to their own generation, there will be hope for that nation. Moral excellence, faith, emotional health, intellectual excellence and great works of mankind all stem from the home that wisdom builds as women embrace God's call on their lives.

FOR SEVERAL YEARS, CLAY AND I HAVE BEEN PONDERING, HOW CAN WE HELP REACH OUT IN A BETTER WAY TO MOMS ALL OVER THE WORLD? SO WE HAVE DREAMED OF A SITE WHERE LIKE-MINDED MOMS, WHO HAVE A BIBLICAL PHILOSOPHY OF MOTHERHOOD, COULD GATHER FOR FELLOWSHIP, ENCOURAGEMENT, TRAINING TO START SMALL GROUPS, AUDIO, BOOKS AND EVERY KIND OF ENCOURAGEMENT IN THIS GREAT TASK AS A MOM.

AND SO TODAY IS THE DAY OF OUR LAUNCH FOR

MOM HEART ONLINE  and take a peak at our new site and let us know what you think.

And please let your friends know! I will be giving away tapes and all of our fellow authors are going to be giving away my books today if you go to their site, as well. Let me know what you think in comments and you will be entered into the drawing for 4 downloads of our audio tapes of your choice form our conferences.

And pray that we will reach precious moms from all over the world!

Thanks for being our partners in this.

Something New is Coming! (Plus a Giveaway!)

Mary Cassat

Scroll to the bottom for how you can be a part of my something new!

Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances. Proverbs 25:11

Shadows were dancing in the early morning light that was beginning to fill the room. Holding baby Sarah in my arms and gazing upon her long eyelashes as she slept with deep sighs upon my lap, I was overcome with amazement and fear all at the same time. I wasn't sure how to handle a baby. I had never babysat more than once or twice or changed a diaper or cared for a sick infant. Here she was, gasping for breath, burning with fever and I was feeling helpless.

Many other times, I felt helpless as a mom of 4 young children. No one had taught me how  to manage this task and often I would feel the inadequacy of my own training or lack there of. I knew that there were lasting consequences in the lives of children about how they were parented and raised, but there was so much confusion in my world of voices. And so, when Clay and I were talking in the wee hours of the night, he said, "What would help? What do you wish you had?"

And as I laid out my wish for Biblical, natural, wise encouragement, inspiration about why I was doing this--giving my life to these precious little ones who took all of my energy, drained me of my patience, demanded my time and focussed attention. We dreamed right there in the small cluttered room of our home, a mom's conference that would give mothers fellowship and close friendship and strength and inspiration to know how to embrace this great call on their lives with grace, truth and love.

Now, over 15 years later, with numerous conference seasons under our belts, and our children grown, we have finally finished putting these conference tapes online. Our hope is that for so many moms who felt like I did, a need for help and encouragement along the way, there will be words of life to fill your own souls and minds with inspiration. We have had requests for many years from women all over the world to put our conference tapes in a form that can be downloaded.

Finally, we have managed to put them online so that they may be downloaded.

And so, to celebrate...

We will be giving away 4 talks from our new catalogue of fifteen years of recorded messages!

Now for the really exciting news:

Tomorrow we are launching a new network for moms! We hope to be a source of encouragement and inspiration to moms all over the world. By God's grace and with the help of kindred spirit friends, we have gathered writers who have the same heart for encouragement, books to study and encourage, a ministry of small groups and a place where we hope to build the kinds of resources that will help moms be faithful for many years to come. Our ministry is small and Clay and I are limited in time and resources, but we have a great team of friends and a heart to inspire and help young families all over the world to know and understand the truth of raising a godly generation in their own homes.

Will you help us spread the word?

We will be launching Mom Heart Online and we would so appreciate it if you could help us spread the word. The site will be live early tomorrow morning at momheart.org (currently it re-directs here).

As a "thank-you" for spreading the word, all of you who Facebook or Tweet or blog about the launch (tomorrow) will be entered to win the conference talks. Just leave a comment letting us know how you spread the word!

Here is the nitty gritty for your posts and tweets! 

Website: Mom Heart (will be live tomorrow morning)

Twitter: @MomHeartOnline 

 Facebook: Mom Heart

The link for our audio tapes, if you want to order them is HERE.

Please come back tomorrow to help us celebrate one of our dreams to build a ministry network for moms all over the world.

And we do covet your prayers for our family as we seek to labor by faith in what we feel is the legacy of faith God has called our family to build for future generations.

 

It's just been one of those days.........

My shelf in our den

Monday morning and I have a zillion articles to write for different networks and blogs and a ministry newsletter in light of a really fun and big announcement we have coming this week, (stay tuned and get ready to help us promote our ministry venture to moms).

We had unpacked some boxes from my mom's home that have sat in our garage for 6 months untouched because of busy life and surgery.

So, Joel and Joy and I had a plan to work for 1 hour this morning putting some of the things away and into our house. I thought I could add some of the treasures I had given to her and then inherited on my den bookshelf to spruce it up just a bit.

We want this to be our European room with little treasures that we had bought when in missions many years ago. And so we were getting some things arranged in an interesting way, when I walked across the floor to bring just one more thing to add,

Antique hutch from England with king, queen and angels atop--framed k and q from my days in Poland as a missionary.

when....some framed pictures, lying against the stairs, slipped as I was walking by, I stepped into one of them, and trying not to knock anything else down, slid on the glass like a skate board across our wood floor, trying not to get cut and trying not to fall flat and knock my teeth out, so in slow motion, twisted, turned, smashed my toes, wrenched my ankle, hit my knee and then slammed face down onto the floor. Wish I had a movie of it all.

After putting on ice on my ankle and toes and taking some ibuprofen, I am left with soar neck, shoulder, ankle and knee and am now back to thinking about writing--

but at least most of the things are put away and the shelves look more interesting and less cluttered again.

Off to have a more boring day, Lord willing.

Happy St. Pat's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Today, I am making homemade cinnamon rolls before we all go out and tackle the garage! We have piles of giveaway, throw-away, unbox from my mom's estate, clean out---all that fun stuff you put off and put off.

That is why I am starting out with the bribery of homemade cinnamon rolls.

Then we will go downtown to one of our favorite family Irish pubs where we will either get fish and chips, shepherd's pie or the best hamburger in the world and listen to Celtic Musicians play and jig to the Celtic Music our family loves.

St. Patrick was one of the favorite biographies our family read aloud, so we always celebrate him.

And, as you can see, we made a cake that is in honor of the Irish four leaf clover--we do have some Irish on both sides of our lineage--at least enough for us to celebrate the day today. Enjoy!

And, PS, be looking for something new next week. I am excited about what is stirring in Itakejoy and in Momheart ministry and we will want you to help us spread the new adventure. Stay tuned!

Discipleship is heart work

Dirck Van Baburen

Jesus, kneeling down in the dusty floor, mingling his hands with toes, dirt and smell, lovingly touching and firmly wiping the feet of His beloved friends, amidst stench, noise and eating, laughing, living. Reaching their hearts, souls and minds with the depth of the call of the kingdom was an embracing of the reality of daily life amongst full-blooded, crusty, men, hungry to fulfill a life's purpose that captivated their deepest longings to see that their lives mattered..

Jesus didn't just talk about having a ministry from a broad, tall pulpit with a resounding microphone, while disappearing between sermons. He lived a deeply personal life with words and instruction as well as integrity and generous love demonstrated in each moment of every day and he served and bowed his knee to meet the needs and desires of those He loved.  He taught compassion, and then he demonstrated it by healing the sick, touching those with leprocy, drinking water with the prostitute, holding and caressing children, feeding those who were hungry.

Each of us longs to be a part of a great cause, an epoch story and each of us longs to belong in the hearts of someone in the world who cares for us. We can exist within the mundane moments of motherhood or marriage or work longer if we know and understand that somehow it is meaningful to our over-arching life story and heritage, a history that we are passing on, when we daily stoop to serve, and patiently give of our energy to meet the needs of others.

But we long to know our lives can make a real difference, that our being alive and making right choices isn't just about duty, but about a heart-gripping reality that will make a purposeful impact in the lives of others- and to know that someone cares about our life sacrifices and investment of our time.

We need to recognize these same needs in the heart of our children. "Our children's hearts long ot be a part of a great cause. Training our children for ministry needs to be at the center of everything we are attempting to do with our lives. Serving God and loving Him is not about knowing all of the right rules and keeping them; it is about cultivating compassion in the hearts of our children for a lost world and showing them how they can be a part of His great plans for them to reach their world in their lifetime." The Mom Walk

Jesus called his disciples away from tasks to make an imprint on history, "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men!" "Go into the world and make disciples." "These uneducated men have turned the world upside down."

Paul and Peter were willing and joyfully sacrificed their lives because they knew, they deeply understood, they were a part of the movement of the Spirit of God to redeem the world for their creator, they were kingdom laborers. The passion in their heart gave them the power to serve. Service without heart kills the soul.

And so, when we seek to disciple our children, it is cultivating in them a vision for their importance to Christ's work, a hope that they are needed to fulfill a kingdom cause--with their unique personality and skills, and then giving them practice in serving others as they grow up in our homes, which are the center of ministry. It is about them watching us serve and being caught up in the beauty of our loving, giving to, serving and inspiring others from the integrity and compassion of our own hearts and lives, that their hearts will be captured.

Hearing about ministry, seeing ministry taking place and giving them a place to serve and be needed is the process of captivating their hearts with a passion that will last them their whole lives is the process of shaping them into life-long disciples of Jesus.  Discipleship is not about indoctrination, discipleship is heart work.

Living in the present moment with an eye toward eternity

Capella Star

When the morning stars sang together And all the sons of God shouted for joy? Job 38:7

Some years ago, our family was sharing delectable hamburgers and sizzling steaks outside on the mountain deck of close friends. They had borrowed a high powered telescope from a relative to give all of our children an opportunity to celebrate the night sky on a clear summer's night. Having never had this experience, I had no idea  how deeply beguiled my soul would become from viewing the intricate artistry of God amongst the constellations, cast out infinitely amongst the heavens above.

After every child had taken his turn at the amazing telescope and gasped and danced in delight, my children all said, "Mom, you have to see this--this is your star--it is bright blue!" (my favorite color)

As I peered into the scope, it took my eyes a few seconds to adjust to the picture inside the scope, and suddenly, I was confronted by an astonishingly bright blue, dancing star, seemingly sparkling and turning in beauty and celebration of life. I was mesmerized as I had heard all of my life of "twinkling" stars, but had never seen something so clearly beautiful with my own eyes. The telescope had revealed to me what had always been there but what I had never been able to perceive with my own limited powers.

I was deeply changed that night, unexpectedly. Confronted once again with the "bigness" of God, the divine beauty and power beyond my understanding. A realization dawned on me that I can only see circumstances and the steps of my journey from a very limited perspective. Yet, God, my heavenly Father, who is vastly more infinite and wise than my small mind can comprehend, is above all moments and all days.

Often, as a "toddler" I can shake my fist and say, "God, don't you care that I am going under or that you are making my life or marriage or children's lives more difficult than I can imagine?"

And yet, God is not threatened by my tantrums as He has lived through the fist shaking and heart rending prayers of so many generations of children. And because He is a good Father, He does not give in to our demands, knowing that His will is far better for us and that He truly is able to turn all things together for the good for those of us who are called to His purposes and who are willing to wait upon Him to work His ways through us.

Usually serving God requires endless waiting on His timing and His ways. And yet, if we could remember the lesson of capella star--there are things going on that are truer than the present issues and circumstances that we perceive. God is suiting our soul, building our character, stretching our spiritual and mental and emotional muscles to become Holy, to truly be able to reflect Christ back through us to a world so desperately in need of light. If we obediently trust Him and wait for Him and rest in the knowledge that He is good, even though we live in a fallen place, we will live to see His goodness and His blessing abundantly in His time. He redeems all, He restores all, He is the resurrection power.

Yet, all things may not be obvious until we are with Him, in His place in eternity.

Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world." If we are living for satisfaction and glory in this world, we will not find ultimate satisfaction. I wish I had not fought against God so many times in the years of my family's journey. God allowed so much, but He was also there to walk with me through all of the harsh realities of life and in the midst of it, He forged faith and depth and character in the lives of my children that they would otherwise not have had.

When we pray, "God make my children holy!", we must understand that it means their road and ours will be challenging and stretching, as all of our faith muscles will have to be stretched in order for us to become strong. I see that in spite of the ways my mother heart would have over-protected my children, God was having His way and building my children into strong adults. His ways trumped my ways because He heard my prayer to make them strong.

I love this quote by David Adam, from the Edge of Glory:

"He forever goes before us to prepare a place for us. He is on the road we tread. Wherever life is leading us, He has gone before. Perhaps we have no clue about what lies ahead; we know who is ahead of us, so the future is not quite unknown." 

Waiting for spring and other this and thats

Living very near the national forest is one of the advantages of living in Monument, Co. Enjoying the almost spring breezes, breathing in the mountain air and resting is just what I have needed, as I left my energy and strength somewhere along the trail of our conferences and travel.

The tiny flowers beginning to bud by the rocks are a promise of what is ahead to me. I am seeking the Lord anew and pondering how to live life better in balance. It is good to re-look at life every once in a while. I am so introverted at heart, and do not like a center of attention role, (unless it is with my own family and children) and so it seems the adrenalin runs right out of me when I am with people constantly and do not always manage it properly. I do love the wonderful people I meet along the way and being able to be a part of what the Lord is spreading--but my body doesn't always like the demands.

I have been home a few days just reflecting, enjoying my sweet family, sleeping and trying to regain a longer term perspective. So many ideas, so many books to write, so little time.

I have received such sweet letters and encouragement amidst comments and facebook, emails and snail mail. All of these have been heartfelt to me, as I can, at times, wonder whether or not it is time to stop, with so much else out there on the internet and in ministry. But your notes, indeed  encourage me to keep writing, and I so appreciate all of you who are thoughtful enough to take the time to keep me going.

Just normal, mundane moments taking my time. Constantly cooking, (I enjoy--it is the dishes that are not my forte! ) Joy went horseback riding and of course I warned, "Don't fall off the horse." And so she did, :), but by God's grace, she didn't hurt herself. Enjoying each moment I have with her to share secrets and hearts before she takes off for college next year.

Joel heard from Denver University that he got accepted to the Master's Degree Composing School and with scholarships and a possible teaching position, so after months of waiting, that is good news--and I will get to have him nearer this time--with all sorts of good excuses to run up to Denver. He has been such a great and fun companion through all the travel and work of conferences and tourney's, and evidence that God sees the desires of my heart, by granting me these three months with him.

Nathan has been in a MacDonald's commercial and one for Gatorade, so he is paying the bills and we are all most grateful. He sends me regular encouraging texts and we call each other so very often, but I still feel so blessed to be his friend and never take it for granted that he would still like to talk to his mama.

Sarah finished her Oxford course with great reviews on her papers and much to her exhaustion, and she is now traveling in England with her childhood chum. They hiked 8 miles today and saw Beatrix Potter's home and ate a lovely picnic, (the famous daffodils are in bloom)  and drank tea and made me a little bit jealous.

Her menu review made my mouth water, "The food is excellent though - last night we had lemon thyme risotto with roasted fish and potatoes, tonight, we had a steak with blue cheeses sauce, and I got sticky toffee pudding for dessert. Oh my, SO good."

Just wish someone was cooking that for me. I do so love feasts and good company!

Clay is busy working on Heart-felt Discipline and a zillion other things all at once,  and I am pondering 2 more books that are begging to be written, but also wishing I could find a reasonable housekeeper so I could write at leisure and have the house organized and clean at the end of the day, without me having to do it or cajole one of the kids, who are always on the go, to do it. Always mounts of messes where there is family life.

Arranging hotel rooms for Joy's speech tournament in Denver next week. We will leave on Wednesday and come home Saturday night.

We will have rice and with French herbs and baked citron chicken (lemon and orange) tonight for dinner. I am wishing I could lose 20 pounds without making that much effort.

But just wanted you, my sweet friends, to know I am alive and thinking of you. Would appreciate your prayers for me as I ponder how to plan life and commitments the next year.

Grace and peace in the midst. Off to take a pre-dinner walk.

No one sees me--I am lost

Precious is the innocent moment when a tiny child, confidently proclaims, "I'll bet you can't find me," while his feet or body are conspicuously sticking out in a very openly exposed place. But, we pretend, for the sake of the child's innocent heart, that we cannot see him and we say, "Where could Johnny be? I can't find hin anywhere?"

We allow him to play at being real, and honor his developing ability to interact with life.

Snickers and giggles abound as we look high and low while so very near to the beloved child.

And so, in comparison to God's transcendence, He allows us, as mere toddlers,  to play at life and seek to grow and explore and exercise our limited human authority to bring about our goals and purposes in life and to expound on our own prowess.

Yet, truly, as our divine parent, He must, at times, allow us to cry and to be sad when we do not understand His greater ways. It hurts to feel lost and to be sad in this, the broken place, where He knows we will never be fulfilled or complete. Yet, He patiently leads, guides and attends to us as we slowly mature and gain perspective. But God is never lost and we are never lost to him. He always sees us wherever we think we are hiding or in the dark.

"Where can I go from thy spirit or where can I flee from thy presence? Even the darkness is not dark to thee and the night is as bright as the day." Psalm 139

*****************************

Eyes wide, glancing out from a weakly attempted smile, my dear friend was making a noble attempt to greet me with a cheerful heart. Cherished time with friends far away is a gift indeed.

Embracing her in a round body carres, I whispered, "You are so very dear to me and to our precious Lord. He loves you more than you will ever know. He sees you, He is with you and He will hold you and guide you."

Tears filled and burst over her dark black eyelashes as she whispered,

"I feel so lost. I can't find my old self anymore. I don't know how to come back to the light."

"You feel lost, I said, but God is not lost and He has not lost you. Just wait and be still and in time the light will come gently pouring into your heart," my voice whispered with as much love as I could pour into her darkness.

God's ways are always best and bring health, joy, beauty and real life. He shares our grief, frustrations and grieves with us in our broken hearts.  However, as a loving Father, He must interfere with our own limited expectations of how we falsely believe that we can find true joy and happiness in this world if we just try to control it enough.  But I have had to learn that  I am a toddler who has so little perspective, think I am hidden, or perhaps at times, in fear of being lost, can pretend and play and at times, pour out tears of sorrow at the difficulties and barriers He allows in my life.  We are all  immature, short sighted and limited,  being held fast by this earth, that God has to pry our hands free from our strong clutches on this world, to force us to look more heavenly and more astutely towards eternity where we will live forever and ever in His true light.

We may feel lost. He is never lost or has lost control over us.

"I am with you always, even unto the end of the earth."

Until we close our eyes here and awaken into His lovely presence.

Richard the Lionheart and taking time to make memories afresh

Today, I am home after 4 weekends away out of 5 weekends. Whew! So happy to have had the conferences, and speech tourneys and have finished the book--but now, even though my house awaits cleaning and mail is in stacks and suitcases need unpacking and cabinets empty of food, I know that if I do not regularly rest my body and soul and heart--I will not last well and I will burn out. Life pulsing through patterns of light and dark, spring and winter, busyness and laze--illness and health--disaster and mundane--whatever seasons come my way, I lean into them and ride their waves instead of fighting against their patterns of washing through my life.

And so now, weary to the bone, but content of soul, I ponder just how I might visit my daughter, Sarah, who is in Oxford, before she returns. I think I may have a free overseas ticket--of course I will find a way to justify my secret pleasure--time alone with my kindred spirit, who always fills my soul and inspires me, as do her siblings, and so I plan my course. As I was searching, I came across this memory--(doesn't Joy look young! Oh, my--just a few years ago, and now gone!)

So, I am thinking, a trip to my beloved Austria would be just the remedy to this soul in need of fresh stimulation, pondering, dreaming and rest--so I share this memory with you today. And maybe this is the day you need to take a break and make a memory, too!

***********************************************************************************

All work and no play makes Joy, Sarah and Sally dull girls. Recently on our mission trip, we had spent an endless stream of days speaking and giving out books and then hopping on another train or plane to go to another group of women with whom we would speak, minister to, give out books and serve. My children usually have to take care of other children, help serve meals, haul boxes of books and wait patiently for me to be through.

How delighted we were, at the end of our trip, to find a whole day free to do as we please. Since we had one free ride left on our train ticket, we decided to take a train to one of our favorite little towns that sits right on a quiet curve of the Danube River. Durnstein is the name of the town. It was a medival town with one narrow road passing through the small, ancient houses. Even today, only one car at a time can fit through the narrow passageway. Once when Clay and I were very young, we visited this town on a free weekend and stayed in the home—(bed and breakfast) where a wine press, over 900 years old, filled the middle of the house.

We chugged along through prim and predictably orderly Austrian villages. Flowering bushes, tulips, and daffodils marked the roadways and pathways and towns. Finally, we arrived at our destination. Story has it that Richard the Lion Heart went to the Crusades through Austria. When he reached his destination, he unearthed Leopold of Austria as the ruler in charge of the Crusades. In retaliation, when Richard was on his journey back home, he was capture by Leopold and place in a prison cell in the castle at the top of the mountain in Durnstein. He kept the whereabouts secret so that no one could rescue the English monarch.

Blondell, Richard’s beloved friend and servant, was a musician, seeking to discover the whereabouts of his master. The story tells us that Blondell strolled throughout the Austrian countryside strumming his lute and singing songs that were familiar to his king. He hoped that his king would hear him through the cell windows and respond. Sure enough, as he climbed around the mountain castle of Durnstein singing, Richard heard and sang back as a sign of his whereabouts. Blondell was then able to bring a group of English soldiers to rescue the King and take him back to England.

The morning we started our hike up to the top of the castle was chill, but sunny. The hike was straight up and arduous to my worn-out knees. Yet, with the encouragement of my younger hiking companions, Sarah and Joy, I completed the hike one more time to walk among the ruins of the old, remains of the legend tale. The views were incomparable as we looked out over the budding vineyards and caught the curl of the Danube winding its way through the sleepy valley. Rewarding ourselves with a hot, marrillen (the small town boasts of its apricots!) and cream cheese pancakes, lathered in whip cream, satisfied our overwhelming hunger. Then, seeing that the time was late, we literally had to run at full speed, a quarter of a mile, fearful of not being able to run another step, to barely catch the last train of the day that would return us to our friends in Vienna. What an adventure to put in our memory books.

In the end, love

Scrooge, George C. Scott

“In the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone.” St. John of the Cross

But the greatest of these is love.

Charles Dickens was a master story teller who got to the heart of people in such a way that all of us felt that we knew his characters in our real lives. Scrooge was such a fellow. The lens through which he looked at life was one of grudging, criticism, condescension, and he brought ill feelings everywhere he went. The  Christmas Carol unfolds in such a way, as Scrooge sees his life, he is shocked and seemingly unaware of just how dark his influence had been. He longs for redemption and begins to be life-giving, charitable, generous and kind to all in his wake.

Perhaps all of us have Scrooges in our lives. I have had several long term relationships with Scrooges. These life-drainers seem to see me, as a personality fraught with flaws and I feel that no matter what I do, in their presence, I will appear to have many flaws if seen in the wrong light. Do you have anyone in your life like that? I already hope that you are ont like that towards anyone else, because it is so destructive.

I wish Scrooge's transformation would happen in real life, that mean hearted, critical people would become transformed and suddenly repent of hateful ways. I have been immersing myself in the lives of sweet friends and people all over the country lately, I have seen how deeply wounds of insecurity, criticism, hatefulness and anger can be found in so many women I know. It is heart-breaking for me to see how many lovely, beautiful friends suffer under the illusion that they are not acceptable in some form or shape. And this burden haunts them deep inside their hearts as they carry around the burden of lack of acceptance on their heart's door.

Most parents, who have been the ones to create some of this heavy burden.  of these now adults would not say, "I set out to harm my child's psyche so that they could never be whole or feel good about themselves their whole life." And yet, this is the legacy so many have given. Where anger issues, inadequacy and performance demands, or a critical attitude or divorce or family heartbreak and disunity exist, no matter what the cause, heart woulds can often last a life time.

I know I have had to work through some such heart wounds in my own life. And yet, when I have allowed God to heal me, I have found that the end result--when I accept His love and choose not to live in bitterness or dwell in judgment myself,-- is that  God turns it all around and causes my own heart to heal with the result of being much more compassionate and sympathetic for those who need to feel the love and comfort in thier own lives that I needed to feel in my own. God will cause all to work together in our own lives, if we turn to Him. His love and compassion will then be the healing salve in the lives of other friends who are in such pain and need. Yet, I have found that many do not show these wounds, but carry them hidden, deep inside, with a mask on their faces in real life.

Love, I believe, is one of those areas that reflects what we sow we will reap. If we sow love, practice it. cherish it, plant it in the hearts of everyone we meet, we will most likely reap the fruit of love and have deep, encouraging relationships. And so, I have found that my children are so very patient and responsive to me, in spite of my flaws because they know I love them so much and will give them the grace I long for in this limited personality. But if I choose to hold onto attitudes like Scrooge did, I will leave a legacy like he left---people being afraid to be in his presence, avoiding him, not trusting him, talking about him behind his back.

Love is truly the glue to lives that God created us to use--His love is what covers all of our failures, all of our fears, insecurities, past. His love is the mark of our being redeemed and different from everyone else in the world. Love brings life, beauty, hope, comfort, inspiration. Love is the power with which we inspire our children to think they can believe God for a miracle. Love is what will allow our children to believe that the creator of the universe loves them, because they will have felt and understood it from our own lives.

I believe that love withheld or love that is not expressed is almost as destructive as anger or hate. A person who does not say the words, or communicate it or give affection or approval, may as well not feel love deep inside, because unless love is given away--freely, generously, graciously, regularly, it is not felt and so not valid as something hidden. Love must be expressed and given to heal and to bring life.

I do still have those who see me with eyes of a hateful heart, but it makes all the more clear, the gift of precious friends that choose to see the best in me, to love me anyway, to enjoy me in spite of the flaws. I am so very grateful for them. I long to give love to the sweet women I see yearning to know they are ok, hoping that somewhere in their lives that deep down, love will be the salve that heals their long and deep wounds. Oh, that above all else, we may be found to be lovers, as He was. I have been transformed by the generous and gracious love of late of a handful who have taken the time to lavish me with their sweet hearts. It has made me want to remember and to practice more love, because, As St. John of the cross said, "In the evening of life, we will be judged by love alone."