Loving As Christ Did

As I consider some of my most committed "love" relationships — Clay, who has stuck with me through thick and thin; a few close friends, who have loved and accepted me unconditionally for decades; my children, who are the closest of friends and beloved of my heart — I realize that it has been in my relationships with them that I have had the most joyful memories, the deepest intimate encounters, the greatest celebrations of life.

I have felt deeply loved and accepted in the common life experiences that have knit our souls together. And it all came through committed, "I will be loyal to you and love you no matter what" love.

Jesus said, "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you." How has he loved us? He gave up his throne in heaven and came to the earth as a simple, humble man. He lived and loved and served and healed and poured out his life and died on the cross to pay for our sins. So that becomes the standard for what he means when he says, "Love one another."

If our relationships are built around serving God and obeying Christ by laying down our lives for others, then our giving love will be about pleasing God — regardless of how the other person responds. Every relationship becomes meaningful in light of doing what God wants us to do — to love — so that our joy can be made full.

There is something very freeing about loving in this biblical way. I can always succeed. I can always be at peace no matter how the relationship goes. If I please Christ by laying down my life, then I have done what was expected of me.

Read more about this in Dancing with My Heavenly Father.

Tea Time Tuesday: A Legacy of Love

Click here to play today’s new podcast episode.

"Tea, though ridiculed by those who are naturally coarse in their nervous sensibilities, will always be the favorite beverage of the intellectual." - Thomas De Quincey

This made me giggle. Yet, intellectuals love to discuss ideas and issues. Tea time is a perfect place to cultivate great discussions about interesting thoughts.

A while ago, a friend surprised me and invited me to a wonderful tea time, as you can see.

Often, you we don’t know we need someone to notice us. Yet, on this occasion, I deeply felt the love of my thoughtful friend. Shared memory and the time we talked as friends filled up places I didn’t know were empty. On my podcast today, I share a bit about the classic tea sandwiches I was served at many a tea while I lived in the United Kingdom, as well as traditional food in a proper English tea.

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Each of us encounters friction in every relationship. All of us are selfish and self-centered at heart. We will fuss and be petty. God’s word became to me a guide for how to find peace in relationships, how to invest in them with God’s word as my guide. I still have conflict along my pathway, but I have been straining forward in learning how to avoid as much of unnecessary conflict as possible—and how to love better.

1. A great lover of people is mature in keeping their approach to others Biblically thoughtful. “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12) The golden rule is my starting point in parenting, marriage and friendship. How do I want to be treated? With compassion, sympathy, generous love, kindness. I strain to grow in this way towards others.

2. When Peter asked Jesus how many times we should forgive, Jesus replied “Seventy times seven,” (Matthew 18:21-22). We must forgive endlessly, always. Holding bitterness, unforgiveness in our hearts poisons and hurts our hearts.

3. “Love is patient.” So much to unpack here.

For the rest of these principles, listen to my podcast, At Home with Sally. I will also be sharing about coronation chicken, why attachment is essential for parents with babies, favorite music, a homeschooling planner, and much more more. Join me, and share with a friend.

When God's Reality Comes Alive

Mothers particularly feel the pressure to provide the best of everything for our children—training, education, lessons, activities, friends, even meals. We want our kids to have character, clean their rooms, excel in school, have the best music lessons, be in all the activities they want, and to never be lonely.

You can fill up your child’s life with good people, good activities, and good things, but that will not be enough. What your child needs most is a heart that knows the love of God. The greatest gift you will give your children, a gift they will carry with them into every relationship and situation of their lives, is a heart deeply centered on loving God and loving others, and a mind formed and filled by the habits of faith.

Your first priority as a mother is to introduce your children not just to truths about God, but to His reality in their lives. You are helping them understand what it means to seek His kingdom and His righteousness every day—to love Him, to know Him, to believe in His presence, to see His work in the world around them, and to form their lives according to His truth and will.

They won’t learn all that in Sunday school or Bible club. It is in your home and in your presence that your children will learn what it means to be a follower of Christ and a seeker of God and His kingdom. They will believe what they see in you.

Read more about this in 10 Gifts of Heart.

Taking Responsibility For Your Well-Being

Life is draining, every moment, all the time. We have bills to pay, work to do, meals to make, people to care for, tasks to complete. When we are constantly emptying our hearts, minds, and souls, it is essential that we take responsibility to keep filling them up. What we feed our inner beings will determine what we can give to those in our spheres of influence. What we have stored, cherished, and valued in our lives is reflective of our true selves.

One of the most important lessons I learned over the years was that I needed to take responsibility for my own education, for filling my soul and mind with excellence and inspiration, and for caring for my physical well-being so that I would maintain emotional, spiritual, and physical health.

Invest in reading and memorizing passages from the Bible every day; read biographies of heroic people to be inspired and great stories for pleasure, which will fill your personal imagination with courage and healthy sentiments; read spiritual classics every day, and feed your soul on deep devotional concepts that will stretch your understanding of spirituality or theology.

When you learn to take responsibility for your own well-being, you will produce a harvest of influence and grace in every other area that is influenced by your heart health. You and I shall answer to God for what we fed our minds, how we treated our bodies, and what we celebrated in life. May the fires of our souls burn brighter with each year.

Read more about this in Own Your Life.

Tea Time Tuesday: Tea, A Friend, And A Soothed Spirit

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“Today is a multiple cups of tea sort of day made better by the presence of a sweet friend.”

A stark memory rests in my mind from when I was a little girl that remains, from a woman in my life (I’ll call her Frau Grumpy).

She followed most of life with clouds hanging over her demeanor — complaining, carrying around an Eeyore sort of "chip on her shoulder." She never ceased to sigh deeply. Supposedly she had been a "committed" Christian since childhood. Yet, she always made me feel discouraged when I would go to her home as a child. Her spirit depleted those of us who had to spend time with her and made me feel that it would be easy to disappoint her because everything around her did not meet up to her standards.

Recently, I was having a quiet time with the Lord. He brought her to mind. I realized that this woman had high ideals, but her ideals did not include having a grateful, contented heart. The spirit she cast was one of complaining, whining.

In this fallen world, it is easy to become disappointed with much around us — the media, the television shows, the movies, politics, disasters, lack of morality in our leaders, economic crisis, people who compromise or are immature, disappoint us, and on and on. Many of us have difficult circumstances to bear. Others have an ill child. Marriage can be a place of strife and loneliness. Christians and family members can be our harshest critics. Life can be extremely taxing. Working through these obstacle courses of life can deplete us. These caused me considerable depression at times.

But what we practice daily when we face these trials will determine, to some degree, the legacy and memory we leave to those who know us well.

We must come to the conclusion at some point, that this is the "broken" place. This is the sphere in which sinful ones have separated themselves from God's original design. Here, Satan prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may destroy. We should live to expect this as the place of warfare for the kingdom of God, and take up our arms as His soldiers to fight our battles with courage and faith.

More on today’s Tea time Tuesday podcast: gratitude and grace, a Bee Keeper book, recipes, fun!

The Season of Harvest

There is a summer season of life in which the lives and hearts of children are open to the sowing of seed. It is a season in which we need to be ready to respond to their open hearts and to make the most of each moment. God requires that we cultivate, sow into, and water the gardens of our children's hearts in this season of growing.

The season of planting does not last forever; it is a gift of time granted for a single fleeting season. But what precious time! What is planted in their lives in this time will determine the future harvest in the lives of children — great stories of heroic believers, living words of biblical wisdom and encouragement, pictures of godly character, memories of daily love and affection.

The outcome of their souls depends in large part upon how well we till their hearts and plant the seeds of love and righteousness. In many ways the heart of the mother's soul is reflected in the soul harvest of her children — what we sow we will indeed also reap, and this season will come sooner and more quickly than we expect.

The season of harvest will be a season of plentiful celebration if we have planted well. If we have lived daily in touch with our heavenly Father, and we have responded to our children as they have passed through their own seasons, then we can be confident that God will work in our children's hearts and lives.

Read more about this in Seasons of a Mother’s Heart.

Discipleship Takes Hard Work & Heart Work

I often felt these teatimes were our way of reaching toward the ideals that most drove us—the dreams of study, artistry, travel, or ministry that filled our hearts. Together, we marveled at the scope of God’s goodness over a steaming cup of tea and a delectable treat. In those sweet pauses of sipping tea and listening to one another, we also discovered a deepening sense of purpose and a clearer picture of our stories within God’s greater story.

I would sprinkle in questions: What is on your heart today? What do you hope for? What are your dreams? What do you think God is calling you to become?

Companionship of soul and mind requires planning, purpose, and choice. Those treasured shared spaces in so many of our homes and shared moments and the community of family and friends that grew from them didn’t happen on their own. They were crafted, sought, chosen, and claimed times, times when we said no to other commitments or work.

I chose to intentionally spend time beyond the lure of my writing deadlines, work, or sleep, often sacrificing my personal time. When we are together, our conversations continue to be shaped by thoughtful questions purposefully asked, by our intent to know and be known. This is one of the threads that connects our hearts, convictions, values, and faith because these priorities were shaped over many years of intentionality.

Read more about this in Teatime Discipleship For Mothers & Daughters.

Initiative: An Attribute that Transforms the World

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Tea Time Tuesday: As young children, my little ones were fascinated with nature. Living on 200 acres of wildness in the middle of Texas provided many opportunities to catch and classify butterflies, catch bugs, put snakes into large jars to observe (I found one on the kitchen cabinet!) and to see how God had built lessons of life into the very warp and woof of his world.

One evening about sunset, Nathan and Joel were running ahead as we sauntered on our traditional walk after dinner. With the summer hours at night, we still had full light. Joel was captivated by a tiny any that was carrying a leaf almost 5 times its size.

"Mama, if a tiny little bug like that can work so hard for his family aunts, maybe we could do a lot more than we think."

Three days later, we received a shipment of a printing of one of our books. Boxes were stacked high and would take quite some work to empty them onto our shelves. Late in the afternoon, however, Clay came out of our little office and found Joel, sweating profusely in the Texas summer heat, but he had emptied 30 boxes of books neatly onto the shelves with only 2 more to go. It was quite a task, and we were amazed.

"Joel, this is amazing! What made you decide to do this?"

"Well, when I was thinking about the ant and how he carried so much more than we could ever imagine possible, I thought, I want to be like that ant! I want to be strong and dependable. Something came into my head and told me to empty the books." Yes, he really said that — 9 years old. Maybe the Holy Spirit came into his head! :)

Romans 5: 8 tells us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He saw our failures, our sin, our heartbreaks; He heard our cries; He, out of the driving force of His own nature that always causes Him to redeem, He took initiative to serve us an then die for us.

When we learn to take initiative, we reflect the out-reaching character of Christ. Little by little, as we train our children patiently and teach them to take initiative to be responsible, we are giving them a strong character and familiarity to take initiative when they are strong adults. There will always be work to do and so the one who takes initiative will always be in action. Initiative teaches believers to be responsible with the work of God.

Jesus says that the harvest is plentiful and the workers few. Why? Because many people wait to be asked to help. Those with the character of Christ are out in the world with eyes looking for people to help, work for the kingdom to be accomplished.

Initiative causes us to start a small group Bible study for women in our own home because we see a need--not because someone asked us. Initiative causes us to reach out to strangers to show them the love of Christ. A spirit of initiative says, "I am God's and I will live my life for His glory. I will be His eyes to look out for places I might help, love or redeem, in the spirit of His initiation to me."

From early years, we always told our children that God had created them with a personality and skills and drives in order to bring light and His truth into their worlds. Teaching them to be responsible for themselves and for others, made them familiar, when they were adults, with the need to reach out to others and to invest their lives, even if it took a risk, to bring His truth into their own worlds.

When we talk to our children throughout the moments of their days and create the vocabulary and train them to learn how to think of themselves as responsible, we are preparing them to live a story of servant leadership. And when they see us taking initiative to help, to reach out to and to teach others, they will develop a self-image of one who is especially called by God to take initiative to bring light to their own dark worlds--all for the love of God's design in their own lives and for their own love of their heavenly Father.

The Essence Of The Lifegiving Table

The story of the Clarkson family has been written at tables. Not with pen and paper, but with words and people, food and fellowship, talk and time. Whatever kind of table it might be — breakfast, lunch, dinner; picnic or deck; plain or fancy; small, tall, wood, metal, or rock; bare or cloth-covered; even the ground — it becomes our family table when we sit down together to eat and drink and be and belong.

The delightful fruits of God’s creation we share together fill and fuel us as God’s life-breathed and image-bearing creatures, and our shared story grows from the table’s Spirit-infused life coming alive in us. I believe that’s true for all of us.

Even the simplest supper, meal, snack, or teatime can become, in some way, a feast — a lavish celebration of the living God’s life and goodness. It’s not just about the physical act of eating, but about sharing and enjoying life as God designed and gave it to us. That is the essence of the lifegiving table.

In order for this life to take place, our hearts must be prepared every day, every meal, every opportunity to share, from the fullness of my own heart, the truth, the encouragement, the affirmation, the challenge that I have cultivated over the years in order to pour into my children as a wise experienced mentor would do.

Read more about this in The Lifegiving Table.

If I Could Do It All Over Again

I would stop in the midst of my chores to listen to a boy-joke being shared and I would laugh out loud and tell them they were so much fun.

I would stop unloading the groceries when my husband is talking to me and look deeply into his eyes and listen to what he is saying, communicating with my whole self, "You are such a treasure to me. I want to know what you are thinking and feeling and dreaming."

I would take the moment to tousle a head as I am passing through a room and say, "I am so blessed to have you as my very own child. You make me so happy, just being you."

I would stop what I am doing, to go outside to look at a "treasure" when I hear, "Hey, Mama, come look!"

I would camp more outside on our deck and cuddle up under the sleeping bags more often to marvel at the stars and the one who made them.

I would open my eyes to take a snapshot each day, just as it is — with boy noises, loud discussions, toys being played with intently, piano being practiced, thoughts being shared, messes coming and going.

Today, engage your heart in storing up pictures of the precious ones in your home. Listen, love, wash dishes and mugs happily and live fully in the time remaining before this season flies quickly into another season, and you are never be able to live this day well again.